SRU: Tuck and the Wizard

by Erin Halfelven

The skinny boy stepped into the odd little shop a bit hesitantly; the place
was strange enough to give anyone pause. Brass bells tinkled melodiously as
he let the door close behind him. He looked back, he hadn't seen any bells
and still didn't. The presence of the door itself was odd enough; most
shops in the mall did not have doors, just an open facade.

The deep but narrow room held shelves and tables, racks and bins; all of
them full to overflowing with queer items, most of those nameless and many
better left undescribed. "Hello?" the boy called out, shifting his backpack
to a better position. The quiet and the vague smell of incense and neglect
made him uneasy. He wasn't even completely sure why he had ventured into a
store called Spells'R'Us.

A sudden apparition almost sent him running out of the door but the
grizzled old man in the dingy bathrobe held up a peaceable hand and smiled.
"Hello, Valerie. What could bring you to my shop, today?" he said in a
voice that made one think of grandfathers and nursing homes.

Not again, thought Tuck. His attitude changed visibly, his stance shifted;
posture, voice and expression altering subtly but completely.

She smiled a little nervously. "Do I know you?" Valerie asked.

"Not exactly," said the wizard, smiling. "But we've sometimes been seen in
the same neighborhood."

Valerie shook her head. That explanation made very little sense and she
decided that the old man must be getting senile. Or maybe she was the one
having memory problems because she definitely did not remember meeting this
guy. "Er," she mentioned, "someone told me this was a gift shop?"

"Of sorts," agreed the wizard.

"Well, I'm looking for a gift for a friend..."

"Your boyfriend?" the wizard interrupted.

"Er, yeah? You must be a mindreader."

"I must," the wizard agreed again.

Valerie blinked, the old guy had an odd sense of--timing? But she went on,
"I want something kinda..."

"Special?"

"Different," she stated.

"Nothing like that here," said the wizard.

She giggled in startled disbelief, looking around at what must be hundreds
if not thousands of unique items.  She felt sure the old man amused himself
by teasing pretty young girls. Though that last thought almost caused a
hiccough in her self confidence as she remembered how she was dressed.
"Really? It looks like you have lots of--stuff."

"Stuff we have, but nothing for sale--to you."

"Huh?"

The wizard made shooing motions at her. "Run along, Valerie. You really
don't want to give Travis anything from this store, you have enough
problems."

"You know Travis?" she squeaked.

"Tall boy," the wizard gestured about six feet off the ground, "blond hair,
really built? Sexy?"

Valerie squirmed a bit, nodding.

"We might have met, once, around Halloween last year," the wizard said. "Or
maybe not. What did he give you for Christmas? A gift certificate, right?"

She had to think then nodded.

"That explains it," said the wizard.

Val felt a bit dizzy. "Explains what?"

"Everything. Nothing."

"Uh, right." She decided that perhaps she should go; this loony had made
her decidedly nervous.

"Goodbye, Valerie," said the wizard. "Give my regards to Eugene the next
time you see him."

Maybe it was the mad little grin the old man had when he said that, maybe
it was just someone using both of those names in the same paragraph. She
backed away, then changed her mind and turn and ran for the door.

"Enjoy your gift," called the old man over the sound of the phantom
doorbells jangling as she made her escape.

Outside, in the main gallery of the mall, Val looked around for Mike.
Spotting her friend buying a cookie from the Mrs. Fields cart, she hurried
toward him. "Mike!"

He looked at her with an odd expression on his face. "Huh?"

"That was the oddest shop," she said, "I am so glad to get out of there and
back to the normal world."

"What are you talking about?" asked Mike. "The Honeybaked Ham store?"

She almost fell down spinning to look back, then stood there staring with
her mouth open.

Mike leaned close and whispered, "And, Tuck, if you don't stop mincing and
cooing, I swear I'm gonna smack the shit out of you and throw the body in a
dumpster."

"What? But the store that was there..." Tuck pointed, trying not to start
gibbering at the strangeness of the encounter while at the same time
shifting mental gears.

"You're channeling Valerie, snap out of it," said Mike. "Here come Brian
and your folks."

"Mike?" Tuck whimpered. "He knew Valerie?"

Mike scowled, sometimes his friend could be even stranger than--than usual.
"He who?"

"Who's on first?" asked Mr. Tucker arriving about that moment.

"I don't know," said Brian and Mrs. Tucker.

"Third base," said all the Tuckers together, including Eugene, then they
all laughed.

Whew, thought Mike, back to what passes for normal in this clan.

=======

Tuck and characters from the Tuck saga are the intellectual property of
Ellen Hayes, creator and chronicler. The wizard and Spells'R'Us shop are
similarly owned by Bill Hart. Whatever residue is left is the creation of
Erin Halfelven. Copyright 2002, 2003 by Ellen Hayes, Bill Hart and Joyce
Melton.