-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Tuck A Day Off -*- Copyright 2003 by Ellen Hayes. Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes. This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country. All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights. Tuck A Day Off *** 21:49 25 Sep "Fucking goddamned AHH!" "Why are you saying things like that to me?" Susan asked as she looked up from her book, in my bed. "A-" A memory of the last time I'd slept with Susan flashed through my head. "You're gonna sleep here tonight? You sure?" "No, Tuck, I entered the code on your door by mistake," she shot off. "Duh!" *Do not kill sister,* I repeated a bunch of times in my mind, until it stuck. "Uhhhh... Thanks," I said, and got into bed over her. "What time are you getting up tomorrow?" "Oh, god," I moaned. I had to get up tomorrow. *** 22:07 25 Sep I was hoping sleep would come quickly, but it didn't. At least, not to me. Susan seemed to be falling into a coma quickly enough. I did not want to think about this - I did not want to THINK, tonight - but it seemed like I was going to anyway. *** 22:13 25 Sep *What the hell makes someone a guy, and someone else a girl, anyway?* Once you started looking at the questions seriously, and stripping out the bullshit, that's what it seemed to come down to. *A sort of classical, operational definition... males contribute sperm, females an egg, and most of the time the female incubate the egg until it's ready, whatever that is for each species. What does that make me? Mutation, non-viable. Non-sexed? *What about behavior? Mating rituals, traditional or instinctual positions like nest-builder or whatever...* *Yeah, sort that one out,* I snorted internally. *Mom's been saying forever that there isn't a distinction between sex roles, except by culture. And I know she's been brainwashing all of us to be sort of mixed, somehow...* Thus, Susan's auto repair class in high school, and my cooking at Aunt Trish's, to name two recent examples. *Birds and things might have hardwired sex roles, but maybe not humans. It's hard to sort out the cultural from the biological, anyway. Females incubate babies, and feed babies, so... That leads to a lot, and a lot of logical divisions, but those only make sense for fertile females, but they're applied to all females, fertile or not. And that's all screwed up nowadays anyway.* I didn't think it was possible to guess what sort of family structure anyone would have, any more; not with all the divorces, remarriages, adoptions, taking-care-of's, and so on, that you could find in any class at McAllen or anywhere else. The same thing applied to job roles and stuff like that. *It's just too chaotic, any more; there's no good set of expectations, no rules any more, really. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?* I wasn't sure. *What makes someone a girl versus a guy?* *** 22:17 25 Sep Theoretically, the only thing I could be barred from, either way, is marrying the same sex I was - whatever that was, legally. In practice, I could be barred from a lot, but those were the same sorts of circles that I wouldn't fit into anyway. I'd rather chase down an antelope and brain it with someone's femur than play golf, for instance, which did not seem to be the 'correct' opinion to have amongst corporate executives nowadays. Likewise, to make my personality suitable for an elected office, a simple lobotomy wouldn't do; I'd need either some very specific neurosurgery, or an entire brain/personality transplant. *** 22:20 25 Sep *I don't have to decide, though, do I?* I suddenly realized. *I mean, it's not like I have a deadline to make a decision or anything. The health insurance doesn't expire, it's not trauma... I might want to get that thing on the right side removed, but that's not going to affect the rest of it either way, I think.* I should check on that, to be sure, but I didn't think so. *But what should I do?* *** 22:24 25 Sep *I CAN'T talk to most people about this,* I realized. *How can I ask, 'What makes you a guy? How do you know?' Most people'd just point to their underwear. *Which makes me a guy, I guess...* *Tits.* *Thank you,* I told myself, lying. *But those don't...* Well, they sort of did. *Do they?* *** 22:41 25 Sep *But-* "Tuck," Susan said. "Ah!" "Stop thinking about it and go to sleep," she half-mumbled, nearly asleep herself. "You're thinking so hard your hair's starting to char, and the smell woke me up." "Ha ha," I sighed. "I'm trying..." "Roll over," she ordered. When I did, I lay there for a few seconds, wondering, then almost yelped when I felt her hands on my back. "Just shut up," she told me, and started to rub. *I like this Susan a LOT better than the real one,* I realized. *** 06:00 26 Sep "Bedoop!" I seemed to be unusually warm, and it was rather darker than usual. After a few moments, I figured out that I was stuck in Susan's cleavage. Mystery solved. *** 06:01 26 Sep "Bedoop!" And, I wanted to STAY in Susan's cleavage. But I had to get up. *** 06:02 26 Sep "Bedoop!" As the CBS news intro played, I realized I really had to get up. *** 06:03 26 Sep "Bedoop!" "Tuck, get up and go take a shower," Susan ordered. I sighed and pulled myself loose. *** 06:56 26 Sep I'd pulled in kind of early, and I had homework to do, so I'd started doing it while I had the opportunity. Until now, which was just before class started, so I packed everything up and got out of Dad's car. It wasn't until then that I realized that something was wrong. Not only were Kim and Jill not here; it didn't look like anyone else was here either. I mean, no cars in the lot, nobody trudging over to their voc-tech classes over here, the building doors were closed... Come to think of it, I wasn't even sure the building was unlocked. *** 06:58 26 Sep It wasn't. *What the hell?* Turning around, I checked, and there were only three cars in the parking lot, and none of them were around the 'prime spots'; that sort of indicated that they hadn't been parked this morning, but earlier... *** 07:01 26 Sep I'd been digging in my pack for a while, but I finally found a copy of the schedule for the year. And stunned myself with it. "I can't believe this," I said incredulously. "I missed a school holiday..." Inservice today; no students required, or desired. We had the day off. And I was sitting here at seven in the morning in the school parking lot for NO REASON. Well, THAT was easily fixed... *At least nobody saw me here,* I hoped. *** 07:22 26 Sep "Mmmph?" "No school today. Inservice." "Uhh," Susan commented, and rolled over. I took that as an invitation, and crawled in next to her. *** 07:31 26 Sep *This isn't going to work,* I realized, so I got back up and went to play on my synth. That helped. Blotted out all thought, if you did it right. *** 08:19 26 Sep Someone was tapping me on the shoulder, which pulled me back into my body, away from the music. When I turned around, it was Susan. "Huh?" I asked as I pulled the 'phones off. "How long have you been up?" she asked. "I dunno... an hour or so, I guess." "And you're not fixing breakfast?" she asked slowly as she grinned. "Kiss my flatulent ass," I suggested. *** 08:21 26 Sep Susan bringing me back reminded me that I was sort of thirsty in that special way that required a Dew, so I went downstairs to get one. The cackling almost made me go back up and lock myself in my room. "Uh huh," Mom went eagerly. "Right... Yes, he was, and we got the bill, signed by the principal..." Well, that sounded like it was me, which was usually bad, but it didn't quite sound like I was in trouble. At least, MOM never sounded like that when I was in trouble; only Dad did. I went into the kitchen area to find some papers spread out over the counters, and Mom with a phone headset on, standing around like she did when she was in a mood. She turned around and smiled at me. It wasn't especially a nice smile, but I was reassured, because like I said, only Dad would smile that way if _I_ was the one in trouble. "Hold on a moment," she said, and put her thumb over the mike wire. "I called our car insurance agent today, about your car, and you know what?" She didn't give me a chance to flub my guess. "He thinks it SHOULD be covered under the school's insurance policy. Or at least there's a chance." Pause. "Close your mouth, you'll catch a fly like that," Mom said, and took her thumb off. "Okay, back... Right, he left it there all night, and it was like that the next day sometime." *** 08:33 26 Sep "He's still not sure, but he's going to start looking into it, because he's OUR insurance agent, and he'd rather someone else pay for the damage too," Mom said, sounding extremely satisfied. "You're amazing," Dad smiled, and hugged her and kissed her. I poliltely turned away so I wouldn't throw up, so I don't know if they did anything else. *** 08:37 26 Sep "STILL no breakfast?" Susan complained. "Why don't you fix breakfast?" Dad countered. "But-" "That's a great idea," Mom smiled. "You can show Tuck what you've learned since you went to college." "About BREAKFAST?" Susan protested. The phone rang, and since I was leaning closest to it, I got it. "Hello, Tucker residence," I said, since I thought it was the insurance guy calling back. "Whoa, who put the stick up your butt?" Mike asked. "Sup?" "Susan's fixing breakfast," I smirked. "I AM NOT!" she shrieked emphatically. "Dad and Mom said it was a good idea," I said into the phone as I put my hands around it to keep her noise out. "There in five," Mike said, and hung up. *** 08:46 26 Sep "They just came over, wanted to see what was going on," Mike explained, as Jill and Kim continued to hug me. "Uh..." I signaled with my eyes, or tried to, that I wanted to know why they were doing this. If we stayed here too long, Mom was going to want to know why the front door wasn't shut. 'Because we were all standing there' would only delay things for a few seconds. "We told her last night, after she got off work," Kim explained. Mike added, "Then we told her NOT to call you; if you were sleeping you needed it, and if you weren't you probably didn't want to talk to anyone." "We told Kathy too; that was okay, right?" Kim confirmed as she let go and took a step back. I asked, "Anyone else?" "Nope," Mike shook his head. "Just Jill and Kathy, 'cause they weren't there last night." "Okay." Jill was still hugging me. I tried, "Hey, Jill, you hungry?" *** 08:47 26 Sep "What?!" Susan gasped. "It's just three," I protested. "You can cook for three more," Dad stated. "DADDY!" Susan shrieked angrily. "What's your problem? I don't complain when YOUR friends show up," I got in. *** 08:48 26 Sep "SUZE!" I screamed, which shut everyone else up momentarily. "If you cook breakfast, I'll do lunch," I offered. "Like yesterday?" she asked suspiciously. "Not prawns twice in a row!" I said, a bit shocked that she could think I'd stoop so low. "Something..." "Deal," she said. "Oooh," went Mike and Jill and Kim and Mom. "Oh no," I said. "Suckerrrrr," Dad smirked. "Bill!" *** 09:04 26 Sep "How about enchiladas?" Mom suggested. "I could do that," I admitted. "Hmm..." "That sour cream sauce," Dad put in. "Beans and rice," Susan added before she went back to pancakes. Mom added, "Something green..." "Corn or flour tortillas?" I asked. "For the green?" "No! Duh, Mom-" "Eugene," she warned, but it was pretty light. "Just a regular salad?" I suggested. Susan said, "More stuff in it. Cheese, onions, maybe croutons?" "Soup," I said. "Do I have time?" "Depends on the soup," Mom answered. "Huh boy..." *** 09:18 26 Sep "Um, Tuck?" Jill asked, sounding unusually timid. "Yeah?" "Um..." Pause. Kim asked, "What is it?" before I got there myself. "Shut up, this is hard. Uh... Tuck..." "Yessss?" Kim suggested, "Would you just ask it?" and whacked Jill on the shoulder to knock her I/O loose. It didn't work well on her; she complained and whacked Kim back, a lot harder. "Ow!" "Leave me alone!" Jill complained. I sighed. "Jill, spit it out, wouldya?" She took a deep breath, blew it out, and said in a rush, "What are you going to do?" "Uh, fix lun-" "Not that, dumbass!" she said, sounding more confident and assured. "About, about, the, uh-" "The stuff we found out yesterday?" I guessed. She breathed guiltily, "Yeah." Not a hard guess. "I dunno." "What about, though, I mean, the, uh, the Val stuff?" she asked, ending in a conspiratorial whisper. "What about it? I mean, I need it for babysitting, and I need it for, uh, dating, and, uh..." "Tuck?" Kim interrupted. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like this, whatever it was. "Yeah?" "Have you considered how that relates to the stuff from last night?" "I don't think it does." They both looked at me like I was totally insane. "What? I mean, yeah, it makes it easier, but it's not like it's driving me to do it or something. That's ridiculous." Kim protested, "But you-" "No, wait, hold on. Saying, that this, uh, genetic problem, somehow is making me do, uh, do stuff with Val... That's crazy. It's too, um... Genetics don't determine behaviour that closely," I finally found. "If they did, then all human cultures would behave the same." "There is ONE constant, Tuck, and that's that men and women do different things," Kim said. "Not so much in this culture, not any more," I reminded her. "You've got women doctors, women engineers, male nurses and secretaries, female business leaders and politicians-" "Male prostitutes," Jill stuck in. "Yeah, thanks Jill." I wasn't actually thankful. "So, I mean-" "You CAN sort of group them together, though," Kim said. "Men tend to do-" "'Tend to'," I emphasized. "That's not hard and fast, and it's a good thing to go beyond what the majority of people do, in this culture. Rock stars, presidents, enterpreneurs, single dads, whatever. You stick out positively, it's a good thing." "Why do you think most people can be grouped, then?" "Because most people are stupid herd animals who are afraid to do anything that might make 'em stick out," I answered. "Look at school; how many girls are afraid to look smarter than their boyfriends or the guys around them?" Jill snapped, "Guys do that too!" "Oh yeah, no question," I agreed. "But, they stick with the herd because they're afraid of being outside it. You see that all the time. They cut themselves up to do that, because they're more afraid of being alone or out of the herd than they are of anything else." "What about you?" Kim asked. It took me a beat or two, but I answered, "I got you guys. You protect me, shield me, keep me from being alone and eaten. Truth." "Tuck..." Kim sighed. "Is it healthy for the rest of your personality, to associate so much, so closely, with all the women you do?" "I..." I didn't know. However... "Mike! C'mere!" I yelled. *** 09:21 26 Sep "No, it's not healthy, you might catch something from them. Ow!" Mike complained when Kim hit his shoulder. "Hell, I dunno." He took a breath and stared off into his brain. "Food!" Mom called, and that was it for the discussion for now. *** 09:26 26 Sep "I have a topic for discussion," Mike announced. "How does Tucker associating with lots of women affect his personality, and is that a good thing or a bad thing, especially in light of his genetic problems?" I almost fell off my chair. I'd known he would stop thinking when food was mentioned; I hadn't conceived that he would anti-think. "That is an IN-teresting question," Mom replied slowly, and I knew I was screwed, because she was intrigued, and then she'd get to lecture someone on femininism. "More coffee," Susan moaned as she stood, and Kim and Dad got up too. "I can't think about that sort of thing this early." "What do you do in morning classes?" Dad asked. "I don't have classes in the morning," Susan answered like it was the most self-evident thing. Which I guess it was. *** 09:32 26 Sep "You've become a lot more balanced as a man," Mom said, which made Mike choke on his food and Kim, Jill, and Susan all flinch. Luckily, all Mom caught was Mike inhaling his food. "Why do you say that, Mom?" Susan asked loudly as Mike waved away assistance. "Oh, it's- It seems obvious to me," she corrected. "He's friends with so many girls now, when before he was scared to talk to-" "Mom, a bunch of them tried to kill me," I reminded her. "They weren't trying to kill you-" "They WERE!" I insisted. "What?" Jill asked. "That thing in the bathroom in sixth grade, when I almost got murdered-" "They weren't-" "They were trying!" I insisted to Mom. "Skip this part," Dad ordered. "Sarah, why did you say that Eugene has become more balanced as a man?" Mom said, "I said that." "Try it again, I don't think you got through the explanation." Mom sighed. "I mean... Eugene," she said directly to me, "you seem to be more friendly, with both boys and girls. You're... you're more willing, lately, to do things that are... um... culturally female things, like cooking regularly, and babysitting, an-" "Ohhh," Kim sighed, her eyes closing. "What?" Mom asked. "What?!" Kim asked back as her eyes shot open wide and she flinched. "Oh, um, yeah, I was just thinking- Oh, Tuck, by the way, you're supposed to sit this afternoon, if you can. Miz Parker doesn't have the day off, and Ricky's at school today." "Oh. Okay, I can handle that," I decided. "See?" Mom said as she turned back to me, and Kim resumed breathing again, faster than she had been before, and then began stuffing her face, I think so she couldn't say anything else. "I don't think you ever would have done something like that two years ago." That was for sure. I had a nice dull boring safe life two years ago, minus the occasional rolls on the Wandering Asshole Table. "And you do like a lot of it," Mike felt it necessary to mention. Mom continued, "And at that party, with that girl, Vicki?" "Valerie!" just popped out of my mouth. Then I groaned along with everyone else who'd been there. "What?" Susan asked. "Bill and I, we-" "MOM!" "Don't interrupt," Mom barked. "We went off camping a few weeks ago," she restarted, "and we said that he could have a party if Dana came over and watched..." *** 09:35 26 Sep "Let's face it, kid, you blew that one," Dad said. "Bill!" Mom almost shrieked. "That's not the point! The point is," she said almost calmly as she turned to me again, "is that you tried, so hard, to handle it with discretion, and caring for her feelings. You could have just shouted it out when you first saw her." "Oh god!" I twitched. "No I couldn't've!" Mom nodded confidently. "You're aware of how that would make her feel, if you had, and you realized it would hurt her to do it that way." I wasn't sure if that was true or not. "And so you tried your best to get her to a safe place, and not to involve other people unnecessarily, because you empathized with her. Right?" "Uh, I guess," I said, still not sure. Susan pressed, "You guess?" "Yeah, I... But it wasn't like I thought about it that way, like I said to myself 'Oh that would be embarrassing and I wouldn't want to be embarrassed like that so I'd better,' you know? It was just sort of instinctive." Mom said triumphantly, "But you found it alright, or acceptable, to 'instinctively' care for the feelings of another human being, and one you didn't know that well either." Dad claimed, "I would've done that." "That's because I've been working on you for twenty-five years," Mom tossed back. Dad just grunted in irritation, though whether he just disagreed with Mom and didn't want to argue, or whether he was annoyed at being brainwashed, I couldn't have said. *** 09:48 26 Sep I thought Mike had been going for seconds, but I guess he wasn't, because when he came back into the dining room, Kathy and Amanda were with him. "Is it too late for breakfast?" Kathy asked. Susan glared at me, so I pointed back at her, and said, "Ask Susan, she cooked this morning." "You sh-" She stopped herself when Mom locked onto her. "Sure, fine," she grumbled and got up. "We can help," Amanda offered. *** 09:52 26 Sep "It is kind of odd, though," Kathy mentioned, speaking louder than usual so we could hear her over the dishwashing we were doing. "I mean, Tucker was really..." "A dork?" Amanda suggested. "Thanks," I sighed. "No, but you really, I..." Kathy looked confused, then thoughtful. "I was saying, that since you've all become friends, that he's become more balanced," Mom reiterated. "He's also calmer, I think- No, that's not right," Kathy shook her head. "More relaxed?" "Cooler?" Jill suggested. Kathy shook her head for a second and said, "That's too broad a word. I... He's more relaxed around us, less tense, less trying to impress us, I think," she nodded as she finally got it. "Hard to impress you; you've got high standards," I mentioned. "Hah," she challenged. "No, I mean, you an' your friends," she mentioned at Mike, "you used to have to try and show how suave and debonair you were, and-" "Swave and de-boner," I commented, which made everyone chuckle. "Yeahhhh," Kathy affirmed. "That is it exactly." Mom had to put in, "I told you, you don't need to do anything to impress women besides be yourself, Eu-" "No, I think- I don't think," Kathy corrected herself, "that's it. I mean, teenage boys..." She shrugged. "They're teenage boys, and they act like it. Some of them start acting older sooner, but I think they all go through the stages." "Like what?" *** 09:56 26 Sep "Could we get BACK to Tuck and off the male bashing?" Mike requested, a little peeved by now. "I'm not male bashing," Kathy protested as Amanda and Kim continued to giggle. "Still," Mike frowned. "Girls have their own stages," I mentioned. "Oh god," Mom sighed. "Do they ever!" "Mom!" Susan complained, detecting that this was going to possibly lead, and very quickly, to a Stupid Susan story. *** 10:02 26 Sep "I wanted to go to the store to get the hell out of there for a while," I told Mike. "I'm tired of talking about it, and they won't stop." "Is there a particular reason you had to take me, though?" he asked. "Someone's gotta push the cart," I smirked. "I think you'd better plan on extra," he said. "Extra carts?" I asked, confused. "No! Extra people at lunch." "Why?!" "Just a feeling." I checked myself, and I had a feeling too; sort of a sinking 'Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?' feeling. "Yep, you're right." He nodded absently, and murmured, "Of course." *** 10:47 26 Sep There was another car parked by our house, and I thought it was Sabrina's. "Jeezus," I complained as Mike pulled into the driveway, "more of them?" "Maybe someone called to spread the word about you fixing lunch?" "I hope so." "What?" Mike demanded, startled. "Otherwise, it's more of them to talk about me and What It All Means," I sighed. "I sense that you are getting tired of this subject?" "Sense this," I suggested as I tried to hit him. "Aaaht! Don't hit the driver while the car's moving!" Mike complained, so I waited until it stopped. *** 11:40 26 Sep "What do you think, Tuck?" Julia asked. "I think it's gonna be ready by about twelve thirty," I replied. "No! About gender!" she complained. I sighed; I'd been trying to block them all out, and had been doing a pretty good job of it. *** 11:53 26 Sep "You know a lot about this stuff," Mom complimented Amanda. Amanda shrugged, and it sounded like she was starting to blush. "I dunno, I just got interested in it a while ago," she admitted. "I've been reading up on it, you know, at the library and stuff." "You know more than me," Julia smiled, "and I wasn't sure that was possible." "So why do you know so much?" Mom predictably asked Julia. "You hang around with theater people, you start to ask a LOT of questions about things like sex and gender and culture," Julia smirked. *** 12:06 26 Sep "Eugene..." I looked up, and it was Dad, like it'd sounded like. He'd had to go do something at the shop; I guess he was back for lunch. "Hey Dad," I said. "'Nother twenty minutes or so." "Why are all these people here?" he asked me. "Don't ask me," I protested. "They just came." "This is getting expensive." I sighed. "You have any claymores left over from Vietnam?" Dad sighed back. "I don't think it'd work unless we set them off; the younger generation doesn't have a clue what those things are." "How could you not?" He shrugged. "Schools filling their minds with useless things like readin' 'n writin', 'stead'f useful things, like hazard recognition." It was strange, hearing him shift in and out of that weird drawl he'd picked up from television, in one sentence, but he did it when he was talking about the mundanes sometimes. "Concertina?" "That might work. How're you at hurdles?" "What? Oh." To jump over the wire. "Uhhhh..." He chuckled. "Maybe something else..." *** 12:36 26 Sep I stood at the door to the kitchen with the largest knife we had, blocking the doorway, and announced, "We are NOT going to talk about me, my problems, the things we learned last night, gender, sex, sex roles, feminism, or ANY of that, at lunch, if you want to eat it." Lots of people babbled at that, but no one tested my door-blocking ability and dedication. "I MEAN it! I am SICK of this!" I yelled. "Find something else, ANYTHING else, to talk about! Or I'm trashing all the food!" Lots more babbling, and Mike screaming, "Nooooo!" *** 12:41 26 Sep "A nice, quiet, friendly meal," I smiled. Many girls glared back at me, as did Mom and Susan. Mike might have been trying to glare too, but he was too busy stuffing his cheek pouches in case someone took his plate away suddenly. "So," Kelly said cautiously, "um, I know you made enchiladas, but, what are those?" Mom began explaining, because I was silent, trying to remember if Kelly had come in or not. Well, I guess she had, but when? "Nice salad," Julia nodded at me. "I like the olives." "Did Mexicans use olives in their food, I mean their cuisine?" Sabrina asked the table. "I know the Greeks did." "Romans too," Susan mentioned. "Anyone with access to the Mediterranean Sea." "Climate's similar," Dad put in. "And California grows olives now, too. So they probably planted them early on in the colonization..." *Nice, quiet, friendly meal - without involving me,* I smiled to myself, and had some of my salad. It was pretty good. *** 13:39 26 Sep "I'm not doing cleanup, either," I reminded everyone as I got up. "Yeah, but are you making any more?" Dad asked. *** 13:52 26 Sep I was trying to leave a little early to go pick up Stella and Ricky, since I was further away than usual. Mike caught me as I was sneaking out the front door, though. "Tuck, man-" "Don't start," I sighed deeply. He gave me a hard look. "You gonna be okay?" "Yeah, I think so," I told him. "The kids are simple. It's the complex things that bug me, you know?" He nodded silently, then held up his hands. I slammed mine into his and locked. *** 14:20 26 Sep No Rachel, which was extremely good. I was tired of talking about me, and I had a feeling that she'd want to. Since everyone else except Mike did. I had to look at myself in the mirror, though. *What the hell am I doing?* Same old me, almost - I'd been growing relatively steadily for the last sixteen years, so I changed over time - and I could kind of see the body changes, and what they did to me; but I kind of couldn't, either. It hadn't seemed to make much difference before a year ago, anyway. The kids that had been nasty had seemed to hate me more for my superior intellect and lack of social clue than any weird genes or physiological differences, anyway. I didn't look all that female to me, now that I was looking. Not especially classic male, either, but not that female. *** 14:29 26 Sep The 'right' makeup, hair style, and clothing did a helluva lot to push me over to the female side, of course. But I could still see 'me' in the mirror. And I knew I was still the same person; just a different pointer reference, was all. But that pointer reference seemed to also be linked to an array of entirely different things, that defined what was expected of me, like performance standards in various areas; but the data that was me, I guess, it was still the same, no matter whether I was pointed to by 'Valerie' or 'Eugene', or even the technically neutral 'Tucker'. Yesterday didn't seem like that big of a deal, in a way; at least, not the way everyone else seemed to think about it. I had a lot to worry about, and some real big unanswerable questions about what could happen in the future to me biologically, but... I didn't think it could have affected me that much. Certainly, nothing had really changed between Wednesday and today, or at least nothing physical. And Mom had always taken GREAT offense at any of us kids mentioning that something was 'for' one sex or the other. A few (thousand) lectures on that, and we learned not to say things like that, which eventually helped neutralize the threat of us thinking like that. I didn't see Susan's auto repair class as being much different than her earlier horse fixation - except that I thought a car was safer, since it wouldn't decide to kick you for some stupid herbivorous reason - but a lot of other people had. *And James thought I was gay for the baking thing,* I smirked. *Dumbass. Wonder what he thinks now, that he's done it too?* *** 15:02 26 Sep It looked like the gates opened on a concert or something, except everyone was pouring out, not in. Ricky was somewhere in the mess, though, because before I expected it, he was opening the door on Dad's car and plopping himself in the seat. "Are you okay?" was the first thing he asked. "Uh, yeah, why?" "Debbie said you had to go to the doctor yesterday, and you-" "DEBBIE said?" "Yeah, she sat for us yesterday and Wednesday," he said innocently. "Gahhhhh," I shivered. Debbie was the absolute LAST thing I needed right now. *** 15:32 26 Sep "Oh, no," I sighed as I got to Ricky's house and saw a car parked in front. One I recognized. "What?" Ricky asked. The car had people in it too, damnit. "What is it?" Ricky insisted. "Oh, god," I sighed tiredly. I didn't need this right now. "What?!" Ricky almost yelled. "It's Kim and someone else hanging out at your house, waiting for me to get back with you, and I think they want to talk to me about stuff I don't want to talk about any more!" I dumped. Ricky said, "Oh." *** 15:33 26 Sep "Hi Val!" Kim said. "Hi Kim," I lied. "I gotta get the baby unpacked, hold on." Ricky, the worm, had already flown into the house, leaving me and Stella unescorted. Gallant of him. *** 15:37 26 Sep "Want a snack?" I asked, being polite. "After lunch?" Sabrina asked. Kim said, "Yeah! What is it?" "Fruit, I dunno," I said. "Haveta look." "Can I go swimming?" Ricky asked. "Are you insane?" I asked back. "It's cold out there!" "It's not that cold!" he challenged. "Oh god. Let me go outside and check." *** 15:39 26 Sep "Jehovah almighty," I mentioned as I pulled my arm back out of the frigid water. Maybe there wasn't ice floating in the pool yet, but it didn't feel like it would be long. "No!" I yelled back at the house. "Why not?" Ricky complained. "Fine, YOU come out here and stick your arm in!" *** 15:40 26 Sep "I can take it," he lied. "Too bad, I can't, and if I can't, I won't let you." "Why not?!" "Because I'm old and mean and cranky, is why." That would go over better than 'You might get hypothermia because water transfers heat away from your body twenty times faster than air', since I wouldn't have to explain any of the big words. Plus, he might want a demonstration; he was that kind of kid. *** 15:47 26 Sep Ricky having gone off to sulk in front ot the television, I was now playing with Stella and some applesauce (inside, unfortunately). "So what are you two doing here?" "We just wanted to make sure you were doing okay," Kim said. I chuckled. "Does this mean I don't have to change any diapers?" "NO," Sabrina said firmly. "If you want to substitute," Kim said apologetically back to Sabrina, "you have to be able to." "Do what?" "She said she wanted to see about subbing for you on the days you couldn't sit, since Debbie was having such a fit over the last couple days," Kim dropped casually. "What kind of fit?" Neither of them apparently noticed my hair standing up, because Kim shrugged and Sabrina said casually, "Oh, just whining about having to cancel some makeovers to come work, since all the other sitters were busy those two days or wouldn't come in extra." "I had to watch those Davidson kids Wednesday," Kim added, "the ones with the talkative mother?" "Oooh yeah," I remembered, "and the dogs." Kim shrugged at the thought of the dogs. "Anyway, apparently the younger one, Mike, he had a candy bar or five after school, so he was running laps around the living room and stuff, I mean I could NOT get him to calm down, so I didn't feel like doing shit on Thursday either. Plus I wanted to be there for you, not..." She trailed off instead of saying 'not here watching the kids'. "Well, I'm glad someone could watch 'em, even if it was Debbie," I said. "What?" they both said at the same time. "SOMEone has to watch the kids, right? And if it's not me, then someone else has to... or Miz Parker has to stay home from work to do it. And if she does that enough, then she's going to stop paying me to come in at all." Plus, if Debbie lost the commission she got on my sitting, she wouldn't be at all happy with me. I guessed that she wasn't happy with me now, but that didn't compare- *Oooh, she had to skip some makeovers, though,* I remembered, and shuddered. "Well, let me show you the house," I smiled at Sabrina. It'd be best to train her as soon as I could, so at least Debbie could think of the last two days as a one-time event. I hoped. *** 16:02 26 Sep "Oh god!" Sabrina gasped. "It's a bit, uh," I said as my eyes watered and rolled around for no good reason; what I really needed was to stop breathing. Stella laughed, and then tried to squirm loose so she could spread her 'mark' further. "Ah! No you don't, wretched child..." I mumbled as I pinned her by a shoulder and did some fumbling with baby wipes, desperately wishing I had my MOPP suit. *** 16:12 26 Sep "Still," Kim suggested delicately, "don't you think it might have something to do-" "No!" I insisted, for the nth time. "Look, why do- I admit, it might have something to do with how well I can pull it off, but you keep insisting that the g- uh, the pre-existing condition, somehow led to the, uh, the, um, circumstances surrounding this job..." Just in case there was an eight year old ear listening, we had to talk in circles, and I wasn't that great at it. I'd suggested using the laptop to type what we couldn't say out loud, but that was vetoed by both of them before I could even explain how it would work better. "... And that is just, just wrong. It didn't work like that, remember? This was Debbie's idea at the start, and it just sort of snowballed. With YOU pushing me on," I reminded them. "It wasn't just-" "But you did it anyway-" "You are being unfair, you went along with-" "Because-" *** 16:53 26 Sep It had become clear to me that Sabrina 'volunteering' to sub-sit for me was basically a ploy to talk to me some more, attempt to draw out my 'feelings' on the subject and get me to 'admit' things which I still didn't think were true. This girl shit made certain things easier - certainly it made being gay and dating easier- *Oh, shit, I haven't called Travis in-* "How can you feed her?" Sabrina barked as she burst into the kitchen. "She won't eat ANYTHING!" "You just have to be patient," I said, "and keep-" "It's like you have an instinct for this," Kim said casually, but I knew where that one was going. "Don't you start THAT bullsh- stuff again," I snarled. *** 17:22 26 Sep With Stella having to be cleaned up - seriously cleaned; I wondered if Sabrina had just dipped her into the food headfirst - and the dinner on the stove needing tending, I had just long enough to make it out to the Parker's NIC with a few pieces of gear. *Hopefully, they'll be busy long enough that they won't-* "Tucker residence," Mom said. "Mom, s'me. Mike there? S'quick call." "Just a minute." I heard her yell for Mike, and I spent the intervening hour scanning the area for signs of humanoid intruders. "Yo Tuck?" *** 17:24 26 Sep "Copy, see you in one-twenty, out." "Clear," I said, and hung up. Now all I had to do was go back in the house and spend some time with the laptop. *** 18:05 26 Sep "We just wanted to make sure that Valerie has a good backup, one that already knows the house and kids, and isn't Debbie. Don't call the boss unless it's an emergency, you know," Kim smiled at Miz Parker, who smiled back. I continued typing homework into my laptop, since I was several days behind and dinner was at the 'wait and see' point for the most part. I'd already gotten the important bits out. *** 18:08 26 Sep "Since they were here, I made extra, if that was alright?" I asked, hoping that she would say yes. I'd had a feeling that Sabrina and Kim would stick to me like glue, and so I figured I'd give them a reason to stick around. "Oh, sure, that would be fine," Miz Parker agreed. I almost grabbed her and kissed her, but managed to stop myself just in time. It would have been rather inappropriate. "Are you okay, though?" Miz Parker asked me. "Oh, yeah," I lied. "I just needed to spend some time taking some medical tests, and I managed to arrange the appointments so that I wouldn't have to go to school those two days. Sort of like medical leave or something, you know?" She smiled bigger at me this time. "Are you skipping class?" "It's not skipping if I have doctor's notes!" I protested. "And my parents were there too! So let 'em argue; Mom can wear out three of us kids with arguing, and if they try it with Dad he'll just sic Mom on 'em." She laughed at that. *** 18:37 26 Sep "So how is the meatloaf such a healthy thing?" Miz Parker challenged. "I mean, meat isn't-" "It's lean ground beef, right? That's what it said on the package. Ground turkey would be even leaner, but you've got the kid in the house, and he needs SOME fat or he won't develop right, so it's not a big deal. Besides, I browned it first and drained a lot of the fat off then." I laughed, then. Her eyes narrowed. "There's something you're not telling me." "Who me? It's just meatloaf. You tasted it before, and I'm making it the same way now." She shook her head, though she was starting to smile again. "It tasted... um, unique. _I_ think you have a secret ingredient." Dropping my mouth open didn't seem to work; neither did my protestations. Finally I gave up, and told her. "Oatmeal, and wheat germ." "You put wheat germ into meatloaf?" she asked. "Shhh!" I insisted, not wanting Kim or Sabrina to hear - they weren't paying me to hear this. Ricky, whom neither of us had counted as being significant, decided at that moment to scare the crap out of me by shrieking at the top of his lungs, "WHEAT GERMS! OH MY GOD I'VE GOT WHEAT GERMS! AHHHHH! I'VE BEEN INFECTED WITH WHEAT GERMS!" And then he was running through the house screaming for help from Kim and/or Sabrina. After I got done staring at Miz Parker in shock, I pointed a finger at her and stated, "This is your fault." She gasped, "What?" "I knew what wheat germ was when _I_ was six, and he's way older than that. Now you have to go explain it to him before he calls the cops. Oh-" I dove for the kitchen phone and yanked it off the hook and dialed two numbers, before putting the headset on the counter. "What was THAT all about?" she asked, bewildered, as I leaned against the counter and breathed a lot. "Now he can't call 911," I sighed in relief. "I REALLY don't want to have to explain 'wheat germs' to the cops." Her face flickered through about five different things, and then she choked, and started to really laugh. *** 19:11 26 Sep "She fixed lunch today for us," Sabrina told the Parkers. "Was it something weird?" Ricky asked, sounding eager for a horror story involving my cooking. "Ricky, next time I'm cooking you," I threatened. "Nuh uh," he challenged defiantly. "Roasted, with garlic, a sweet glazed sauce on-" "Valerie," Mister Parker said, sounding remarkably like my mother even though he was a couple octaves lower. *** 19:38 26 Sep Hallelujah, Mike was waiting across the street. I thought I had it made until Susan waved at me and started over. *Oh shit.* "Hey, I need to go ask Mike something," I said, and started walking over to his car. As I got closer, Susan intercepted me and asked, "Now, what are you-" I tossed my backpack at her gently, which made her reach out and grab it - and thus, not be able to grab me - and ran for Mike's car. If he hadn't had the windows down, I wouldn't have made it, but he did and so I put my arms down and dove into the back seat. "GOGOGOGOGO-!" He was already going like he meant it. *** "I feel the Need..." "The Need..." "FOR SPEED!" -- Maverick and Goose in "TOP GUN" Distribution: No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another person or group. Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the original author, me. And no fee may be charged. Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access. All rights reserved. + ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net + PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313 6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 + -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.2 iQCVAwUBPtmkqXYDebnvyV1VAQFcrgP+IDmK88lHmYpO1AC+5qhR3+/rtpZkoNT2 DLWXMCH1QAc+tGfPLb8pG9DMoqX9qRNaV76nL2INJ/ZmhI6Yunllbz1Goq83sW1a U17dLxpNKIUornwpyr8VoN/XK+i4D+iDMXCrbGh3fIchBNNYPoTHN1VCFC4+B74L n7SOsKXb8eM= =xXjB -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----