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Tuck It All Off -*- Copyright 2003 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck It All Off


***
20:11 22 Sep

     I carefully planted the plastic wash basin in the freezer, not
spilling any that I could tell, and made sure it was level before I
slowly and gently let go.
     It did not, thankfully, suddenly tip and wet everything.
     "Good job," Mike said as he carefully shut the top door.  "We just
need three more, and we're set."

***
03:47 23 Sep

     "Yeah, well, I was up anyway," I said.  The dreams were getting
worse.  It was a relief to be sitting here, cold and tired, and
preparing to go hang my ass on a telephone pole for half an hour.

***
06:53 23 Sep

     "No nightmares?" Jill guessed.
     "Just in a good mood," I smiled, and had some more Dew.
     Kim grumbled, "Well, don't tell me about it," as Jill ruffled my
hair.  "Why didja have to take off two days anyway?"
     "Shit, it's not like I want to-"
     Jill interrupted, "You're taking Wednesday and Thursday off, and we
have an inservice day Friday?  How'd you manage to get the school days
off and not the holiday?"
     "I am never going to the doctor again unless I get out of school
for it or it's an emergency," I declared.  "Bad Things happen when I
don't get out of school."
     "I hate your parents," Jill huffed.
     "What?  WHY?!"
     "'Cause they're not mine."
     "Oh."  That almost made sense.  "Uh.  Sorry?"  She waved it off.
     "They're almost as crazy as Tuck, though," Kim said.  "The whole
family is."
     "Hey," I complained.
     "Remember when we went out to shoot guns that time?" Kim reminded
me.  "And what you said your dad did to your mom?"
     "Oh, that.  Wel-  But that's not-"
     "Did what?" Jill asked.

***
11:36 23 Sep

     "Leech Day!" I sang, and ducked Mike's punch.

***
20:03 23 Sep

     "Have you seen cheddar?" Brian asked me.
     Pause.
     I'd heard this before, I realized, when it didn't parse.  "What the
heck are you talking about?" I demanded.
     "My cat?" he sneered back, like I was the stupid one.
     "Cheddar?"
     "Mister Cheddar Underfoot," he said proudly.
     "Cool!" commented Sabrina, while I was still trying to regain the
power of speech to tell him how stupid that was.

[thanks to Jaded and C.E. Mint for the name(s)! - Ellen]

***
08:19 24 Sep

     "Bedoop!"
     "Oh, god, leave me ALONE!"
     Blessed silence.
     "Bedoop!"
     "AHHH!"

***
08:37 24 Sep

     "Best sleep I've had in a week or two, and I have to go to the eye
doctor so I get interrupted in the middle of it," I bitched at Dad, who
was acting like he didn't care, probably because he didn't.
     "You should stay home and rest more," Dad mentioned.
     "O-"
     "Can't skip school."
     "D-d-d-d-"  Dad was chuckling, so I gave up trying to say anything,
because nothing nice was going to come out.

***
11:32 24 Sep

     The basic mistake was, the optometrist's office was buried deep in
an office building, and we were going out a side door, I realized later.
     "AHHHHH!" we all shrieked as quintillions of photons slammed into
our unshielded retinas and detonated in our nerve endings.
     I heard the sounds of abuse, and if I could have located them, I
would have joined in, because Dad of all people should have known better
than to open the damned door like that after our eyes were dilated, but
I couldn't find him.

***
11:35 24 Sep

     "I am NOT going to school like this," I mentioned to Dad.  "And I
took off babysitting today, so we might as well go home and sleep or
something."
     "If he gets out, I get out," Brian jumped on my coattails,
metaphorically speaking.
     "Eugene," Dad started, so I whipped his sunglasses off and then hit
him twice, once in the chest and once in the arm, before handing the
sunglasses to Brian and moving quickly out of range.
     "Eu-"
     "Dad!  Glasses!" Brian called out.  Dad stopped, turned to Brian,
took the sunglasses, and slid them back on before turning to glare at
me, which glaring was considerably weakened by the way the tears were
streaming out from underneath the dark lenses.
     "That's why I can't go to school like this, Dad," I reminded him.
"They take the glasses, or knock 'em off, and I'm blind and in pain,
which means meat on the table.  Unless you send Brian with me as a
bodyguard," I added, which I knew wasn't going to happen; Dad was afraid
the chicks would beat him up.
     "Get in the car," Dad growled at us. "I'll think about it."
     "Think also about how hungry you are," Brian said in a quiet calm
voice.  "Hunnnngry..."

***
11:39 24 Sep

     As Brian and I high-fived in the car, Dad complained, "And don't go
thinking that Jedi mind trick worked; it was just a good idea."
     "Of course."  "Sure, Dad."  Brian and I nodded.

***
12:18 24 Sep

     We'd apparently just beaten the worst of the lunch rush, and gotten
one of the last free tables available.  Which was cool.  Waiting this
long to see a waitroid appear was not so cool, but he finally appeared,
we ordered drinks, and scanned the menu.  It didn't take as long for the
guy to come back with our teas, which was mildly annoying because I
still hadn't been able to figure out what I wanted.  Dad paying often
caused this, since I wasn't automatically troping for the cheapest
things on the menu.
     As the two of them ordered, I finally narrowed it down, so I was
ready when he asked, "And for you, miss?"
     "The roasted garlic, the asparagus rollups, and a garden salad,
with the light Italian dressing."
     "I'll get that right out to you," the waiter said, and walked off.
     "He called you 'miss'!" Brian gasped, then started laughing his ass
off and, worse, pointing at me.
     I didn't feel like being in the beaten zone of the attention that
was coming our way, and he didn't have to be such a shit about it
either, which is why I kicked him.  He slid around and kicked back,
which must've hit me on a bruise because it HURT, and I maneuvered and
got in a good stomp in a very bad place.
     I hadn't quite expected his head to slam down into the bread plate
and break it, but at least he didn't scream, and he did stop laughing.
"Ooops," I said to Dad.
     Dad had that sort of vacant look in his eyes that said he was
calculating something, as he pulled Brian's head and shoulders up and
checked him for permanent injury.  There didn't seem to be any, which
was good, I guess; he wasn't even bleeding.  But I knew that look meant
he was evaluating what to do to Brian and me, even though I hadn't
started it.

***
12:20 24 Sep

     "Forty bucks?!" I protested vehemently.
     "You overreacted," Dad stated.
     "But he was-"
     "Are you appealing?" Dad interrupted.  Double-or-nothing, he meant.
     I closed my eyes and just breathed for a while.  "No," I finally
got out.  One fucking tear dripped down my face before I could catch it.
     "Brian," Dad said.
     "What, HE was the one-"
     "Forty bucks; do not, DO NOT, hassle your brother on that topic."
     Brian snarled in anger, but didn't say anything.  I wished he would
so I could go over the table and try to beat the crap out of him; it'd
hurt less.

***
12:26 24 Sep

     I breathed, "I'm not as hungry as I thought."  I was trying not to
be sick.
     Dad sighed, "Tuck..."
     "Whatsamatter, on a diet honey?" Brian sneered.
     As I stood up, Dad grabbed me by the upper arm and paralyzed me.
He also looked at Brian and said, "That forty dollar penalty is now one
hundred dollars, and you'd better not-"
     "What the-  No way!" Brian almost screamed.
     "Brian," Dad said in that special way of his, and Brian and I both
got very still, and then slowly - so's not to alarm him - sat back down
in our seats.
     "Restrain yourselves until we get home," was all Dad said after
that, but I figured out that we were one or maybe two steps away from
something we would NOT like.  Apparently Brian did too, because he
ignored me and concentrated on his food.  I tried to concentrate on
anything else.

***
13:28 24 Sep

     *Man oh man,* I thought in relief as I locked myself into my room
with the hard locks, *I am SO glad I'm not babysitting today.*  I did
not want to see anyone, talk to anyone, do anything, or even exist.

***
15:25 24 Sep

     The red flashing pulled me out of the keyboard and back into my
body, which I did not like; my nose and face still hurt from crying.
     It was Mike.  "Hey," he said, then stopped, and frowned at me.
     "Don't start," I begged.
     He just held up his hands, and I slammed mine into them.
     Linkage.

***
15:29 24 Sep

     "Anyway," Mike said as I flopped down on my bed, exhausted, "I got
all your assignments, Dobson said good luck tomorrow, and-"
     "What?  Why-"
     "He wanted to know why you were out two days in a row, and all I
told him was that you were getting some results back," Mike explained.
"I didn't tell him more than that; I'm not sure what he knows."
     "Oh.  Right."  More than I wanted, but maybe it wasn't bad that he
did.  *He DID conspire to get me out of gym class...*
     "And, you need to sleep, by th'look a' ye," he told me, slipping
into a deliberately bad English accent.
     "Mike, I-"
     He interrupted me again.  "I'll stay here if I can use your
computers.  I've got a paper to write.  And I gotta check the phone tap
log anyway, remember?"
     "Oh.  Yeah."  After a bit, I said, "Uh, Mike?  Thanks, man."
     "El nada problemo," he said, like that made sense, and waved
generously at me.  "Sleep, Tuck."

***
18:04 24 Sep

     "Food, Tuck," Mike said, gently shaking me awake.
     "Unnnh."
     "You're hungry."
     "I'm hungry," I agreed, a bit surprised that I was.  My sleep had
been unusually dreamless, and now I just had a bellyache; the kind that
food would cure.

***
18:11 24 Sep

     Brian glared at me most of dinner, but I didn't care that much; I
just wanted to eat, and then go back to sleep.  If I could convince Mike
to stay here tonight, maybe I COULD sleep.
     Tomorrow was starting to seriously get on my nerves.

***
19:02 24 Sep

     *That ice is nice and hard,* I decided after rapping it with my
knuckles.  That wasn't really a good move, because now they hurt, and I
couldn't quite tell if it was solid all the way through, but it seemed
like it was solid when I moved it a bit.

***
19:18 24 Sep

     I was just about to climb into bed again - skipping a shower this
time, since I thought I'd only get everything sweaty again - when
something came through the mail, fell into my mail agent, and announced
itself as X-Tucker-Important.  "I think I'd better get that," I
mentioned as I wearily hauled myself off the bed and traded places with
Mike so I could get to the monitor and keyboard.

***
19:19 24 Sep

     "Aw man!" I complained.  "They switched therapy from Friday to
Thursday night!  Shit!"
     "What?" Mike exclaimed over my shoulder.  "When?"
     "Looks like about seven in the evening.  Doesn't that woman ever
sleep or things?"  That was unnatural.
     "And when's your endo appointment?"
     "Two o'clock, duh."  I had been surprised that my parents weren't
going to make me to go to school for half the day, but apparently sanity
had prevailed, or they were bribing me, or they wanted me to sleep in
and thus be less sleep-deprived-psycho, or something.  Gods knew if I
HAD been required to go, it would have been a waste of time, since I
couldn't have concentrated on anything anyway, and probably dangerous
too, likewise.  There was only so much back-watching Mike and them could
do for me, after all.  "Aw, man..."
     "You'll do good.  Just study for the tests," Mike said.
     "What?!"  After several seconds, I asked, "Was that supposed to be
humorous?"
     Mike admitted, "Uh, well, yeah-"
     "Well it sucked."
     "I got that impression, Tuck.  Look, nothing's going to GET worse;
this is just finding out what's already wrong.  And looking at options,
right?"
     "Yeah...  But I don't think I'm going to be any happier knowing
this stuff."
     "Probably not," Mike agreed, not keeping my morale up.  "But
everyone else will, and then we can look at options, right?"
     "Yeah, I guess," giving up in the hopes he would shut up.
     He spun me around and locked hands with me before I could get up.

***
19:25 24 Sep

     "I can do this," I breathed as we released.
     "You can do it," Mike agreed.

***
06:24 25 Sep

     "Oh, man..."  I couldn't believe the Mac at first, and I had to
check my watch.  But it was true; I'd slept nearly eleven hours.
     And if I didn't hustle to the toilet, I was going to piss in my
bed, which is always a bad way to start the day.  I hustled.

***
06:25 25 Sep

     Brian was apparently showering in the bathroom already.  Dork.
     "Ngggg," I cursed, then really hustled downstairs, trying not to
shake myself because it was getting dangerous.

***
06:29 25 Sep

     After I got rid of about a liter, I sort of blanked out as my
bladder contracted slowly to normal size, occasionally squeezing out a
new dribble as pressure built back up.
     When I jerked awake after almost falling off the seat, though, I
decided it was time to go back to my room, and maybe sleep some more.

***
06:46 25 Sep

     "I don't wanna get up," Mike complained.
     "So skip today," I groaned.
     He just sighed deeply, then grunted and climbed over me.  That
didn't seem like he agreed with me.  *Damnit.  If he gets up, I have to
get up...*

***
07:22 25 Sep

     "Man," Mike said appreciatively as he wiped the plate with his
fingers.  "Have you talked to your parents about the idea of you staying
home and cooking all the time?"
     "Of course; they said no, of course."
     "What if the rest of us- I mean, Tuck, if you could do this on a
regular basis, I bet we could get just about everyone in on this, and
then we just take all your tests and turn in your homework for you and
stuff."
     "Oh man..."  That was such a good idea I wished I'd thought of it a
month ago.  Or two years ago.  "What about attendance, though?"
     Mike grinned at me.  "With the way you've got Dobson wrapped around
your finger, we just invite him too, and he fiddles all the records."
     I whined and danced around in frustration, because this was all too
plausible, and the only obstacles to doing it were Mom and Dad.  "Talk
to Mom and Dad about it!" I pleaded.
     "Hey, can I get another one?" Brian asked me.  "Please?"

***
08:11 25 Sep

     I was sitting at the kitchen table, doing homework, when Mom
staggered in, wearing her robe.  She stared at me suspiciously, then ran
her hand sort of through her hair and moaned, "Eugene, what are you
doing up?"
     "Homework, Mom.  Want breakfast?"
     She groaned at me, and went to go play with the coffeepot.

***
08:14 25 Sep

     "Are you serious about breakfast?" Mom asked from nowhere.
     "Yes, Mom," I sighed.  "I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't."
     "That sounds great, sweetie," Mom said, and came over and hugged me
from behind.

***
09:08 25 Sep

     "He doesn't really need an education, does he?" Dad pleaded.
     "Don't start," Mom growled at Dad.  I nodded at Dad to start.

***
09:37 25 Sep

     "So, anything you want to do today?" Dad asked me after he turned
the water off.  I'd been watching him wash dishes, and occasionally
helping out of the deep goodness of my heart, plus it was better than
English reading.
     "Plenty, Dad, but I gotta do my homework."
     He glared at me.  Then he smiled, and I glared at him.  "Gun
range?"
     I sighed.  "I dunno, Dad..."  I slumped a bit further down the
cabinets, where I'd been leaning.  "I'm scared."
     As I wondered how that had slipped out, Dad nodded.  "Me too, kid.
But...  We've got some really good medical insurance, and a doctor on
our side, and plenty of time-"
     "Huh?"
     "I can take you anywhere you need to go, for treatment," Dad
reminded me.  "Or Sarah can."
     "Mom works-"
     "She said last night that she'd be willing to give up her job if
you needed her around," Dad said, which stunned me.  "We're with you,
kid."
     "Yeah," I got out around the lump in my throat.  "Wha'do I do?"
     "We find out today what we can do, and then we decide what we will
do, remember?" he reminded me as he picked me up and hugged me.  I just
nodded into his collarbone.

***
11:33 25 Sep

     "Sarah?  You'd better come home quick.  Eugene's gone crazy; he's
making prawns alfredo for lunch, and if you hurry, you can get some
too," Dad said into the phone, and wiggled his eyebrows at me.  I
grinned back and kept chopping.

***
11:56 25 Sep

     "You're kidding," Mom said as she came in.  Then she sniffed.
     I smiled as Mom stated, "You weren't kidding?  What is going ON
here?"
     "Keep the mental trauma cases busy," I said perkily.
     "Eugene" Mom admonished, "you are not-"
     I snapped, "Let's NOT go there, Mom," as my stress level zoomed
upwards again.  "I got some nice pasta to go with the prawns..."
     "Let me go change," Mom said as she gave me a quick hug, "you and
Bill set the table, and then we eat!"
     "Yessss!" Dad agreed.

***
12:06 25 Sep

     "Ohhhh!" Mom moaned in a manner that suggested I had done well on
the prawns.  If it had been anyone else, I might have said it was an
orgasmic noise, but this was my mom, and if she had orgasms I didn't
want to know anything about 'em.
     "You like?" I smirked.
     "Mmmmmm," Mom smiled at me, her eyes half shut.  "Mmm hmm hmmm."
     "Ummhmmm," Dad added.

***
13:03 25 Sep

     "Leave the dishes, we'll get 'em later," Mom said.
     "What's the hurry?" I asked.
     "We have to pick Brian up from school; he's got an appointment just
before you do, remember?"
     "No.  Must've blocked that out."  *Oh, shit.  Why does HE need one?
Do they think-*  "Does he have the same things I've got?"
     "We hope not," Mom said, putting a hand on my shoulder, "but we
have to know."
     "Oh shit."

***
13:19 25 Sep

     Brian was so upset already, he forgot to be insulting to me when he
got in the back seat.  *Oh, shit...*

***
13:47 25 Sep

     We were NOT in the mood to be told the doctors were running late,
but they told us that anyway.  Dad took Mom's arm and led her away from
the receptionists before Mom could have a fit, and Brian and I just went
and sat down, away from each other.  At least I had my laptop.
     The jerkwad pulled out a set of juggling bags.

***
13:58 25 Sep

     "Brian Tucker?"
     "Oh shit," Brian stated with feeling, as he got up, and Dad went
with him.  I found Mom was trying to squeeze my hand into paste, so I
squeezed back.  It helped for some reason.

***
14:39 25 Sep

     There's only so long I could sustain terror; and that had expired a
while ago, as Mom bothered me about my schooling until I switched the
laptop from the programming I was doing to my class notes, to show her.
     "I notice you don't have any doodles in here," she remarked at one
point, and then I started thinking about the best way to incorporate
some doodles, or clip-art anyway, when Brian and Dad came back out.
     "Tests on the way to the lab," Dad announced with a shrug.
     Brian did not look very well.  I couldn't blame him.

***
14:50 25 Sep

     "Eugene Tucker?"
     "Oh shit."

***
15:17 25 Sep

     There was one doctor in there, and he was saying stuff, and my
parents were asking intelligent and insightful questions, showing they'd
both studied up on this before we came here.  Brian was asking some
questions of his own, and they weren't stupid.
     Me, I just sat there, trying to wake up, trying not to throw up,
and wishing I could drop out, except Mom and Dad were working in tandem
to keep me awake and in my body.
     I had not imagined it could possibly be this bad.

***
16:04 25 Sep

     I had made it out to the car, and then I just disconnected.  I did
not want to be.
     "Tucker!" my dad snapped, which pulled me back.
     "Uh?"  I was disoriented as I rebooted.
     "You have some guests," he said, and pointed to the front of the
house, which-
     "Jesus," I said.  It looked like EVERYONE was here, with cars
lining the street like we were having a big party.  *Or a wake.*
     As Mom pulled into the driveway, they all got off the porch or
railings and started to drift towards the driveway and the back.  I
almost started to panic, but held it in long enough for the car to stop,
but then it was too late, because Mike was there and he was grabbing me.
     "Tuck, we want to help," he said, and a bunch of people nodded.
     "Ahhhh," I moaned.

***
16:07 25 Sep

     "Who should be here?  Eugene?" Mom asked, staring into my eyes.
     "Uh."  I looked past her, and checked the people that were in the
basement.  Mike, George, Dan, Book, Kim, Sabrina, Pam, Amanda, Julia,
Rachel, Kelly-
     "Tuck?"
     I turned around, and it was my sister, looking a little flushed.
"I was, uh, busy right when you got home," she apologized, which
explained why she looked flushed; hopefully, she had flushed.  She
wrapped me in a hug before I could say anything.
     Eventually, she let go, and I told Mom, "Uh, I guess everybody.
Everybody here is cleared for it, I mean," I said more clearly.
"Where's Dad?"
     "Bill and Brian went out somewhere, so Bill could talk to Brian
about what might be going on, and to answer any questions he has about
things," Mom said.  "I stayed here so I could explain things; I don't
think you're really up to it yet, are you?" she asked gently.
     "Uh, no."  Not a hard decision to make.
     "Does anyone want drinks first, or need to use the restroom?" Mom
asked the crowd.  "This is going to take a while."

***
16:21 25 Sep

     "I've called you all in today," Mom started, "because I have found
out... which of you is the murderer!"
     "Who did we kill?" asked Susan excitedly.
     "Wasn't me!" Mike protested.
     The chuckling died down too quickly, but there was chuckling.
     "Who's had basic biology?" Mom started for real.
     Everyone but Kelly raised their hand; Kelly explained, "Uh, Tuck
told me about it, what's involved I mean."
     "You did?" Mom asked as she looked at me.  I had to shrug and nod,
not wanting to go into that story right now; some of these people had
ten o'clock curfews and it was already past four.

***
16:26 25 Sep

     Dad had put in whiteboards in the basement partially for what Mom
was doing now; playing teacher to a class.  I had to admit, Mom was
doing a better, faster, and more accurate and focused job of explaining
human sexual and reproductive biology than anyone else except Dana had
ever managed.
     *Then again, she'd had sex, unlike most of the people who teach
this stuff at school,* I realized.
     "So that's what's normal," Mom finished the review.  She turned
back to the whiteboard and erased both diagrams, then started drawing
again.

***
16:27 25 Sep

     What Mom drew this time looked like she'd superimposed the previous
two, male and female, on top of each other, then erased lines randomly.
     Which was a rough analogy of what had happened to me.
     "External penis," Mom pointed out, "no testes, a small scrotum.
Urethra goes through the penis, though there's some question about
whether he started with it there."
     "What?" someone asked, maybe me.
     Mom's jaw tightened.  "They found a bit of scarring, Eugene, as if
someone had done some repair work around the time you were born.  No one
EVER told either of us ANYTHING about it."  I hoped that my friends
recognized the danger signs; Mom was about to go off, and it would be
best if she didn't, because the one she'd want to hit wasn't even in
this state.
     "Okay, keep going," I said, like I was calm and reasonable about
all this.  "So, what else?"
     Mom took a few breaths, then turned back to the board.  "The right
side has what looks on MRI like an amorphous, undifferentiated mass.
That means it's like a tumor, because the tissue hasn't specialized into
different kinds of cells, like it's supposed to," she explained.
     "A tumor?" Susan popped out.
     "LIKE a tumor," Mom emphasized, "A benign one.  It's probably got
to be removed, but it's not growing or anything, and it's not currently
a problem. They'll have to remove it before it does become a problem,
though."
     "Oh, great," I sighed.  Surgery was way down on my list of favorite
things, right around bad asthma attacks and being on the wrong end of a
flamethrower.
     "So what's on the left side?" Julia asked.
     Mom sighed, and looked at me.  I shrugged.  "They can't be sure
without a biopsy or an abdominal inspection..."  Mom took another
breath.  "But it looks like an ovary, and maybe part of a fallopian
tube."
     Shocked, deathly silent, pause.
     "Excuse me," I said, and went to the bathroom to throw up.

***
16:36 25 Sep

     When I opened the door to come out, there was a surge towards me,
but before I could lock myself back in the bathroom, Mom let out one of
her stun whistles.  "Holdit!" she ordered.
     I tried to pop my ears, but it didn't help.
     Mom asked carefully, "Eugene, is there anything we can do for you?"
     I shook my head, and made my way back to the head of the class.
Susan came up and sat next to me and cuddled me; Mike just stood near
me, giving off slow waves of support.
     "Do you want me to continue?" Mom asked me.
     I took a breath, and nodded.  "Might as well; you're doin' better
than me."
     "Are you sure?"
     I nodded again.  This was already easier than explaining it to each
of them individually, or in small groups, like I'd done before.  If Mom
was willing to do it, and the rest of them willing to sit here and
listen, then I was all for her doing it and not me.  Especially right
now.
     Pause.
     "Okay, so..." Pam started, then lost it and fell back blushing.
     "Shouldn't he have like EITHER a penis OR ovaries?" Kelly leapt.
     "That's the problem," Mom grimaced.

***
16:39 25 Sep

     After listing some of the things that could cause something like
this - Mom had apparently either telepathically copied a doctor or done
a tremendous amount of studying on this, because she was talking about
stuff I could hardly believe except she knew it so cold - she said, "But
what Eugene has, is one of the weirder ones.  Basic biology says you get
two half sets of chromosomes, one from each parent, and those make up a
full set, which are the instructions for the new baby.  Right?"
     Everyone nodded eventually.
     "So the instructions are the same, in each cell of the baby's body,
because they came from the one egg and- the one egg plus the one sperm,"
she corrected, "and that's been growing and dividing and making an
entire human.  Right?"  Nods.  "They've fairly recently- with the
invention of cheap DNA testing, they've discovered that that's not
always true.  That's what Tuck has.  It's called 'somatoform mosaicism',
which means that he's basically a body composed of two different sets of
instructions.  Some cells are one set, and some are the other."
     "Like, like twins or something?  The non-identical ones?" Sabrina
asked, rising over the verbal spattering of everyone else.
     "Yeah," Mom nodded.  "Yeah, like that."
     "Except it's one body?" Dan confirmed.
     "Yes."
     Confused mumbling pause, as everyone said something like 'Wow' or
'Weird' or something.
     When that had died down again, Mom went on, "They think that, with
one set of cells saying one thing, and giving off hormones as an embryo,
and the other set of cells giving off hormones the other way, telling
him to develop the other way, that that's what happened.  He ended up
with parts of both, and not a complete set of either."
     "Isn't that a hermaphrodite?" George said, being the Designated
Asshole.
     "They don't use that term any more," Mom explained, "because it is
too broad and doesn't explain enough, or detail enough.  And a classical
hermaphrodite has BOTH, at least externally."  More murmurs.
     When it seemed like they weren't going to die down anytime soon, I
announced, "We're not done," which shut everyone up.  Mom looked at me,
and I nodded again before dropping my head against Susan again.
     "Okay...  So, Eugene is a mosaic, with two sets of chromosomes, and
two competing sets of instructions telling his body, way back, how to
develop.  But THAT'S not all," Mom emphasized.
     "Nuh uh!" Mike protested.
     Mom nodded.  "One of the sets is typical female, XX.  The other set
you might expect to be male.  Tuck has instead an XXY pattern there."
     "Isn't that Klinefelter's?" Julia remembered.
     Mom shook her head.  "That's what they used to think, but they did
a study back in '70, checking baby males, and found it occurred in one
in five hundred to one in a thousand males."
     "Dude!" someone male exclaimed in shock.
     "The syndrome, the collection of symptoms that Doctor Klinefelter
identified," Mom continued, "is a lot rarer.  Still, there's some common
problems, that show up more often in XXY people than in others.
Difficulty with language, sterility, and morphological abnorm-  Body
deformities," she changed when someone looked baffled, I guess.
"Usually in the genital area.  Also breast enlargement and lack of body
and facial hair later, during puberty."
     'Ooooh,' went everyone as the light bulbs came on over their heads.
     "Sounds very familiar," I sighed at Susan's chin.  She stroked my
hair and rocked me.
     "Is, I mean, how can any of this be genetic?" Amanda asked.  "I
mean, if you have it, or if Tuck's dad has it, wouldn't that sort of
prevent you from having children?"
     Mom shrugged.  "This stuff is strange, and while some of it can
come from direct mutation - either in a sperm or an egg - some of it
isn't, and some of it is recessive, which means one or the other of us
might be a genetic carrier of some of it.  And tonight I have to call
everyone on my side of the family and tell them about this so they can
get tested.  We'll get tested tomorrow," she told Susan before being
drowned in questions and comments and exclamations and noise.
     "Oh god, Suze, I'm sorry," I whimpered.
     "It's not your fault, Tuck," she said softly to me, as she rocked
me some more.  "You didn't give anything to me, even if I have it.  I
might not, you know," she told me.
     "Why couldn't my one-in-a-billion have been a lottery ticket?" I
whined.
     "Maybe it is; you can't buy lottery tickets yet, remember?  Maybe
you'll get lucky with one," Susan said, still quiet.  "Then you can buy
me a nice car."
     "You like Yugos, right?"
     She chuckled at me, which made me feel a little better.

***
16:56 25 Sep

     "So what are you going to do, Tuck?" Mike asked me.
     "There's some things we can do," Mom answered for me.  "The doctors
recommended abdominal surgery as soon as possible to-"
     "NO!" I mentioned.
     Mom waved at me.  "The DOCTORS recommended," she repeated with
emphasis, "abdominal surgery as soon as possible to remove everything
inside that is even questionable, and testosterone shots also as soon as
possible.  We're going to discuss what we are actually going to do later
tonight."
     "Oh crap," I sighed.  Therapy appointment.  "Oh, crap..."
     "Is a week, or a month, going to make any difference to Tuck?" Mike
asked.
     Mom shook her head.  "Despite what they said today, they never came
out and stated that; so I think we have plenty of time to decide.
Eugene," she said to me, "they were pretty adamant about having to have
that stuff on the right side removed, though - apparently it can turn
malignant if you leave it alone too long."
     "Like, how long is too long?"
     "Years, I think," Mom answered.  "We'll check with Dana as soon as
we can, but like I said, I don't think it will be that urgent a thing.
We do have time to think about this."
     "I think," I mentioned, "I need to lubricate my brain."

***
16:59 25 Sep

     "I get the brandy because it's me that's having the problems," I
snarled at Kim.
     "And me, and Susan," Mom said as she poured for herself and Susan,
apparently.  I already had mine.
     "Okay okay, don't bite my head off," Kim whined.
     "Okay," Mike said loudly, "but there is one thing we have to get
clear right now.  Tuck," he pointed me out in case anyone here didn't
know who I was, I guess, "needs us."
     "Mike-"
     "Shut up, Tuck," Mike said, and I huffed as I started to blush with
embarrassment.  "All those in favor of... all those in favor of TUCK,
raise your hands."  Lots of hands went up before I closed my eyes and
drank a lot of brandy.  "Opposed?  Abstaining?"
     *This doesn't happen to other people-*
     "It's unanimous, Tuck," Mike said, "we're stickin' with you."  And
everyone applauded.  When Julia started singing, "For He's A Jolly Good
Fellow," I tried to leave, but Kim sat on me as she sang lustily along.
Then clapped when the vocal torment ended, then kissed me on the cheek
before she got up.
     "Kiss Tuck for luck!" someone said, and then most of them did.  I
was glad to note that the guys did not, but surprised to end up with
Susan and Mom both giving me discreet kisses on the cheek too.
     "Couldn't hurt," Mom said as she stood back up.
     "Neither could some more brandy," Susan mentioned with a smile.
     I drained my glass and gasped, "I'll drink to that!"

***
17:33 25 Sep

     I was feeling fairly well supported, for once in my life, by the
time Dad and Brian got home, bearing several of Brian's friends and
rather a lot of Chinese takeout.  Well, Dad wasn't actually carrying
the brats, but he did bring them along rather than dropping them at the
side of a road somewhere like he should have.
     "You're all leaving at six thirty," Dad warned everyone as they
surged for the food.  "I mean it."  Then he turned to Sabrina and
apologetically said, "We have to go to a family therapy appoi-"
     "DAD!" I gasped in shock and horror.
     "I understand," Sabrina said warmly.  "See you on Friday, then?"
Dad nodded.
     "Dad!"
     "Hmmm?" Dad looked at me, pretending not to realize what he'd done.

***
17:35 25 Sep

     "Your mother just gave an hour lecture on your biology and you're
worried your friends will think you're weird only because you go to a
therapist?" Dad asked incredulously.
     "Dad!"
     "I bet a third of them-"
     "DAD!"
     "Stop squalling at me," he ordered.  "I'm sorry, and I won't do it
again, but..."  He sighed and shook his head.  "They won't think any
less of you for this, I guarantee it."  He paused for a second, then
amended, "Though George may be an, uh-"
     "Asshole?"
     "You said it, not me.  But yes."
     "Yeah, well..."  That was sort of inevitable, like the sun coming
up or sneezing when you've just met a girl you want to impress.  "That's
what friends are for, I guess."
     "With friends like these-"
     "Who needs enemas?"
     "Get out," Dad suggested.  I opened the office door and got.

***
18:32 25 Sep

     "I'll be okay," I promised as we got the last of the girls out of
the house, or so I thought.  I didn't feel like doing a sweep to make
sure.
     "Really," Pam told me as she put an arm around me, "if you need
anything, or just want to talk or something..."
     "I will," I lied.  Well, not lied, exactly; I just didn't want to
think about thinking about it, much less think about it enough to talk
to someone about it.

***
18:38 25 Sep

     "With friends like you-"
     "Don't say it, kid," Dad warned me.  "And thank your mother."
     I sighed.  "Thanks, Mom.  It was...  I mean, you did it better than
I could have, today.  I think it really helped.  I mean, at least I
wasn't spazzing and crying and stuff, and now they all know..."
     "You're quite welcome," Mom said, sort of formally, but gently too,
after a moment.  And then she gave me another hug.

***
18:51 25 Sep

     "Hail, hail, the gang's all here," I said dazedly.
     "Could be worse," Doc Treble commented.  "We could be doing this in
a hospital room, with you in a bed."
     "I could break out of a hospital," I said back.
     "Probably," she admitted.
     "Did you bring the," Mom started to ask the Doc, and made a motion
towards her arm.
     "If you think you're going to sedate me and lock me up," I said as
I stood up and got ready to break some bones.
     "Allergy shot for your problems with the new cat, Eugene," Doc
Treble said scornfully. "You want one or not?"
     I thought about it for a bit.  "Not right now?  Later?"

***
19:02 25 Sep

     "Why am I here?" Brian asked.
     "You need to know this stuff too," Dad said.
     "But I already-"
     "Trust me," Dad said, which made me suspicious too.

***
19:04 25 Sep

     I ended up sitting in a chair, close to Mom; Brian was sitting on
the couch next to Dad, probably so Dad could hold a knife to his ribs
and control him.  I hoped.  Doc Treble was sort of away from all of us,
with her own notepad ready.  Susan had managed to come along too,
somehow; she had her own car, though, so she could escape any time she
felt like it.  If I'd had keys...
     That was probably why I didn't have keys.
     "So, what did you find out today?" Sheila asked.
     Everybody looked at me.
     "Hey, you're doing better at explaining this than me," I protested.

***
19:33 25 Sep

     "So, Tucker," Sheila said.  "How do you feel about all this?"
     I sighed, and thought about it.  "I'm not sure.  Weird, I guess."
     Brian snorted once then immediately gasped in what sounded like
pain.  I looked over, but he didn't seem to be bleeding, so I guess Dad
didn't really have a knife on him.  Pity.

***
19:41 25 Sep

     "Brian?" Sheila asked.  "What about you?"
     "Huh?  Me?"
     "You may be affected by this too, right?"  Brian shook his head as
Mom and Dad nodded.  "So, how does that make you feel?"
     "I'm not-  I mean, it's not gonna affect me," he stated.
     "What if it does?" Dad pressed.
     "It won't!" Brian warbled, his voice breaking.
     I chuckled for a second, then as someone bitched at me for laughing
at Brian, I realized, "No, it won't."
     "Why do you say that?" Sheila asked, predictably.
     "'Cause, what makes a guy's voice crack when a girl's voice never
does?  It's because it's going deeper, or growing- the vocal cords and
the voicebox, I mean, it's growing, and that's because of the
testosterone.  His voice has been cracking for months; he doesn't have
it.  Mine never did, remember?" I reminded everyone.
     Brian, I noticed, let out a breath and shivered as he closed his
eyes.
     "Mine never did either," Susan smarted off, and I chuckled.
     Mom reminded Brian, "We still need to get the results back; you
might not have the worst form of it."
     "Why do you say 'worst'?" Sheila asked my mom.  I was glad they
were getting exposed to what I'd been going through for months.
Luckily, with all of us here tonight, and it being so late, if Mom
cracked and killed Sheila, we could probably get the body out of the
building and away someplace to dispose of it properly, without being
noticed and without leaving evidence or making stupid mistakes.

***
19:56 25 Sep

     "I just don't know..." I said.  "I mean...  I guess, but, like, why
do I have to do anything?"
     "Your chest is getting a little big, for one," Mom said out loud.
     "MOM!" I shrieked as Brian gawked at her, then at me.
     Maybe covering them up was a bad reflex at the moment.
     "NO WAY!" Brian screamed as he pointed and shot to his feet, before
he fell back into the couch cushion, still pointing.
     "Brian, how 'bout you shut the fuck up?" I suggested calmly, before
we all sort of started yelling at each other.

***
20:01 25 Sep

     Sheila had sent everyone else for a timeout, and as usual I was
sitting in the hot seat, waiting to get punished.
     "Are your family gatherings always like that?" she asked casually,
I guess to get me to let my guard down.
     "Aw, no," I smarted off, "sometimes they get tense."
     Pause.
     "No, not usually," I sighed.  "We're kind of stressed out lately,
especially today, and Brian's being, I mean he's been a shit the last
few days.  'Scuse my language, but he has."
     "Maybe it's because he's scared, and he's covering it up with
aggression," Sheila hypothesized.
     "Well, if he keeps it up, he's gonna piss Mom off, and she's either
gonna knock his block off, or worse."
     "Worse?"
     "She might lecture him for two hours," I grumbled.  Some days, I
wished Mom would just grab a belt and beat me for a few minutes so's to
get it over with.  Being lectured was like sensory deprivation except
you got quizzed on it at random intervals.

***
20:04 25 Sep

     "How do you think this will affect Travis?"
     "Jeez!" I hissed, "don't mention that with them here?"
     "They are outside, and the doors are really soundproof," Sheila
claimed.
     "Yeah, sure."  *Dad wouldn't have been so crass as to've bugged her
office while he was sitting here, would he?*  I wasn't sure, but I was
afraid to check because Sheila would think I was paranoid.
     *I AM paranoid,* I told myself, and got up to check.

***
20:06 25 Sep

     "Why do you say that?"
     I knew she was going to ask that.  "The first, and last, six times
I tried bugging my parents' bedroom, Dad found it within a week or less,
slipped it into my room, and recorded my conversations and played 'em
back for me later."  There was more than one reason I'd gone to the
trouble of sealing my room like a minor bank vault.
     Her eyebrows went up.
     "What, you think I'm joking?  Get him in here, without Mom, and ask
him.  I'm not making this up."

***
20:11 25 Sep

     I wished I'd brought my laptop.  Sheila's waiting room magazines
sucked, and there was nothing to do but stare around at my immediate
family.  I thought about starting a fight with Brian, just to work off
some tension, but that would probably be taken wrongly by everyone over
eighteen in the place.
     "Dana, how about getting Eugene set up?" Mom suggested as she
rummaged in her purse.  I was going to protest strongly when she held up
a deck of cards.

***
20:25 25 Sep

     "Hey Tuck?" Susan called as the door opened.  "C'mere."
     "What?" I called back as I folded, and got up.  My arm hurt.
     "Just c'mere!"
     I did, and Sheila came out, but before I got there, Susan said,
"Sound check," and shut the door in my face.
     I stood there for a few seconds, with Sheila, and wondered, *Is she
going through the files?  Or my case notes?*
     Just faintly, I could hear her screaming, so I knocked on the door.
     She opened it and asked, "That last one?"
     "Yeah, but I couldn't tell what you were screaming."
     "'Kay, great.  C'mere," she beckoned, and I went in to Sheila's
office, and Susan shut the door behind me.
     *Wonder what she's been writing,* I thought, and ambled over to
look at Sheila's notes, but Susan grabbed me before I could get close
enough to resolve the writing.  "Stop that; you probably don't want to
know anyway," Susan lied as she knelt down on the floor, pulling me
towards her.
     I knelt down next to her, humoring her, and she leaned over and
whispered in my ear, "She kind of hinted that she knew I knew about
Travis and you being gay?  Is that true?"
     "Uh...  Yeah, I told her that you knew," I whispered back.  "And
about Travis and all that.  But she doesn't know about Valerie, and Mom
and Dad don't know anything about either me being gay or Valerie, so
don't mention it."
     "I won't.  Just wanted to check," she said as she stood up.
     When I opened the door again, Sheila looked very confused, for
once.  "Next please," I said like a receptionist, and threw the door
open.
     "Come in, please," Susan said warmly with a smile as she came to
the door and beckoned to Sheila, like it was her office.
     "I'm glad I'm not the only one you guys do that to," Doc Treble
sighed, sort of sounding relieved.
     Brian snarled in a credible Brooklyn accent, "You wanna talk or you
wanna play?  You wanna talk, phone's over dere."

***
20:47 25 Sep

     "Your family is very interesting," Sheila said mildly.
     "They're as crazy as me; that's where I get it from," I smirked.
     "So how ARE you feeling, about what you learned today?" she asked.
     I sighed; I didn't want to think about it.  "I...  I dunno.  I
mean, everybody's been real good about it and stuff, except Brian...
But, you know, it's gonna have to be me that makes the decision about
what to do, and...  Damn.  Ovary?"
     I didn't mean to start crying then, but I did.

***
21:03 25 Sep

     "You know," I said to Sheila as we were about to leave, because I'd
just remembered something.  "Remember how you were so spazzed about me
dealing with this before school started?  And I said I wanted to wait
until I had to deal with it?  I made the right choice," I declared.
     "It does seem to have turned out well," Sheila admitted.
     *No, that was a weasel.*  "Did I make the right choice or not?"
     "You made the choice at the time, Eugene; that's in the past.  You
have to look to the future, to-"
     "You're not going to admit it, are you?" I smirked.
     She took in a breath, then let it out.  "Eugene, I don't think you
made the right choice then, no matter how it turned out this time.  It
seems to have gone well, but...  How well do you think you're going to
sleep tonight?"
     "Piss poor," I admitted.  "But that was going to happen anyway, and
it's been happening since school started.  Nothing new there."
     "I think that says something, don't you?" was her parting shot.

***


"If the chance is one in ten million, and there's five billion people on
the planet..." - ehayes


Distribution:
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
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