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Tuck Your Medicine -*- Copyright 2002 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck Your Medicine


***
00:06 6 Sep

     "No, I really need to go home," I sighed, because I would far
rather go 'home' to Travis' place and do what we did last weekend except
without the surprise noontime visitors.  And I had shit to do all this
weekend, mostly involving George and the rest.

***
00:29 6 Sep

     "Oh, God," I sighed, and hugged Travis a little tighter.
     "All weekend?"
     "Yes," I moaned.  "I might call you Saturday afternoon or
something, maybe about noon?  But I'm like busy the rest of the time," I
sighed, wishing I hadn't been so stupid as to agree to George's
blackmail.

***
01:09 6 Sep

     I had fresh email from Susan and Amy and some other people, but I
had to go to bed.

***
09:00 6 Sep

     I lay back in bed and wondered if I could convince my parents that
sleeping in on Saturday mornings would do me a lot more good than going
to see Sheila.
     I also hurt.  A lot.
     "Bedoop!"
     "Shut up!"

***
09:27 6 Sep

     As the nightmare-log printed, I resolved that if she sold the
stories to anyone, like Hollywood, I was going to insist on at least 75%
of the profit.

***
10:04 6 Sep

     "You look like something terrible happened to you," Sheila
commented, and motioned at my arms.  "Did that happen at school?"
     "Oh, no, I fell out of a tub Friday, and then down the stairs, so
that's where all the bruises came from."  There were a lot of them.  I
was glad enough Travis wasn't going to see me for a while; he'd be
upset.  I was lucky they hadn't really turned black until later.
     "What happened?"
     "Oh, just some bad luck and a couple of toys in the wrong place."

***
10:18 6 Sep

     I should not have mentioned Labor Day, but the fact that I'd told
her about Travis had apparently put her in that group in my mind,
because it just sort of popped casually out of my mouth and I didn't
even think about it until she complained, "You did what?  Did your
parents know about this?"
     "Uh," I said.  Which was my second mistake of the day.

***
10:22 6 Sep

     "All day?"
     "Yeah," I sighed.  Well, if she was going to break oath, this'd be
the thing to do it.  "It was nice," I sighed again.
     "I bet it was..." she agreed, which almost made me fall out of my
chair.

***
10:29 6 Sep

     "Have you been writing down your nightmares?" she asked.
     "Uh.  Yeah, kind of...  I'm not really going into detail, though,
because like I said, I don't want to think about it that much."  She
nodded in apparent understanding as I handed her the printed sheets.

***
10:33 6 Sep

     "And how often are you having these?" Sheila asked as she
apparently got done reading and looked back up.
     "Every n-  Every school night," I corrected.
     "How much sleep are you getting?"
     I shrugged.  "I dunno..."  Not enough, I was certain, but I wasn't
drifting off in class (more than usual) or falling asleep involuntarily.
Yet.

***
11:39 6 Sep

     Dad finally looked away from my car door and back up at me, and
said, "I think that either the insurance will cover it, or we will."
And groaned theatrically as he stood up.
     "Oh, man," I sighed in relief.  "Thanks!"
     "'Course," Dad said as he turned to go back inside and I followed,
"if I find out you did it yourself for some twisted reason, I'll have to
take it out of your hide."
     "Yes, Dad," I sighed.  "And, the reasoning behind me keying my own
car would be?"
     "'Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?'" Dad intoned.
     "Mom."

***
11:59 6 Sep

     "I'm being kidnapped by the Testosterone Brigade," I moaned as I
got up to go put a stop to the door pounding.

***
12:00 6 Sep

     "What's wrong with them?" Dan asked, jerking a thumb towards the
living room, where Mom was too busy laughing to help clean up Dad and
Brian.  It was a lot of coke; I was glad I was leaving.
     "Oh, pneumonic plague again," I lied.  Mike coughed fakely a few
times.  "Not you too," I sighed.  He coughed some more.
     "Hey, if you've got plague, let's go visit some people," George
grinned as he rubbed his hands eagerly.

***
12:02 6 Sep

     "Tuck, do you have-"  I held up the bag, which held videotapes of
South Park episodes.  "Oooh yeah," Mike grinned, and rubbed his hands.
     I looked up, and saw the minivan that Dan occasionally borrowed
from his mom, and had a flashback to the many times I'd been kidnapped
by girls and dragged off for hours, sometimes days.
     "Oh-"  *And I really don't want to see this crew in their
underwear,* I realized, and then almost fell down laughing.

***
12:23 6 Sep

     I laughed as Cooper, James T., got into the van.  Surprise
surprise, he was wearing a Star Trek T shirt.  "Hey dudes!" he said as
his voice cracked.

***
12:48 6 Sep

     "You wanna get Kelly?" George asked me.
     If he hadn't been leering at the time, I might have thought about
it more, but it didn't take much thought to say, "No."
     "Aw come on, man, she's cool," Book protested.
     "Ehhhhk-" I choked.  "What?!"
     "She's cool, man, call her up and see if she wants to do
something," he suggested.
     "Kelly?" Paul asked.

***
12:51 6 Sep

     "No answer," I shrugged, and hung up the phone.
     "Oh, come on, Tuck!  You're not even dialing a live number!" George
protested.
     "Fuck YOU!" I snapped, then we all looked around fearfully in case
Matt's parents were still about, but luckily they either weren't or were
being discreet.  "Here, you try it, if you think it's fake," I said, and
picked up the phone and redialed, then handed it to him.
     "Well, you know where her house is, right?  Let's just go by and-"
     "No," me and Mike said at the same time.

***
15:48 6 Sep

     I managed to get control of the remote long enough to shut the VCR
down before I laughed myself into respiratory seizure, but it was a
close thing.
     "They got Kenny!" James squealed, and that almost did me in.

***
19:38 6 Sep

     I sighed, and looked at my plate, because I wished I could look up
and see Travis but he wasn't here.
     "'Ee's pinin' for the fjords!" Dan quoted.
     My, "Shut up, Dan," was drowned out by more Monty Python quotes.

***
20:08 6 Sep

     "You know where we could, you know, meet some girls?" Paul asked
nervously.
     Before I could even start laughing, I was being pummeled off my
chair.  "DON'T ASK HIM!" George shrieked like a little girl.
     I could've handled the general abuse, but someone punched me in a
tit, and that HURT.  "OW!  Bitch!" I let out and hit something back.

***
20:13 6 Sep

     "I can't believe you got us thrown out of a restaurant!" I fumed.
     "Me!" Dan protested.
     "All of you!" I screamed.
     "Tuck, chill," Mike sighed, and put a calming hand on my shoulder.
Well, the pain as he squeezed sort of made me quieter as I tried to
twist loose and reengage him on more favorable terms, but he had
apparently been exercising or something because I couldn't get loose
without doing something unfriendly like smashing his knee.
     "Aiii," I mentioned.
     "Let us go elsewhere," Mike suggested.
     "Tuck's place," George said.

***
20:40 6 Sep

     "What, no girls?" Brian sneered.
     "Shut up, runt," I complained.
     "Hey, you have anything to munch on?" Paul asked, looking around.
     "What?  You JUST ate!"
     "Hey Tuck, why'n'cha fix some cookies for your little friends,"
Brian 'suggested'.

***
20:43 6 Sep

     I came back in the rear door panting, and was not especially
pleased to hear George say, "Ya missed him, din'cha?"
     "Shut, up, George," I panted.  I'd come close, but he was better at
getting over fences than he used to be.  I also was beginning to greatly
desire a bra or something when I was running.

***
21:23 6 Sep

     "Hey, wench!  Are the cookies done yet?" someone yelled from the
basement, followed by much raucous laughter.
     "Mom," I suggested, "plug your ears for a minute?"
     She looked at me, then nicely stuck her fingers in her ears.

***
21:24 6 Sep

     Dad looked at Mom, who looked back at Dad with her eyebrows up a
bit, and then he looked at me again.  "Ah, Eugene," he said mildly,
"watch the language when we have company?"
     "IF we had company, I would.  What we have is an infestation," I
grumped.
     Dad snorted, then tried to change the subject by asking, "So, how
long until the cookies-"
     "Ehhht," Mom warned as she muzzled Dad with her hand.
     "The more you ask, the longer it takes," I warned.
     Then she kissed him.
     "Oh, god, get a room, wouldya!"

***
21:40 6 Sep

     "Aaaaaht!" I yelled, and brandished the paint pellet pistol in my
other hand, which stopped the charge towards me.  "I think we need to
discuss the issue of respect for my masculinity in making such things as
cookies.  If you want to eat any."
     Pause.
     Mike surrendered first, dropping to his knees and starting with,
"Oh, dude, you are SUCH a powerful and manly man!" and kowtowing a lot.
     "What?" George complained, as the rest looked at either Mike or me.
     "Tuck," Mike asked in mid-bow, "what multiplier did you use on the
chips this time?"
     "Uh, three-X.  Three times as many chocolate chips as required," I
explained, and waved the bait cookie in the air at them.  And tried not
to drool.
     It finally hit George, and then he dropped to his knees and started
lying his ass off along with Mike, and the rest of the guys soon
followed suit.
     "Good!" I said when I got tired of listening, and they were
starting to repeat themselves.  "Now you have to apologize to Mom," I
grinned, and let her past me.

***
22:08 6 Sep

     "Heh," I grinned at Mike.
     "Shugumph," he warned me through a mouthful of cookie.
     Our basement wasn't nearly as nice as Sabrina's party room, but it
did have the A/V equipment hers lacked.  In particular, there wasn't any
way to watch anime at Sabrina's house.
     On the other hand, I missed the girls wandering around in their
underwear.
     On the gripping hand, fresh steaming cookies - in large numbers as
Mom and Dad and Brian kept baking them - and a couple gallons of milk
were a whole lot better than chilling pizza or store-bought pastries.
And the lies had gotten a lot more sincere-sounding since they got to
taste them.

***
23:39 6 Sep

     Having lured everyone into comas, it was now time to raise Dan
enough to drive the tank around and drop the kids off before they got
into trouble for being late, or moved in.

***
23:48 6 Sep

     "Heh," Mike chuckled.
     "What?"
     "James wanted to know if you were gay, tonight," he chuckled some
more.
     "What?  What did you tell him?"
     "That nobody with your class would want to date someone like him
unless he cleaned up his act and started varying his wardrobe."
     "Oh, THANKS, Mike.  Big help.  Why did he ask if I was gay?"
     "The cookies."
     "The WHAT?"
     "The cookies; apparently he associates baking with male homosexuals
or something," Mike shrugged.  "Weird."
     "I shoulda made him help," I sighed.
     "If we'd known ahead of time, yeah," Mike pointed out.
     "Next time," we both grinned.

***
12:19 7 Sep

     I was astonished, dimly, to find that I had slept an entire twelve
hours for once, which was pretty cool until I wondered why Jill had not
shown up with her perky-assed self to torment me with making me go out
to breakfast.

***
12:28 7 Sep

     "Mike said you needed to sleep in this weekend," Jill said
apologetically, over the sports noise on the other end of the phone.
     "Oh."
     "Um, hey, is like Sunday, uh, stuff, is it still on?" Jill asked.
     "Uh...  Yeah?  I need to go shopping for it though."  And figure
out what I was going to fix.  Luckily, I had recipe files right in front
of me...  Well, I had a computer hooked up to the house servers.

***
12:31 7 Sep

     Looked like Mom or Dad - probably Mom - had bribed Brian to
transcribe in the new cookbook stuff I'd gotten too.  *Keen,* I thought.

***
13:19 7 Sep

     Sometimes I was brilliant, like now - I was asking Mom for food
money BEFORE I went out and spent it.
     Unfortunately, she didn't have it.
     "How about I take you?" she suggested instead.
     I looked at Kim and Jill, who looked back at me, and then we all
sort of shrugged.  "Sure, okay," I said.

***
13:22 7 Sep

     "Ugh, Debbie had a makeup party last night," Jill complained.
     Kim added, "You'd be amazed at how many of the froshes don't-"
     "Froshes?"
     "Freshmen," Mom answered.
     "Jeez, get with!" Jill complained, and swatted at my head casually.
     "Anyway," Kim continued, "we collected them all into one place and
Debbie did a special deal for them, quick consults and sales and stuff."
     "They got me too," Jill muttered, sounding like it was more sewage
than cosmetics.
     "Lighten UP!" Kim shot back.  "It washed off!"

***
13:40 7 Sep

     "Hey," called a semi-familiar voice, and I looked up and found Jack
from Stepwise Pagoda standing there, grinning.  "Can I feel your
tomatoes?"
     I choked and looked desperately around for Mom, because if she was
within hearing range I'd have to kill him before anyone could answer any
questions about anything.  But, luckily, she didn't seem back from
getting pantyhose yet.
     "Bad time?" he asked.
     "Uh, yeah kinda, Mom took us shopping," I said.
     "Us?"
     "Bad time," I reminded him.
     "Well, check your voicemail sometime, huh?" he suggested.  "I've
left several messages."
     "Oh.  Uh, sorry," I said.  I'd forgotten about that mailbox.
     "Talk to you later?" he asked, and I nodded frantically and smiled,
which worked because he smiled back and then walked away.
     "Aw, jeez," I sighed in limp relief.

***
13:46 7 Sep

     "Eggplant?" Mom asked.
     "Yeah, so?"
     "You hate eggplant," she mentioned.
     "I tried it recently, it wasn't too bad," I said.
     "Where?"
     "Uh, on a date, eggplant parmesan."
     Jill snorted, which I did NOT need.
     Mom looked at her, and so I did too; both Jill and Kim were
grinning, but it was Jill that said, "Man, I thought I'd have to stuff
it up your nose to get you to try it!"
     "Man, shut up!" I complained, flushing with relief.
     "It was really sad," Kim added, chuckling.

***
18:04 7 Sep

     "I can't even begin to describe what has gone into these dishes," I
said to the table.  That was because I'd lost track.  "But they are all
vegetarian, there is a small pile of cooked meat for those that feel
some sort of twisted psychological need to sully this, this feast with
dead animal flesh, and, uh, eat!"
     "Don't take debate, Tuck," Brian commented as his hands shot out
like a rocket to snag a serving dish before anyone else could.  "That
really stank."
     I shot back with a grin, "The food won't."

***
19:23 7 Sep

     "We definitely need to marry you," Kim sighed.
     "How many of us can marry him at once?" Jill snickered.
     "Legally, just one, unless you want to impersonate Mormons," Mike
grinned.
     "Would I have to wear a tie?" I asked.
     "Of course!"
     "F that, then," I said, editing for my sake because Mom was on the
porch with us.  "Besides, I'm in love with Jill, remember?" I mentioned,
and Jill laughed and swatted at my head.  Not being completely stuffed
with protein this evening, I managed to dodge.
     "Hey, why don't we just make Tuck drop out of school and like be a
housewife for us all?" George cackled.
     "Oh, man, we'd be so fat in three months," Kim sighed.
     "I can cook healthy!" I protested for some reason.  Regaining some
wits, I added, "Besides, you are NOT getting it free, and you can't
afford me."
     "Oh yeah?  How much?" Sabrina challenged.
     I thought about it -  *Six hours a day, assuming they wanted
breakfast and packed or leftover lunches as well as dinner... fifteen an
hour comes out to ninety a day, say a hundred even, five days a week,
that's-*  "Twenty-five thousand dollars a year?"  That was pathetic.  I
could make that now if I dropped out of school.
     "Kiss my BUTT!" George invited.
     "Oh well," I smiled.  "Too bad."
     "Hey, maybe we could make the Field Day sort of a competition, see
who wins the prize," Jill suggested, and pointed at me.
     "Hey!  You are NOT going to treat me as some sort of trophy,
objectify me-  Use me as nothing but a token as winner of some stupid
contest!  I don't THINK so, you chauvinist pig!  This is the Nineties,
okay?  Things have changed!"
     Jill's face had gotten its exercise for the day as she cycled
through most of her emotions, but Kim had gotten it almost right off and
managed to hold in her laughter until I finished.
     We all stopped when Mom gasped loudly, "WHAAAT?!"
     Sabrina laughed so hard she fell off the porch steps.

***
19:25 7 Sep

     "Gosh, Miz Tucker, there's no way we'd brainwash your son!" Jill
popped off.
     "No I am not brain washed," I recited in a monotone, my face blank.
     "I can fix this," Mike said, and then I bailed off the porch before
he could do whatever painful thing he had in mind to 'reset' me.  "See?"
     "Nnnahhh, get away," I warned as I backed away from him as he got
up himself and slowly walked towards me.

***
20:39 7 Sep

     I sighed.  I really could use another day off, but I had school to
go to and babies to sit.  And a shower to take, because I itched a bit
from the grass I'd been thrown into.

***
21:02 7 Sep

     Freshly showered et cetera, I sat down to investigate my email.  A
few moments showed me the most important one was Dad's, and that was him
telling me that we'd have to get up about nine on Thurs-
     "We?  What is this we business?"

***
21:03 7 Sep

     <mastyr>what is this 'we' business?
     <btuck>nice handle l4m3r
     <mastyr>what is this 'we' business?
     <btuck>nice handle l4m3r
     <mastyr>what is this 'we' business?
     <btuck>nice handle l4m3r
     <btuck>nice handle l4m3r
     <mastyr>dad stop it an answer the question
     <btuck>In case something happens, I'll be there with you

     "Man!"  This was definitely going to interfere with my lunching
potential.

     <mastyr>come on dad you know ill go
     <btuck>That's not the problem, kid.  We think you need someone to
            go with you this time.  This isn't the dentist or a chest
            cold.

     "Awww, shit," I sighed, disgusted.  And a bit frightened.  I did
remember the last time, all too well.

     <btuck>And I was thinking about taking the whole day off - in fact,
            I already called school and said it would take the whole
            day.

     "Oh."  That put a slightly different spin on things.  But now I had
to call Kim and get her to put in a sub-sitter, since there was no way I
could be sure of getting rid of Dad in time to pick Stella up.

***
21:39 7 Sep

     With email done, I could turn to more pleasant pursuits.  And, I
had.
     "Hello?"
     "Travis?"
     "Hey," he said gently, and I got all warm.

***
03:31 8 Sep

     "Mah, mah, motherfucker," I panted, staring around my room.

***
06:54 8 Sep

     "Good morning," I lied.
     "Bugger yourself," Kim suggested.
     "You've been hanging around Mike and me too long if you're saying
words like 'bugger'," I mentioned.
     "Think she has the tests graded yet?" Jill asked, looking towards
the building.
     "Bugger you too," Kim advised.
     "Have some more coffee, dear," Jill smiled back.
     "Peh."
     "How was your date Friday?" Jill asked me.
     "Oh, man," I sighed, but decided to skip the hosiery part for the
moment.  "Oh, wait," I said as I remembered something.  "Kim, I need
Thursday off from sitting; doctor's appointment, my dad's taking me, and
we, I mean, I don't know how long it'll take and whether or not I could
get away from him and stuff...  I just found out last night, after you
left."
     "Oh, fuck," Kim snarled, and swigged at her coffee.  "Okay."
     "Whatsup?" Jill asked.
     "That endo thing..."

***
07:04 8 Sep

     "Oooh," I said as I went back to my seat with my test.  A 91 was a
bit lower than I'd anticipated, but it wasn't like this was rocket
science anyway.
     I'd probably have done better on the rocket science.

***
08:01 8 Sep

     Mrs. Singley was passing out the sign-up sheets for Field Day, and
I was a little curious to see which if any of our combined suggestions
Dobson had taken.  I already knew we were going to have to 'pair up'
with our Little Fish in teams of a dozen, but that wasn't too bad.
     "Hey, you did some of these, didn't you?" Jill asked.
     "Yep!" "Uh huh," Kim and I answered at the same time.

***
08:03 8 Sep

     He'd taken some...  "Oh my fu-"  I managed to cut myself off before
detention-ating words were said.
     "What?" Jill asked, puzzled and interested at the same time.
     "He went for the Quake tournament!" I gasped in shock.  "Oh my
god!"
     "What?"
     "What's Quake?" Kim groaned at me.

***
09:52 8 Sep

     "Man," I sighed.  My nails were starting to look better, which I
didn't really care about.  "What wildness..."
     "See what crazed love obsessions do to you?" Jill said smugly.
     It took me a second to get it, but then I nodded.

***
11:31 8 Sep

     "Leech day," Mike said as we got up.
     "Huh?" Sabrina asked.

***
11:33 8 Sep

     "And I have some appointment Thursday morning, too," I sighed, and
rubbed my arm while it still had blood in it.
     "You gonna be back after lunch?"
     I shrugged.  "I dunno, I don't even know what they're doing to me."
     "Cheer up, maybe they're going to stick you under some giant gamma
ray emitter and-"
     "And then I'll bulk up and turn green?  Great, but none of my
clothes would fit any more."
     "That's the spirit," Mike said, slapping me on the shoulder.
     "You guys are weird," Sabrina mentioned, in case we'd forgotten.
     "Hey, you coming to Tuck's party this weekend?" Mike asked her and
Amanda.
     Sabrina asked, "Which day is it?"
     "Brian and I agreed; him Friday, me Saturday," I answered.  "DON'T
get the day wrong, or you'll end up in a bunch of drooling eighth
graders."  We laughed.

***
11:37 8 Sep

     "Oh, man," George grinned.  "We are so gonna kick ass in this
thing!"  Dan hooted in accord.
     "Yeah, I hope..."  I was having second thoughts, sort of.  I had
not been keeping up on my eye-mouse coordination, and the school
computers didn't have the resolution or the frame rate (or the memory or
the disk space or the CPU speed or...) to really optimize the game.
     On the other hand, anything was better than volleyball or sack
races.  Well, except the stuff that was worse, like basketball.  And
'touch' football, which had usually translated into 'Stomp the geek
until someone intervenes or he stops moving'.
     "Too bad he took out the IPSC match," Mike grinned.
     "And the paintball," Kelly groused.
     "Delay of game?" Jill said hesitantly.

***
17:09 8 Sep

     We'd gotten Jill's assent to be on our team - partially by
threatening to make her wear skirts to Field Day if she didn't join us,
and there were enough of us to do it - and by agreeing to do some of
what she wanted, which was awfully athletic.  On the other hand, Jill
was awfully athletic, and she swore her Little Sister wasn't too bad
either.  I hoped Jill was right - Anne Marie was awfully short, and that
translated into a low 'lever bonus' for her arms and legs.
     The argument had been long, and hard, but we thought we finally had
a set of events for our team.  Apparently, we had more athletes than I
thought, because Jill and Matt both thought we had a chance at winning
the mile run; they also wanted the 100m sprint.  Apparently, Jill had
slipped Matt some voting instructions and a bill or two, because he was
quite insistent.  Kelly had some experience with Quake, so we could fill
out a six-thing team, and with more than a week to practice together,
we'd win.  Hearts was so trivial we could teach dogs to play, and I knew
that I could stomp some ass.  Likewise, Dan and archery, and George and
Dan and maybe me in Magic: The Addiction, if I could borrow some decks
from them.  And so on.
     It had only taken two hours, too.

***
17:37 8 Sep

     "So how was the play?" Miz Parker asked as I finished cleaning
Stella up.
     "Oh, man, it was SO funny!" I chuckled in memory.  Then I
remembered.  "Oh, hey, I have a doctor's appointment Thursday, so Kim's
arranging for a backup sitter."
     "Aw man!" Ricky complained.
     "BELIEVE me, I'd rather be here," I assured him.
     "I could come with you?" he offered.
     "No," Miz Parker and I said at the same time.  "Besides," I added,
"if I did take you, I'd have to take Stella too and then you'd have to
watch her while I was there."
     "Ugh, no way!"
     "What is it for?" Miz Parker asked.
     I sighed deeply, and apparently that was enough answer for her
because she patted me on the arm and said, "It's really something you
ought to do, though.  Especially if you're dating."
     I made my face look neutral as I nodded and wondered, *What the
hell is she talking about?*
     "To make sure she doesn't have kissing disease?" Ricky taunted.
     I made a kissy face at him and chased him around the yard for a
while.  He screamed a lot.

***
20:09 8 Sep

     "Dad?"  Dad and Sabrina looked up.  "I've got some waivers for you
to sign."
     "At least you didn't try to forge my signature this time," he
grumbled as he took the sheaf.
     "I did, but you changed it too much recently," I lied.
     Sabrina asked me, "What is it?"
     "Field Day."
     "Field Day?" Dad asked, peering up at me.  "Are you insane?"
     "Certifiable, Dad.  But they changed it this year," I explained.
"See?"  He started sifting through the sheaf.
     "Hey, can you sign mine too?" Sabrina asked Dad.
     "QUAKE?!" Dad protested in shock.  "You did not."
     "It's true!  Look at Sabrina's!" I challenged.
     "How..."
     I lied, "I explained principles of kernel design to the principal
until he passed out bleeding from his ears, then wrote in some stuff at
the bottom of the memo he was composing, and sent it."
     "That I'd almost believe," Dad said musingly.
     "Kernel design?" Sabrina asked.
     "Geekgeekgeekgeek-" I said at Sabrina, but she had almost instantly
plugged her ears, I guess so she wouldn't get blood on her blouse.

***
21:07 8 Sep

     I was supposed to do something with voicemail, I remembered...
Then I remembered Jack, and sat down and hooked up.

***
21:13 8 Sep

     "Wow, he did leave a few messages," I said to myself.  "Wonder if
he's home..."

***
21:14 8 Sep

     As it turned out, he wasn't, so I left a couple of messages to
myself in various places to try calling him back Wednesday, which is the
message I left on his machine.  Tuesday was of course one of the days I
got back late, on account of a standing date with Travis, ho ho.

***
03:21 9 Sep

     "Shit," I sighed, and went to go shower, so I could come back and
change the sheets, which smelled far too much like damp socks at this
point.

***
06:55 9 Sep

     "You still play the harmonica?" I asked Jill as we got ready to go
inside for class.  I guess playing my synth this morning reminded me of
it.
     "Yeah, kinda," she admitted after a pause and a visual check.
"Why?"
     "Just wondered."

***
07:51 9 Sep

     "Hey, Tuck," Kim said as we were packing up to leave.  "You wanna
come to a sleepover after your party Saturday night?"
     "After the party?" I repeated, and she and Jill nodded.  "Uh, I
think I'm gonna be way too tired," I admitted.  "I gotta clean up after,
then do some chores Sunday, and then cook Sunday evening for when my
parents get back..."
     "Awww," they both said in a pleading tone.
     "No really, I HAVE to," I protested.  "I think I could do
breakfast, though, if it's not too early."
     "Great!" Kim said, and Jill nodded.

***
08:14 9 Sep

     Well, stuck in study hall with nothing to-
     *No, wait,* I remembered, *I had that MBR thing to do.*  Time to
haul out the Green Disks and the single Blue Disk of updated drivers for
the laptop and start perusing.

***
11:49 9 Sep

     "No, this can't be happening," I moaned as we started into another
combat.
     "Heheheheh," Dan chortled, since he was still playing adversary.
     "Would you shut up and start playing a real character!" I bitched,
since when Mike had to do all the adversarial stuff himself he wasn't
quite as clever about it.
     "We shall not whine before it's time," Mike intoned.
     "Crap, I'm down to nine magazines!" George suddenly realized.
     What was really sad, was that we might need them all today.

***
15:19 9 Sep

     Thank Ghu for the extra dialup, because that meant I could dump out
some email, including the one to Mike about the rest of my appointments
this month so he'd know in advance, collect some more, and start
leeching tech info off the Internet that I hadn't been able to find on
my disks.

***
17:29 9 Sep

     "I dunno," I told Travis on my phone.  "What do you want to do?"
It was, I had just found, barely possible to feed Stella at the same
time as talking on the phone.
     "We could see a movie," he suggested.
     "Have one in mind?"
     "Uh, well, 'G.I. Jane' is supposed to be good..."
     "What?  What's it about?"

***
21:37 9 Sep

     "That was actually pretty funny," I said as we made our way out.
     "I thought it was good," Travis protested.
     "Well, yeah," I agreed.

***
22:07 9 Sep

     "So, what are you doing Thursday?" he asked, which made me sad.
     "Doctor's appointment, I'm probably going to be tied up literally
all day long," I sighed.  "Maybe Friday?"  I needed to be away from the
house Friday anyway.
     "Yeah, that'd be cool," he agreed, then hugged me some more, which
I needed right then.

***
06:57 10 Sep

     "G.I. Jane was pretty funny," I mentioned.
     "Is that where you went last night?" Jill asked.
     "Who said I went anywhere?"
     "Mike did," Kim replied.
     "How did you two fit in a movie and all the," and Jill made a rude
hand gesture.
     "We didn't," I moaned.  "And I can't go Thursday, which means I
don't get any until Fri-"
     "Shut up!" they both suggested.

***
11:31 10 Sep

     "So how come you never come over and talk with us any more?"
Sabrina asked as we started packing up.
     "Debbie?" I reminded her.
     "I thought you were over her."
     "I LIKE my life, I don't want to lose it-"
     "Oh PLEASE," she scoffed.

***
21:15 10 Sep

     "Hey?"
     "Hey Jack, it's me," reflexive door check says shut, "Valerie?"
     "Oh hey, finally," he said.
     "Yeah, well..." I sighed.  "Life has been busy lately."
     "What's been up?"
     "What's been up with you?" I countered.

***
22:08 10 Sep

     "Oh man," I said when I got done yawning, and then looked at the
clock.  "Sheesh it's past ten!  I got school tomorrow!"  I'd had a lot
more life to recount than I'd anticipated.
     "Oh man," he chuckled, as I remembered that in fact I did not have
school tomorrow, I had a doctor's appointment I'd rather ditch.  Maybe I
could sneak out of the house and claim I forgot-  "Anyway, talk to you
later, okay?"
     "Oh, yeah," I said.
     "Later," he replied, and hung up.

***
22:20 10 Sep

     And, the one good thing was, since the stupid appointment wasn't
until eleven, I could sleep in until about nine thirty or so, which is
what I was editing the MacinClock's data files to remember.

***
00:23 11 Sep

     Apparently I was still worried enough about the appointment that
even being out of school didn't stifle the nightmares.
     "Sheila ought to like this one," I panted, and went to go write it
down while it was still fresh.

***
03:38 11 Sep

     I yawned, and wished I had time to take a few hours more nap before
I had to go to sch-
     "Hey, I do!"

***
06:43 11 Sep

     Not that I got away from the nightmares, oh no.  I wished dearly I
could get at some Valium that no one would notice missing.

***
07:39 11 Sep

     "You cooked breakfast?" Mom said disbelievingly, looking at the
stove and me.
     "Yeah...  I got kind of hungry, and then realized that everyone
would want something to eat if _I_ cooked, so..."  I had traded Brian
the trash tonight for a couple of hot BLOTCE sandwiches, so that had
gone well, but I knew I couldn't make the same sort of deal with Mom.
     "I thought you'd sleep in this morning," she mentioned as she came
over.
     "Got tired of the nightmares," I said.  "They were bad last night."
     "Oh, Eugene," Mom sighed gently, and gave me a hug.

[Ed: BLOTCE = bacon lettuce onion tomato cheese & egg]

***
08:11 11 Sep

     "Hey," I said to Dad, who didn't look like he quite believed what
was happening.
     "I told you," Mom smirked.

***
08:15 11 Sep

     "Hey Dad?  I had a question..."
     "What?" he asked, looking up warily.
     "I was thinking...  Can you get the BIOS code for my laptop and
burn a new chip?"
     "Why?"
     "I had this idea..."

***
10:48 11 Sep

     Everything had been going great until Dad stopped the car and I
realized what was going to happen next.  Then it all fell on me.

***
10:54 11 Sep

     "Come on, Tucker," Dad said gently, and I blew my nose one last
time and got out of the car.

***
11:02 11 Sep

     "Oh, my god," I sighed as I saw the incredible amount of paperwork
I'd have to fill out.
     "Makes you wish for the days of Doctor Mbogo, doesn't it?" Dad
sighed.  "What the hell IS all this?"
     "Why couldn't we have gone to the first one again?" I whined,
because my hand was going to cramp solid scribbling all this.
     "She said this one is better specialized, to handle your problems,"
Dad said, and I almost cried again.

***
11:04 11 Sep

     I didn't even bother trying to explain what a social security
number actually was nor why it was a bad idea to use it as a universal
indexing code; the sort of people that sat at the front desk in offices
were incredibly resistant to outside influence, sense, and sanity.  I
just put down the fake one I'd always used for medical records.

***
11:06 11 Sep

     As I started gathering them all together again, Dad said quietly,
"Social..."
     "Got it."

***
11:17 11 Sep

     "Eugene Tucker?"
     "That's me," I sighed, and Dad and I got up.
     We followed the scrubs-clad woman deeper into the office, stopping
to weigh me at a scale - 55 kilos, I noted; *Must be the stress,* I
thought - and measure my height, and then leading us into a cold white
room with a lot of medical stuff scattered around.  I was having
thoughts of seeing how much I could sneak out in my pack as the woman
took my blood pressure and asked some more questions, but eventually she
got done and left.
     "Is this what having a death sentence is like?" I asked after a
couple of silent minutes.  "The waiting?"
     "Eugene," Dad glared.  "In order to fix the problem-"
     "You have to first know a problem exists and second you have to
determine what the problem is, I know already," I sighed.
     "So keep telling yourself that so I don't have to."
     "You're just lazy is all."
     Dad's eyebrows quirked.  "Since when have you seen a NON-lazy
nerd?"  We both chuckled.  "Write a shell script."
     "Dad, I don't have Korn OR bash available, not in this OS," I
reminded him as I tapped the side of my head.
     "Hmm.  What about..."

***
11:24 11 Sep

     I was frantically taking notes as Dad and I discussed esoteric
hardware bits, when the door opened and the endo-whatsis came in.
Followed by another labcoat.  "Hello," the first one said pleasantly.
"Eugene?"
     Dad said something; I tried to think of a way to escape.  Nothing
came to me.

***
12:48 11 Sep

     'Going through the wringer' refers to an ancient method of getting
most of the water out of just-washed clothes; they have two rollers
connected by a pair of gears, and a crank on one, and you feed the
clothes in and crank the rollers which compress the hell out of the
clothes and squeeze the water out far easier than you can do it yourself
by twisting them or whatever.
     The clothes end up limp and soggy, and if they had nerve endings
they'd probably be in a great deal of pain.
     Dad had to help me down the hall and back out to the car.

***
13:09 11 Sep

     "Do WHAT?" I demanded as I suddenly realized where we were and more
importantly who was going to be in the vicin-
     She was actually standing out by her truck and waving at us.
     "She wanted to see us on her lunch break," Dad said as he pulled
up close to her.

***
13:10 11 Sep

     "And?" Doc Treble asked.
     "I want a refund; this isn't the life I ordered," I said.
     "Hardware problem they THINK," Dad sighed, and handed her the sheaf
of intel he'd gotten from the assorted labcoats and their minions.

***
13:14 11 Sep

     We stood there as she read, Dad's arms over my shoulders and hands
clasped over my sternum, I guess in case I had a heart attack.  It was
comforting, though.  Sort of.
     "Hooooo," Doc Treble sighed as she kept reading.
     "Oh, fuck," I mistakenly said.
     "Eug-"
     "Dad-"
     Doc Treble interrupted, "You two calm down, right now.  Bill, this
IS a 'fuck' of a problem.  Eugene, be nice and don't annoy your father."
     I wanted to say, 'How do you know he's my father?' but that
wouldn't work; I was completely sure.  Mom I couldn't be certain about,
but everyone could tell Dad and I were closely related.

***
13:17 11 Sep

     "I should have been checking, I apologize," Dana told both of us,
shaking her head.  "Damnit!  Well, the boys that come in are going to
start getting a thrill," she said to herself.
     "Don't worry about it," I sighed.  "It's not like you could have
done anything except fuck me up earlier."  I realized what I said a
little later than Dad should have objected, but he didn't.
     "That might have worked out better," she sighed to herself, and
started pulling at her hair with one hand as she looked off someplace.
     "I don't think it would have," I mentioned.
     "Why not?" Dad asked before Dana could.
     "'Cause, this year I've got about three times as many friends as I
did, and they've been, uh, really supportive and stuff.  Nobody's making
fun of me, anyw-  Well, none of my friends have been.  You know," I said
to Dad.  "Anyway, it's a lot easier to deal with.  Everyone's been
saying they'll help, if they can, and if I need to talk and stuff.  I
didn't have that before, and, you know, family's one thing, but a peer
group is another.  I didn't have one before last year."
     "That's very good," Dana nodded.  "What about your girlfriend?"
     "My-  Oh, I don't really have one any more, me and Debbie broke up,
remember?  I've just been dating around since then-  Well, sort of," I
continued to semi-lie, "I mean, I just go out with one or a few of them,
and do stuff and talk and whatever.  How did you live, I mean, how did
you grow up before they had conference calling?" I asked Dana.
     She snorted.  "We managed somehow, back in the Dark Ages.  I think
we just spent more time talking after school face-to-face."
     "I guess..." I replied as Dad finally got it and chuckled.
     "They're coming over to the house nowadays," Dad mentioned.  "And
Brian is about beside himself trying to figure out how to get that to
happen with the girls HE likes."
     "It's that innocent vulnerability thing," I said.
     "What?  YOU?" Dad said incredulously.  "INNOCENT?"
     "The innocent vulnerable LOOK," I corrected, and we all chuckled.
     Pause.
     "You didn't ever notice your testicles hadn't descended?" Dana
confirmed.
     "Of course I noticed," sort of.  I'd half-wondered if they were the
invention of pornographers too.  "... but everything I read was like,
'They'll descend sometime' but they never said WHEN.  Or when I should
start worrying.  When I thought about it, which was rare, I figured that
if I really needed to I'd have someone look into it when I cared," I
shrugged.  "I never thought I'd need to be fertile in high school."
     "And since we already had an assurance from that doctor up in New
York that it was 'normal' and 'okay'," Dad sighed, "we didn't bother
checking up on it."
     I shrugged again.
     Dana blew out a sigh.  "And the rest of the new tests come back
Wednesday after next?" she confirmed.
     "If the lab doesn't screw it up," Dad said.
     "How about we meet, oh, Eugene, when's your therapy appointment?"
     "Ten A.M. on Sat-  Oh, no," I groaned.
     "It'd be the best way, I think," she stated, and worse, Dad nodded.
     "Everyone?" I found myself whining.
     "I think Brian can stay home," Dad said.  "At least for a while."
     "Can I hire a babysitter for him?"
     "Which one, Kathy?" Dad chuckled.
     I'd been thinking Jill, with a few sharp bits, but Kathy would be
even better, so I nodded.
     "Kathy?" Dana asked.  Dad put his hand above his head, and Dana
said, "Oh, THAT one."

***


A healthy body is a great chamber for the soul: a sick body is a prison.
                -- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)

Distribution:
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the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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