-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Tuck Eggs -* - Copyright 2002 by Ellen Hayes. Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes. This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country. All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights. Tuck Eggs *** 07:26 24 Aug "So, we just keep working on it," Mike told Kim when she'd stopped laughing openly and subsided into giggles. "If you still want to." "You don't hate me?" Kim asked. "No!" Mike protested. "Don't be stupid, no. I hate that fucker, for injuring you like this, I don't hate YOU for your injuries." *** 07:35 24 Aug I followed Kim into the bathroom to get her a towel and stuff, and then realized Mom had been standing in the hallway when I went past. So I backed up, shutting the door, and she was still there. "Uh, hi Mom," I said. "Remember Kim?" "I don't remember her asking to stay over last night," Mom said neutrally as she started to warm up. She was obviously just waking up or I'd already be grounded. "She came over at six something this morning, she was having a freakout over Mike, from last night," I said rapidly. "What?" Mom frowned. I sighed, and repeated it slower, and I think she would have been warmed up sufficiently to stop listening except Mike opened my door, looked at us, and said, "Is Kim in the bathroom? I need to go," he mentioned as he got past us and headed downstairs. The shower started up as Mom was still watching Mike and trying to think of something to yell. "And Kim needs a towel," I said, and ducked into the bathroom long enough to pull two towels out and put them on the counter before I left, locking the bathroom door before I shut it to keep Brian out. Just in case. *** 07:36 24 Aug "Check the house security logs if you don't believe me," I told Mom, knowing that she would probably have to wake Dad up to do so, and also betting that if I was willing to say that, then she'd think that I was either telling the truth or had been sufficiently clever that there was no evidence remaining against my story. Probably the second, but that was better than nothing. I guess she was feeling either really confident or extremely angry, though, because she turned and stomped towards Dad's office to do exactly what I'd suggested. *** 07:38 24 Aug "See," Mike said, pointing at the screen, "and that's when I came in, around seven-fifteen." "Seven twenty," Mom argued, just to argue. "My mistake," Mike said apologetically, and Mom glared at him before she turned and glared at me. "Hey, it wasn't-" I heard the water shut off, though, so I changed my mind and said, "Mom, PLEASE don't say anything mean to Kim, Mom, please, she had a bad night already-" "Eugene," Mom started, and I sighed. *** 07:44 24 Aug "You think I have time to go home and change before breakfast?" Kim asked as she toweled her hair with the other towel. "If you go quick," I suggested. "You're gonna pick Jill up, right?" She nodded. "Okay, we'll meet you there, okay?" *** 07:50 24 Aug "Yeah? You know the OTHER reason why she came to me with it instead of you, Mike? Because you're a guy." "But you-" The lightbulb that came on, then, was almost blinding. "Yeah," I sighed, mildly sick again. Or still. Mike shrugged after a while, and said, "Man, I just dunno. Maybe you're doing too much of, you know-" I checked to make sure my door was shut and said quietly, "The girl thing?" He nodded. "But what else can I do?" "Stop?" "I like my job, I like," I glanced at the door again, "I like Travis, and both of those sort of require it. The rest..." I shrugged. "I mean, yeah, we could do something else this morning for instance, but I sort of like the place, the girls do too, and they already know me the one way, at that place, and I don't want to go there another. People might ask questions." "Tuck?" "Yeah," I sighed, "I know I need to think about it more. It's just, I mean... I don't even know for sure what I want. I mean, I feel bad that Kim freaked out like that, but I think I helped you two through it, you know? You know how helping people is." He nodded. We both had the urge, sometimes. "She wouldn't have come to me if I WASN'T like this... I just don't know if I like the implications, and I KNOW," I said before he could, "that I get the whole package, I don't get just the parts I want..." Eventually, I said, "I still don't know what I want, I guess." "Think about it," Mike told me, which I already knew. *** 08:15 24 Aug "You don't, like, dress like that at school, do you?" Mike asked as I was switching modes in the back seat of my car. It was rather a tight fit, but I could just manage. "Do- you mean, wear one under the other?" He nodded. "Gods almighty no!" "Good!" he said, sounding relieved. "Don't. Your ass looked immensely conspicuous this morning, with that dress stuffed under the pants. I think you need to get some new clothes, dude, if you're gonna keep doing this in-the-car thing." "And I think I might need a bigger pack," I said. "And a box." "What," he asked, "does a box have to do with you changing like that?" "Well, for one, it'd be easier for non-school situations if I had a bigger pack, especially with more compartments, and the other thing is, I am not entirely sure if Lenich is ever going to stop hanging out at my locker at lunch, and I'm tired of trying to make it to my locker and get out of there in the middle of everyone else going to classes and stuff at two. So..." I shrugged. "I know what the freakin' pack is for, ya eedgit. Why do you need a box? You want something to lock the pack in, or something?" "No, the box is for a travel case for the boobs," I sighed. "I don't even want to think about replacing them on short notice if they get damaged. Stop laughing, this isn't funny!" "Yes it is!" Mike insisted, and I guess it was. *** 09:10 24 Aug "You think they're going to show up?" Mike asked. "They'll show," I said, fairly confident. Then I remembered a few things all at once, as Mike sipped at his orange juice. "Uh, Mike? You know Labor Day is next weekend, right?" "Why?" he asked suspiciously. "Um, I had a really huge favor to ask..." *** 09:22 24 Aug "See?" I said as I waved. "Rrrrr," Mike grumbled. "Shut up, Mike," I grinned. "Did you have to get a table in the courtyard?" was the first thing Jill said as she came up. Kim was hanging back, though, so I got up and tugged a hand towards the table. "Come on," I said gently, and she finally gave in and came and sat down next to me. Mike gave her a little wave, and she smiled and gave him a little wave back. "Run out of clean jeans?" Jill asked me. "Can't a girl just wear something pretty once in a while?" I complained back. Besides, it WAS a nice sundress. And I had run out of clean jeans and shorts. "You ran out," all three of them said at the same time. *** 09:30 24 Aug "And I gotta do all this laundry I can't do at home," I sighed. "Rachel's place have a laundry room?" Jill asked. "Yeah, but..." "Yeah," Kim agreed, "it's a lotta-" Which reminded her of something because she stopped talking and started digging in her purse to find something, which turned out to be my pay envelope. "Ooohboy," I said, and pulled it open and thumbed through it to find a lot less than I was expecting. "Uh..." I pulled out the 'pay stub' and it said- "What's this?" I pointed at an unexpected and expensive deduction as I showed it to Kim. "Well, you got 'em last time we were there, so..." Kim shrugged. "But _I_ didn't want to get them, John made me!" I protested. "So why do _I_ have to pay for them?" "'Cause John charged Debbie for them, Val I swear he did," Kim said earnestly, "'cause I checked into it and I called him yesterday and talked to him and he said someone had to, and he thought that since you were still doing the deal where you were paying her back he thought that you'd-" "WHAT?!" "Would someone mind telling me what's going on?" Mike asked. *** 09:32 24 Aug "I thought you looked a little smaller," Mike said musingly. "Shut up Mike," I demanded. "Look, if-" "Tuck," Mike said, "wait. You DO have the goods, and you did get the trade-in discount. So either you take the new ones back to where you got them and trade them back in, so Debbie gets HER money back, or you're sort of obligated to pay Debbie, since she's already paid up." "Whose side are you on?" I accused Mike. He made a show of looking around for a moment, then said, "I'm on Jill's side of the table, and you're on Kim's side..." I tried kicking him for a while but he kicked back harder. *** 09:34 24 Aug "I guess," I sighed. Fifty bucks in cash in the envelope was fifty bucks in cash, but I still felt like I'd had something stolen from me. And I hadn't wanted the stupid smaller fake tits anyway. *** 09:48 24 Aug "Man, those fish are something else," Mike sighed, "especially mine. James Tiberius Cooper," he mused. "No!" I protested. "I swear, on his Star Fleet Academy ring," Mike sighed again. Kim and Jill both got puzzled looks as I started laughing. "That sounds familiar..." Jill finally said. "Captain James Tiberius Kirk?" Mike said. "Is that his real name?" Kim asked. "No, his real name is William Shatn- heh," Mike chuckled as he deflected Jill's elbow before it could slam into him. "I knew you cared, or you wouldn't keep trying to beat me," he grinned at Jill. "Hey asshole, she's in love with ME!" I said. "Not YOU!" "What?" "No, duh, YOU'RE in love with ME," Jill corrected with a grin. "Get it right!" "What?" Mike repeated. Kim shook her head and said, "It's something they've been talking about in cosmetology class, about why they took it..." Mike shook his head. "I guess you're not serious. Did you want to hear about this character of mine?" "I thought we were talking about a player?" I suggested. "Shut the hell up, Vaaaaalerie," Mike drawled, "do you want to hear this or not?" "Yeah," Jill said with a grin. "_I_ want to, anyway." Mike explained, "He's the weirdest thing, a second generation Star Trek fan. And I DO mean 'fan' as in 'fanatic'. I thought that fans of that level of obsession didn't breed, and even if they did their kids would hate it. He's got an older sister that broke out of it, ran off to college, but-" "What did they name the sister?" I asked, suspicious. "Nichelle Christine," Mike grinned, which made me laugh some more. *** 09:54 24 Aug "She's got..." Kim shook her head. "I think she's got some kind of learning disability, I mean, she is like REALLY studying a lot, like maybe five or six hours every night, and she's not taking honors classes, either. So..." Kim shrugged. "She'd fit in as a cheerleader, then," Mike said. Kim tried to kick Mike but kicked the table pylon instead, which was almost disastrous. "Mike!" she complained when we'd all settled the glasses and stuff back into place. "Don't be a shit, okay? It's not her fault she has a problem!" "Okay, it was just a very stupid joke," Mike sighed. "Sorry." "Besides, Gina's really a nice kid, so she wouldn't fit in with that bunch of disease-ridden backstabbing whores anyway," Kim sighed. "I said maybe she should try out for dance team, she said she'd try it." "Is she going to have time, if she's gotta study that hard?" Mike asked. Kim shrugged again. "She can always drop dance, and I told her to, if it got to be too much for her. I had to do that with orchestra last year, because it was just too much for me, with the social rounds and everything. She might not get in anyway." "We need to drop out of school, so we can concentrate on the important things," I sighed, and got no argument whatsoever. *** 10:04 24 Aug Mike said, "And have you noticed Bob keeps trying to act like a bad-ass?" "Which one is Bob?" Kim asked. "George's, the one that REALLY looks like he's just come off the farm," Mike said. "He's being an asshole," Jill complained. "Yeah, we're gonna have to talk to him or get rid of him," Mike said. "Amanda already complained of the same thing. And when I told him to stop, he just laughed the first time." I shook my head. "He was trying to chat me up," Jill continued, "and he just would not take no for an answer. I finally laughed at him and said if I wanted to date children I'd still be babysitting and walked off, but... Man! What a shit!" "Hey what's up?" asked Kelly happily as she swung in with a fifth chair. *** 10:05 24 Aug I think the simple suddenness of it, combined with the innocent lack of hostility, froze all of us a little too long, because before anyone did anything at all - I know I myself was simply staring in shock, not even thinking anything - Kelly looked at me and said triumphantly, "You ARE a girl! I KNEW it!" Mike, being highly trained in quick and accurate reactions in emergencies, said, "What?" Me, having been trained to an even higher pitch of razor-edged competence, sat there and wished desperately that I'd done some laundry instead of going out with Travis last night. Or stayed over at his place and missed breakfast entirely... Or anything. Really hard. "Oh, I know you had that ID and everything, but I mean you are just WAY too pretty to be a, a guy," Kelly almost whispered to the table. "So I guess you did that so you could get away with dating girls at school, right? That's why you're not in gym, because the guys would find out eventually. How did you do that?" she asked eagerly. Pause. "What?" Kelly asked as she looked around the table. Pause. "This is just not my fucking day," Kim finally announced. "Why? What happened?" Kelly asked, ignoring me as I gaped at Kim. "WHAT-" was all I heard from an angry male adult voice above us, before I yelped in surprise and ducked out of my chair. Seconds later, there was a great deal of secondary commotion and fuss, as I lay there on the floor wearing an awful lot of eggs, some pancakes, a few assorted pastries, the plates they'd been on, the platter that had been holding them all, and Dan the waiter. *** 10:11 24 Aug We had agreed with the manager on duty that we wouldn't be charged for the breakfasts I'd ended up wearing, if I wouldn't sue for the cut on my head that had caused me to pass out, or the dress that was going to need a little more attention and care than dishtowels and the garden hose that Mike and I were using. Mike had popped up and grabbed me and pulled me up off the floor before anyone mentioned the blood or I noticed it, so that when I did notice it, and then pass out, he could just sling me over a shoulder and take me Away. Which, very shortly thereafter, I did, I did, and he did, respectively. Waiter-Dan, being cleverer than I thought he was, though apparently not as agile as I'd have liked, had immediately directed Mike (and me) to a hose outside, where cleanup and apologies had started even before the manager got there. "I'm not having a good day," I remarked. "This hasn't been the best one I can think of lately," Mike agreed. "You still have eggs in your hair," he added, and then if he said anything after that it was lost as he hosed my head. *** 10:17 24 Aug "Let's go out to the park," Mike suggested, "and then we can talk without so many ears around, and, uh, we can sun-dry." "That sounds good," I sighed, then wondered if I'd actually have to go back in the place to get my pack. Maybe I could just run off, now, and stop worrying about my future and things. *** 10:19 24 Aug "Me, Kelly, and Mike in mine, and you two in Kim's," I said as I gratefully grabbed my pack from Jill's hand and slung it. "Kelly gets shotgun," I said, half to her and half to Mike. Mike nodded, and when Kelly wasn't looking he made a snapping-of-strap motion with his hand, like he was readying a garrote. I nodded back. *** 10:21 24 Aug As I started the car, slithered carefully through the crowded parking lot, and got out on the street, I was thinking frantically, but couldn't come up with a good way out of it, so I said, "Kelly? Listen up here a minute." "What?" she said, all innocently. I said, quietly but firmly, "First off... if you mention anything about the way I'm dressed today, to anyone that isn't here right now, us four, I could end up dead; and if I end up dead and you're the cause then you will be hunted down and killed in vengeance. Second," I continued without waiting for a discussion on the first, "that means that for any purpose dealing with school, or anyone but us four, I'm a guy under any and all circumstances. Got it?" If lies won't work, try credible threats. "Uh," Kelly said, but I could see her brain whirring as she unpacked everything and expanded it and- "What do I tell my dad?" "What have you told your dad already?" me and Mike asked at the same time. "Uh, uh, uh, I told him that first Friday that I had this really cool girl for a big sister an-" "You never corrected that?" I asked. "No, I-" "Make a note," Mike reminded me, which was irritating because I already had. "Wait!" Kelly complained. "What's going on?" I looked at Mike in the rear view, and he was looking at me. Which, I guess, meant that he was going to follow my lead. If I could just figure out the right direction to go. "Mmmmmmkay," I said to gain a little more thinking time. Luckily, we were at a stoplight at the moment so I could use my driving-brain to help. "Kelly, this is really complicated, involves a lot of people, and I'm still not s- I don't know you well enough to know how you keep other people's secrets." "I can keep a secret!" Kelly protested. "Yeah, right, like what?" Mike goaded. Kelly said about a quarter of a syllable, I've no idea what, and then stopped as some awesomely tanned and fit lady on a mountain bike zoomed in front of the car, and we all tracked her until someone honked at me to go because the light had turned green. She'd had her hair, longer than Kathy's, done in a single long braid, and there was some sort of black scrunchy at the end of the braid that contrasted with her sports bra (which did match her helmet cover) but matched her bike pants, and it looked really nice like that, sort of feminine-powerful or something. Like Kathy looked sometimes, when she was feeling like coordinating her clothes, except I'd never seen Kathy look quite like that because Kathy only looked like that when she dressed up. "Mmmmmm MMM!" Mike commented, and I caught Kelly nodding just a bit, out of the corner of my eye. I finally got this BIG flux of inspiratons - the insubstantial particles of brilliance that slam into your head sometimes and make the solution light come on - and said, "Oh, she'll keep quiet. After all, we've kept quiet about her being a lesbian, haven't we?" "D-do what?" Kelly asked as she paled. "Yeah, what?" Mike asked, looking confused. I said, "Remember last weekend, we were all talking about Kelly dating girls and what to do and what not to do, but WE were still under the impression that Kelly was a guy?" Mike's mouth, in a rare display of sudden comprehension induced by me, hung open. Kelly complained fearfully, "But, you said, you said-" "We thought you were a guy then," I reminded her. Kelly's mouth just sort of hung open, but Mike's had closed, and he was grinning like a madman at me, and gave me a thumbsup. *** 10:32 24 Aug "Remember," I said to Kim and Jill after we'd all gotten out of cars, "what we talked about last weekend with Kelly, about dating?" Jill got it first, but Kim got it when Kelly moaned and said, "Oh no," in this curious little voice. "We have achieved parity of, parity of threat," Mike announced. "And we're not going to talk about it outside of us five," I told everyone. "Or else." Pause. "Or, maybe we just won't talk about it," Mike shrugged. "No, wait!" Kelly protested, pointing at me. "What ARE you?" "Ah... Well, like I said-" "No! I mean, what ARE you?!" she demanded, like it was important for her to know. "Tuck's a mutant," Mike 'explained'. As she turned on him, I hastily interjected, "No, he's right." "What do you mean!?" Kelly demanded as she turned back to me. I sighed. "Kelly..." "Look, don't ask yet," Mike said, and she turned yet again. "We haven't known you long enough to know if you can keep quiet." "!" Kelly choked as she spun around. Maybe she was getting dizzy. "Look, chill out," Kim said gently, and motioned to Kelly. "It's not that big a deal, on either side, 'kay? Mike, don't you have picnic stuff in the car?" "Uh, coupla things," Mike admitted, and went to go get them. "We'll just sit down and have a chat," Kim said to Kelly, and we all nodded at Kelly. Jill added, "Just be cool, Kelly." Kelly did not look cool. *** 10:36 24 Aug The sun was nice, and I was sort of glad I'd worn a sundress today, because it was almost dry by now. And I could work some more on my tan, haha. 'Course, if I'd worn shorts and a top, this entire mess might not have happened. "Okay," Kelly started, apparently having regained some energy or something, because she sounded fairly forceful. For a freshthing anyway. "What," she asked me, "ARE you?" I thought about that for a bit, holding up a hand to get the rest of them to shut up. "I don't know," I finally said. "You don't KNOW?!" she screeched. "Keep your voice down," Mike demanded. "But-" "What are YOU?" I asked back. "Huh?" "I'll trade you some info, if you go first," I offered. "Tuck," Mike warned. I signed at him, and he just glared. To Kelly, I said, "You go first, and I'll trade you dirt for dirt. You want to know things about me that could get me killed if you blab, well, I want to have the same stuff on you." Kelly thought about it. "Don't you think you're exaggerating a little bit?" Jill asked. "Tom Lenich, Rob Walsh, Bobby McPhearson," I ticked off on my fingers. "Kyle Dawson, Mannie Whatsisname the human-rhinoceros crossbreed that's on the football team, uh..." "Who?" Kelly asked as Jill frowned. "Bigoted assholes. You hit one of them, Lenich, out in the parking lot," I reminded her. "Anyway, point is, I'm not talking first, and, I have witnesses to say that we didn't even see you today." "That's true, we went somewhere else this morning," Jill said as she caught on. Kelly's face fell. "Look, Kelly, it's not like we're trying to fuck you over," Kim said, using 'fuck' as a cattle prod to get Kelly's attention, which it did. "We just need to protect Tuck." "Besides," Jill said casually as she did a ground flip so she could lie on her stomach and elbows on the picnic blanket, "I always wondered about what makes a girl attracted to other girls." "I kinda wonder that myself," Mike said. "So how do you know you like girls?" Jill asked. "Ever kiss one?" "What?" Kelly asked desperately. "Have you ever kissed a girl?" Jill asked again. "Uh-uh-uh- Have you?" Kelly shot back. "Yeah," Jill shrugged, and then glanced at me and grinned. "Hell, I've even kissed-" "Shut up Jill!" I insisted as I kicked her. She kicked back a lot harder when she wasn't sitting at a table, I found out. I tried not to scream in pain as I lost my balance and rolled over, clutching my leg, but I lost whatever they said for a few seconds. "...and it's not really my thing, you know? I mean, it was okay, but it was NOT the same as when I've kissed guys," Jill explained. "You ever kiss a guy?" she asked Mike. "No," Mike said with a rock-hard certainty. "Eh, you might like it," Jill said casually as she looked back at Kelly. "And I know Kim has kissed girls, so-" "When?" Kim dared Jill. Instead of replying, Jill just stuck her tongue out and made rude and suggestive motions with it until Kim collapsed behind Mike with nervous hysterical giggles. "So, have YOU ever kissed a girl?" Jill asked Kelly again. *** 10:42 24 Aug "I had this... this friend, Winnie," Kelly said. "Up in Yakutat, in-" "Where the hell is that?" Jill asked. "You know British Columbia in Canada, north of Washington state?" Jill and Kim and Mike nodded. "North of THAT, there's another Canadian state or province or whatever the heck they call them, called Yukon? As in frozen wasteland?" "Hey!" "Shut up Kelly," I said, maybe a little harsher than I needed to, but I did it anyway because it felt good. And it WAS a frozen wasteland. "So, just to the left of Yukon, is most of the state of Alaska. There's a little tail that runs down maybe halfway to Washington, right next to British Columbia. And, right around where Yukon and BC meet, you extend that out a bit to the coast, and that's about where Yakutat Bay is." "It's a couple hundred miles northwest of Juneau," Kelly added. "How do you know that?" she asked me. "I looked it up after you mentioned it," I grinned. "On the computer, no doubt," Kim sighed, and I kept grinning even though she was wrong. National Geographic maps were probably quite useless for targeting and precision navigation, but they worked pretty well if you wanted to find out where something was in relation to something else. Which was probably why my dad tried to maintain a complete collection of them. "Back to Winnie," Kim said. "Um," Kelly said, and swallowed. "Uh, she was, like, my best friend, in sixth grade. And we hung out a lot together, she was like my best friend, you know?" Everyone nodded at that. "So, so... I mean, she, she told me about everything, and I told her about everything, and then it was like one day I was watching this taped program on television and I saw this program on teens, right, and I was like, 'Yeah, THAT'S how I feel!', right? So," Kelly said, and then sighed and stopped. "Sixth grade?" Mike asked. "Yeah," Kelly admitted. Mike didn't look at me, but in some way he was glaring at me. "And you told her," Kim guessed, "about what you were thinking you were like, and she blew up and yelled at you-" Kelly interrupted, "No, it wasn't like that, she didn't yell..." but she trailed off again. "But she never talked to you again, did she," Kim said, not asking. Kelly looked down for a while, then shook her head without looking up. "Did you have a crush on her?" Kim asked gently. Kelly looked up at Kim, startled. "You had a crush on her," Mike speculated, which made Kelly flinch and twist to look at Mike, "but you didn't tell her that part, you were waiting to see how she reacted to the first part of it, and she reacted so badly you never even got a chance to tell her about the second part." "Not that you'd want to, after that," Jill said sourly, like she was thinking of something that had happened to her. Kelly added, "And then she moved out of town that summer, and..." "And, we're the only people you've ever told, besides her, aren't we?" I asked. Kelly sniffed and sort of twitched vaguely like a nod. As uncomfortable pauses went, this one was pretty horrible. Kelly looked up suddenly and asked in a panic, "You don't think I'm disgusting or something?" Mike opened his mouth and then shut it as Kim elbowed him, but it was Jill that said first, "No, not at all." "I was going to make some stupid smart-assed remark," Mike said as he caught Kim's elbow and pulled, "but no, it doesn't bother me either." "Nope!" I said. Kim shook her head and smiled, as she held on to Mike's hands and they struggled. "As you may notice, you have failed to shock us, and normal life continues," Mike said distractedly as he tried to overpower Kim. "Hah!" he yipped as he got one hand free and jabbed Kim in the ribs with it before she could block. "Aii!" Kim commented as she jumped. Kelly was not paying attention, hugging herself and looking down at the ground, but when I saw a tear drip off her face I told Mike to knock it off just when Jill did. "Kelly..." I said softly, and touched her arm. "Ahhg," she gargled, then cleared her throat out as she looked up at us. "I, I messed up..." she said before she got clogged up again. "By telling us?" Jill asked. Kelly shook her head. "I... you said, I should just ask, i-if..." "Oh no," Kim groaned before I caught on. "Who?" NOW I flinched. "This girl in my math class," Kelly ground out, then looked up desperately, "I just asked her if she wanted to see a movie sometime, is that, is-" Mike and I ran over each other before I stopped and Mike restarted, "What did you say EXACTLY?" "Just, I mean, just, 'Hey, you like movies, wanna go see a movie Friday or something?'" "And what did SHE say?" Kim asked. "Just, like, she was going out with some friends of hers to this other place they already had planned and it was like, 'Sorry...'" "And you said?" I think all of us asked. "I said okay!" Kelly replied, sounding like she was protesting. "Like, maybe some other time or something." "Anything else?" Kim asked, but Kelly shook her head. "You're SURE?" "Yes!" "Psheeeew," I sighed. "Yeah," Jill said, " that doesn't sound like enough to justify anything. Just pretend like it was nothing important and you just wanted to be friends with her." Everyone nodded at that. "You think?" Kelly asked desperately. "If you can act completely innocent if it ever comes up, it works," Mike said. "We have great experience in lies," he grinned for a second. "Anyway, just convince yourself that you just wanted to be friendly, meet a girl your age in the new town, and DON'T act like you have a crush on the other girl or anything, they can sense your interest." "What?" Jill asked. "Trust me," I told Jill, "girls may not know when someone they LIKE is interested in them, but if someone they DON'T want to go out with is interested, they can smell it from miles away. They always could with me, anyway." "Besides, she's probably an idiot anyway," Mike said, then held up his hand to stop Kelly's protest. "TELL yourself that," he emphasized, "and then you won't be staring at her in class or something." "I know what we said last week," Kim said, "but we were operating under a wrong assumption, so DON'T just ask someone at school again." "Ohhhhh God," Kelly moaned softly. "Don't WORRY about it," I said. "There's worse things." And I could say that with authority because I happened to be at least four of them. "Yeah," Jill drawled, "it's not like you're wearing girly clothes or something!" Kim hit her before I could. *** 10:57 24 Aug "Well, okay, this is really rude, but, um," Mike hestitated, or thought for a bit, before continuing, "Okay, Kelly, when you think about a girl, like you'd want to date her, what do you think about? Do you think about talking with her, or, or how neat it'd be to be seen with her, or how good she is in bed ow bitch!" Mike complained as rocked sideways from the impact. "That hurt!" "That is so rude!" Kim used as an excuse. "That's how some guys think of dating, or so they claim," I verified. "God only knows what they're really thinking, but that's what some of them say, anyway. Just how likely they are to get sex out of her." "Where did you hear that?" Kim asked, looking amazingly disgusted. "Gym class," I sighed. "Man, I am so glad to be outta there..." "Guys are assholes," Jill mentioned. "Some of them," Mike modified. "MOST of them," Jill corrected, glaring back at Mike. "Am _I_ an asshole?" Mike asked, placing his hands on his chest. "Nnnnot often," Jill grinned. "Oh, wait," Kim said, which stopped everything. "I know what Mike was getting at. Kelly, when you say you're a lesbian and you've known for a long time, like, how do you know? What do you imagine doing with a girl, when you think about it?" "Uh..." Kelly said. "I... I dunno?" "Nahhh," we disputed. "You have some idea," Kim stated. "I think it's just the, uh, the looks of it, the aesthetics," I finally dredged up. "Two girls together can look more artistically attractive, than a guy and a girl." "Nah, it's the sex," Jill grinned, also priming Kelly's pump like I had just done. "It's cleaner and more equal." "No, it's because guys are assholes," Kim disputed. "Hey!" Mike protested. "You ever dated one?" Kim challenged. "Hell no, they're all assholes!" Mike shot back instantly, which made us laugh. Even Kelly. *** 11:02 24 Aug "Mostly talking, I guess," Kelly finally chose. "It's like, I mean, I, I talked to girls and stuff, and guys, and it was like the girls were just, I dunno, like I could talk to them better? Or something, like, like they were the same, on the same wavelength as me?" "But you hang with us," Mike mentioned. "And you seemed genuinely impressed that you'd run into a bunch of people that read books and liked computers and so on. And at least half the gaming group is guys, isn't it?" "Yeah, but..." Kelly thought some more. I suggested, "So, talking's part of it, the, uh, the-" "The commonality," Kim supplied. "Yeah." That sounded close, anyway. "But, there's more, right?" "Yeah..." Kelly trailed off. "I dunno. How come you want to know all this stuff anyway?" Jill shrugged and said, "Like I said, I wondered about it. I'm sure most pe- most REASONABLE people," she corrected, "have wondered what it would be like to be different in, uh, some fundamental way." "Yeah," I sighed, remembering when I'd had daydreams about being Wolverine and a complete badass. Not gonna happen. "Well?" Kelly asked me pointedly. And pointed. "Uh," I emitted, because I'd sort of forgotten about that. "I told YOU," she reminded us. "Ah... Well," I started. Then ran out. "This is a long and confusing mess of a story, Kelly," Mike said. "Are you sure you want to know?" "I just want to know if you're a girl or a guy," she told me. "That's not as simple a question as you think it is," I said back. "What's hard about it?" she accused. "What makes someone a male, and someone else female?" I asked. "What?" When I started to repeat the question, she shook her head angrily at me and said, "You know!" "I thought I did, but I was wrong," I said. "And, guess what? It's a lot more complicated than homosexuality." "Ooooooh yeah," Jill breathed as she nodded agreement. *** 11:28 24 Aug "So, so what ARE you?" Kelly asked me, sounding confused rather than nasty, which was a definite improvement. "No one's sure," I said. "I, uh, I had a sort of nervous breakdown when I found out about the problem, back in April, and nobody wanted to force me to deal with more of it, more tests and stuff, until I was more ready, and had some, uh, some therapy to deal with it, and stuff." "Is that part of the therapy?" she asked, pointing at the dress I was wearing. "Well..." That went a whole lot of other places. "No?" "It was mostly our idea," Kim inserted. *** 11:46 24 Aug "So, so, but what do I do?" Kelly asked. "About, being lesbian and fourteen?" I summarized. She took a while to nod. "Nothing," Kim said, "I think, right now." "There's nobody that's really out at our school, so..." Jill thought. "We couldn't tell you on how other people would handle it." "THEORETICALLY it's at least prohibited to discriminate against it, and they aren't allowed to beat you for it," I mentioned, "but as you might have noticed, there's a big difference between theory and what happens when you're alone." Mike nodded. "We don't have any openly homosexual teachers either," I said. "M-" "OPENLY!" "Okay, not openly," Kim agreed while Mike and Jill looked sour at me. "And I know that there are some homophobes out there, too, so you couldn't count on support from just anyone." "You ever read spy novels?" I asked Kelly. "Huh?" "Spy novels," I repeated. "Yyyeah, why?" "'Need to know' is what applies. Who needs to know about it? Pretty much no one at school, I think. So, don't mention it." Everyone nodded. "This really sucks," Kelly sort of sighed as she slumped on the blanket. "It could suck a lot worse," Mike told her. "There are four people in the world, that you have personally met, that really don't hate you or think you inhumanly strange." "Because you like to read books," I stuck in, grinning. "You read books? Ewwww!" Jill mock-complained at me. "In public," Mike snarled. "Ew!" Jill squeaked. "For FFUUNNNN," Kim purred. "Ew! Gross, stopit!" Jill squealed, holding her hands over her ears. *** 12:09 24 Aug "Uh, I really need to do some shopping today, before I go home," I said apologetically. "Jill and Mike need rides for sure; how do we shuffle 'em?" "Kel, do you want a ride home or something?" Mike asked, and she shook her head absently. "Kelly?" I said, and she eventually looked up at me, then shook her head like she was having trouble believing what she was seeing. "If you get on the bus like that, you're gonna miss your stop," I pointed out. "Let Kim give you a ride home, and we'll see you on Monday, okay?" She stared for a while longer, then nodded a little bit, like it was only part of her brain answering the question. *** 12:14 24 Aug Something hit me, just before we all got into cars, so I waved at Kim and went over to Jill's side of my car. When Kim got there, I said, "Um, hey. Uh, like I said earlier, I know the rest of the girls are your friends and stuff, and you share secrets with them, but, uh, don't mention Kelly and the lesbian thing?" "Why not?" Jill asked. "Because," I sighed, and explained, "it's not YOUR secret to tell, it's KELLY'S. And she'd be really hurt if you went and told other people about it right after we promised today not to tell anyone else about it. Okay?" "Tuck's right," Mike said as he wandered over, thankfully without Kelly. I checked, and she was just sitting in Kim's back seat looking at the floorboard. "It's bad karma, Kelly would hate you, and we'd be pretty pissed at you too." I had to nod. "So please, just don't. If you want, ask her if you can talk about it, don't just do it." Kim and Jill both sighed, and looked at each other. "Okay," Jill said resignedly. "Can we talk to you two about it?" "Well, yeah!" I said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was. *** 12:17 24 Aug "Oooh, all pretty again," Jill smirked at me as I came out of the park bathroom. "Say that like you mean it, honey," I challenged, and licked my lips at her. She laughed, and then grabbed me and kissed me, so I kissed her back. *** 12:21 24 Aug "Okay okay!" Jill gasped as she pushed away from me, breathing hard and her eyes a little wild. "Heh," I panted, because I'd gotten a little into the spirit of things myself. "Don't play the game if you can't ante up, sweetheart!" "Fuck you bitch!" Jill retorted with appropriate hand gesture, then ran screaming as I lunged at her. *** 12:29 24 Aug "Just, uh, some stockings, and a new backpack, and something else... a small travel box if I can find it, for these," I pointed at my chest for a moment before I pulled out into traffic. "What do you think Kelly's gonna do?" Jill asked, not really paying attention. "I think," I guessed, "that Kelly is going to go home and spazz for a while, which I'd be doing if I had time and if I hadn't had one already. Then, she'll come in Monday and see if we laugh at her, which we won't, and if anyone's acting differently towards her. Which won't be us, anyway. And then, go on with life, I guess." I drove for a while. "What do you think it's like?" "What?" "Being..." "Homosexual? I've no idea, I think it's disgusting," I said, and Jill turned to me in shock before she could see the grin on my face. *** 12:31 24 Aug "No, seriously," Jill said. "What is it like?" "I dunno- No!" I protested as she made like to hit me again. "I'm serious, I don't know! I like TRAVIS, but I don't know about other guys, not like that anyway." "You don't find guys attractive, I mean like in general?" she asked. "I... Not really, I guess. I mean, some of them, they LOOK good, but I don't know what's in their heads, so I don't know if they're real people or the usual sort of jerk." Jill sort of nodded at that. "And so, I'm like, I like Travis a lot, but, if he wasn't there?" I confirmed. "Yeah, like if you hadn't, or he hadn't been interested in you," she agreed. "I dunno..." I sighed. *** 13:02 24 Aug Jill nudged me a couple of times and I looked up. Her eyes darted over to the guys passing in front of us, and so I looked at them hard for a couple of seconds, before deciding they were neutral - no help, no threat at the moment - and going back to examining new packs. "Well?" she asked when they were gone. "I don't..." I sighed. "Why do I need to look at other guys when I have Travis?" "I just want to know what you think," Jill said. "I think, I want to get this over with quick so I can go home and start cooking," I said, grinning. "Val! I'm serious!" "So am I!" I protested. "I really don't know what I think, okay? I know I like Travis, I just don't know about other guys yet." "You are so lame," Jill complained as she leaned back against a wall and crossed her arms at me. "Then I guess you don't want dinner?" "What are you fixing?" I just chuckled at her, especially since I hadn't thought about it before now. *** 13:49 24 Aug "You know what, though?" I said to Jill as we wheeled around towards the seafood area. "I really don't want to look at other guys. Not like that." "Why not?" "I dunno, it seems like it's disrespectful of Travis, or something," I said. "Oh come on-" "I am SERIOUS!" I insisted, maybe a bit too loud because some people looked at us. "Jill, come on!" I suggested quieter. "I mean, don't expect ME to know everything yet, okay, 'cause I just started dating him a little while ago..." "Are you telling me that when you dated g- uh, before, you never looked at anyone else?" "Not like for dating purposes, no. Of course I HAD to look at other people or I'd run into 'em, but- Okay, like with Debbie? I had to look at you guys, her female friends, 'cause I was around you guys a lot, but it wasn't like I was sitting there thinking, 'Oh she seems like a fun date' or 'I'd like to go out with her sometime if I can get rid of Debbie one weekend' or 'Wow she's pretty I wonder if she kisses good' or anything like that. You're her friends, and I saw- Hell, I saw a LOT of you guys," I grinned as I stopped the cart, "but it wasn't on my mind about cheating, and so I wasn't even looking at any of you with dating or relationships in mind." I certainly wasn't looking at her now, or anyone else; I was looking at fish. "Are you serious?" Jill asked, sounding a lot less disbelieving than she had. "Completely!" "Hnn," she hummed through her nose. "What, you do that when you're dating? Look at other people and wonder what it would be like to date them?" "Yyyyeah," she slid out. "I mean, the other girls do it too, I asked, so it's not abnormal or anything. You just wonder sometimes, like 'Wow how come he never does that for me, like that guy's doing for his girlfriend', or 'Man he's a hunk!' or stuff like that. You really don't think like that?" "Nope," I shrugged. "Not, not like I think about dating the other person at the time, anyway." *** 14:19 24 Aug "HOW much?" Jill gasped. "Shut up, Jill," I said, and pulled out my ATM card. *** 14:50 24 Aug "HOW much?!" Mom gasped. "It's salmon, Mom!" I protested. "Plus some other stuff. Come on, Mom!" I begged, because if she wasn't going to agree to pay me back, I was ruined and I could kiss the laptop goodbye. She sighed, and looked at the receipt again. "Plus I'm not sure who's coming over," I admitted. "So I got some extras. And I got the whole fish," which was really 'fishes', "so I wouldn't pay more for the filleting since I can do that. Salmon steaks..." I repeated, enticingly I hoped. *** 15:02 24 Aug I was working on making the pasta first, since there was only so much cooking a slab of fish could endure and I had to wait until later to start them, when Mike came into the kitchen, followed by Kim, George, Dan, and Book. "Hoo boy," I sighed, glad that I'd bought extras but realizing that I was going to have to start finding cheaper food if I had to worry about getting paid back. *** 15:10 24 Aug Mike dinged the play bell, and we all sort of gathered around. Well, they did; I was up to my elbows in pre-pasta, but I sort of turned my ears that way. "So," Mike said, "Jill. You're in Seattle, because you heard about this interesting gig and you're hoping to make some money, because the market for girls with guitars is not that good in the Eighties and you'd like to continue eating, right?" Jill nodded. *** 16:41 24 Aug "How much of this stuff do I have to cut up?" Jill complained. "All of it, get back to work," I insisted. "Delay of game!" George insisted. "Delay of FOOD!" I countered. "You wanna eat?" "Jill, keep chopping," Mike ordered. "George, shut up." "Alright," Jill grumbled and went back to chopping. "Okay, so..." "So, he was right, it IS immensely painful. So bad, in fact, that you really can NOT control yourself- don't even bother asking for a roll," Mike said, "and you scream a bit and SLAM the door shut-" George enthusiastically slammed the back door shut for a sound effect, which I for one did not need. "Ah! Uh, and, uh," Mike continued, distracted, "you get away from the sun. The pain is terrible, but you remember what he said about healing, and you think about it, the blood flowing to the painful parts- Did I mention they were painful?" "Do I have to scream?" Jill asked. "No," Mike decided in favor of quiet that time. "Just keep in mind, this is like worse than the worst burn you've ever had, I mean it's BAD. Even now, as you're healing it, it hurts still, like you're still on fire... and the hunger gets worse as you use up the blood somehow in the healing. In fact, you're REALLY hungry." "Oh NO!" "What?" Mom asked, apparently coming to investigate the door noise. "I've got to suck someone's blood again!" Jill said, sounding distressed as she looked down at her character sheet, apparently not realizing it was Mom asking. "I HATE that!" *** 16:55 24 Aug I popped back in and asked, "Anyone want a fish head to snack on, before dinner?" Everyone stared at me. "I just thought I'd check," I shrugged, and went back in the kitchen where I couldn't hear what was going to come back at me. *** 17:05 24 Aug "Mom!" I said as I skidded around the corner, catching her and Dad in a disgusting moment. "We're out of cooking sherry and I can't find any more." "Oh, shhhhoot," Mom sighed, and got up off the couch. *** 17:28 24 Aug "You are kidding me," said Sabrina from behind me, so I turned around and smiled at her for the second or so I could spare before going back to cooking. Four burners were not always enough, and the timing was getting really critical at this point. *** 18:02 24 Aug "Sixteen salads!" I told Jill. "Like el pronto por favor! Just find the bowls, in that- no, the next cabinet left, and just split it up evenly in each bowl." "Why-" "Jill I can't move right now," I said, "I have to keep stirring this or it'll stick and burn. Get Brian too," I ordered. I hit a rough spot in the pan and started to panic a bit, *Oh shit did I miss a spot- no, not quite, keep stirring, vary it more, around the edges...* *** 18:11 24 Aug I had just enough time to take a very quick shower before everyone got done with the salads and the real gorging began, so I dashed upstairs. Being sweaty and smelly would distract everyone, including me, from the dining experience. *** 18:18 24 Aug "Sorry about the delay," I apologized as I slid into the only empty chair left, the one with the salad still in front of it. "What's with the," Mike said, and pointed to his head. "Oh, uh," I said when I figured out he meant MY head, "my hair's still wet, and I figured everyone would appreciate not getting diluted shampoo in their dinner?" Which is why I'd tied a dog rag on my head. "Good thinking," Dad agreed. *** 19:40 24 Aug "Do you always eat like this?" Jill moaned softly. She was apparently rather full. "No," Mom said before I could. "I don't have the energy, and while it's tempting to tell Eugene to stay home from school and cook like this, I-" "Okay!" I agreed. "No," Mom said. "Man," I sighed, but it wasn't like I had a chance of it happening anyway. "Anyway," I said to Jill, "so Mom's been tapped to do the cooking most of the time, on the chores list, and she's busy too, so-" "Busy TOO?" Mom asked. "Mom! I'm going to school full time, I have a part time job-" "Alright alright," Mom submitted. I humphed at her, then turned back to Jill. "Anyway, she goes for the hour-or-less stuff, which is still pretty darned good. A lot of Chinese... hey, how about Chinese next week?" I asked generally. There was general acclaim for the idea. "So," Mom grinned at Jill as she got up, "better than blood?" *** 19:44 24 Aug "I just can't decide," I sighed, "if I want a Libretto or this Thinkpad, which is a little more normal." "Um..." Dad said. "Why the Thinkpad?" "Gotta be Linux compatible, Dad. Duh." "'Kay... Pick the bigger format." "Why?" "Bigger drive. If you're going to run one OS for you and one OS for anyone else like one of your friends who might want to use it, and the school runs Windows... Also, you get more for your money, with the bigger one. And the Libretto 50 doesn't hot-charge batteries, and the 70's not out yet." "Yeah," I sighed. "The Libretto's so cool, though." "Save up, get another one next year," he grinned. "Yeah, as if," I chuckled. "Whatever I pick, plus spare batteries, an extra charger, maybe a car charger, plus cards, plus an external SCSI CD-ROM, plus a case..." "A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon-" "Shut up, Dad." *** 19:55 24 Aug "Hey," I remembered, "Dan?" He looked up. "Got that payload for me yet?" He thought about it until he remembered what I was talking about and made a face and said, "Aw, man, not yet, but I've been working on it." "You know, it'd go faster if you'd stop-" "Shut UP, Tuck," he suggested. *** 19:59 24 Aug Jill was looking at Mom a lot, and I could tell she had something on her mind, so I decided to force the issue. "Hey Mom? Jill had something she wanted to ask you." Jill hit me a few times, most of which I blocked, as Mom came over. Jill stopped as Mom got close. "So, ask?" I prompted, which got me another slug in the arm. "What is it?" Mom asked, which stopped both of us. "Uh, well, uh," Jill said nervously, "I mean, I like it and all, and I really like being here and everything, but, um, how come, I mean, I saw what, uh, Tucker paid for the food today, and I just wondered, uh, why, um-" "Why we pay that kind of money to have so many of Tucker's friends over to eat?" Mom guessed. "Yeah?" Jill admitted sadly. I was now wondering what the hell was going on. "Because," Mom said, and then stopped. "Don't take this wrong," she apologized to Jill, "but... Eugene hasn't had many friends, and it's nice to see him hanging around with nice girls like you and your other friends." I bit my lip so I wouldn't burst out laughing. "And, well, Bill and I decided that it was better in the long run to invite all our childrens' friends here, then to have to worry about what they were doing outside the house, or at the mall, or something. At least here, we can keep an eye on everyone and make sure... You know," Mom said as she ran out. "It's really Fifties, but I'd rather have my kids around the house where I can keep an eye on them. Especially after last year..." "What happened last year?" Jill asked, apparently not able to sense the darkening of the atmosphere when that topic was brought up. "Something that happened to Susan and she doesn't want known, so ask her about it, except DON'T ASK," I told Jill. "I keep her secrets like I keep yours," I said, supposedly to Jill but Mom got the message too. We were all quiet until Mom said, "So, it's really a cheap price to pay knowing that my children and their friends are safe here." "Though I was thinking about Chinese next week," I mentioned. "Which should be cheaper." "Like what?" Mom asked. *** 20:08 24 Aug I was debating watching the second episode of South Park, which I had skipped Thursday in favor of a movie with Travis, when Dad came out on the porch again and said, "Sabrina?" "Oh, yeah," she sighed, and got up. "Math tutoring," she sighed to us in explanation. "You're not here for the role-playing game?" Mike teased. *** 20:21 24 Aug "So, who's left for preludes?" I asked Mike as they packed up, the 'game' having been wrapped up for the night due to impending homework and caloric-induced laziness. "Just Kelly," he said, "and we'll do her Monday, maybe Monday night, and then get on with the present-time gaming. Unless you want to change your mind about you doing one?" I shook my head - I had a good enough idea of my character by now, and I didn't want to spare the time, I wanted to get on with the 'real' game. "Okay, then. You carpets will play the 'A' schedule days and the leeches on the 'B' sked days." "Who you callin' a leech?" Jill grinned. "Onlay you, baby-dahl," Kim drawled, and they laughed together. *** 21:05 24 Aug The trash seemed immense, but that was probably because I'd been working my arms hard since maybe two o'clock and I was sort of pooped. Well, a lot pooped by now, since I'd mopped the floors already. *** 21:18 24 Aug "Hello?" Travis said. "Hi! You busy?" I asked, hugging my bear. It wasn't anywhere near as nice as hugging him, but it was certainly more convenient at the moment. *** 22:07 24 Aug "So, Tuesday?" I confirmed for what was probably the fifth time. "You already asked me that six times," he chuckled. "Yes!" "Well, I just want to make sure in case one of us hangs up suddenly," I said, which made him laugh like I hoped it would. *** 02:19 25 Aug I pushed through the ring of kids, knowing that something horrible had happened, and found them laughing and stuff and kicking the body- *** 02:20 25 Aug "Uh?" "MIKE?!" I sobbed, "Are you okay?!" "Huh? Yeah, 'm fine... Just sleep'n'." He might have said something else, but I had dropped the phone and started crying into my pillow after I heard that. *** "All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream." Edgar Allan Poe Distribution: No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another person or group. Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the original author, me. And no fee may be charged. Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access. All rights reserved. + ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net + PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313 6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 + -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.2 iQCVAwUBPS/asXYDebnvyV1VAQGZVwP+P2dZ9wyVvALsof/IO2/hTSxSvSCAJHSq /gUhYIccl7JfC1H4tLK6nJ/bKzqqgP82Y1Oq4JFPFNkth6nyO9E4IAWGScb88m+e k2Qy6yx1XvuYoIlZs4t9jvpUOni/jmtmDuUnER9viUIXfONZMi9YIHNwPNA63Iqs BxjEOMNe/gs= =Qpa2 -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----