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Tucker Punched -*- Copyright 2001 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tucker Punched


***
12:31 29 Jul

     I wasn't hallucinating; it was Mike, and behind him were Kim and
Amy too, staring at me with shock-dilated eyes.
     "As in, right now," Mike said in that too-calm voice that meant
things were Real Bad.
     I wanted to throw up, or expire, or something, but before I could
do anything except fade out a little, Mike grabbed one of my arms, and
then I was pinned in consciousness.
     "What are-" Travis rumbled from behind me, and I spun again dizzily
to face him as Mike let go.
     If I didn't keep this under control, Travis would get upset and do
something stupid, and then everyone would lose.  Big time.
     "Uh..."  I cleared my throat out hurriedly; it was bone-dry.
"Travis, I need to talk to him for a while, um..."  Motion caught my
eye- the boys.  *Oh SHIT-*
     "Kim-"  Mike started.
     "How about watching the kids and Travis for a while, while I talk
to Mike?" I said to Kim, who sucked in a breath like she was going to
argue or something.  *No DON'T-*
     Maybe she saw it in my face, because she didn't.
     "Valerie-" Travis started.
     "And he can fill you in later," I finished saying.  "Travis," I
said as I turned back to him, "really.  Do it my way.  Please don't
argue now?"
     He looked at my face, and I don't know what he saw there either,
though I was desperately trying to look calm, but he finally nodded
silently.
     Next, I had to turn to the kids.  "Guys," I said to the guys, "I
need to talk to Mike for a while, so Kim and Amy and Travis are gonna
watch you, okay?"
     "Oh, no, I want to hear this," Amy said nastily.
     "Do what they say," I told the kids, ignoring Amy.
     "Uh," said Ricky, apparently catching on that things were Not Going
Well, judging by the way his face fell.
     "Can we get something to eat?" David asked Travis.
     Bless him.  "Yeah, get something to eat..."  I pulled my pack, dug
out the map, and started looking for a restaurant.
     Whatever happened to me, they'd still need to be fed, as usual, and
if Kim could handle them for a week, she could handle them until they
got home.  I just hoped she could keep Travis out of this.  So to speak.

***
12:33 29 Jul

     "Now," Mike ordered, his voice still, as I waved to the kids
with a smile on my face.
     I waited until they were out of sight, then turned to him and
nodded.
     He led me and Amy through the park, Amy occasionally squalling
things and hitting me, but I couldn't really hear her.  Finally we made
it out the gate, getting our hands stamped, and walked out to Kim's car,
which was pretty far away from any activity at the moment.  Mike got
something out of the car and slammed the door and turned to me.
     "Amy, be silent," he ordered in that still-waters voice, because
she'd gotten more vocal once we got out of the park itself.
     "Don't y-" she started.
     Mike spin-kicked her in the head.
     "I mean, be silent," he repeated in the same voice, after she'd
fallen down and was staring at him.  I guessed he'd done it lightly,
because she was still conscious.
     Mike turned to me.  "You lied to me," he stated.
     I had.  No question about it.
     As I dropped my pack and knelt down, Amy started screeching, "You
motherfuh..." but trailed off into silence when Mike's athame came out.
     "Why did you lie?" he asked.
     I couldn't talk, because I was scared and upset enough that the
lump in my throat was about to choke me - I wished it was literally
true - but I could sign, <Because I was afraid, because...  Because I
was afraid you would abandon me.>
     "You had sex with him?"
     I nodded.
     "Voluntarily?"
     I nodded again.
     "How long?"
     <Since D-E-B,> I signed.
     He hit me, then, his arm a blur, and it took a while for me to
realize that it had been on the side of my head with his fist, not
across my neck with the blade, because I felt my neck and it was still
whole.  "TWO MONTHS?!" he'd roared as he did it.  "YOU LIED TO ME FOR
TWO MONTHS?!"
     <Yes.>
     "You have broken your oath," he said flatly.
     My tears started to flow, then, as I nodded a third time.
     Unable to see any more, I blindly held out my left hand, and he
handed me the blade, point first, and closed my hand around it.  The
fact that I had given it to him long ago only made it hurt worse, worse
than the flesh could manage.
     I wiped the tears off my face with the back of my left hand as I
took the handle of the athame, sacred knife, in my right hand, and then
sliced deep into my own flesh.
     As I bled, the lump in my throat got smaller, like it always did
for some reason.  "I lied..." I breathed when I could finally talk.  "I
have broken my oath to you, to be faithful and true."  My blood was
running warm down my fingers as my body sort of lost all its weight and
sweat ran down my body as I shivered.  I was concentrating on trying to
stay conscious, at least until-
     But Mike ordered, "Taste it, oathbreaker," and put fingers on my
mouth.  I licked his warm blood off his fingers, and it was insanely
bitter.  I almost threw up right then.
     "What was your oath?" he asked, the still voice back again.
     "By my blood, your blood, by my flesh, your flesh, by my bone, your
bone, by my life, your life," I repeated from memory, "across the skies
and beyond the seas until the end of all, this I swear, to be faithful
and true," which almost made me die of shame to say, "to protect my
swordbrother, to fight in your battles, to aid you in your need, to heal
you in your sickness, to feed you in your hunger, to water you in your
thirst, to live for you above myself, across the seas and beyond the
skies, until the end of all, we are one."
     "-we are one," I heard him say, and then I was sobbing in relief as
we joined wrists and cuts and bled life into each other.

***
12:44 29 Jul

     It was amazing how much blood you could get off with just the water
in a baby bottle, plus some baby wipes.  Mike's (clean, thankfully)
hanky was sliced in two and tied around each of our wrists, calming the
blood flow, which had almost stopped.  I'd had to sit down, though, and
carefully, because of all the blood that was no longer inside my skin
but spattered over the ground.
     "You really thought," Mike said, "that... this, would cause me to
repudiate you?"
     I breathed for a while.  "I don't know, Mike...  I didn't think-  I
wasn't thinking, I was just scared of it, of you, of everything."
     "How-"
     "Mike, I'm gay."
     Pause.
     "I mean," I explained, "I didn't know it or something, I guess, but
I mean, he's been interested in me for a long time, and after Debbie
broke up with me, he was still there and still interested, and..."
     "Transitional relationship?" he inquired.
     I had to shake my head.  "It was better than with Deb, Mike."
     Another pause.
     "You're kidding."
     "I wish I was, but I'm not," I sighed, feeling very tired.  "It, I
mean, I dunno, Mike...  I've been taking abuse for it all these years,
and I never even thought it was true, but, but I've done things with him
that I didn't think I'd EVER do, and LIKED 'em."
     "Like what?"
     "Anal sex for one thing," I said out loud, though not too loud, and
then I remembered, as if I could forget, how that had ACTUALLY turned
out, and I had to laugh a little.  It was a painful laugh, though.
     Mike predictably asked, "What?"
     "Oh, God, Mike, don't ask, it just makes me look stupider," I
admitted.  I wanted to bang my head into something until I passed out.
     "I know you're stupid already, tell me."
     I sighed, and took a deep breath.  "I wanted it, and talked Travis
into it, and-"
     "You getting it or him?" Mike interrupted.
     "Me getting it.  So, we did it, and then...  Rachel found out about
it because I was bleeding, when she saw me in my underwear-"
     "BLEEDING?" Mike asked incredulously.  "What did you do, do it
without lube?"
     *Oh NO-*
     "Tell me you weren't THAT stupid," Mike sighed.  "You were.  Oh
God, Tuck, EVERYONE knows-"
     "Well _I_ didn't, okay, I had-  Hey, how do YOU know?"
     "Everyone knows that," he repeated scornfully.  "Ask Amy-"
     We both looked for forgotten Amy, and she was crouched on the
ground, with her hands pressed into her face and little sounds coming
out.  "Uh oh," Mike said conversationally.
     I looked at Mike for approval, and he nodded, so I carefully
crawled over to be in front of Amy.  She looked at me with makeup-
streaked reddened eyes, peeking out from between her fingers.
     "Amy?" I asked carefully.  "I'll live."
     A short increase in the volume of whimpering was all I got.
     "She did that after I brought you back after that trip," Mike said.
     "Amy...  Blood is powerful," I stated.  "Sometimes you need it to
deal with powerful things.  I didn't lose that much; I'm okay.  Mike's
not going to hurt me.  And nothing's going to happen to you.  Just,
don't tell anyone about this, okay?"  I wished she hadn't come along,
but she had, and now of course was way too late to remember her.  "They
wouldn't understand."
     As her hands came down, she hawked a bit and grated, "I don't
understand... what happened?" she moaned.  "Why did he do that to you?"
     "Because, I broke the oath I swore to him, and blood's the only way
to renew the oath, to heal the break that I caused."
     She closed her eyes.  "Are you done?"
     "We're done," Mike said firmly before I could say anything.  "Amy,
Tuck and I have renewed our oaths.  No more blood today, I think."
     "I need to go to the bathroom," she finally almost whispered.

***
12:50 29 Jul

     I didn't look so good either, but thankfully no one had done more
than glance twice at the traces of blood I still had on me, or my face,
which looked as bad as Amy's.
     Baby wipes and makeup wipes were handy things to have.
     The water and soap on the cut were cold and painful, but it seemed
to have stopped bleeding and was clotting up nicely.  I'd stick a couple
of Band-Aids lengthwise down the slice when I got it dry again.  It
wasn't the best way to hold a cut closed, but it would look a lot less
impressive, which was more important at the moment.
     I found it hard to believe I was still alive, but it was a good
thing, even if Amy was freaking out.  Which she was, in a stall, but
she'd indicated that she wanted to do so alone.

***
12:52 29 Jul

     I came out to find Mike waiting for me.  "Where's Amy?"
     "Still in a stall," I said, feeling bad about it.  I knew it wasn't
time for her period yet...  "I dunno what's going on."
     "Maybe she's still freaked out," he didn't ask.
     "Well, yeah," I sighed, "but I'm not sure at what, I mean which
PART, and she doesn't want me to help.  Or talk, or anything."
     "I wonder why," Mike didn't ponder.
     Pause.
     "Mike?  Are...  Do you still like me?" I asked lamely, but it was
the best way I could put it.
     He sighed and looked away for a few moments.  "This is real hard to
accept, Tuck...  And finding out like I did is not making it easier."
He looked back at me.  "I've known you weren't thinking, somehow, I just
didn't know how."
     "But-"
     "Shut up, Tuck," he said tiredly.  "Look, I honestly can't say it's
that surprising.  You and him getting it on, that is."
     "Wh-"
     "Remember us talking about brain sex?  You just might be wired that
way."
     I thought about that.  This was actually relatively painless
thinking, for once.  "I didn't have any idea before, though-"
     "You wouldn't; the only guys who've been nice to you are-"  He
stopped, looking confused for an instant, then suspicious.
     I hastened to explain, "No, Mike, for some reason, not you."
     "Maybe you don't screw your friends or something," he shrugged, but
looked a bit relieved.  "Besides, I wouldn't date George on a bet, and
Dan's not quite your type."  We both chuckled for a moment.  "But...  I
mean, you really never had a clue?"
     I thought about it, then motioned him really close.  "One night,
end of spring break," I started.  "When I twisted my ankle?"

***
12:54 29 Jul

     "That should have given you a clue," Mike told me.
     "Well, it didn't at the time.  It scared me more than anything, and
since I was thinking about Debbie a-"  Oops, I'd almost-
     "What?"
     I didn't want to tell him 'Debbie and Lisa' like was the complete
truth, but on the other hand I still hurt from getting caught lying by
Mike.  "Thinking about Debbie getting it on."
     "Alright," he said as he let it go.  "So..."
     I went back in buffer until I found the previous topic.  "Um, so,
so when it happened with Travis it scared the fuck out of me.  I mean it
was fun for a few instants afterwards, but then the fear hit, and I
spazzed completely out.  I made it to the bathroom before I puked,
but..."
     "You do that when you're upset-"
     "Which is sort of my point?  I mean, if it was at that time the
great fulfillment of my destiny or something, I don't think I would have
been upset enough to barf."
     "You have a point there," Mike admitted.  "So-"
     "So I didn't know at the time," I concluded.  "But it sort of looks
like a clue now."
     "That doesn't explain the vomiting at the time, does it?" Mike
pointed out.
     "No...  Mike, I don't know..." I admitted softly, trying not to
collapse.
     "Alright," he said with an air of finality.  "So, you and him..."
     "Mike... I mean, if you're asking about long term, I haven't
thought about that either.  He likes being with me, and I like being
with him.  I dunno if it's...  Hell, it's only been a couple of months
or something!  I don't have any idea where it's gonna go."
     "When did you tell him?"
     "Huh?  Tell him what?"  He cuffed me in the head which jarred the
clue loose.  "Oh, uh... well, he knew already."
     "What?!"
     "Back after I spazzed," I explained...

***
12:57 29 Jul

     "And he still-"
     "Wanted me," I finished.  "I don't know about that either, if... I
mean, which way he's looking at me and us.  I haven't asked, I'm kind of
scared to know."
     Mike cuffed me in the head.  "Tuck, this deliberate not knowing is
gonna reach out and bite you on the ass again!" he protested.  "Are you
gonna at least face up to what you're doing?"
     "I did!"
     "And so you came out to me and the girls, and you talked to Travis
and got it clear what was going on in both your heads-"
     "Oh, fuck you," I sighed.
     "Say it."
     "You're right," I admitted.  I took a deep breath, and said out
loud, "And I need to talk to Travis about us, right?  And what I am to
him?"  He nodded.
     Pause.
     "Why did Lisa tell him?" Mike asked.
     "I think it has something to do with something he did for her.  She
really owes him...  He was just curious- well, that's too mild, but he
wanted to know why I freaked out, and he said she told him one night.
And he claimed she wasn't sober at the time, which I pretty much
believe.  She knows... well, I have stuff on her, too, and she knows it.
So she's not going to be trying to fuck me over.  And this was before me
and Debbie broke up," I was sure, "so it's not revenge for that either.
I think she was trying to keep him from getting hurt."
     "So, she told him..."
     "And then he was still interested in me, for some reason.  Maybe he
knew or suspected or something from the very beginning, I dunno, but he
told me he'd had no idea, he just asked why I'd freaked out so bad."
     "Yeah," he nodded.  To what, I wasn't sure.
     "Fuck," I sighed.  I was very tired.  "I wanna go home."
     "What, when the fun's just started?" he asked sarcastically.
     "I am not having a fun day..."  Which I think reminded us about the
whole rest of the day and everything including Amy, because we both
turned at the same time to look at the door to the women's room.
     "I think this is a job for you," Mike said when Amy failed to
reappear.
     "Why m-" I started to complain when he whacked me in the head.
"Oh."

***
12:59 29 Jul

     "Amy?"  She was staring at herself in the mirror when I came in,
which meant that I wouldn't have to try to figure out some way of
identifying which stall was holding her at the time.  I'd worried,
because I couldn't think of a good way to do it if she didn't want to
answer a verbal ping.
     She hadn't said anything, she was just staring at herself in the
mirror, and so I said again, "Amy?"
     She turned to face me then.  "I don't want to know anything more
about it," she said decisively.
     I had to make sure.  "About-"
     "About you and... him."  She looked grim.
     "Okay," I eventually agreed.  "But, uh, Mike and I wondered if you
were okay or-"
     "I am NOT 'okay', and just leave me the fuck alone!" she snapped,
and then wheeled around and went out of the bathroom.
     I sighed, and leaned against the wall.  This was going as badly as
I'd feared it would, which is why I'd kept it secret.  I guess I should
have told Mike, but I guessed that the rest of the world was going to
act like Amy was.
     *Kim-  Pack-  DEBBIE!* I realized, and got sick again.  *Oh, God,
when she hears about this I'm gonna die.  She laughed about Kevin or
whatever his name was, but you could hear it underneath, and he wasn't
even in the same school she was; she couldn't hurt him as bad as she can
me.  Oh crap.*  And the things she could do to me were legion.
     I was a dead man.  Or whatever.
     Doing anything with Travis was starting to look like the stupidest
thing I had ever done.
     My watch beeped then, though, which reminded me that time was
passing, and I had no idea how long it had been since I sent Travis to
watch the kids eat, and as I looked at my watch and saw it was thirteen
o'clock, so to speak, I realized I had no idea when anything else had
happened.

***
13:03 29 Jul

     "Thirty minutes," Mike said after he checked his watch.  "Seemed
longer."
     It seemed like it had been days ago since I had last seen the kids,
Kim, and the cause of all of today's problems, Travis.
     "Let's go find them," I sighed.  I'd die later, but I had to get
the kids safely home, and I thought I had at least that long.

***
13:08 29 Jul

     "Hey!" Ricky waved at us, and I smiled at him.  Then I glanced
over, and Mike was looking around casually, I mean real-casual not
fake-casual, I could tell, and Amy still looked grim.
     "Amy," I said softly, "at least try not to be upset around the
kids, please?"
     She tried to slug me, which was not unexpected, which was a good
thing because I could duck out of the way this time.  But it was a bad
thing, because she was serious about trying to injure me this time.
     "Amy," Mike warned, and she stopped.  "Let's eat something, not
fight."
     Good advice, I thought, except for the eating part.  I wanted some
carbonated syrup and that was about it.
     Amy stopped, thank Ghu, and we walked up to the table.  Amy sat
down as far away from me as she could get, and Travis was looking at me.
     "We talked," I smiled at him.
     I guess he was telepathic, because he went sort of pale and started
breathing faster.
     "It's okay," I told him, and patted him on the shoulder.  "It'll
wait until later, anyway."  Mike nodded at Kim.
     "What?" Gary complained, and was a bit shocked when we all said
very firmly, "NOTHING!"
     Pause.
     "So what's good?" Mike asked, picking up a menu.

***
13:12 29 Jul

     Apparently Mike wanted me to have some fries, too, because there
was no way he could eat his entire order and the fries he'd asked for as
a side dish while looking at me.
     *On the other hand,* I wondered...

***
13:14 29 Jul

     "So what do you guys want to do next?" I asked the boys as I pulled
the map out of my pack again.  That at least got some conversation
started.  The silence was about to make me start screaming, and I wasn't
sure I'd be able to stop.

***
13:15 29 Jul

     "That's baby stuff," Gary said scornfully about David's ideas,
which involved the Hanna-Barbera section of the park.
     "It is NOT!" David said hotly back.
     "Guys!" I ordered, hoping to keep them from beating on each other
right here and now.  "Gary, what's wrong," I remembered something then,
"with something a little lighter before we go to the water park?"
     They sort of blinked at that, like they were thinking, 'Oh yeah,
water park'.
     "Since you have to wait an hour anyway, after eating," I said to
twist the knife.  Predictably, all three of them sighed at that.

***
13:29 29 Jul

     Since Mike wouldn't let me dump the fries or take them with me for
later - I knew him better than that - I had to eat them now and here;
since the kids and Travis had been there almost an hour, I didn't have
time to wait until my appetite came back, because the kids might explode
from unreleased energy; so I had to scarf them down as quick as I could.
     "You're gonna choke if you keep eating like that," Kim told me
neutrally.  I thought about saying that that was the idea, but that was
going to get me in more trouble than I was currently in.  Slightly.

***
13:40 29 Jul

     "Ready?" I asked rhetorically as I got up.  The kids beat feet out
the door before I could get more than halfway across the restaurant
after them.  Strollers were far more encumbering than their weight-
     "Valerie," Travis rumbled from six-high, like he had a tendency to
do.  "What is going-"
     I stopped and turned to face him.  "Mike and Amy now know
everything, and I need to talk to Kim for a minute on the same topic-"
     "What happened to your wrist?" he said, grabbing the left one and
pulling it up and between us.
     "I got a cut," I edited.  "It's not impor-"
     "Valer-
     "Travis, please, Amy's about ready to blow, Debbie may just
organize a Wild Hunt to rip me to pieces when she hears this, and Kim's
one of her best friends, and I don't know what to do at the moment."
     He sighed, and his eyes looked dark as he stared back at me.
     "You and I can talk later," I said, hating my life intensely at
that point, because I had a lot of talking to do because of one moment
of pleasure-
     *Like you could have avoided it forever,* the part of my head that
sounded like Mike said scornfully.  *And it wasn't just one moment.*
     *Shut up,* I told myself.  I told Travis, "But we have to catch the
kids before they run off and fall in some gears or something."
     "Later?" he said, not reacting to my last sentence.
     "Okay, tonight," I submitted.  "But not now."
     He finally nodded, and I whirled around and pushed the stroller in
front of me as I made my way out of the restaurant to try and find-
     And there they were, all three of them, snapping at each other like
a litter of puppies.  "See I told you she wanted us to wait!" Ricky
argued.

***
13:47 29 Jul

     Mike had apparently talked some sense or discretion or something
into Amy, because they was escorting the boys on the wimpier rides in
the area like the Beastie, and I got to talk with Kim.
     Unfortunately, I didn't think having Travis around would be a good
idea.  And he didn't want to leave me.
     "Travis, please, I just need to talk with her alone for a while."
     "Valerie!" he protested.  "I can handle-"
     "It's not YOU, Travis.  I think that if you're there, SHE will clam
up and not talk," I said, not too loud.
     He looked up, and then looked around, and then said very firmly,
"SHIT!" and kicked a trash can.
     "Don't be angry at her...  This is all my fault, and you know it,"
I sighed.  "I fucked this one up about six ways to Sunday."
     The glare he turned on me at that instant told me he thought that
too, whatever came out of his mouth.
     "How long?" came out of his mouth.  "Should I wait?" he added.
     I took a wild guess, and said, "Come back in fifteen minutes,
okay?  If I need more time I'll do this," and showed him a brush-off
hand signal.  Fifteen minutes ought to be long enough to give me an idea
of what was going to happen, and I might need to get him quick and get a
head start out of here, since he was my ride home.  And Mike would
rescue the kids if I had to run, I knew.  "Okay?" I asked, and he
nodded.
     Pause, in which he did not leave.
     "Valerie," he said softly.
     "Travis, I'm so sorry," I said, so inadequately, and hugged him.
Or he hugged me.  And it still felt good.  Damnit.
     Damn everything.

***
13:49 29 Jul

     I'd had some bad times in amusement parks, but this was looking a
lot worse than the time I got lost for six hours-
     "How long," Kim asked, "have you two been-"
     "Since after Debbie broke up with me, okay?"
     "Don't get so defensive, Val," she said.  "I was just-"
     "Me?  Defensive?  Why would I be defensive just because Debbie
might decide to kill me if she hears about this?"  And the most likely
route for her to hear the news was sitting next to me on the bench.
     She blinked.  "What?"
     "She kept throwing me in front of him and then telling me how upset
she'd be if I ever did anything with him, or any other guy... YOU figure
it out, genius!"
     "Val," she sighed.  "I think she's a little bit past that... she's
dating someone else right now, and not-"
     "What?  Who?"
     "Never MIND-"
     "Who is she dating?" I repeated.
     She shook her head at me and said, "You're dating Travis right now
and have been since after you broke up with Debbie.  It doesn't matter
to you right now, okay?"
     It did, but I could tell she wasn't going to tell me who it was,
which probably meant she didn't approve of him, whoever he was, either.
Damnit.
     "So she's not going to do anything to you because I don't think
she's interested, and even if she does get some stupid idea in her head,
we won't let her, just like Mike won't let you do something stupid."
     "You mean that?"
     "Duh!" she said at me, cocking her head.
     I took a deep breath of relief.  Half of Debbie's power was her
leadership; if Kim would keep the rest of her friends from assaulting
me, that kept Debbie's retaliation down to things she could talk other
random people into, like at school - and it wasn't like they'd been that
nice before; there wasn't that much she could change - or what she would
do herself, and she wasn't especially inclined to direct action.  Maybe
if it was right in front of her, yeah, but not like an assassin's plot.
That was more Mike's province.
     I might live more than a few days.  That was a weird feeling-
     "So what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked.
     I sighed.  "Kim, who else are you gonna tell about this?"
     "Who do you want me to tell?"
     "What?  NOBODY!"
     "So I just hide it like you've been doing-"
     "Kim," I said carefully, "I could die if this gets-"
     "Not everyone, dumbfuck," she snapped, losing some patience.  "Do I
tell your FRIENDS, the ones who care about you?  The ones who were
begging to find out if you were okay when you came back in a walking
coma, remember those people?"
     "Kim-"
     "I mean, yeah it's kind of weird, Val, but shit, it's not like it's
completely unbelievable."
     "What?"
     She shook her head, but this was a gentler version.  "Val, come
on... I mean, you've been doing this how long?"  She grabbed a fold of
my skirt and flapped it at me.
     "What does-"
     "Everything?"
     Pause.
     "What?"
     She shook her head again.  "Val, I dunno...  I thought it was
almost inevitable that you'd at least try something once with one guy,
though I didn't think-"
     "This is NOT a transitional relation-"
     "What?  Did I even mention that?" she countered.  "Val," she said
calmly as she held up a silencing hand, "you hang around with a bunch of
girls, a bunch of femmy girls, and we all date guys...  I mean, I hate
to bring up peer pressure, but how can you do that, do Val all the time,
hang with us, and NOT wonder what guys are like?"
     Pause.
     "I guess you're kinda right," I admitted, and she nodded knowingly.
"But that's not all of it, though, I mean, I...  I..."
     I ran out of verbal steam.
     "Do you like him?" she asked.
     "Yeah," I admitted, looking down at Stella.
     "What's he like?" she asked, and when I looked up again, she was
smiling encouragingly at me.

***
13:51 29 Jul

     "So who do I tell?" Kim asked.
     I sighed.  And I thought.  And I thought.  And I thought.  And I
had an idea.  "Who do YOU think I should tell?"
     She rocked back a little bit.  "Oooh," she grimaced.
     "Good, I thought it was just me that was having trouble with it," I
smiled back at her.
     She nodded, still thinking herself.  "Everyone, I guess-"
     "What?!"
     "I mean, everyone like, Jill and Pam, and Sabrina and-"
     "Sabrina?  You'd tell her?"
     "Why not?"
     It just seemed wrong.
     "It just seems wrong," I finally said.
     "It's not as bad as you think it is," she nodded.  "Or, maybe it
is, but it's not like we can't handle it."
     "B-"
     "Remember Pam's 'little problem'?  Or Deb's?  Or Lisa's suicide
attempt?  Or-"
     "But-"
     "This is, I hate to say it, relatively easy to deal with, Val," she
shrugged.  "Not for you maybe, and not if it was public knowledge or
anything, but...  I mean, he likes you, right?"  I nodded.  "And you
like him?  And you two have found a way to date in public without, uh,
exciting comment?" she grinned.
     "I didn't exactly find it myself," I reminded her, but she waved
that away.
     "Not important," she said.  "So you two can go out-  How did you
two find the privacy to, uh..."
     I figured out that no matter how liberal she claimed everyone was,
that it was going to be a problem to try and talk about it.  "Go down on
him?" I said out loud, to see what it would do to her.
     Nothing at all.  "That, and whatever else you two've done together.
Where did you do it?  Back of his truck?"
     "No...  He has a garage apartment, and so it was almost like being
at home or something, except no parents."
     "Nice," she smiled and nodded.
     "But what were you saying about 'easy'?" I pressed.
     She made a face.  "Val, if the two of you like each other, know
what's going on with each other, and have a private place, then it's
just sort of weird dating.  You seem to have been in good spirits, at
least before today, but that's out in the open now, and so you don't
have to hide it any more, or worry about us finding out."
     "I still have to wor-"
     "Yes," she agreed without waiting for me to say what else I had to
worry about, "but YOU are okay with dating him, or you'd be in another
coma right now, I think.  And you haven't BEEN that upset the last few
weeks, so I guess everything just between you and Travis is going
alright, right?"
     I nodded eventually.
     "So 'The Problem'," she intoned, "is just 'Who do you tell' and
'What do you tell them', not 'Can I live any longer like this', right?"
     Pause.
     "And we already know the answers to some of those," she continued,
"like we don't announce the banns at school."
     "The what?"
     Kim admitted, "Never mind, stupid joke.  Anyway, we don't tell
everyone at school, we cut out references to Travis if we're talking
around most people, so we don't even have to decide what to tell them
because we already know the answer is 'As little as possible', right?"
she confirmed.
     Pause.
     "So how come you know all this?  You're better than my therapist."
     She replied, "In case you haven't noticed, Val, we are one fucked
up bunch of women...  And we learned to deal with things like this from
dealing with each other."  She made a painful face then, which I didn't
need to ask about.  "Looks like the kids are coming back," she said,
which confused me greatly until I looked around and saw the boys running
up, with Mike and Amy trailing them.

***
13:58 29 Jul

     "We have to wait for Trav-" I started to say, and then stopped,
because the ones I wanted to take it slow were currently shrieking and
dashing towards the water park end of things, and Kim and Amy both
failed to slow them down.  "Oh, God," I sighed as I started pulling
myself out of the baby sling.
     "The deity you have petitioned has been disconnected or is no
longer in service," Mike said.  "If you feel you have reached this
recording in error, please check your pineal gland and try your prayer
again."
     I chuckled a bit, but I had to get those kids back into my zone of
control immediately.  "Here, Mike, hold Stella," I instructed.
     "What?" he said, not at all amused.
     "Just hold her for a minute," I said as I pushed the sling into his
chest, which made him grasp Stella almost in reflex.  "And don't drop
her."  Not like I really thought he would, but anyway.
     I took several steps away, pulled out the whistle, and blew really
REALLY hard.
     It definitely worked as an attention getter; everyone that I could
see looked my way immediately.  Giving Stella to Mike didn't work,
however; she instantly started screaming.  I sighed, and picked her back
up and wriggled into the sling again, just in time to see the boys come
racing back as they pummeled each other.
     The way today had gone, I was more than surprised.
     Mike whistled, short rising notes, and yelled out, "Come on boys,
come on!  C'mere!" and patted his leg.  I thought about kicking him, but
it seemed to be working, even if they were now barking at us as they
came back.

***
14:01 29 Jul

     "Tallyho, I'll get Amy," Mike said quietly before going up to Amy
and talking to her for a few moments before they both walked off.
     I looked around for the target, and saw Travis standing nearby,
hesitant and watching me.  I glanced back and waited until Amy
disappeared, then nodded at him.
     "How'd it go?" he asked when he got close enough to me.
     "Good enough, I guess..." I admitted.  I checked around, saw no
Amy, and opened my arms for a badly-needed hug.

***
14:07 29 Jul

     I'd found a stall to change in, which was nice, since I didn't feel
like explaining everything to a whole bunch of strange women.  Or normal
ones, which was actually the situation.  Regardless, I was locked up and
alone, and I had confidence that Travis and Kim could take care of
Stella for a few minutes, with the boys assisting with advice.
     Though I wasn't stupid; I WAS hurrying.

***
14:12 29 Jul

     "Come on," Travis tried to entice me.
     I looked at the stairs, going allllll the way up to the top, and I
wanted to pass out just looking at them.  "Travis," I said softly, "I
want to sit down for a while, please?  Have some fun up there.  I'll be
waiting, uh..."  I looked around, spotted an umbrella by the wave pool
that wasn't occupied, and pointed.  "Over there.  Please have some fun
for me?  And we'll ride together when I'm feeling a little better."
     He hugged me unexpectedly, then, lightly enough that he didn't
crush Stella.  It felt so good, I didn't want him to let go, but he did
anyway very shortly.
     Then I thought to check around, but Amy wasn't visible.  Probably
using up my last remaining scraps of luck, too.
     "Thanks," I smiled at him.  "Now, go on.  I'll be watching for you,
and you'd better score well."
     "What am I getting scored on?"
     "That'd be telling," I told him, and gave him a little push.  "Go,
already!"

***
14:14 29 Jul

     Sitting down, and pulling my legs in, felt so good.
     Stella started to cry for food, but I had everything close at hand,
so that wasn't a real problem either.  I even had a plastic cup to glop
the baby mush into so I could dump the glass jar before I got yelled at.
I just had no energy left.  Not that that mattered; I had to do it
anyway.

***
14:18 29 Jul

     I was watching the end of the slide in between watching the spoon
and Stella's mouth; comments about skin absorption aside, it would
really be a bad idea to shove lamb mush into her nose.  Amy came down
first, actually smiling and happy at that moment.
     I sighed.  Mike and her had picked the same thing that the boys,
and Kim and Travis, wanted to go on.

***
14:20 29 Jul

     Travis made it down, and when he regained his feet, he looked for
me, spotted me, and waved.  I waved back, trying to look like I was
having fun.  I was actually fluttering between completely numb and deep
black depression, but I didn't want to look it because he'd get upset.

***
14:27 29 Jul

     I caught Mike's attention, him being the only one down there at the
moment, then I pointed at the baby and then towards the bathroom.  He
nodded, and so I got up to go clean Stella off and change her diaper
again as he advanced to watch the stuff.  Mush in, mush out, apparently.

***
14:33 29 Jul

     It took me long enough to recognize Gina, who apparently liked
visiting amusement parks on gray days at least as much as I did, that
she made it all the way into a bathroom stall and shut the door before I
could do more than start to recognize her.  *That's Gina from my
school,* I thought as she dropped her purse and threw the latch.
     And she'd smiled at me, and I'd smiled back while my brain was
spooling up, before I realized that doing so was a probably a bad idea.
     "Ahhhhhhphhbbbbb," Stella bubbled at me.
     "Yeah, no kidding," I replied, and then got on with re-diapering
her.  I'd have panicked, but I'd used all that up already, and the worst
thing she could do was leave me alone, which was going to happen because
it was the worst thing that she could do.

***
14:36 29 Jul

     Gina smiled at me without apparent recognition as I came up to the
sinks to wash my hands, and then she stuffed some makeup back in her
purse, turned, and left.  *Knew it,* I thought.

***
14:40 29 Jul

     "Look, Tuck, I'm gonna try and keep Amy away from you for a while,
okay?" Mike said.  He waved someone over as I fell down on our stuff
again, and when I could I looked out to see Travis approaching.  "I
think it's a Really Good Idea at the moment," he emphasized.
     "Yeah," I agreed, and he took off.

***
14:41 29 Jul

     "Come on, Val, it's fun!" Ricky tried to entice me.
     "I know it is," I said with as much strength as I could manage.
"I'll go in a little while."
     "We CAME to have FUN," he told me.
     I'd had far too much fun as it was already, and if I had much more
I was simply going to stop my own heart.  "I know," I said, "and you're
having fun, aren't you?"
     "You're not."
     "I am," I lied, trying to sound a little astonished that he would
think anything different.  "Shade, book, baby, you guys-"
     "You're just sitting there.  Come on and ride something!  I can
watch Stella again for a couple of minutes," he offered as he squatted
down next to me.
     If I got up to strangle him, because he was just that extra bit out
of reach, then I'd have to move.
     "Hey," Mike said as he came back up, dripping again from some ride
or other.  "Ricky, not to be wandering off," he said.
     "What?" Ricky said back, apparently confused by Mike's genetically
inevitable mangling of English, or at least that's what Mike claimed it
was when it made its irregular appearances.
     "Don't wander off," Mike reiterated.
     "I'm right here," Ricky pointed out.  "And Valerie needs to go on a
ride or something instead of just sitting here."
     "Yeah," Mike said, looking at me, "you do.  And Kim and Amy want to
sit for a while, so they can watch the baby.  Come on," he told me, and
stuck a hand out to help me up.
     I slowly stuck a bookmark in my book, put the book in my pack, and
let Mike help me to my feet.  Everything hurt as I moved.  "Ricky, stay
here," I managed to say without adding 'Aaaaaah!' or 'Oh God the pain!'
or something similar.

***
14:43 29 Jul

     "Amy's pissed," Mike told me as we waited in line for the
Sidewinder, "partially because of you, partially because of a neighbor
or something?"  He was ignoring Travis, apparently, who was watching me
and Mike carefully from behind me.
     "The one who she liked a lot that died of AIDS," I explained.  "It
hit her hard."  To edit it down to almost nothing.
     Mike nodded.  "That'd do it, partially.  Think she's got some
issues about that.  And that's scared her too."
     "I've been-"
     "I told her you were," Mike said, "because you know better."
     He pointed a warning finger at Travis, then, who frowned and looked
confused at the same time.
     "Uh, Mike, I'm taking care of it, okay?" I said hastily, and Mike
turned to point at me with the finger.  "I swear, okay?"
     I signed out <A-D-E-N-D-A later,> and it took him a while before
he nodded and said, "Yeah, but that's not how you spell that."
     "What?  Who cares-"
     "Oh, do shut up," he sighed at me.
     Pause.
     "The other thing that Amy's pissed about," Mike continued, "or what
Kim told me she figured out from what Amy wasn't actually saying, was-"
     "What?"  I asked, "Can you try that again except in English?"

***
14:45 29 Jul

     When I got it, I asked, "Okay, so what did, uh, what else did you
two deduce?"
     "Induce."
     "Whatever!"
     Mike continued, "That a lot of why Amy was upset is that she was
interested in Travis, that she thought he was sort of interested in her,
and that she didn't go after him because she didn't want to upset you
since you weren't dating anyone at the time and she didn't want to rub
your face in her dating."
     Pause.
     "What?" was Travis' comment.
     "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my LIFE," I said.
     "Okay, bozo, you tell HER that," Mike told me.
     "I don't think she'll ever talk to me again," I sighed, the black
washing back over my brain.  "If I'm lucky."
     "Give it a couple of days, leave her alone and don't bug her about
it, let her pick the time," Mike advised.  "She seems to have picked up
your mom's temper."
     "Great," I moaned.  "Just wonderful."
     "Tuck," he said seriously, and touched my shoulder.  "I think it'll
come out okay, just leave her alone for a while to deal with it, and
when she comes to scream at you, just stay calm."
     "Oh, sure...  Calm."
     "Arguing would just make it worse.  I tried that, and she almost
picked a fight, physical, with me on top of one of the slides.  Not
clever."
     "No," I agreed.
     "Is there anything I can do?" Travis asked.
     Mike looked at him.  "Um..."  Mike looked away, at me instead.  "I
hate to say this, but if you could keep your hands off Valerie here and
vice versa when Amy's around for the rest of the day, then it's a lot
less likely that Amy will explode and kill us all, ya know?"
     "You HATE to say it?" Travis asked, sounding stunned.
     Mike looked at him for a moment, then looked at me again for a
while before he said anything.  Then, he said, "Look, Val likes you.
That's between you and her.  Val lied to me," and I felt the flush of
deep shame spread over my face, "and that's between her and me.  But if
you two like each other, that's fine with me."
     It wasn't, I could tell, but he was apparently going to force
himself to ignore that it wasn't okay with him.
     Travis cupped a hand around my shoulder, and Mike turned away, but
he flashed me an 'Ok' sign as he did.  "You'd think on a day like today
that the line'd move faster, wouldn't you?" he said casually.
     I finally decoded what Mike was doing - purposefully Not Watching
me and Travis, so we could do whatever and he wouldn't get upset - and I
almost started to cry again, but I backed up against Travis and pulled
his arm around me, and that helped some.  Enough, at least.

***
14:49 29 Jul

     The ride was wet, mildly disorienting, made my wrist hurt when the
water penetrated the Band-Aids, and ended in a splash pool without me
flipping the tube over, which was a good thing.
     As I was paddling my way towards someplace I felt better about
getting off the tube - I might be able to do it without embarrassing
myself this year - I noticed Travis was wading out to meet me, towing
his tube behind him with one arm.
     "Hey," he called, and I waved back, and then he was there with me,
and I didn't know what to do with him.
     Then my tube flipped over, taking me with it, and I ended up with
Travis holding on to me as we squeaked in surprise at each other.
     Then I figured out what had happened, and yelled, "MIKE!" but he
was still underwater and couldn't hear me.
     "Are you okay?" he asked.
     I sighed instead of answering, and adjusted my hands around his
neck so we would both be more comfortable.  "It's better," I evaded.
     He kissed me on the forehead, and then let me down, and we both
started wading out.

***
14:51 29 Jul

     Amy glared at me as I got closer to the stroller, the baby, the
boys, Kim, and her, then she called to the boys and got up and left with
them.  *Calm and patient,* I told myself.  It didn't help.
     "Hey," Kim called, listlessly waving an arm at me.
     "Whatsup?" I asked as I got within easy voice range.
     "'M still tired, want to rest some more," she sighed lazily.
"How're you?"
     "Okay, I guess," I lied.  I was far past tired.
     "Have a seat," she indicated the spot where Amy had been sitting.

***
16:38 29 Jul

     Stella's whine woke me up, but I had to blink a few times before I
found her and picked her up.  "'Sup?" I asked her rhetorically, checking
her diaper.  It was still dry.  "You can't be hungry yet, it's only..."
I checked my watch.  "Four thirty," I said.  *Four thirty?* I wondered.
     Stella continued to whine, and she pawed at her face a few times.
     "What, is it..." I tried to get her to open her mouth, but she kept
turning her face away.  Finally, I got tired of the game, and she hadn't
stopped fussing, so I stuck my thumb in, intending to pry her mouth open
a bit to check and see what had her upset.
     I would have said she bit the shit out of my thumb, but she didn't
have any teeth yet.  On the other hand, 'gummed' implies something a lot
less painful than what she was doing.  But, when she bit down she
stopped whining, at least when I could hear again over my internal
scream of agony, and she grabbed on to my hand with both of hers like
she wanted to keep chewing.
     "Gahhhh," I said eventually.
     "Whatsup?" Mike asked, looking over at me.
     "She's jumping the gun on her weaning and trying to eat my thumb,"
I said fairly calmly.  "Raw."
     "Does she have any teeth?"
     "No, thank Ghu," I sighed.
     "Maybe she's teething?" Travis asked from the other side.  I hadn't
realized he was there until he said something.  Kim wasn't there, and
neither were the boys, I noticed as I looked around-
     Stella bit down harder, which I took as an affirmation.  "Aiii," I
commented.  "Yeah, that's it.  See if I have a teething thing in the bag
or something?  I don't think she's gonna let go."
     "A what?"
     I sighed.

***
16:49 29 Jul

     "Hey," Kim waved, "what's-  Where's-"  She pointed at my thumb,
which was well encased in Stella's mouth.  "What?" she finally and
simply asked.
     "Teething is when babies start growing teeth, or they start popping
out of the gums, and they want something to chew on to relieve the
discomfort, right?" I asked.
     "What?"
     I sighed.

***
16:50 29 Jul

     "So they went to go see if one of the shops by chance had a
teething ring," I finished.  "Where's everyone else?"
     "Amy's running the boys into the ground bodysurfing," Kim sighed as
she sprawled on the ground.  "They are not going to be a problem for you
on the way home, unless you strain your back trying to get their
sleeping carcasses out of the back seat."
     "That's good," I sighed.
     "You still sound pretty tired yourself," Kim observed.  "I thought
the nap would do you good."
     I guess a nap is where almost two hours had gone.  "Uh, maybe it
did, but I'm still tired."
     "Well, give it maybe another half hour and..."  And Stella clamped
and imitated chewing which sort of whited out whatever Kim was saying.
     "Uh, yeah," I lied when I could talk again; I had no idea what I
was saying 'Yeah' to.  "How's Amy?"
     "Still pretty pissed, but she's not showing it to the boys, at
least," Kim nodded at me.  "Did Mike talk to you, about-"
     "Amy?  I think so," I nodded, and winced as Stella tried to crush
my thumb again.  "Gahhhh," I mentioned.

***
16:57 29 Jul

     The guys returned, Travis holding something up triumphantly.
Unfortunately, I couldn't see what it was.  Maybe my eyes were watering
too much from the pain.
     As he got closer, I squinted and blinked a lot and squinted, and it
did indeed look like a ring of translucent plastic, which was at this
point close enough that I dared retrieve my other thumb, her first
choice having been yanked when I couldn't stand it any more.
     Stella immediately started to whine, which felt a lot like
fingernails on a blackboard, but Travis hurried with the ring, and when
he handed it to me I stuck it in her mouth and she shut the hell up
without bruising a part of me.  Another part.
     "Oh, God, thank you," I smiled in relief.
     "Kim had one in her car," Mike nodded as he came up too.
     "I did?" Kim said, sounding surprised.

***
16:59 29 Jul

     Kim and Mike had gone to get the boys back from Amy before she
exhausted them and they drowned, and I was left with the stuff, the
baby, and Travis.  I wriggled closer to him, and he put his arm around
me.
     "This," he sighed, "really wasn't what I had in mind for today."
     "I know," I replied as I rubbed my head against his chest.  "Me
neither.  I thought you and three boys and a baby would be enough
excitement..."  He chuckled once.
     Pause.  God, I was tired.
     "Matt and Kim are alright, though," he said like he knew.
     "What?"
     "Did you tell them, about us I mean?"
     I was beginning to wonder if chlorine was all they were adding to
the water.  "What?"
     "Well, I mean," he said slowly and calmly, "they acted like they
expected it or something.  The way you acted, and looked, I thought it
was going to be really bad, but except for Amy- well, I guess Matt and-"
     "Mike?" I finally guessed.
     "Yeah, sorry," he said.  "Mike, and Kim, uh, they didn't look
anywhere near as freaked out as you did."  He sounded a little amazed by
that.  I was a lot amazed, myself.
     I sighed, and just wriggled a little tighter against him.  "I," I
said eventually, "don't even want to think about it, really, not now...
But it's okay, I guess, with them.  Maybe it's just Amy that's the big
problem right now..."  I hoped so.  I knew Mike and I were close again,
and I wasn't going to keep any secrets of mine from him any more - you'd
think I'd have learned that lesson last time - but there was still a
gnawing sense of worry about Kim and the rest of the Pack, and then I
still had absolutely no idea what Amy was going to do.
     Some guys from school wandered past towards the water park exit,
with Gina and a few other girls in tow, and Gina looked over at me and
smiled, kind of, before turning back towards the conversation she was
in.
     "Is there anything I can do?" Travis asked from out of nowhere.
     "I think I want to go home," I told Travis.

***


"NA SCHON AM AUSPEITSCHEN?"  -- Already getting whipped?


Distribution:
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+ ==[--------   Ellen Hayes   @>--,--'---      ellen@barkingduck.net +
PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313  6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC
+ http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +


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