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Tuck Of Many Things -*- Copyright 2008 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
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All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck Of Many Things


***
07:57 22 Nov

     Jennie squinted at me some more and accused, "Do you have MAKEUP
on?"
     "Uh, no, I washed it all off, I thought."
     I then realized I wasn't as awake, or at least as alert, as I
wanted to be.  Else, I wouldn't have said that.
     She started to laugh, and I mentally shrugged and had some more
Dew.

***
07:59 22 Nov

     I did some thinking, and so when she got finished, I said, "Well, I
don't care if you believe me or not.  So what exactly happened at the
wedding?"  Because I didn't actually care that much - what was she gonna
do, not date me?  Fail to invite me to her social events?  Turn me into
a social outcast? - but I didn't want to hear about it.  I also didn't
want her to talk about it, and the best way to help her forget it was to
treat it casually.
     "Huh?  How'd you hear about that?"
     "Nicole?"
     "Oh yeah, right," she agreed.  "Stupid bitch!"
     "Nic-"
     "My cousin!  Stupid bitch," she complained again.

***
08:28 22 Nov

     "And then it's like the fucking whore bitch has to see BOTH, I mean
she wants to be taking the perfect picture AND be in all of them, and
like how can you do both?  But the stupid bitch was trying, and so it
took like FIVE times as long as it should have..."
     I was slowly coming to favor elopement.
     "And the guy's like a professional wedding photographer!  I mean,
he should know how to do it, better than her, 'cause she never even
graduated, right?"
     I nodded when I realized I'd best nod if I didn't want to get
abused.  "Oh yeah, I mean, what was she-"
     "But no, she's gotta take-  I mean like look-through-the-viewfinder
take ALL the fucking pictures.  AND she wants to be IN all of them!"
     Jennie, I realized, didn't want to discuss anything; she just
wanted a sonic ACK every so often.  But not the same one, so I couldn't
just do a simple reflex response.  I wished I could write some sort of
checksum algorithm in my brain to handle it...
     On the other hand, it was sort of funny, all the awful.  Even a
couple of other girls in the classroom were listening.

***
11:56 22 Nov

     As we were cleaning our fingernails off from the last round, Jennie
asked me, "So, um, can you give me a ride to lunch if I give you a
dollar?"
     "Oh, uh..."  'You need to eat!' came sailing in from Mike.  "Yeah,
that'd be okay.  I need to eat more anyway."  *Yes Mike, shut up and
leave me alone.*
     She frowned.  "Why?"
     "Oh, I'm really underweight, after being sick," I explained.
     Her eyebrows went up.  "I thought you were like dieting or
something."
     "No.  Well, technically, I guess, but I'm trying to ADD weight."
     She shook her head.  "Man, you are like the only one in the
world..."
     "Yeah, I know.  It's been mentioned."
     "So how much do you need to add?"  She shook her head again.  "Man
that is so fucked UP," she complained.  "Anyway."
     "Uh, wh-  Oh.  About ten pounds, I think," I said.
     She smiled.  "Hey, I've got ten pounds I could stand to lose; wanna
buy 'em?"
     We laughed.  "Where, though?  You look good, I mean."  The only way
she could be hiding ten pounds to lose is if she was smuggling uranium
under her clothes.  And then, losing it should be simple.
     "Yeah, well, you know guys; if I don't look anorexic..."  She
shrugged.
     "Aw, f-  To hell with 'em," I changed my mind.  "Besides, I
actually prefer girls with a little padding, you know?"  Pam had been a
little boney, and I had gotten banged a few times.  So to speak.  "I
mean, if I got to pick or something.  Actually, so does every guy I've
ever talked to about it."  I did not feel it necessary to mention that
this was a sample size of about five.  I discounted my cousin Derek
because he was more of an asshole than George and entirely without any
of George's redeeming qualities.
     She looked skeptical.
     I thought about arguing, remembered that THAT trick NEVER worked,
and instead shrugged back at her.
     "So you wanna go out with me?" she asked, in this amazingly sour
tone that told me the answer was 'no'.  Or should be 'no'.
     "I am going out with you," I told her.
     "Wh-"
     "Lunch, remember?"  As her face twitched, I added, "But dutch,
though, 'cause you're a liberated woman."
     She laughed and complained, "Not that liberated!  Fuck THAT!"
     "If you wanna go out to lunch with me today, you gotta be that
liberated."
     "Aw man," she complained, but not seriously.  "So like no steak and
lobster and stuff?  That _I_ don't pay for?"
     "With you?  Fuck no, you're too skinny," I said, just to see what
THAT would do.

***
11:59 22 Nov

     "Whafuck?" I accidentally let out when we got outside.
     "Wh-"
     "Tuck!" my sister yelled as she waved at me.  Pam was also there,
and also waving.  "You need to eat, you skinny dork!"
     "Is that your girlfriend?" Jennie asked.
     I absently answered, "No, that's my sister.  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING HERE?" I yelled back as I headed her way.
     Jennie advised, "If she wants you in the wedding, RUN."
     I laughed, and nodded.  "No shit," I said back to her, as sort of
the final ACK.

***
12:01 22 Nov

     "How could you not notice my car?" Susan demanded.
     "Uh... last night I was sort of-"
     "You were DRUNK off your ASS, is what I heard," she interrupted.
     "Susan, could you like shut the fuck up momentarily?" I requested.
"What are you doing here, and wh-  I mean, I said I'd take Jennie out
for food and we've only got an hour."
     "You left HER," Susan pointed at Pam, "alone, in-"
     "She was SLEEPING!"
     "I wanted to see you!" Pam injected.  "Again.  'Cause tonight's
gonna be too busy."  She seemed kind of choked up.
     "Ton-  Oh fuck."  I'd forgotten.  "Oh fuck."
     Susan declared, "Not now, you have to eat."  Pam had a giggle spazz
into her hands and sort of stumbled sideways.  "How much do you weigh?"
     "Suze-"  I huffed at her.  "Fine, let's go eat.  Your car."  I
wished I could take my car, and then sort of 'accidentally' get lost and
ditch her that way, but that would likely leave either Jennie or Pam in
her clutches, which would be bad.  I could take both Pam and Jennie in
my car, but then Susan would be too suspicious to fall for it.  And I
had to come back here anyway.  "We have to be back by one."

***
12:06 22 Nov

     We ended up at a Gold Star Chili, because Susan was pining for the
swill.  And driving.  I should've known it was a bad idea to let her
drive.  And she made Pam sit in front and me in the back, too.
     When we got there, and Jennie and I unfolded from the back, I waved
Pam over and asked, quickly because my sister was gonna break this up as
soon as she noticed I was conspiring against her, "Two things, real
quick.  One, are we publically dating?"
     Pam giggled, which was wasting valuable non-Susan seconds.  I just
took her arm and gently pulled her along, in the hopes this would
confuse Susan long enough.  "Um," she finally said, "if you want to?"
     "Yes.  Two; can we PDA in front of Susan?"
     She stopped and slipped an arm behind my back, which I thought was
a pretty good yes.  Which was about the time Susan figured it out.
"Tuck!  Would you-"
     Then Pam kissed me, which was enough to distract me from the noise.

***
12:08 22 Nov

     "Why don't you two cool it while we're in here," Susan said, "so
you can order and eat and get back to class."  I was about to have a
shitfit on her when Pam distracted me with a hand under my coat, in a
not-quite-lewd-but-not-very-decorous-either place.  Susan, thankfully
oblivious, went on, "How com-  How many Saturdays have you been doing
this?  Coming to class I mean?"
     "Oh christ," I sighed.
     "ALL of them," Pam said sourly.  "Since..."
     "So," I tried, "why are YOU here?  Aren't you supposed to be in
college?  Elsewhere?"  FAR away, was what I meant.
     "Because YOU," Susan accused, "are not AVAILABLE this weekend,
because you have to make up your cosmet-"
     "Makeup makeup!" Jennie discovered.  "Hahahaha!"
     "Oh..."  This was gonna hurt, one way or another.

***
12:13 22 Nov

     Pam had tried to get out of eating, but Susan was being amazingly
oblivious and rude as well as free with her money and so somehow Pam had
a plate in front of her, and if she stopped eating Susan would do
something - I didn't know what, but I knew it was Susan doing it - to
make her start again.
     Which made it really hard to hate my sister, which I had previously
been enjoying after many months of abstinence.
     On the other hand, I was now feeding Pam bits of mine, and she was
feeding me bits of hers - I was sort of averaging them in my head, and
keeping us even - and Susan was just encouraging, telling disgusting
lies - I really REALLY hoped they were lies - containing very broad
'hints' as to what that sort of thing had led to when guys did it to
her.
     I managed not to throw up, which would have distracted Pam, because
it would have made Pam upset.  Maybe Jennie too.
     I was beginning to think that my sister had somehow melded with the
pod creature that had replaced her psychotic true self, and now she was
sort of averaged between them.  I mean, she was being a real interfering
bitch today, but she HAD brought my now-official girlfriend to lunch,
AND paid for her food, AND was encouraging her to eat, AND wasn't making
fun of me very much, AND hadn't charged me money for the ride, AND
hadn't tried to abuse or humiliate me yet.  Though that might still
happen, of course.
     Then Susan, nattering away, mentioned the unfortunate keyword
'wedding'.
     "Don't get me started on weddings," Jennie snarled, almost
trembling in eagerness to get started.
     "Oh?" Susan asked.  "What?"
     Jennie choked momentarily, so I summarized, "Jennie had to be in a
wedding with her... stepfather's sister's daughter?" I asked Jennie.
     Jennie agreed, "The bitch.  AND her crack-whore bridesmaids, and
that ASSWIPE...  Okay, like, first," she said to Susan, who was paying
attention.  Which meant that I didn't have to, I figured.
     I wriggled until Pam and I were half facing each other, which made
it easier to put a fry in her mouth.  She smiled and squinted at me, and
then grabbed my spoon and started making baby-feeding noises while waving
the spoon around.  *Great, now I gotta stay still,* I thought without
showing it, because I would prefer to eat my food and not wear it.
     "Pam, excuse me a second, could you shut the fuck up and just feed
him?  Be perverse with my little brother when I'm not here, m'kay?
Okay, so she called the bridesmaids," Susan said to Jennie, who picked
up right where she'd left off.
     Pam sighed, as did I.
     "You look lovely, though," I said to her, because she did.
     She got an impish smile, and leaned forward and said quietly, "So
do you."
     "Not.  Not like you."
     "Your nails look nice though."  She giggled at that.
     "Should I've left 'em painted?"  I had considered that,
momentarily, but decided that I didn't want to.  Of course, I hadn't
known Pam would be having lunch with me either.
     She glanced sideways, probably at my sister.  "Um, no.  But I bet
they looked really good though."

***
12:52 22 Nov

     "Um, V-Tuck?" Pam said as we found out it was still cold outside.
     "Yeah?"
     "I mean, I'm not like proposing like marriage or anything..."
     "But IF, you want to elope," I stated.
     She nodded, as she started to giggle.  "To another state."
     "Country maybe?"
     In a totally different tone of voice, she said, "You know where
I'd like to go?  Country I mean?"
     "Uh."  My brain flailed around for a while until it said, "Russia." 
     "What?  Why?"
     I had to ask myself that, but luckily got an answer.  "The ballet
there?  Sorry if-"
     "No, I mean, I didn't think of that, but yeah, that'd be kind of
neat," she agreed.
     "Okay, so-"
     "Tuck, get in the car," Susan interrupted.
     "Okay, but THIS time we are sitting TOGETHER in the BACK.  Or I'm
drivi-"
     "No fucking way."  No surprise there.
     "M'lady?  Can you fit in the back seat?" I asked Pam, maybe a bit
late but not TOO late.
     "Yeah?"
     "Oh good."  She was taller than I was, and Jennie was really short,
so from a sizing perspective it made more sense for Pam to sit in the
front, but I REALLY wanted to talk to her.
     Susan insisted, "No kissing!"
     "Yeah really!" Jennie agreed.
     "Bite me!" I suggested to Jennie.  "Ahhh!" I said when Pam did so.
Not that it really hurt...
     "None of THAT either!  Get in the car!"
     I wondered if I could somehow increase Susan's proportion of pod.

***
13:02 22 Nov

     "You're gonna be there tonight, right?"
     "Yeah," Pam agreed softly.  Then she kissed me, on the mouth.
     Nice long pause.  I noticed that I really wanted to go back to bed
with Pam.
     "Don't you have class?" Susan proclaimed.
     I disengaged from Pam and yelled over her shoulder, "Who me?  No!"
     Pam had some giggles at that, and protested, "Yes you do!"
     "Speaking of, Suze, could you do me a VERY large favor?"
     She glared at me, or maybe at Pam for letting me put an arm around
her waist.  "What?"  No, it was me she was glaring at.
     "Just pick me up a twelve-pack of Mountain Dew?"  She signed 'pay
me' which made me sigh but I dug out my wallet and handed her four
dollars.  "I want a receipt."
     "You want it here?  Fifty cent delivery charge."
     "Man!  Come on!  It won't take you that long!"
     "Fifty cents.  Mom and Dad..."
     "Oh DAMNIT.  Fine."

***
13:05 22 Nov

     "You've got lipgloss all over your mouth," Jennie said.
     "Mmmm."  I could taste it too.  Jennie snickered when I did.
     I sighed, because I did not want to be here, I wanted to be
somewhere with Pam - preferably in bed, though I think I'd prefer sleep
to anything else right now.
     "So how long have you been dating her?"
     "Oh, uh... sort of, we just started.  I mean dating-dating."
     She raised her eyebrows at that.  "What were you doing before
that?"
     "Oh, just, y'know, hanging out.  She likes ballet and stuff, so we
went to the ballet one night when someone else had some tickets and
invited us.  Stuff like that."
     "You went to the ballet?"
     "Yeah?  What's wrong with that?"
     She shrugged, and looked down as she got out some equipment.
"Just, I mean, I figured it was expensive, an' I've never gone.  Was it
good?"
     "Uh, yeah, I thought so.  I mean, if you like classical music, or
dance; otherwise no."  She shrugged.  "Okay, so what would you do on a
date?"
     "Are you asking me?" she asked suspiciously.
     "I'm asking you what you would do; I'm not asking you out," I
clarified.
     "Good," she agreed.  "'Cause, I mean, that's just like too..."
     "Too slimy?" I guessed.
     "Yeah, I mean, I just SAW her, y'know?"
     "Yeah.  Plus-"  I shuddered.  "My sister would probably strangle me
if I did something that, that crass."
     "Yeah that's a good word for it."
     I nodded agreement.  "So, like, what would you do for a date?"
     "Why are you asking me?  Ask her!"
     "Well, I figured, I can't-  I mean, you date, right?"
     "Well DUH, yeah."
     "So..."
     "It's just, I mean, you should ask HER what SHE likes, not me."
     "Well, I mean, but, you might have something that neither of us
would think of, that might be fun."
     "But I don't do stuff like go to the ballet and stuff."
     "That's not all I do either.  That was my first time, actually."
Though hopefully not the last; I HAD liked it.

***
13:18 22 Nov

     "tuckerrrrrr!"
     "Susan's back," I deduced.  "And I bet she doesn't know where the
cosmetology room is," I explained to Jennie as I stood up; that was why
her shriek was so quiet.

***
13:19 22 Nov

     "You look like such a pansy with your nails painted like that,"
Susan mentioned.
     "We have to practice on each other, Suze," I told her, trying for
patience.
     "Yeah, but, I mean, why not get some other people in here, do
them?"
     "You want your nails done?  By STUDENTS?"
     "It's not like it's my hair!"
     I didn't know why she thought her hair was special; she'd tortured
it enough when living at home that I'd thought it was going to die and
rot off.  I probably shouldn't have mentioned that out loud, at the
dinner table, in front of Mom, but I was younger and much dumber then.

***
13:22 22 Nov

     Susan claimed, "Yeah, like every col-"
     "You never did red," I pointed out.  "Not like really red-red."
     "Did Nicole really wear a wig?" Jennie asked.
     "Huh?" "What?"
     "When-  One time when I wasn't here, during that fucked up wedding
thing, Nicole was here, said you took her out to lunch, and then she
said she'd accidentally worn a wig out to lunch 'cause she forgot about
it?  Hold STILL!" she demanded of Susan.
     "Please," I said.  "Otherwise you get painted and shaped fingers,
not nails.  Oh yeah," I remembered.  "Yeah, but it looked okay on her,
the wig did.  So how come you never went for red?"
     "'Cause I look weird with true red hair," Susan claimed.
     "Dude, I bet you don't," I said, looking around for the wigs.
     "No, come on," Jennie said, "she said she has to be somewhere, so
do this first so she can go."
     "Yeah okay," I sighed.  Jennie would be a great mom someday; she
was already preventing me from having fun and I wasn't even interested
in dating her.
     "Didn't your mom object?" Jennie asked Susan.  "Or your dad?
'Cause my dad won't let me dye mine until next year, in class, when we
get to that point."
     "No, she fig-  I mean, they both figured that whatever I wanted to
do to myself, if I paid for it or whatever, it was my own problem.  But
they wouldn't pay to fix it either, if I did it, or had it done.  Shut
UP," Susan warned me.
     "I didn't say anything!"
     "That's because you want to live.  Remember that."
     I started to steam, but remembered that Susan would be leaving
relatively soon, and I could tell some Stupid Susan stories after she
left, without fear of interruption, contradiction, lame excuses, or
violence upon my person.  "Fine, whatever," I sneered, to lull her into
a false sense of superiority.

***
13:31 22 Nov

     Susan had pronounced herself satisfied, and left, finally - not
forgetting to annoy me about what time I was coming home and everything
else she could think of.
     "Good RIDDANCE," I finally sighed, when I was pretty sure she was
gone.
     "At least she's not talking about wedding shit," Jennie remarked.
     "Yeah, no-  Hey, have you considered therapy, to get over this
wedding trauma of yours?"
     "Fuck you!" she laughed.  "I'm just never doing that myself."
     "Getting married, or being a psychopath?"
     She grinned at me for a while, then raised her arms over her head
and made claws with her fingers and growled, "BridezzzzZILLA!"

***
17:02 22 Nov

     "No, I really have to get home," I told Jennie.
     "Shit.  I really hate taking the bus," she sighed, looking around.
     "Yeah, well..."  I couldn't blame her; I did too.  Which is why I
didn't.  "I really do have to get home.  Before my sister comes looking
for me."  Which was why I was saying 'no'.  "Hey, at least you saved a
buck.  At lunch," I reminded her. "You didn't pay my sister, did you?"
She shook her head.  "Cool," I said, then snickered.  "I can't believe
she missed her chance.  Oh well."  I was going to have to pay Susan
plenty, since she'd had to come down and take my place in the basement.
"Have fun tonight, right?"  At least I hoped so; she'd said she was
going on a date.
     On the other hand, with the way the wedding dissection had gone,
maybe I should be hoping it would turn out badly.

***
17:23 22 Nov

     "Jeez."  Susan was back, and Mike was here, as was Doc Treble with
her Suburban, and maybe I didn't have to bust my ass humping cans and
stuff because it was already done.

***
17:26 22 Nov

     And Doc Treble's trailer was already muchly loaded up, I'd noticed
as I came in through the back door.  "So you're done, right?" I asked
Mom, as she swilled Gatorade.
     "Nope, plenty to do still," Mom assured me.  *Damnit.*  "Susan's
nails look good, though.  Or did."
     "Did?"  Mom showed me a couple of ripped nails.  "Oh.  At least she
didn't pay money for the manicure."  I hoped Susan would remember that.
     "Maybe you could do them again?"
     "I don't have the tools, Mom," I told her, truthfully.  "Besides,
if she ripped 'em up, there's nothing I can do about it."
     "What?  What about-"
     "Wraps, tips, acrylics?  Next semester."  Mom made a face.  "What?
At least you didn't have to pay for it either," I mentioned as I
remembered to put my remaining Dew down.
     "She's still complaining."
     'Well, you're the mom; out-complain her until she shuts up,' I
didn't say, but really wanted to.
     "Speaking of which," Mom continued before my desire to be a
smartass overrode my desire to live without pain and lecture, "are you
still having some girls over this evening?"
     "Wh-  Oh."  I'd logged it.  "Yeah?"
     "What time are they getting here?"
     "Eight, I think... assuming nobody gets here early."
     "Then we'd better get moving, to get the deep storage finished
before they get here."
     "Yes Mom," I sighed.  I knew we had to, but that didn't make me
like it.

***
19:17 22 Nov

     "Tucker!  Two girls, front door."
     "Thanks Susan," I sighed at the intercom.  It would've been more
useful if she'd mentioned names, but she hadn't.
     "Don't slow down you fucking roundeye," Mike cursed, and I hustled
to stay ahead of him.  Truth be told, I was ready for a break; but it
didn't look like I was going to get one just yet.  Susan was, so she and
Mom were topside.
     Brian called, "Rotate sunwise."  As opposed to 'widdershins', which
was a lot easier to distinguish than 'clockwise' and 'counterclockwise'
especially when everyone was breathing hard.  "Stop."
     "Didn't I get backwards last time?"  I hated going up stairs
backwards while holding a heavy load, but everyone did, which is why we
were supposedly trading off.
     "No, I did it last time.  Prep."
     I sighed, and got a better grip on the stretcher handles.  "Ready,"
I said, because now I got to call things, woohoo.  "Back up."  I kicked
backwards until I found the basement steps and stepped backwards and up,
carefully.  "Stairs, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven..."
     Mike and Dad were placing theirs on the floor, and I dully hated
at them as long as I could see them.  As usual, nothing happened.

***
19:25 22 Nov

     "You're early," I mentioned to Kim, Kelly, Amanda, and Pam.  Either
my sister couldn't count, or she'd thought she was having double vision
and discounted two of them - plausible because I think we were all at
least a little hypoxic from the work - or two more had arrived in the
last few minutes.  Which was the most likely.
     "You're stinky," Amanda shot back, and laughed.
     "Fuck you," I said tiredly.  "I need a shower."  Not that there was
likely to be hot water for one any time soon.
     "What've you been doing?" Kim asked.
     "Moving stuff.  We've got the whole family coming in next weekend,"
which was also true.
     "Also cleaning the pantry out, to donate to a food bank," Mom
commented as she appeared.
     "Oh," Kelly said.
     "Can we help?" Amanda asked, and Kim gave her a dirty look.
Probably because Kim was wearing clean clothes.
     Mom and I looked at each other.  "Let me go ask Bill," Mom said,
and trotted off.
     Which left me with four girls who should not be allowed into the
basement until we were 'cleaned up' down there.  Which was why Mom was
going to check with Dad.  At least Dana had taken off with the truck
load.  The FIRST one.  "Um."  They had seats, they had drinks, I
couldn't fit five people into my room without putting at least one on
the top bunk...
     Pam said, "Oh!"
     "Oh, right," Amanda agreed.  "We brought some stuff," she said, as
she stood up and headed for the front door.  "C'mon Kim."  Kim sighed
deeply, but levered herself up.
     "Oh, uh, thanks...  I'll help bring it in," I decided.

***
19:27 22 Nov

     "Uh."  Sacks of flour and sugar, cans of fruit, and pie crusts -
with no pie in them - were not the usual sort of party food I'd been
expecting to see in Kim's trunk.
     "Well, we were sort of hoping you could make something tonight?"
Pam said, or asked, or whatever.
     "You are SUCH a good cook," Kim assured me.  "And we could help..."
     "Whoa, not me, that's too girly," Amanda said, before giggling,
which set Pam off.
     "Oh, man, don't say that around my mom, or she'll lecture you until
your ears bleed," I warned her.
     "Besides, Mike said he wanted more lessons," Kim claimed.
     "Oh yeah?"  I was suspicious.  "Funny how he didn't mention this to
me earlier."

***
19:33 22 Nov

     "Well, yeah?" Mike said like I was being dumb.  "I mean, look at
how many chicks it got so far?  And it's early, even," he grinned.
     "Works MUCH better than glue," Susan bitched.
     I protested, "We never actually TRIED that, we were just discussing
it!"

***
19:41 22 Nov

     "George?"
     "Why aren't you cooking?" he complained, as he pushed his way in.
     "Bite my ass!"
     "Not my type."
     Dan grinned as HE came in, towing Matt and James and Sean, and
Bridget, who looked about as upset and pissed off as I would've been if
I'd been locked in a car with George and Dan and several freshthing
boys.
     "What are you doing here?" I asked George, since he'd started it.
     "Didn't you say-"
     "That was TOMORROW!"
     "Oh well," he said, as if he didn't care, which I knew he didn't.
"So go make something now.  Cake would be good."
     "Ggggg-"  I wanted to know how he knew the girls had brought
cooking supplies.
     "Oh hey," Mike said, waving a hand at George and Dan.  "Hey, Tuck,
I gotta go to the store."
     "For what?"
     "Duh, your mom said if I want more chick-attracting dessert lessons
I gotta bring my own supplies in."  He significantly looked at the four
girls in the living room.  "And you don't have any cherries."
     GOD I hated it when my own family conspired against me.  Which,
when I thought about it, was pretty much all the time.
     "Aw man," George complained.

***
20:03 22 Nov

     "No, just a little.  You don't need to beat it up like you do bread
dough," which was a pity because I could really stand to beat something
up right about now.  Especially something that wouldn't dare hit me
back, like George would.
     "Aw man," George complained.  "This is a pain."
     "But the chicks like it," Mike unfortunately reminded him.
     "Eugene," Mom mentioned as she came in, "why don't you go out front
and entertain your guests?  You know how to do this."
     "What like-"  I cut off the 'do a strip tease or something?' before
it got me abused.  "Okay.  You're gonna teach or supervise or whatever?"
I asked, because this did seem unusual.
     "I like pie too," she assured me.
     "Wow, okay," I agreed.  "Watch George, though."
     "Aw man!"

***
20:05 22 Nov

     The girls did not look happy.
     *What the hell is wrong with-*  "Oh, and Mom is RIGHT there
teaching them," I added.  That seemed to do the trick.  "But we're not
having like fifteen pies tonight."
     "That's why we brought cookie stuff," Kim said.
     "Man, this is so much better than store-bought," Kathy said,
rubbing her hands.  "Right?" she asked Pam, who nodded.
     The doorbell rang, AGAIN.

***
20:10 22 Nov

     It was relatively dark and quiet in the upstairs hallway, which was
extremely enticing.  Especially because it had Pam in it, and ONLY Pam.
     "I'd sort of..."  I trailed off, because I didn't know how to get
rid of my friends at any time, much less when I wanted to be doing
something with only one of them.
     "Yeah, I know," Pam commiserated.  "But at least I got to see you
at lunch!"
     "Yeah," I agreed, and put a smile on.  "That was pretty cool," I
had to admit.  Or felt I ought to admit.
     The bathroom door opened and Susan almost came out of it before she
yelped and backed up and slammed the door.
     "It's just me and Pam," I called through the door.
     She opened the door a crack and glared out.  Then she opened it all
the way and came out.
     "What is your problem?  You're wearing a robe."
     "George would think it funny to try pulling it off."
     "No he wouldn't-"
     "He did that time!"
     "And you beat him bloody and he won't do it again!" I reminded her
of the rest of that incident.  "He DOES learn from things like that."
I'd known better already at the time, and I'd run like hell the instant
he got her robe off, which is why I hadn't gotten beaten.
     She huffed at me.  "So why aren't you downst-"
     "I was having a little quick PRIVATE chat with Pam, my GIRL
friend?"  Which made Pam giggle, and Susan glared at her.  "The one I
DON'T get to be alone with tonight because everyone has decided my house
is fun to go to because we don't charge cover or whatever?"  Pam sighed.
     "Maybe you should start!" Susan shot before she locked herself in
her room.
     "No, don't do that!" Pam protested.
     I sighed, because charging admission DID seem like a way to get rid
of them.  Or make some money.  *Nah, they'd never go for it.*  Which
would mean I could invite the ones I WANTED to see.  Like Pam, who was
now grabbing me and kissing me.
     She stopped, a lot sooner than I wanted, and said, "Please don't.
It's sort of fun, having everyone over."  Then she kissed me some more.
     I recognized the technique she was using on me, from previous
relationships, but that didn't mean I was immune to the effects.
*Besides, Mom wouldn't let me... and Dad would take eighty percent.  Or
worse.*

***
20:26 22 Nov

     "Oh, it went pretty well," Kathy said, looking happy.  "We went out
and saw 'I Know What You Did Last Summer.'  It was pretty good.  God,
the prices, though," she sighed.
     Which reminded me, "Does anyone want anything besides dessert to
eat?  I'M NOT COOKING," I told them, which caused some disappointment.
"So I was thinking pizza or Chinese or something?"
     "Oh, Chinese," Mike said.
     "We know you are," Amanda shot back, before erupting in giggles.

***
20:29 22 Nov

     "Dude!  Do NOT see 'Starship Troopers'!" George complained.  "It
SUCKED."
     "How could it-"
     "NOTHING like the book, I mean NOTHING," he complained.  "Didn't
even have powered armor!"
     I was speechless.
     "How could they fuck that up?" Mike asked, then answered himself,
"Hollywood.  Damnit!"
     "Was it that bad?" Amanda asked.
     George opened his mouth, but was so stricken with the memories that
he couldn't speak.  My arm hair went up as he choked.

***
20:32 22 Nov

     "Oh, by the way, George," I smirked.  "James T. Freshman thinks
you're gay."
     "What?"  Then he grabbed me and demanded, "What've you been telling
him?"
     "Dude, he thinks- or thought, that every guy that cooks is gay, or
something.  Ask Mike."
     George let go, which made me glad.  "Did you talk to him?" he
asked.
     "We made him bake that time, remember?"
     "Oh yeah," he lied.
     "So are you gay?" I pressed, which was unwise because he took a
swing at me.

***
20:38 22 Nov

     "Man, this is getting expensive," Kathy complained mildly, as she
looked at the wad of cash in her hand.  Kathy was very good at
convincing people to pony up, I'd noticed.  I'd managed to avoid giving
her much, but that was because I had several plates in the refrigerator.
Well, I had one less, because I was heating it.  Everyone else was
sampling Mike's pies, which were cooled enough; George's were compiling,
so to speak.
     "Oh, well," I said, trying to think of a way I could suggest Kathy
stop coming so often.  But Pam distracted me with a hand under my shirt.
     I suddenly realized, *Com-pie-ing?*
     Kathy asked, "So how was the band last night?"
     "Uh, what?"

***
20:42 22 Nov

     "Oh hell," Susan commented.  I turned and looked, and if she wasn't
going on a date-date, she was trying to pick one up, though why she'd
want to do that here I had no idea; she lived at college.  I doubted
she'd want to drive down every week or so.
     "Clear the way!  Clear the way!" I yelled.  That got Kathy's
attention anyway, and she made room for Susan to get out without sticky
fingers touching her clothes, or her.
     "Tuck, don't stay up late," Susan smirked at me.
     "If you don't stay OUT late," I smirked back, which got me a rude
finger.  "How rude," I mentioned.
     "Who was out until FOUR?" she asked rhetorically as she went past.
     "Aw man!" Amanda complained.
     "Seeeeee ya!" Susan crowed before she shut herself outside and us
in the kitchen.
     "So how come you weren't there?" I asked Amanda.
     "Oh, just, the breakup thing with Johnny," she said with a
disgusted face.  "I don't, I mean..."
     "Oh yeah," I nodded.  I didn't quite know how to say it either, but
I knew what she meant.

***
21:01 22 Nov

     "Dude, I'm still kind of grounded," George whined.
     "So what are you doing-"  I dodged, successfully.  "Ahhhh."  It
still made me cramp up in the ribs, but I thought it was from disuse
rather than anything else.  And I had managed to dodge, which was the
important thing.
     "Trading work for pies, duh," Mike 'explained'.
     "He hasn't worked!"
     "What do you call that?!" George demanded as he flung a hand at the
pies and almost hit Kathy in a tit.
     "Uh, breast," I managed, rather than 'tit'.
     Kathy aborted her pursuit of George entirely, rather than diverting
onto me - which is why I was glad I hadn't said 'tit' - and chuckled,
then said, "White meat!"

***
21:14 22 Nov

     "You know," Dad said, as the people that actually LIVED here sat at
the table and had a very modified version of a sit-down dinner, with
much pie and some pizza.  "This is sort of like having your sister back
in high school, except nicer, because you two aren't fighting."
     "Plus I cook better."
     "Well, now, I can't say-"
     I grabbed the edge of a pie plate and prepared to dump it on him.
"Sure you can; she's not here."
     "Eugene, don't waste pie throwing it at your father," Mom said in
that dull stop-having-fun-you're-a-child sort of way that parents
developed by the time you were six.
     "Eat some more, you're too thin," Dad said before turning his
attention back to his pie.
     "Seriously, Tuck," Mike agreed.  "Besides, YOU didn't cook this."
     I pushed, "But I still cook better than Susan.  'Cause I'm here
with a pie, and she's not."
     Mike at least had the grace to admit, "Now that you point that out,
you do cook a lot better than she ever managed."
     Someone rang the doorbell, and did not let go.

***
21:16 22 Nov

     "Ice cream!" I yelled, in case anyone wanted any on their pies or
cookies.
     "You didn't have to yell," Sabrina complained, before three people
showed up to relieve her of ice cream.
     "It makes me feel better."

***
22:04 22 Nov

     "So bring ingredients and then they get cooked," Kim cackled,
before rubbing her hands together in an entirely gratuitous display of
evil.
     "Man!" I complained, at her and at the freshthings she was telling
tales to.  "Don't even!"
     "It worked, didn't it?" Sabrina mentioned.
     I wanted to protest, but anything I said would be... abused.

***
22:31 22 Nov

     "Hello darling," Julia said at me after I'd been forced to open the
door and let her in.  "Have you been cooking again?"
     "In the hopes of enticing you into my boudoir," I said, having
thought about this in advance when it had become clear that I'd have to
let her in too.  "The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach, you
know."
     She gave me a very sultry look.
     I said, in a brisk businesslike manner, "Sex first, then you get to
eat."
     That made her laugh.

***
22:40 22 Nov

     "What, you're not singing tonight?" Julia protested.
     "N-  I'm not drunk enough," I told her.  "I don't think I'll ever
be that drunk again."
     Instead of laughing, she pinned me with a look, and stated - or
orated - "Now THAT would be a definite shame.  You've a LOVEly voice,
m'dear."
     "Did you go out with a STRAIGHT guy tonight?" Kathy asked her.  "I
thought you went on a DATE."
     That made Julia laugh, as well as some other people.

***
23:04 22 Nov

     "Whoosh," I said, as I shut the door on the last of the short-term
guests.  "Finally."
     "Oh yes, now for the lesbian orgy!" Mike agreed as he rubbed his
hands.  "Hey!" he complained as Julia tried to slap his shoulder.  "You
should really know bet-"
     "Ow!"
     "-ter than that," Mike finished as he put a knee in her back and
held her arm up.  "Especially after last night."
     "Damnit!"
     "Seriously," I agreed.  With Mike.  Though I could vaguely see
Julia's point.
     "Let GO!" she roared.  Loudly.
     "Slap your hand on something, to agree you're defeated," Mike told
her as he let go and backed off, just before the girls started
appearing.
     She groped her way upright, looking a bit disheveled and entirely
annoyed.
     "Miiiiiike," Kathy warned, half-humorously.  "Ah-ah-ah-ah!  Be nice
to the girls, or even pie won't make you popular."
     "She hit him first," I pointed out.
     "You let DEBBIE hit you PLENTY of times," Amanda accused me.  "And
you ne-"
     "What?" Mike demanded, all serious now.
     I glared at Amanda because this was her fault.

***
23:19 22 Nov

     "Uh, Tucker," Dad said, and motioned me over to a quieter spot.
"Why," he asked very quietly, "are you wearing, uh... those..."
     "What?"
     He made a gesture towards his chest.
     "What?"
     He gave me a look that said, 'don't try pulling that shit on me,
kid'.
     "I'm NOT," I said forcefully while managing to keep my voice mostly
down.  Then I figured out what he was talking about, and instead of
protesting any more, since it wasn't doing any good, I yanked up my T-
shirt.
     When I pulled it back down, he looked kind of ill.

***
23:21 22 Nov

     "Maybe I just move out or something," I sighed.
     "What?" Kathy asked, from above my head and into my face at the
same time, since I was sitting on her lap and hugging her.  "I didn't
hear you."
     I raised my face off her and said, "Nothing."  Then put my face
back in the hopes she'd take the hint and not ask any more.

***
23:26 22 Nov

     "He what?" I asked as I sat up.  Kathy took the opportunity to
throw me off her lap, though nicely it was to her side, still on the
couch, rather than the floor.  Or the ceiling.
     "He was playing, him and, uh-"  Julia had apparently forgotten.
     "Maddog," Kim supplied, showing she hadn't.
     "Yeah.  Jack on guitar and Ma-  Do I have to call him that?" she
asked.  "Makes me want to laugh."
     "I dunno what else to call him," Kim said.
     "He can't be named that, though," Pam scoffed.
     "Prince," Amanda mentioned.
     "He was born with- I mean, his parents named him that," Sabrina
nodded.

***
23:28 22 Nov

     "So, wait, he was playing?  There in the restaurant?" I asked.
     "Yeah," Kim confirmed, and Julia nodded.  "Both of them."
     "Watching him drum or whatever, with sticks, on all the plates,
that was kind of funny," Julia mentioned, smiling.
     "Glasses and stuff, the table-"
     "Chair back-"
     "They're really good, the two of them," Kim said.
     Julia nodded.  "Even without amps, and the rest of the band."
     "Did you sing?" Mike asked.
     "Sometimes," Julia answered.  "We missed Val, though.  You-"
     "No singing!" Mike warned.
     "Wait, you missed her?  What was she doing?" Kathy asked.
     "Oh man!  No!" I protested, though why I bothered I don't know.
Reflex, I guess.

***
23:31 22 Nov

     "NO."  I couldn't get any clearer than that.  *Well, actually I
could...  There's plenty of stuff in here to beat people with.*
     "Mike?  Get her to sing," Julia ordered.
     "No," Mike said, sounding puzzled that she could even say such a
thing.  I hoped that's what was going through his mind anyway.
     "C'mon," Julia enticed me.  "Just a little."
     "NNnnnnnn-OH!" I shrieked.
     "Wait, I mean," Kathy interrupted, "if she doesn't want to, she
doesn't have to."
     "Thank you!"  Nice to know that at least one of my friends - two
counting Mike - were decent people.
     "You really don't want to?" Pam asked.  "I mean, you're not just
being modest or..."
     As I tried to get something intelligible out of my mouth, through
the insanity-jamming, Mike stepped in and stated, "Tuck?  Modest?  Are
you insane?"
     "Some girls," Pam sort of argued with him, "I mean people, they
won't do something like that unless they really get begged and stuff."
     "Uh?"
     When it became clear that nothing better was coming out of my
mouth, Mike took over again and said, "Uh, no.  Homey don't play dat."
     I cleared enough of my brain to get out, "No singing."
     "Well, okay," Pam said, but she looked really disappointed.

***
23:42 22 Nov

     "Man, I gotta stop drinking these," I decided, as my heart twitched
for the second time.  I checked, and my hands were trembling a little
too.
     "Oh man, did you sleep at all today?" Pam asked.  "Like after
class?"
     "No, that's why I've been drinking them all day."  The pissing
would also keep me awake too, at least until I dehydrated.
     "How many did you have today?" Mike asked.
     "Uh...  Five, at least," I admitted.
     "Dude!  You're gonna explode!  Gimme that!"  I managed to dodge his
grappling attempt, and without spilling any either, though it ached.
     "How many do you normally drink?" Kathy asked.
     "You should switch to coffee, it has more caffeine," Kim said.
     "What?  Seriously?" I asked Kim.
     "Yeah, I read it somewhere, some magazine."
     While I was distracted, Mike made another try for my Dew.  He
missed, because I wasn't that distracted.  "Dude, just let me finish
this one."

***
00:12 23 Nov

     "Do you wear panties?" Pam asked.  "I mean normally."
     "What?"  *Why do they keep coming up with these weird things?*
"No?  Why in hell would I?"
     "Because they fit better?"
     "Wh-  Oh."  Because I was mutating.
     "Yeah," Jill agreed.  "I mean, I tried-"
     "No, bad idea, if you ever have to go to the bathroom in school,"
Mike mentioned.
     "To say nothing about what my parents would do if THEY caught me."
Except I'd just said something about it, about a sentence worth.  "Or my
brother."
     "What would your sister do?" Pam asked.
     "If they weren't hers...  I dunno.  If they WERE hers, she'd hit me
a lot.  Or try to.  And if that didn't work, she'd-"
     "Even if it did work, she'd tell your parents," Mike said.  "Dude,
do NOT do that."
     "No," I agreed.  "Besides...  Never mind."  I knew it would be rude
of me to insinuate that my sister was a disgusting morass of assorted
microbial life much of it venereal, but amazingly I managed to restrain
myself from saying it.
     *Maybe the pod has started growing in ME too,* I thought.

***
00:15 23 Nov

     One of these days, I was going to have to talk to a stripper, to
find out what they charged to take all their clothes off.  Then I might
have to figure some kind of alteration percentage, because I didn't have
to smile or anything; but on the other hand these people got to poke at
me and things, which I was pretty sure strippers didn't have to put up
with.
     "Yeah, I think they would work better," Julia announced, and
various girls agreed with her.
     "Can I put my pants back on now?" Mike whined.
     "Huh?  Oh, yeah, I guess," Kathy said, like she didn't care.
     "Can I-"
     "Not yet.  Hey, I need to take a picture of you li-"
     It took me a while to get out, "NO!"; there was so much 'no' in me
at that moment, it was blocking the pipe.
     "Mike?" Kathy asked.  "It's for medical purposes.  She's changed, I
mean her body has since I looked at it last.  So what I was thinking
was, take some pictures like this, so that we could document them."
     "NO!" I reminded Mike.

***
00:19 23 Nov

     "Okay, turn about thirty degrees," Kathy instructed, so I did, then
centered my feet again.  #FLASH#  "'Nother thirty."
     I was torn between screaming for my parents, who would likely put a
stop to this, and not screaming because if I did then my parents would
ask nasty questions like 'why did you take your clothes off in the first
place?'  'Because Kathy told me to' was not going to work, not if I was
here in this house with Mike in the same room as me.
     *And what if they DIDN'T stop it?*  That could be worse.  Maybe.

***
00:26 23 Nov

     "Black and white," Kathy said.  "It's cheaper."
     "What about some color ones, though," Mike suggested.
     "I don't think I need 'em," Kathy said as she put the film canister
away.
     "You're going to secure that, so other people don't get it, right?"
I mentioned.
     "What?  Oh yeah," she nodded.  "And I won't use it et cetera.  This
is just for documentary, I m-"
     "Documentary!?"
     "So we can track the changes from this point," she explained.
"C'mon, Tuck, I'm not gonna make a film or something out of it."
     "Because you don't have a video camera," Julia suggested, and
chuckled.
     "Be nice," Kathy told her.

***
00:49 23 Nov

     The talk had turned general, or at least wasn't directed at me any
more, they'd let me put my clothes back on before I froze completely,
and Mike had taken my Dew away.  Now, I was sort of under Pam's arm and
sort of wedged in between her and Julia, and getting extremely
comfortable.

***


   "The time has come," the Walrus said,
   "To talk of many things:
   Of shoes -- and ships -- and sealing-wax --
   Of cabbages -- and kings --
   And why the sea is boiling hot --
   And whether pigs have wings."  - The Walrus And The Carpenter


Distribution:
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Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the
original author, me.  And no fee may be charged.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

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+ @>--,--'-----   Ellen Hayes   o===[--------      __      vicki .sig  +
                  -=[1990]=-                       \/      virus 13.6
+      http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes     PGP key: EFC9 5D55 (1996) +



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