-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

Tuck And Turn -*- Copyright 2008 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.
 

Tuck And Turn


***
15:21 21 Nov

     "Man, I wasn't even sure you could find them any more," I mused.  I
hadn't been able to find the original, years ago, and I didn't remember
what the copy brand was called.  Buying them at a convenience store was
like throwing money away, but they were, duh, convenient.  And for some
reason I'm sure was not at all connected with the two rugrats I happened
to be hauling around, the convenience store carried a lot of candy type
products.  Well, one of the rugrats wanted candy; Stella wanted to grab
things but didn't seem to care too much what.
     "Can I get a Coke too?" Ricky begged.
     "Only if you are willing to risk DEATH!"
     "You said you wouldn't explode!"
     "But what if I'm wrong?"
     That stopped him.  Momentarily.
     "Blooo gah!" Stella shouted, rather astonished at something or
another.
     "We could try it on Stella!" Ricky realized.
     "I don't trust her to be able to eat anything, I mean get it in her
mouth and swallow it," I told Ricky.  Plus, when I thought about it, her
having tummy-fizzies would probably end in some sort of gross explosion,
Pop Rocks or not.

***
15:24 21 Nov

     "Oh, right," I said when I finally figured out why the clerk
wouldn't meet my eyes.  He'd been staring lower down, and it wasn't at a
stain on my sweater.  And I thought I'd been wearing enough overall
padding to prevent this.  "Ricky, we gotta make another stop before we
go home."  And I was glad I'd stopped at an ATM before this.
     "Aw man!"
     "No, really, we need to."  Or I needed to anyway.  I didn't need
guys asking my breasts out.
     I snickered when I realized that, in fact, I wouldn't actually be
required to go with them.  But that was one of those things I shouldn't
mention to most people.  "Heh."
     "What?"
     "Nothing!"

***
15:46 21 Nov

     "'Cause I realized they wouldn't have to go out with ME, they could
just take the twins out and _I_ could stay home."  Ricky had been more
than happy to stay in the car; he thought women's hair salons were gross
and cootie-infested.  John's place didn't look verminous; it did,
however, smell bad.  Perm solution made my whole face hurt.
     I made a face when I realized I was going to be smelling this for
all of next year.  *Ugh!*
     "But where's the fun in THAT?" John asked scornfully.
     "Men are PIGS!"
     He challenged, "And women are better?"
     "I can stay home by MYSELF," I mentioned.
     "And that's why you're in here today?"
     "Y-  Can I just change?  I've got a baby out in the car, and an
eight year old with a Coke and a bunch of Pop Rocks; if-"
     "Don't you know that'll make him explode?"
     "No it WON'T!"  I was beginning to wish _I_ could've stayed in the
car.

***
15:47 21 Nov

     Now smaller, and much lighter in money, I could go back to the car.
I tried bouncing as I walked, and I did feel a lot less inertia effect.
Well, somewhat less.

***
16:11 21 Nov

     "Ready?"
     "Ready!"
     Since I knew I wasn't going to explode, I hadn't taken the
precautions Susan had skipped; but then again, I KNEW I wasn't going to
explode.
     The Pop Rocks fizzed worse than I remembered.  "Awgh," I mentioned,
but managed to make a Will roll and swallow them.  "Coke next," I said,
and drank a goodly amount.
     After fifteen seconds, I found I had an almighty belch interrupt to
service.  "Burp time," I said, as the fastest and most coherent warning
I could manage, and serviced it.
     When I finished, and blinked the water out of my eyes, Ricky was
clawing desperately at his Pop Rocks.  "Oh man!" he shouted in awe,
"That was so gross!"
     "Excuse me," I said, more for form's sake than anything.  I was
supposed to be on my best girly behavior here, after all.  "Don't spill
them!"
     Ricky managed to not spill the Coke it in his haste, somehow.

***
16:12 21 Nov

     "Give it time," I told him.
     "But it was so GROSS when you did it!" he whimpered.  He hadn't
burped yet, even one little one.
     "Maybe I just had some left over from lunch or something.  It'll
happen," I tried to console him.  "Maybe have some more Coke?"
     He had as much as he could stand, which was an appreciable fraction
of the bottle.  "Nahhhh," he gasped as he finally came up for air.

***
16:16 21 Nov

     "Did I just force-feed a twelve-ounce Coke to an eight-year old?"
His was empty, so I must have.  "Oh, cr...  D-  Sh-  Bloody hell."
     "Bla heh."
     "Oh PLEASE don't say that..."
     "BLA HEH!"
     I needed another day off.
     THEN the phone rang.
     "Bla HEH!  Banagorannnnnn..."
     "Yeah thanks."  It was Mike.  "Oh gods, what now?"
     "What's up?"
     "Did you know that even eight year olds don't explode when you feed
them Pop Rocks and Coke?"  I'd figured that Mike needed to know this,
back when he had - erroneously - assured me that it was true.  But he'd
been seven at the time, not eight.
     "Yeah?  You showed me that."  Apparently he remembered.  "Why?"
     "Ricky fed me the same BS today, and I proved him wrong."
     "Cool.  You ready for tonight yet?"
     "Noooo, I have to cook dinner, possibly feed Stella, and then
change into nicer clothes."  Not like I hadn't planned for these items,
either.  "I DID remember."
     "YA BA RO MANIAH GO!" Stella shouted while gesturing with both
hands.
     Nothing materialized, which I was grateful for; she'd sounded
pretty emphatic in her incantation.
     "Did she just summon something?" Mike asked.
     "BA RA!"
     "Not yet," I told him.
     "Can you pick Pam up?  She still has no car."
     "Yeah, no-"
     "REE MARA GANOO PAH RINGGggggg..."
     As she trailed off, Mike confirmed, "You'll pick her up?"
     "Aye-aye!"  I figured we had to be fast.  "Nineteen thirty, her ho-
HER HOUSE OVER."
     "Nineteen nineteen th-"
     "Ba WAAAAA NO!"
     "-Thirty thirty.  Out."
     "Out!" and I hung up so I could concentrate on distracting Stella
before she opened a gate to realms better left sealed, or whatever she
was doing.

***
16:23 21 Nov

     "Throw the stick for him, and then see if you can beat him to the
stick," I suggested.
     "Oh that'd be cool!" Ricky shrieked, and went to go try it.  "C'mon
Ruffles!"
     *Ruf-*
     Hangover the dog, whose real name was apparently Ruffles, perked up
a bit, but looked at me.  'You know this is all going to end badly.'
     "Shut up, get out," I suggested to the dog.
     "I didn't say anything!" Ricky protested.
     "Shut up, get out.  You just DID say something.  And take the dog
with you."
     'I knew you didn't like me,' Hangover sighed at me before whuffling
hopefully in the direction of the door.  'Nobody does...'

***
16:24 21 Nov

     "Oh, right!"  Dad had 'suggested' this game, with Patches, to me
and Mike at least once; which I had just remembered.  "Da-  I hate him."
Though his tricks on me, back then, were proving extremely useful for me
to use on Ricky now.

***
16:37 21 Nov

     Miz Parker was coming in, which made me think of a whole bunch of
things at one time, but what I ended up doing was running outside to
interrogate Ricky.
     "You DID tell them about yesterday's incident at school!?" I
insisted.
     "Yes!"
     I glared at him, but detected no signs of falsehood, so I put him
back on the ground.
     'See, I knew this sort of thing would-'
     *SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!* I beamed at the dog, as I turned away;
I'm not sure it helped, but it seemed to.

***
16:40 21 Nov

     "No, he had a Coke earlier, so he's out running it off.  And I'm
happy to report," I added, in case she didn't know, "that eating Pop
Rocks and drinking a Coke will NOT make you explode.  Though you're
gonna burp a lot, and I can't tell if that's just the carbonation from
the Coke or something else," I admitted.
     Miz Parker looked rather astonished.
     "What, you never heard that story in school?  They said Mikey, the
kid from Life cereal ads, died 'cause he did it and exploded.  You
really never heard this in grade school?"  I'd thought she was old
enough to catch it, since my sister had.

***
16:48 21 Nov

     Miz Parker looked up from the report, and I did not like her face.
"Valerie, don't you think this is sort of over-reacting?"
     "No ma'am," I said formally.  "They were chasing-"
     -image of the locker room-
     "-him, I saw that.  More than one.  And they, one of 'em kicked him
and he went-"
     -image of a locker and a flash of remembered pain-
     "Damnit!"  I shook my head to try and clear it.  "Uh, he went down,
when she kicked him, and that's when I got there.  Check his leg for a
bruise," I thought; he'd been kicked hard enough he ought to have one.

***
16:53 21 Nov

     It was faint but it was there.
     Ricky looked like I had betrayed him.  "It's not a big deal," he
repeated.  "They were just messing with-"
     "No it IS a big deal, Ricky," I snarled.
     "Valerie," Miz Parker said sharply.  Like _I_ was the one being
delusional and crazy.
     "Miz Parker," I managed to say calmly, "five girls, larger than he
is-"
     "There wasn-" Ricky started then stopped himself.
     "Five.  I counted."  Tactical evaluation like that was something
Mike had drilled into me, actually, though Dad had backed him up.  And,
of course, writing a report ASAP afterwards made it stick in your head
better.
     "I talked to his school today," Miz Parker said, "and they said
that they would look into it."
     I could not stop the snort that came out, even though I knew it was
a very bad idea.
     "Mooommmmmm!" Ricky wailed, inadvertently interrupting whatever
further stupidity might've come out of my mouth.
     "Mommmmmmmmmmmm," Stella repeated, and held out her arms to Miz
Parker like she wanted to be picked up.
     "Ricky, they said they'd look into it," Miz Parker told Ricky as
she reached over and picked Stella up, "and if you are getting bullied
you need to report it to a teacher."  Stella wrapped her arms around Miz
Parker's neck.
     "Oh-" fell out of my mouth before I could stop it.  "Um.  Yeah."
That rarely worked, unless they were right there.  Sometimes, you could
goad the assailant into chasing you to a teacher, but not often; and if
not then it wasn't any good to say anything.
     "But Mommmmmmm!" Ricky wailed, "if you tell them then they'll chase
me worse!"
     "No they won't, Ricky," Miz Parker said soothingly, "not if a
teacher is watching them."
     Miz Parker was now revealed as an alien.  Or one of Them.
     Ricky looked desperate, but as Miz Parker bent down to say
something to Stella, I put a finger to my lips, then shook my head at
Ricky.  He looked tortured, but didn't say anything else.  He just sort
of teared up and left.  Quickly.
     "Ricky?  RICKY!  PATR-"
     "Miz Park-"
     "What?!" she snapped at me.
     I sighed, because I was going to get yelled at one way or another.
"Why don't you let him-"  There was a word or phrase-  "Uh, have a time
out in his room for a little bit.  That way, he can calm down."
     She sighed at me, but agreed, "I suppose that's a good idea."
     Every time I thought she was a mother, she did something like this;
being reasonable instead of yelling at me.

***
17:12 21 Nov

     I was just getting to work on the ground turkey when the phone
rang. "Oh..."  *Shit.  Well, fuck'm, I'm busy,* I decided, which meant I
didn't have to spazz and try (and fail) to clean my hands enough to
answer a phone before it stopped ringing.

***
17:14 21 Nov

     Now my cellphone was ringing.  "Godda-"  I almost kicked a cabinet
in frustration, which would've been worse because I was very frustrated
and I might've broken it.  I sort of wished I'd tried something with the
roast beef instead of the ground turkey, so I could cut it into small
strips with a lot of energy and blood and nice meaty killing noises.
Except anger led to force, and force had a tendency to result in bloody
wounds, which was a Bad Thing when working by yourself with knives.
Don't cook angry, as Dad had said.
     I hit the meat instead with one downward-hammering fist, splatting
it flat, which made me feel slightly better, and went to wash my hands
off so I could find out who was calling me and call them back so I could
rip them a new asshole.

***
17:16 21 Nov

     "'Lo?"
     "Debbie, this is- this is Valerie, at the Parkers.  I'm in the
middle of cooking dinner; what is it?"
     "What is this report thing you emailed me?  What happened?"
     "I wrote it in the REPORT, Debbie!"  With a subject and everythi-
     "Did you talk to the Parkers about it?"
     "Yeah, sort-"
     "What did they say?"
     "They said they'd talk to the school on Monday about it."
     "Okay, don't do anything until they do that.  Did you actually KICK
a little GIRL?" she emphasized.
     "After she kicked Ricky, yeah I did!  And Miz Parker saw the bruise
too."
     Debbie said something I didn't catch which sounded like relief.
Then she said, "Okay, don't do anything else until Monday.  You didn't
actually set that deal up with the other babysitter for Stella did you?"

***
17:18 21 Nov

     I really needed to come out here sometime with some tools and fix
the Parkers' pool fence before they uncovered the pool for the summer,
because sure as shit if the dog or Stella went through the hole they'd
blame me.
     I took an inhaler hit as I headed back inside, just in case.

***
18:22 21 Nov

     Now that I had supper well on the way, and Miz Parker was doing
something in the front room with Stella, I could sneak up and tap on
Ricky's door.  Which I was doing.
     "Ricky?"
     Murmur from inside.
     "Ricky, it's Valerie.  You need to...  Just let me in for a
minute," I changed my mind.  He didn't need some lie from me right now,
just to get him to open the door.
     He eventually opened his door and sullenly demanded, "What?"
     I pushed past him and into his room and shut the door behind me.
"Ricky," I said quietly as I squatted, then motioned him closer.  "Your
mom..."  He made some kind of unhappy noise at that.  "Yeah, I know. She
just doesn't get it, okay?"
     "Why-?!"  His face was all screwed up with torment.
     "I dunno.  I guess she didn't get bullied and stuff when she was in
school."  She might have been one of Them, but I did NOT want to suggest
this to Ricky.  "Look, though, the point is... she's-  she doesn't get
it, and she's gonna do the stuff the parenting books tell her to do,
which is complete bullshit."  His face untwisted in amazement.  "Uh, I
didn't say that last word.  Um.  Look, just go along with your parents
for now, and I'll help you out.  _I_ know."
     "Do you?" he spat at me in a challenge.
     -being propelled headfirst into a metal locker-
     "I've been, uh, stuffed into garbage cans, Ricky.  And worse."
     His mouth had dropped partly open, and his eyes were quite wide.
"Stuffed..."
     "Head first.  And then people came along and kicked it, while I was
trying to get out.  It ruins your clothes too.  Maybe your pack."
     I noticed I was starting to shake.  Unfortunately, Ricky noticed it
too.
     "Look," I told him, "I know more, NOW, about what would've worked at
your age, okay?  I think I can help you avoid it, or fight it off, or
whatever.  Just don't go screaming at your parents and get into trouble.
And DON'T," I emphasized, "DO NOT mention what I said, okay?  They'll
think...  I dunno.  Just don't tell them about what I said, okay?"
     After a  bit, he agreed, "Okay."
     "Promise?"
     "But how can you help?"
     "I already agreed to pick you up early from school, and then pick
Stella up afterwards, right?  We did that today."  He nodded hesitantly.
"Mike- remember Mike?"
     "The asian guy?"
     "Yeah.  He knows more than I do, and I'll be talking with him this
weekend, and I'll ask him about you, what you should do.  He's smarter
than me about stuff like this."  Which was why I wasn't dead, I thought;
after a certain age, I'd realized that I could in fact kill at least
half my tormentors if I went into the right gym class with the right
equipment, which my family owned, and enough ammo.  Mike had talked me
out of it.  And into a number of other things, which while weren't quite
as satisfying, were infinitely more sustainable as far as my continued
life was concerned.  "So," I remembered, "promise?"
     He drew an 'X' over his heart, saying, "I swear I won't tell 'em."
     "Dude," I agreed, and held out my hand.  He started to take it like
it was a handshake, but I showed him the right way to do it.

***
18:41 21 Nov

     "So what happened?" Mr. Parker asked me.
     "I wrote it all down in the report," I said, again.  I had to
wonder why Mom and everyone told me I needed to learn how to write well,
since nobody ever seemed to read the damned things.
     "I called the school, and we have an appointment to talk to them
Monday," Miz Parker said to Mr. Parker.  I locked eyes with Ricky, which
seemed to keep him from commenting.

***
19:08 21 Nov

     "Aw, c'mon Dad," Ricky said when Mr. Parker looked at the stuffed
bell peppers instead of starting to slice 'n dice on them.  "Has she
EVER fixed anything bad?"
     "Well, true," Mr. Parker admitted, with a smile at me, and he
started in, but I did notice that he snuck a glance at Miz Parker before
he actually ate any.  Well, he tried to sneak a glance; I caught it.  But
I wasn't going to say anything.  He was sort of on my side, I thought.
     "So lemme get dressed and things," I said.  "Oh, but I can take the
salad bowls back if everyone's done?"  I thought everyone was done,
except Stella who really wanted to play Throw The Slimy Leaf.

***
19:19 21 Nov

     As my car warmed up, I said to myself, "And now I gotta get Pam...
Do I remember where she lives?"  I thought I did.  I hoped I did,
because I didn't remember the instructions, and I didn't want to take
the time to re-read them off the laptop-
     "Oh shit, what am I gonna do with the laptop?"
     I'd have to take it, was the only thing I could figure.  I would
NOT leave it in the car; and I didn't trust Pam's family not to 'play
with it' and fuck it up, especially since I thought she had some younger
siblings of some kind.  And if I was going to check it wherever, like a
coat or something, the same thing applied.  "Damnit."
     Well, at least I wouldn't need a purse, if I re-sorted things.
Which I didn't have time for, because I had to go get Pam.  "Damnit!"
And I had the stupid drug pack to carry anyway.  "DAMNIT!"

***
19:43 21 Nov

     "Hey, sorry I'm late," I apologized as Pam got into the car.
"Traffic's a bitch tonight for some reason.  You look really good," I
thought I'd mention.  She usually did, and I hadn't seen anything bad in
the sketchy glance I'd gotten as I drove up.
     "Thanks," she smiled at me.  "So do you?"
     *Why do girls always do that...*  "Really?  I wasn't sure..."
     "Well, g-  I mean, let's see when you get out.  Oh, by the way,
we're going out to eat first if that's okay?"
     "Um yeah, I guess?  Yeah," I agreed.  I was still a little hungry.
     *Because I wasn't going to eat much if we were going out,* I
remembered.  *Damn.  Oh well.*  I couldn't dance much if I had to carry
the laptop anyway, and I was NOT leaving it behind.  *Maybe Mike could
carry it?*  He'd bitch, but at least if he opened it up and started
playing with it, I could trust him not to reformat or repartition the
hard drive or 'rm -rf /' or change my passwords-  *Does he have an
account on-  Yeah, of course.*  I'd copied the /etc/passwd and
/etc/shadow over when we loaded the laptop, for just this sort of
occasion.  His password had probably expired by now, but that would just
make him pick out a new one.
     Pam asked, "Were you going to go?"
     "Uh what?  Oh, right," I agreed, and pushed thoughts of laptop onto
the stack so I could drive.  "Where are we going?"
     "Oh, Amanda said she heard about this place..."

***
19:48 21 Nov

     "Oh!  Um, Val?" Pam asked, during a pause.
     I was suspicious.  "Yeah?"
     "Um, is there any way I could stay over, at your place tonight?"
     "Oh."  That wasn't as scary as I'd thought.  "Yeah, sure, that'd be
okay.  Um, I do have to go in for cosmetology again-"
     "That's cool," she said, sounding very relieved.  "Oh god, thanks."
She squeezed my hand in further thanks.
     "Oh, sure, no-  Wait."  Definite problem, if I didn't call it in
and clear it first.  "Hold on..."  I found a parking lot I could turn
into, so I could stop the car in a safe place, remove a glove, extract
my cellphone, and call my parents.  This wasn't an emergency either, so
I'd be billed for it, but it was cheaper in non-monetary costs than
trying to do it from a pay phone.

***
20:11 21 Nov

     I'd missed the turn the first time, because by the time you could
see the sign it was too late, and turning around had been a real bitch,
but I made it the second time.
     "Man, I think they already started," Pam worried.
     "What?"
     "I think they went in and started eating already."
     "Oh.  Well, I wasn't that hungry, I guess."
     "Me neither," Pam agreed, as my stomach argued that I WAS actually
that hungry.
     "Um, so, like, what time would we be going?  To the club?  I mean,
we don't want to get there too early, right?"  I found a spot not far
from Mike's car and almost ran over a motorcycle.  "Damnit!"  And, I
realized, it might be JILL's motorcycle, which would be slightly worse
if I hit it.  "Oh man..."  I pulled back out and kept looking for an
actual empty slot.  I finally found one, next to a bunch of people who
had an amazing resemblance to my friends.  "Man, get outta the way!" I
complained, as they started to move.  Slowly.  I would've honked, but I
thought I saw Jill, and she might throw a rock at my car or something.

***
20:14 21 Nov

     "Man, you do look good," I said to Pam, sort of again, but this
time I could see it better.  "Aren't your legs cold though?"  Mine were.
     "You get used to it."
     "I guess..."  I hadn't yet, and tights over my thermals did NOT
work so I couldn't wear that combo.  I'd found a long sleeved black
sweater that had some kind of pattern knitted into it, and a V neck so
I could get into and out of it easier, over a string-strapped black top,
and a shorter black skirt because I'd planned on dancing, over black
tights because it was cold, and a pair of shoes I had thought were flats
but weren't quite and I'd never really noticed before.  Boring, sort of,
but it looked okay, and enough like some of the other girls had worn
when going out.  Plus it was slightly warmer, with the tights and my new
knit hat (the red one) and the matching gloves along with a long sort of
jacket from Rachel that I guess was new.  It was slightly warmer.
     "What, no van?" Amanda teased.
     "My fucking bitch parents won't let me drive it any more!" Pam
snapped.
     "Oh shit, I forgot!  Oh god..."  Now Amanda looked stricken.
     "But doesn't she look good, though?" I tried.  Pam was wearing a
VERY short black skirt that looked pleated if you could have pleats in
eight inches of material, a white long sleeved shirt, and black Mary
Jane heels - which shoes I had seen before, someplace, but not on Pam,
and they hadn't looked like this.  She was also wearing tights, I
thought; they were flesh-colored if they were, in fact, tights.
     "Oh yeah, you look smash-taculous!" Amanda nodded, but Pam glared
at me to show me that this trick wasn't going to work.  "Pam I'm REALLY
sorry..."
     "They're just bitches," Pam sighed.  "I hate them."
     "Really," Amanda nodded.
     ""You," Kim told us, "don't look like you are in party moods."  And
held up a thermos.  Pam snagged it before I could.  "Wait, are you
driving?"
     "Oh..."  I stopped because Pam was waving her arms around as she
swallowed, I think.  "Hey don't spill-"
     "DAMN THEM!" she shrieked.
     "Chill, have some more, forget about 'em, they suck, they're not
here, Val's driving right?"  I nodded, repressing a sigh.  I wanted a
drink or three after dealing with the Parkers this afternoon.
     "Wait," I asked, "who's driving you?"
     "Dan offered," she smiled, as she turned towards the group.
     Which made me turn towards the group.  "Hey," I said to Mike,
Julia, Jill, Kelly, Anne-Marie, Book, and Dan, and got various over-the-
shoulder greetings and casual waves back in return before they turned
back to their previous conversations.
     "Nice dress dork," Dan smirked at me as I got closer.
     "It's not a-  Fuck you, white boy!" I complained as Mike did
something to Dan which made him bend over and make a pained noise.
     "If you want to be a shit, you can go home," Julia announced, quite
loudly.  And seriously.  Some of the girls looked back to see what she
was talking about.
     "I was just kidding," Dan protested.
     "We gonna eat now or are we gonna sit out here and blather some
more and freeze our asses off?"  Mike hadn't actually needed to finish
the rhetorical question, because everyone was moving towards the
entrance before he did.
     "What, no George?" I asked.
     "He got grounded, something about grades," Dan complained.
     "Oh hell...  Is he coming Sunday?"
     "I said you were paying him to work," Mike told me.  "Which you
are, in pie."
     "Oh...  Oh, right," I said as I remembered cans.  "Yeah."
     "I made reservations," Julia told someone.
     "How many?"
     "Ten.  I thought I was gonna have a date tonight but he couldn't
make it," she sighed.  "Maybe tomorrow."
     "You coming tomorrow night?" I asked Julia, moving her way so I
could hear her answer better.
     "Maybe after," she said.  "I think we were gonna catch an early
dinner and a movie.  Man, rehearsals are busting my ass," she
complained.  "I need some time off."
     "That's why you're HERE though, right?" Amanda asked.
     "God I hope so.  Gimme thermos," she ordered.
     I really wanted that thermos.

***
20:20 21 Nov

     Despite reservations, we still had to wait, for some stupid reason.
This was kind of like doctor's appointments, I realized.  At least we
weren't standing outside, though standing in the bar was driving me
mildly crazy, because I wanted a drink reaaaaalllllyyy bad.
     The crowd noise was kind of getting to me too.  I realized this
when Mike came over and asked, "Tuck?  Status?"
     "Oh, I'm...  Uh.  I'M TIRED OF YELLING," I mentioned.

***
20:22 21 Nov

     Once we were outside, and far enough away from the entrance that I
could pay attention in one direction, Mike asked me, "Feeling a bit
tense?"
     "Oh, no, why would I be tense?"
     He grabbed my wrist and almost got me in a lock, but I got out of
it and kicked him, before realizing that I wasn't paying attention to my
surroundings.
     Mike grabbed my wrist while I was momentarily un-distracted and
twisted my arm up almost to the point of pain.  "No," he said calmly,
"really, Tuck."
     I had to think about it - because he could tell whether I was
thinking or not and he wouldn't let go until I did - and remembered that
I had been trying to look around him because he was blocking my sight-
lines, and then I remembered that I'd sort of backed against the wall in
the bar and was sliding towards a corner.  And the ceiling was dropped
which meant I could get up to it if I scrambled.  I'd noticed that.
     "Uh, yeah, okay, I'm a little tense."
     Pause.
     I sighed, because he wasn't letting go, because he wasn't
satisfied.  "Did you get a report from me?  I emailed it to you, uh,
early this morning."
     "No?"
     "Ricky got-  He was being chased yesterday by a pack of girls, at
school, I mean after school.  I intervened-"
     He interrupted, "You told me that already."
     "Okay, so, today I had to talk to his parents about it, and..."  I
shook my head.  "Remember how your parents were?"
     "Aw, shit," he complained as he let go.  His parents had the sort
of reaction, 'well, why don't you try being nice to them?'  My dad, at
least, tended more towards, 'did he get up again?' and 'will we have to
talk to the police about this?'
     Mike asked, "Do you think that might be interacting with your own
issues, recent issues?"
     "Uh..."  *Duh.*  "Well gosh, Mike, I can't see any possible
connection there, or to my nightmares either.  Can't imagine why I might
be REALLY FUCKING TENSE!" I screamed.
     "Yeah, me neither.  Wanna go back in?"
     "Yeah, it's cold."  And, knowing why, I could control it about ten
times better.  We started back towards the entrance.
     "Did you ever consider wearing pants, dumbass?"
     "How many of the girls are wearing pants?"
     "Why..."
     When he gave up, I answered, "Partially because ALL the guys in
that band are bigger than me, and I kinda don't want to, uh, surprise
them with a sudden revelation of a dual identity, ya know?"
     "Shouldn't they be on stage?"  As I started to protest, he said
disgustedly, "Never mind, I remember."

***
20:25 21 Nov

     "Three."
     "What?"
     "Three of the girls are wearing pants," Mike told me.
     "What the-  Oh."  Damnit.  "I don't have any pants," I complained.
     "You were JUST at the fucking mall WEDNESDAY!"
     "Fuck OFF!"  I'd already determined that I was stupid.
     "That's entirely TOO easy to do because you're not wearing any
PANTS!"
     When he stopped, I suddenly noticed we were attracting far too much
attention.
     There was a short pause that was really really long.
     "Nice legs, sugar," Julia said, a bit loudly, and did some kind of
gesture which I think she had to have picked up from gay men someplace.
At me.
     As I sort of eased behind Mike, or tried to, and the attention sort
of dissipated, someone said something to Julia that I didn't catch;
Julia exclaimed, "Oh, right!" and smacked her forehead.  "I date guys!"
     "It's so hard to remember," Amanda piped up, before giggling.

***
20:31 21 Nov

     I had been somehow stuck in between the guys and the girls, which I
only noticed when the disparity in volume made me look around to figure
out why only my right side was loud.  "Nnnngh," I said to myself, but
gave it up and concentrated on my menu instead.  I was more hungry than
I'd thought.
     "Why are you carrying your laptop?" Book asked.
     "Taking fashion notes?" Dan said, and laughed until he cried out in
pain.
     I slapped Mike lightly on the shoulder to let him know the kick was
appreciated.  "No, I forgot to do something with it before babysitting,
and then there's nowhere to put it.  I mean, leave it in the car?  Duh?"
     "You could leave it in Mike's car, in the back of the trunk."
     "It's COLD in there; that's bad for it."
     "What's the operating temps on it?" Mike asked.
     "Uh..."  Why was he making me feel stupid so much tonight?  "I
don't remember, but I think it's gonna be colder out there than _I_ want
to think about.  Besides, hell, I'm hungry, and it's music not dancing,
right?"  Even though the last place they'd played had some kind of dance
thing in front of the stage, sort of.  "So I'm gonna be full and
sluggish anyway."  
     "And where's your fanny pack?" Mike bothered me.
     "Around my waist, gook," I shot back.  I'd turned it into a 'purse'
for the evening since the laptop case didn't quite have the room or the
organization necessary.  I'd had just enough room for the basics, since
I wasn't carrying liquids at the moment.
     "Cellphone?"
     "On the laptop case!  Hah!"
     "Did you log yourself out?"
     "This morning!"  I felt better.  I felt more better when he looked
annoyed, like Mom when she couldn't think of anything else to bother me
about.
     When he went back to his menu, I went back to mine.  *Oh, why not
an appetizer?* I asked myself.  It was a rhetorical question.

***
20:38 21 Nov

     "What do you think?"
     "What?" I asked.
     "What do you think?" Pam repeated impatiently.  "Is Anne-Marie's
top too low?"
     I looked over, and she tried to hide but Julia stood up and grabbed
Anne-Marie's arm and pulled her upright too.
     Dan and Book made appreciative noises.  It was rather... low, and
somewhere between suggestive and revealing.  I was pretty sure she
wasn't wearing breast forms, anyway.  "Aren't you freezing?"
     People laughed, which was annoying, because I hadn't been joking.
     "She's got a jacket," Julia said like I was being a jerk.
     "Okay!" I snapped back.
     "Perfect!" Dan commented, as I thought, *She's fifteen, isn't that-
But we're going to a non-teen club, so maybe she should look older.
Yeah, but is that maybe too old?  Or suggestive or something?*  It
wasn't 'suggesting' much, because an awful lot was visible.  And Anne-
Marie looked rather embarrassed about it now.
     "Anne-Marie?  Do you need to go home and change real quick?" I
asked her over the noise.  She looked confused, like she didn't hear me,
and then Kim said something to her which made her turn away from looking
at me, so I got up and went around the table to her.  She'd sat back
down when I got there, so I just leaned over and asked into her ear, "Do
you want to go home and change?  You look good, but maybe a little
immodest.  And I don't know what the crowd's like at the place we're
going."
     "Kim said it would be-  Ohmigod!" she squealed.
     I ended up in back of her other shoulder after a quick dodge and
scan of the area, and I couldn't figure out what the hell had set her
off.  I knew what had set ME off - her - but that didn't help.
     "You're-  You're-"  I looked down, where she was pointing, and
couldn't see anything wrong, like my intestines falling out, or even a
spill on my sweater, much less anything that should upset her this much,
like my intestines falling out.
     "You look a little different tonight than you do in school," Julia
informed me.
     "Oh-  Wh-  Oh, right."
     I didn't know what to say.
     "It looks nice!" Kim insisted at me.
     "What?" complained Amanda at Anne-Marie.  "You didn't NOTICE?"
     Anne-Marie shrieked back at Amanda, "NO!"
     "She's been wearing that the WHOLE TIME!" Amanda counter-shrieked.
"How could you miss her HAT?!"  Which made the others girls start
sniggering.
     "No more thermos for YOU!" Kim ordered.
     Julia tugged on my arm and offered, "We'll explain things to her."
     "Oh..."  A waiter was approaching, and I needed to refresh my order
buffer before I transmitted it.  "Oh, thanks a lot.  Oh, and ask Jill
what happened at her house when me and Jill went over there," I
remembered.  Might as well keep most of the story straight.  Or
something.

***
20:42 21 Nov

     "What is it with you and salads?!" Dan complained.
     I cranked my vocal range up to 'platinum blonde' and squealed,
"They keep my bowels moving!"
     That shut him the hell up, and nobody else made any other comments,
so I finished ordering, shut the menu now that I didn't need a cheat
sheet, and handed it over.  I'd had a salad earlier, at the Parkers', so
this was probably overkill, but... they DID, and furthermore I liked
salads, especially with interesting dressings.  *And it HAS chicken on
it.*

***
20:49 21 Nov

     "VALLLLERIIIEEEEEE!"
     *Oh, that's what that was.*  I had sort of heard someone calling me
before, but not quite, and not enough to look up.
     "Stand up!" Julia ordered.
     "Wh-"  *Oh, Anne-Marie, right.*  I stood up.
     Anne-Marie stared at me.  I watched her stare for several seconds,
and then got bored, and maybe a little embarrassed, so I did a classic
demure Japanese-schoolgirl pose at her and smiled while making my eyes
as wide as possible.
     "Yo, turn around, baby, show us your as-" Jill got out before she
got suppressed.
     I decided that I would not, and instead grabbed my chair and sat
back down in it and scooted back up to the table.
     "And you said MEN were pigs," Mike commented.
     "Oh, they are," I replied, "it's just that the women aren't any
better."
     Pam laughed at that.

***
21:38 21 Nov

     "Tu-Val, you want dessert," Mike told me.
     "Wha-  Why?!"
     "Because you need to gain weight, remember?"
     "Y-  Oh, right.  Oh well..."  I sighed.  "How about the chocolate
cheesecake?"  I looked at Mike, and he nodded, so I nodded.  "Yeah."
     "Oh, and take some antihistamines."
     "Wh-  Why?"  They didn't do a thing for my weight-
     "Club, smoking, your-"
     "Right, got it, uh..."  They were in here somewhere; this was the
one drug I usually carried even when I didn't have to carry the stupid-
assed fanny pack.  That and Epis.  "Aha!"  I had about fifteen tabs;
that ought to cover me in case we got trapped by a blizzard or
something, but I really ought to refill when I got home.

***
22:02 21 Nov

     "You should tip for your own meal just like you're paying for your
own meal," I complained.  "And believe me, I WILL be checking."

***
22:11 21 Nov

     I could not believe it had taken this long to get this done, but it
had.  And, luckily, I had enough money from everyone, which meant that I
wouldn't need to try beating it out of them.  I also didn't appreciate
the inclusion of the tip into the general total, but restaurants could
be assholes.  Or maybe they just didn't want to screw with it, which I
could half understand.  But then, the least they could do is show the
tip per item, so the large party could divvy things up properly.

***
22:16 21 Nov

     "I don't think we're ever gonna get there," I complained as I
shivered.
     "Oh, chill out, Val," Pam bitched.  "They won't be starting until
later anyway."
     "I thought they were starting at ten or something?"
     "Not usually," she told me, as I realized, belatedly, that now _I_
was doing it too.  "More like eleven, at least for a decent band."  She
turned to look over her shoulder.  "Come ON!"
     I looked back myself, and Anne-Marie detached and came over.
     "I thought she could come with us and, like, if she had any
problems or anything," Pam explained.
     "Do what?  Hey," I said to Anne-Marie.  "Did you want to come with
me?"
     She answered, "She said it was less crowded in your car, and then I
wouldn't have to sit with Dan."
     "What is wrong with him tonight?" Pam asked me.
     I said, "I dunno.  I think George isn't here, and so he's like- he
feels he has to take his place.  Or something."
     Anne-Marie said, "What, like-"
     "Designated asshole," Pam complained, except she sounded sort of
happy about it.
     "That's George," I sighed.  "Except he sort of invented the
position."
     As Pam sniggered, Anne-Marie asked, "Um, are those real?"
     "Ar-  OW!"  She'd poked me in a tit, hard.  By the time my vision
cleared, I was a couple of feet back and had my arms wrapped around
myself.  "Damnit that HURT!"  Even through the enhancers.
     "That is so RUDE!" Pam exclaimed, and poked Amanda with two stiff
fingers, right where she'd poked me.
     "Ow!"  Anne-Marie recoiled and put her arms up to protect herself,
too late.  I realized we looked almost the same.
     "That's right, she doesn't like it either," Pam glared.
     There was something missing, and as Anne-Marie opened her mouth to
say something, my mouth won initiative and commented, "So do I poke you
now?  To make it symmetrical?"
     Pam burst out laughing.

***
22:19 21 Nov

     "Why do you have a diaper box in your car?"
     "Goddamn-"
     "When are you going to get rid of that?" Pam asked me.
     "When I remember it when I'm near a trash can!"

***
22:48 21 Nov

     "Jeez, I hope you're right about eleven," I complained as I looked
for a parking space.

***
22:53 21 Nov

     "Fuck it's cold!" Jill complained.
     "Enjoying your motorcycle?" Julia asked sweetly.
     Jill glared at Julia, who smiled innocently back, and snarled,
"Fuck.  You."
     "You wish," Julia retorted in a very sexy voice.
     "At least it's wheels," Pam complained.
     I was beginning to notice a pattern.  "Hey, Pam, have some more
thermos before we go in?"  *Before we go in... Before we go-*  "Oh,
right, earplugs," I said, and shifted the laptop bag so I could shift
the fanny pack around so I could open it so I could dig out the packet
of earplugs and snag a pair.
     "What are you doing?"

***
23:00 21 Nov

     We'd missed the band's opening, which meant we also missed the best
chance to get seats anywhere near the stage.  Damnit.
     Also the cover charge hurt.  Which we might've avoided if we got
here early enough to roadie their stuff.  Damnit.
     But at least my ears wouldn't hurt, unlike my wallet.  And neither
would anyone else's, since between me and Mike we had enough pairs for
everyone.  I had a feeling that next time there'd be more sets in purses
than just mine.  Mike had his pockets, of course.  There was a reason he
tended to wear baggy pants with pockets.  Several reasons.

***
23:11 21 Nov

     We'd found Rachel near the stage, and some of the girls wanted to
dance, but there wasn't enough room for all of us at Rachel's table, so
we had to find another one, or two, and snag them.  I hoped we wouldn't
need to urinate on it to mark it as ours, but I kind of doubted we
would.  Actually I doubted anyone but me and Mike would think of it.
     I had everything packed up, of course, and _I_ wanted to get closer
to the stage to watch Jack.  What Mike had said about satori made me
think of Jack when he was playing.  Or thinking of Jack made me think of
satori, maybe.
     So I slapped Mike on the shoulder, pointed to the area I'd be in
while watching to make sure he looked up, and when he finally nodded, I
started snaking through the crowd.
     Sign language was alright, I guess, but I'd really prefer something
like the gun range radio setup in here.  Those plugs didn't block noise
that well - which was one reason we wore muffs over them - but they did
a whole lot better at receiving radio than the foam-only ones I was
wearing.  And throat mikes didn't pick up a lot of extra noise.
     Realizing what I was doing made me look around guiltily in case
Sabrina or someone was watching me geek.
     "Nah!"  I hadn't really intended for Mike to come along, but there
he was.
     <Overwatch,> he signed.
     Well, it sort of made sense, even though it was annoying.

***
23:18 21 Nov

     It was making more and more sense, I realized after one song
concluded, because I'd backed myself up against a wall so I could watch
the stage and the crowd at the same time.  It looked like the girls were
having fun, at least, what I could see of them.
     I wasn't miserable, but I wasn't having as much fun as I remembered
having; people moving kept distracting me from watching the band, and
especially Jack.  And Dog or whatever the drummer's name was.  You
couldn't escape the sound, of course, and we were pretty close to a
speaker stack; I didn't know if that was a benefit or a penalty.  I was
VERY glad I had earplugs, though.  Probably there wasn't enough energy
getting through my skull the hard way to do any damage.
     I had a bit of a twitch, when I remembered that speakers were
powered by magnets and that my hard drive was encoded with magnetic
domain shifts, before remembering how fast it falls off with distance.
But I moved a little further away anyway.

***
23:49 21 Nov

     Mike slapped my arm several times to get my attention, and so I
extended a bit and rescanned the nearest people first before I checked
him again, to see if I could at least get a bearing-
     He clenched his legs together as he crouched a little bit.
     *Oh, right.*  I sort of had to go, maybe, but not that bad.  And, I
realized, I couldn't watch Mike's back so he'd watch mine.  *Maybe one
of the girls?*  Pam had been hitting the thermos a fair amount, so maybe
she had to go.  Or Kim.

***
23:50 21 Nov

     About halfway to the girls' table, the singer announced, "And we'll
be back after this short break."
     A VERY loud crack made me flinch and twist, and I didn't understand
the laughter until I saw Johnny the punk guy taking two pieces of a
stick away from the microphone.
     It was bad enough trying to see or get through the crowd anyway;
but now everyone seemed intent on shifting position.  I was glad I was
following Mike, but I kept worrying about someone swinging in behind me
and knifing me in the kidneys or something.
     I was beginning to think I was stressed out or something.
     And I couldn't have any alcohol, because I'd been designated a
driver for tonight.
     *Aw, damn, if only I had some Vali-*  Maybe I did.

***
23:52 21 Nov

     I didn't have Valium, but I did have a few alprazolams, and one of
the girls had some diet Coke left, which was not that great but was a
LOT better than trying to swallow it dry.  Alprazolam, like most drugs
seemed to be, was nasty-bitter if you kept it in your mouth long enough
to taste it.  Which I tried not to, and I wasn't going to have to with
the diet Coke I'd swiped.
     It wasn't until it was all gone past any hope of graceful recovery
that I realized that I wasn't taking whole tabs lately.  *Whups!*
     *Oh, fuck it,* I decided, as Mike glared at me impatiently, *it's
Friday night, right?  And...*  Oh, the Parkers.  Oh lord.
     I wanted a second tab, momentarily, but managed to restrain myself.
*Walking is good, remember?*

***
23:55 21 Nov

     There was a line for the women's room, which reminded me that I did
not need to go that badly.
     One girl came up, stopped, looked at the line, and turned around
like she was looking for someone to appeal this horrid miscarriage of
justice to.
     *My hair's fine too,* I decided.  *And so's my makeup.*  I looked
around fearfully, to see if any of my friends were there and going to
insist I wait in line to go in with them, but I got lucky this time.

***
23:58 21 Nov

     "So how come," someone said at me, "if they don't have to do makeup
or hair or anything, guys STILL take so long in the bathroom?"  It was
some girl I'd never seen before, with teased-up hair and rather a lot of
eye makeup but otherwise fairly respectable looking.  She happened to be
wearing a black Stepwise Pagoda T shirt, I thought; that or she'd
coincidentally found a picture of a pagoda with an 'SP' on it.
     "Um, probably because they've got the same kind of line in there,
that they've got," I pointed at the ladies', "over there, except they do
go faster.  Where did you get the shirt?"
     "Oh, it's a band shirt.  They sell them after the show," she said
as she pulled the hem down and stretched it out.  I took that as an
invitation to lean closer and look, and it was definitely a Stepwise
Pagoda shirt.
     "I need one of those," I decided.  *If I have enough money...*  But
I had stopped at an ATM today, partially to get money to spend tonight
having fun.  But durable goods were even better.
     "You like the band?"
     "Oh, yeah... I mean, I don't get out a lot to come see them, but
I've got the- a tape of theirs?"  I wondered briefly if they had more
than one, but I couldn't remember.  Plus it had been a while; they
might've done a second, or something.
     "Yeah, it's really good isn't it!" she informed me, looking
excited.
     "Oh yeah, _I_ think so!" I sort of lied.  It sounded a little more
raw than I was used to, like they'd done it with someone's home tape
deck or something; but you could also sort of hear the, well, raw
excitement or energy or whatever in it too.
     "So like how long have you been listening to them?"
     "Wha-  Oh, um..."  I really had to think about it.  "Ummm, like
last year sometime?"
     "Oh really?"
     "Yeah, I-"
     "So how come you don't come see 'em more?" she challenged, though
the slight smile suggested she wasn't quite looking for a fight.
     I cautiously said, "Oh, I work late, like until eight, and, uh,
lately I've been sick too, so..."  I shrugged at her, hoping this would
be enough.  "I need to get out and see 'em more, though."
     "Yeah really!  Support your local arts!" she commanded me.
     "I am!  I'm here right?"
     "So are you gonna stick around to get a T shirt?"
     "Are you like their manager or something?"  She was starting to
remind me of a really primitive and unskilled Debbie.
     She laughed.  "No, but I'm sort of dating Johnny, the bassist?"
     "Whi-"
     She made spikes with her fingers on top of her head.
     "Oh right!"  The one I'd scared Ricky away with.  "Wait, you're-"
     "Dating him," she finished, sounding overly happy with the idea of
dating him, while I tried to remember if he was the one that one of my
friends was dating.  "For like a couple of months now."  I thought he
was.  "But I was like going to all their shows-"
     *Amanda," I remembered, and looked around to see if she was here.
I had a feeling she should not meet this girl.
     "-And we hooked up a while ago," she finished.
     "Oh, uh, cool," I finally responded.
     "Yeah he's like really into the band and stuff," she told me.
     *So are you,* I didn't say; but this did sort of explain why she
was pushing the merchandising.  The more the band made, the more Johnny
would make, and so the more he could take her out.  Made sense... though
I did realize that all the sense did NOT obligate me to contribute.
     On the other hand, I could usually use another T shirt, and this
one WAS cool, and it would support a band I sort of knew and liked.  Or
liked and sort of knew.
     Mike finally made it out of the bathroom, and I waved at him.
     "Is that your boyfriend?"
     "NO!  Wh-"  *Chill,* I realized; she wasn't doing it to be
annoying, unlike the last dozen girls I'd been with.  "He's my brother,"
I said instead.
     "Your brother?"
     Apparently she didn't see the obvious resemblance.  Mike was close
enough, so I flicked an 'ok' hand sign at him, to suggest he not react
like we usually did to sudden grasping motions at us - GURPS called it a
riposte - and slid an arm behind him so I could put my face close to his
so she could see them close together.  "See?"
     "We're almost identical twins," Mike said, catching on.
     She laughed, overly hard.
     "How drunk is she?" Mike asked into my ear.
     "Dunno," I said into his.
     "You okay?"  I nodded.  "Need to go?"  I shook my head.  "Wanna go
find a seat this time?"  I shook my head.  "What the hell is wrong with
you, gaijin ho-"
     He was about to call me a homeboy, I realized.
     But then a parallel process reminded me about seats, girls, and-
"Is Amanda here?"
     "Wha-   Why-"  He tried to look for her, except I was grappling
him, so he shook me off and twisted away to look.  When he looked back,
he was frowning.  "Oh, no; she went home after eating.  Why?"
     I motioned him in close, and told him, "This is the girl that is
dating the guy in the band, that SHE used to date.  And, I don't think
the breakup went well.  Not like you and Kim.  Oh hey, speaking of, are
you still officially dating Val-  I mean, uh-"
     "Faciszewski?"
     "That's it," I nodded.  One of these days I'd have to learn how to
say that.
     "Fah-sis-ZEW-ski," he intoned.
     "Fuck off."
     "No, that's what you say to George.  Fah-sis-"
     "Fah-sis-ZEW-ski," I dutifully repeated.
     "And, no, she found out she didn't want to date a geek after all,
alas.  Oh me," he sighed.
     "Uh-"  I kind of suspected he wasn't serious.  Or at least not
seriously wounded.
     "Nah, just kinda mutually decided we weren't that interested in
each other."
     "Oh good."  Those mutual decisions tended not to hurt much.
     "You ARE dating him!"
     "GodDAMN-"  I realized, a bit late, that it wasn't one of the girls
teasing me, as I saw Johnny's-girlfriend in front of me, looking a
little surprised as she twitched back and complained.
     Mike told her, "We are NOT-"
     "DATING!" I screamed, at her, just to get it out of my system.  It
felt good.
     "Okay!" she said, putting her hands up, as if she actually believed
me this time.  Not that this would necessarily stop her; the Pack girls
definitely knew better but did it anyway.

***
00:38 22 Nov

     I thought that maybe the alprazolam was starting to hit, finally,
as I was starting to not be quite so concerned with the crowd, say,
turning all of a sudden and every one of them being someone who I knew
didn't like me and they all had knives.  Or something.
     *'Bout goddamned time...*

***
01:06 22 Nov

     "Hey, um, Jack?"  When he turned to look, I waved at him
hesitantly.
     "Hey," he said back, sounding very drained.
     "Uh, can I help?  Like roadie stuff out or something?"
     "Yeah you can do something with this FUCKING cable!" one of the
band guys - Mark?  Matt? - snarled as he threw a cable at me.  I tried
to twist out of the way but didn't make it and got cabled.  "Piece'a
SHIT!"
     Jack gave him a look, which he ignored, and looked back at me and
shrugged.
     I waited until he got out of the area before asking, "What's wrong
with it?"
     "Dunno, it didn't work when we set up," Jack said.
     "So, uh, um-  Good show," I remembered to say, which made him grin
in this sort of 'glad you finally remembered to say that' sort of way.
"Can I help?  Or we?  There's a lot of us here tonight."
     "Ah, not really," he said, looking around.  "Hey, uh, you gonna be
going somewhere afterwards?"
     "Um-"
     "Like to eat or something?"
     "That sounds good," Mike said, as he appeared next to me again
like he was doing tonight.  "Stealing souvenirs?" he asked as he picked
up a cable end and waggled it at me.  He did not remove the rest of the
cable.
     "Do not taunt Happy Fun Musician," I told him.  "Uh, it's kind of-"
     "You need to eat," Mike told me.
     "Why?  Never mind," I groaned.  "Shut up."  I thought about
mentioning 'sleep', but-
     "What'd he do now?" Jill asked.

***
01:11 22 Nov

     "Sure, why'n'hell not?" the drummer said, looking around.  Or maybe
he was looking at the girls, most of whom had sort of crystallized out
of the crowd around me.
     "Nah, man, gotta go," Johnny told him.  I looked, and Whatshername
was Waiting, for him.  Or maybe Waiting For Him.  I don't know quite how
I could tell that's what she was doing, just from her body language, but
I could and she was.  I thought.
     "Where?" Jack asked.

***
01:15 22 Nov

     "Dude, don't sweat it," I told Mike as we made our way out of the
club.  "I'll protect you."
     "Man," he grumbled.  "How come we always end up going there?"
     "I dunno... it's good food though," I tried to entice him.  "And
since YOU ma-"
     I stopped because I was falling.  Then I stopped falling, by
hitting the floor.
     *Teeth, fingers, toes...*
     And I'd managed to hit on the left side AND protect the laptop from
direct impact.  My left elbow hurt, though.
     As Mike helped me up, he started fingering around my crotch.
     There was about five seconds of excitement, and then we split up,
and I had a chance to move the laptop to the back where he couldn't
punch or kick it.  "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU _DOING_?!" I inquired.
     "Give me your fucking keys, bitch," Mike insisted.
     I was going to say something to him when I noticed something - or
someone - large homing in on us.  "Break Mike break LEFT!"  He went to
his left and I went to mine and the big male went after Mike.  I
screamed, "TALLYHO!" as I swung in behind the guy, except he'd stopped
and was now looking at me.
     "Bouncer," Mike announced from somewhere behind the very large man.
     "Oh, right, sorry," I told the guy as I pulled my arms and legs
back to a normal posture rather than a combat posture.

***
01:17 22 Nov

     "We were leaving anyway," I said to Mike, for no reason at all.  He
probably knew that already.
     "So give me your damned keys already," he complained.
     "What?  Why?"
     "Because you are too drunk to drive like that."
     "Fuck I'm too..."  Well, maybe I was.  "You think?"
     "No, Tuck, I was desperately reaching for your, uh, panties," he
stumbled in there.  "Because I am consumed with lust for you."
     "You disgusting pervert," I told him as I fished my keys out.  "It
wasn't that, though; I forgot there was a step there."
     "How could you miss the people in front of you going down the step?
You're too STUPID to drive right now, is what it is."
     "FUCK you gook!"
     "You're not my type," he dismissed.  "Hey, there they are.  CHICK
CHECK!" he yelled at them.

***
01:21 22 Nov

     In a very strangely quick set of decisions, Dan was taking a few of
the girls home because of curfews, leaving me, Kim, Jill, Mike, Pam,
Julia, and Kelly.
     "How many cars do we have left?" Mike asked.
     "Mine," Julia answered, "yours, and Val's."
     "And mine," Jill smirked.
     Kim mentioned, "Jeez, aren't you freezing on that thing?  Why not
ride in one of the cars?"
     "Uh, no," Jill said, and stuck her helmet on so she wouldn't have
to listen to reason any more.

***
01:23 22 Nov

     Somehow, I ended up with Julia and Pam in Julia's car, while
everyone else except Jill rode in Mike's car.  My car would languish in
the parking lot of the club until we came back, which ought to be before
they closed.  I was going to make damned sure of THAT; I doubted I could
get it repainted a second time.
     Julia lit a cigarette, to my disgust.  "What the fuck are you doing
that for?" I complained.
     "To get rid of it before I get home," she exhaled, then fumbled for
the ignition lock.
     "Well fuck THAT shit," I said as I rolled down the window.
     She rolled it back up.  "It's COLD Val!"
     "Well toss the damned cigarette!"  I could not override her window
control switch with mine, which was a definite design flaw.
     "Val, shut the fuck up," Pam complained from the back seat, ruining
it by giggling.  "Julia, could you at least roll the windows down some?"
     "Man," I complained as I shifted in my seat.  "You're-  Hey, is
that one of Kim's thermoses?  GIVE ME," I demanded.
     "And then you'll shut up?  Give it to her," Julia ordered.
     I took it and drank deeply of the goodness within.  Then, because
the cigarette had not gone out, I pulled out an inhaler and had a snort.
     "And you're complaining about cigarettes?" Pam asked incredulously.
     Julia cranked up the tape deck, and I prepared to have a real
screaming fit, but to my surprise out came Annie Lennox.
     To my second surprise, Julia started singing, "Walkin' on, walkin'
on, brooooken glassssss..."

***
01:28 22 Nov

     "Two hearts, livin' in just, one mind," Julia and I harmonized as
she drove.  She had a lot of 80s compilation tapes, and knew the words.
I knew them because singing was partially how I'd learned to speak like
humans did.

***
01:30 22 Nov

     "You are GOOD!" Pam mentioned in the silent gap.  "Both of you!"
     "Eh," I said, embarrassed.
     "No, you're not bad," Julia agreed, sort of.  "Did you ever have
voice training?"
     "No!  Well..."  I wasn't sure if language was the same thing.
"Wait, wait, this is..."  I recognized the synth.

***
01:37 22 Nov

     Julia stopped the car, but didn't turn off the engine.  Instead,
as Pam bailed and I got out slower, she rewound the tape for a while.
     "What're you doing?" Pam asked into the car.
     Instead of answering, Julia waited a bit longer, then let go of the
rewind button and turned the engine off.  She'd gone back to nearly the
beginning, which was pretty remarkable aim, so to speak.  "Give it some
VOLUME, Val," Julia demanded.  "From DEEP."  She slapped herself just
below her breasts to indicate what she meant.
     Chaka and I crooned,
     "Captured effortlessly
      that's the way it was.
      Happened so naturally
      did not know it was love."
     Pam began to dance.
     "The next thing I felt wuz you
      holdin' me close."
     Pam grabbed me and pulled me into her dance.
     "What was I gonna do
      I let myself goooo
      And now we fly through the stars
      I hope this night will last f'reverrrrrrr..."

***
01:38 22 Nov

     "Ho oh oh ohhhhh," Julia chimed in.
     "Ain't nobody
      loves me better
      Makes me happy
      Makes me feel this way
      Ain't nobody
      loves me better
     "Than youuuuuuuuuuu," I sang, as Pam whirled us around by our hands.

***
01:39 22 Nov

     "And a love so deep we cannot mea-SURE," I managed to sing as Pam
spun me off gently.  I twirled to a stop.
     "Ain't nobody..."
     *Ah, Kim's here,* I noted.  She was singing the chorus too, but
higher than me, as Julia sang harmonies around the two of us, which is
how I could tell.

***
01:41 22 Nov

     "Holy god," Mike commented quietly.
     "Wait, do you know 'Cruel Summer'?" Julia asked me, or Kim, or both
of us.
     "What is-"
     "Bananarama?"
     "Wh-  Oh, yeah, that..."  I stopped, because Julia was diving back
into her car and fumbling madly with tapes.

***
01:45 22 Nov

     Must've been the witching hour, and I guess They wanted MTV or the
live equivalent.  Everyone around me looked like they felt the same way
I did; stunned.  In awe.  Even Jack and the drummer dude.
     Oh shit.

***


The discovery of song and the creation of musical instruments both owed
their origin to a human impulse which lies much deeper than conscious 
intention: the need for rhythm in life the need is a deep one,
transcending thought, and disregarded at our peril. -- Richard Baker


Distribution:
No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another
person or group.
Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the
original author, me.  And no fee may be charged.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

All rights reserved.


+ @>--,--'-----   Ellen Hayes   o===[--------      __      vicki .sig  +
                  -=[1990]=-                       \/      virus 13.6
+      http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes     PGP key: EFC9 5D55 (1996) +



-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: 2.6.2

iQCVAwUBSFYTC3YDebnvyV1VAQGEegP+KVwioODpGUvzweThed45X/3W9p20VwsS
MJCCNrKkx2LbIT1hQoo1txEtFF5hswqMV5a/UeR1qccsK7HDfl8mtg28PyLZVKzK
0o3KJCylv3LGc17662281Me3OLxPLbCWBT4X/mrFAqBiaTeILppH596NQaVYfZqP
69lHG0rw8zw=
=jhzO
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----