-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

Tuck It Like A Man -*- Copyright 2007 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuck It Like A Man


***
23:51 31 Oct

     We'd sort of shuffled around, on the bed, until I was lying on my
back and she was sitting, VERY gently, on top of my pelvis.  Until she
grinned wildly at me, pushed herself up, and started wriggling down
towards my feet.  "Ow, damnit," she mentioned as she belatedly
remembered this was a bunk bed.
     "What are you doing?"  I'd thought we... would do something else.
     "Returning the favor," she grinned at me, showing all her teeth, as
she eased herself off the bed sideways.  "Turn this way," she ordered,
pulling on my legs.

***
23:52 31 Oct

     Her head popped back up as she complained, "He NEVER gave you one?"
     "Well...  I never asked for one either."
     "Why the hell not?"
     "I just didn't!"
     She frowned a bit, then said, "Because you didn't want him to see
yours?"
     "Oh, y-  well, n-  Fuck off!" I demanded as I regained access to
my wits.  "It's none of your business, what I used to do with someone
else!"
     "So you've NEVER had one?"
     "No..."  I was beginning to feel like I'd missed something crucial.
     "Jeez, if I was a guy I'd be getting- DEMANDING blow jobs," she
commented as she bent back down.  "All the time."
     "You w-WW!"  That felt VERY strange.
     She stopped, and popped back up.  "You like that?"
     "Ah.  Ah," I breathed.  "I dunno yet.  Do it again."
     She chuckled as she disappeared, and then she did it again.
     "Ooot!"
     She stopped as she fell backwards laughing.  I wished I hadn't made
that noise...
     When she didn't seem to be stopping in a reasonable amount of time,
I pointed out, "Hey, did I laugh at the farting noises YOU were making?"
     "I was NOT!" she protested wildly.
     "Oh, yes you WERE!"

***
23:58 31 Oct

     "Ohhh..."
     "Mmmm," Jill said as I filled the condom up.  Well, as much as I
could, which wasn't much, from what I remembered.  "Nnn hnn."

***
00:02 1 Nov

     "So did you like it?"
     "Mmmm..."  I thought about it as we snuggled and shared heat; sweat
cooled awfully fast without the humidifier on.  "I think I like sex
better."
     "Really?"
     "Yeah...  I like seeing you, touching you...  I can't do that when
you're all the way down there."
     She chuckled and mentioned, "It's not THAT far..."  Then, after a
while, she said, "Really?"
     "What?  I meant what I said," I said.
     "You'd really prefer sex- uh, like, intercourse, to a blow job?"
     "Yeah."  Then I realized it could go both ways.  Or not.  "What
about you?"
     "Um...  I don't orgasm, most of the time, when I have sex."
     "Oh."
     "I mean," she added hastily, "don't get me wrong, I like it..."
     "Hmm.  Sort of warms you up for the main event shortly thereafter?"
I guessed.
     "When I'm lucky," she said, and hugged me a little.
     "Oh."  I guessed that meant me.  "Hey, do I owe you one?"
     She started laughing as she hugged me closer.  "Um, no..." she got
out.  When she calmed down enough to talk, she said, "Um, I had more
than one when you were down there."
     "Yeah..."  I had noticed.  Or I was pretty sure, anyway.  "I could
if you wanted me to," I mentioned.  "Again."
     "Do you want to?"
     "Um...  _I_ don't WANT to, but I'm offering.  If you want one.  Or
several," I added.
     "Ummm... maybe tomorrow?  Oh, hell, Tuck, I've gotta go to work
tomorrow..."
     "I can take you," I guessed at what was on her mind.  "If you, I
mean, I have a- that stupid therapy appointment at ten.  So, uh..."
     "Twelve," she answered.
     "Okay.  Um..."
     "Should I wait, or..."
     Pause.
     "I really don't want to think right now," I told Jill.
     "Wanna fuck?" she teased.
     I grabbed one of her hands and put it in my crotch as I said,
"Let's see..."  Nope.  "Nope.  Tongue's still hard," I said, feeling
momentarily clever in the quickly growing lethargy and stupidity.
     She chuckled, and cuddled, and I liked that a lot.

***
02:00 1 Nov

     "Bee-bee-beep!"
     "Oh fuck YOU!"
     "Wha-"
     "Ahhh!  Oh right," I remembered, a little too late to prevent the
panic.  "Hi, sweetie," I said, and felt around for her.
     "It's still dark," she mentioned.
     "I have to take some drugs."
     "Okay."
     Before I got them down, she was snoring.  It was quiet, and gentle,
almost ladylike - which was even funnier - but she was snoring.

***
06:00 1 Nov

     "Bee-bee-beep!"
     "Goddamnit," I sighed, then felt something in the bed.  "Ah!
Jill," I remembered.
     "How many times is that goddamned thing going to go off?"
     "Too many," I sighed.

***
08:00 1 Nov

     "Bee-bee-"
     "Goddamnit!" Amy snarled and went over me, which hurt a surprising
amount, even after I realized it was Jill, not Amy.
     She grabbed a robe and flung it on, struggled with the sleeves,
then yanked the door open and stomped out.
     I just had time to realize that the house alarms were probably
still set, and panic, before I heard the bathroom door shut.  *Oh.
Probably has to...*  I had to, I realized.
     "Bee-bee-beep!"
     "Dude, you are going to get thrown out of the fucking window one of
these days, you know that?"  Or that's what I started to say, before the
night's accumulation of respiratory goo finally caught me.

***
08:04 1 Nov

     "Hey, sor-"
     "Yes but get the fuck out of my way please," I requested politely.
I had to do what she'd just done, real bad.

***
08:07 1 Nov

     I was back in my bed, which had a naked Jill in it.  She was
touching me in places I hadn't been touched in a long time, like my
neck.  "Jill?"
     "Hmm?"
     "We-  I-  Did-"  Everything I was thinking was bad.  "Um..."  I
finally decided on, "I remember us having sex last night?"
     She started laughing, which was a good sign.  Or at least she
wasn't shrieking in rage and beating me, or screaming in terror, or
beating me, or crying suddenly, or beating me.
     When she slowed down, I said, "I take it that's an affirmative?"
Which started her laughing again, which I'd hoped would be the effect.
     "Did-"  "Did-"  "Did you like it?" she respawned before I could.
     I thought about it.  "Yeah," I decided, and smiled at the memory.
     She smiled back and kissed me.

***
08:13 1 Nov

     I had sort of wanted to go back to sleep for a while, and I'd
thought Jill had the same idea, but apparently she'd changed her mind,
or the laughing had woken her up or she wanted to get me back for making
her laugh or something, because we were having sex again.  This time we
were on our sides, which meant I could put the broken ribs on the top,
which meant I wasn't in severe pain.  I liked that; last night I'd had
some bad moments when I hadn't been paying attention.  And it wasn't as
much effort as me being on top, which I also liked at the moment.
     "Hey, Jill?" I asked, coming to a stop as I remembered something
that might be important.
     She opened her eyes.  "What?"
     "You said you don't orgasm during s- intercourse, right?"
     "Yeah but I like it anyway," she answered.  "So don't stop!"
     "Oh."  Then I started moving again, as fast as I could, which
wasn't fast.  She didn't seem to mind though.  If I didn't stop.

***
08:21 1 Nov

     "Wow, that took a long time," she said, sort of confusedly.
     "Superior mental powers," I lied.
     "Hah bullshit," she retorted.
     I changed the subject.  "So, I mean, you had sex, with other guys,
and you said most of them don't go down on you?  So, like, what do you
do?"
     "I go home and jerk off," she said slowly, staring me in the eyes
and with a smile forming on her face.  Like she was challenging me.  Or
daring me.
     "Oh yeah?  Show me," I said, as I scootched back a few inches and
acted like I was ready to watch.
     "What?"
     "I want to see you masturbate," I told her, managing to keep a
straight face on.

***
08:26 1 Nov

     Kneeling in between her legs - at her request; she said she liked
having something there she could squeeze; and my legs weren't broken -
and watching her and her fingers as she rubbed herself into a frenzy
was, I decided, pretty keen.
     *Never admit you were calling and raising her,* I decided, and
tried to remember.  It was pretty neat, watching it.  Her.

***
08:31 1 Nov

     "Well, watching you..."
     "Damn," Jill said, then smiled.  "Want me to blow you?"
     Twitch.  "No, but-"  I started to laugh.  I forced out before she
could get mad, "Oh, man...  I'm glad I'm not in gym any more, 'cause if
it got out that I didn't want a blow job..."
     "Not even the gay guys would believe you," she stated.
     "Ahahahahahaha!"
     She did nice things with her fingers that sort of made me stop
laughing... or changed the laughter into something else.
     "You like that?"
     I breathed, "Yeah..."

***
08:34 1 Nov

     "This is weird, Jill," I announced.
     "Want me to stop?" she dared me, right into my ear.  At least she
did it softly.  She did not stop moving her hand, though.
     "Umm...  It does feel good..."  She pushed her pelvis harder
against my rear, and started stroking me faster.  "There's something I'd
rather do, though."
     "Like what?" she challenged.
     "Have sex."

***
08:50 1 Nov

     "So how often do YOU masturbate?" she shot back at me.
     "Uh..."  I had to think about it, which was a little surprising...
then I kept thinking about it, finding instances of sex... sex... sex...
accidental orgasm... sex... sex...
     "Oh come on!"
     "Jill, I swear, I'm thinking!"  Her eyes bugged.  "I think it's
been at least a year, si-"
     "No WAY!"
     "No lie!  I swear!  I mean, I might've forgotten something, but...
I think it's been that long."
     She looked shocked.
     "I think!" I insisted.

***
09:56 1 Nov

     As I got out of the car, I realized that I didn't have my meds with
me.  "Damnit!"
     "What?" Jill asked, before I remembered that I was allowed off the
liquids as of-
     "Damnit!"  As of last night.
     "What?!"
     "Tell ya later!"  I had to get out of this rain before I soaked,
froze, and died.  *Stopping there was stupid,* I told myself as I ran
for the door.

***
10:05 1 Nov

     "So, like," I asked Sheila, "how often do guys- I mean, uh, not
like a total, but how many days, or how many times a-  Frequency," I
finally got.
     "Wh-  Frequency of what?"
     "Oh.  Uh..."  *She's done it to you enough times,* I told myself
sternly.  "Um, average male, or average teen male, masturbation."
     She looked startled.
     I suggested, "Like every day, or twice a day, or once a week..."
     "Um," she said.  Then she said, "Why are you asking?"
     "Uh, oh, it came up in a conversation," I told her, having already
planned this response, because I knew she was going to ask.
     "Um... it varies-"
     "I know that," I interrupted, "but there's a mean, or a median or a
mode, in there somewhere."  Probably all three.  "And don't tell me
nobody's done a study on this," I added.  I didn't know it for a fact,
but sex research seemed far too nosy not to have asked this one.  I
mean, how else could they find out that ten percent of the population
was homosexual?
     And I was NOT going to let her weasel out of an answer.  If I'd had
time, I would've looked it up on the Internet, but Jill had kept me
busy, first with sex, then with getting ready in a hurry - she had to
borrow some clothes again, because all she had was the vampire costume
from last night, and she absolutely refused to wear it again, claiming
it was dirty.  I figured it was the skirt issue, but she'd claimed it
wasn't.
     "Well, I don't know, real-"
     "You have some idea.  You said you worked with adolescents a lot,"
I said.  "Isn't that important?  I mean, their sex lives?"
     "Masturbation is usually something that a patient prefers not to
talk about," she said.
     I was beginning to feel like I had HER on the run for once.  And I
liked the feeling.  "Oh, come on, you have some kind of estimate," I
pressed, trying to sound innocent and maybe a little sad that she
wouldn't answer, something like that.

***
11:03 1 Nov

     "How'd it go?" Jill asked.  She'd decided she'd rather wait in the
car, then wait at my house, or, as she put it, "No fucking WAY you can
make me go back to MY house!".  I wasn't going to argue with that.  So
she'd been sitting in the car reading, after leeching one of my
paperbacks.  I'd suggested she do her homework but that hadn't gone over
well.  Well, she'd laughed...
     "Well, sort of okay...  I managed to skip you," I said with a grin.
     "What, you don't want to tell her about me?"
     The smile went off my face as I remembered what I'd been afraid of.
"No, but I didn't want to put up with an hour's worth of questions about
what did I think and how did I feel and what did it all mean... I mean,
I get enough of that in English class, you know?"
     "Oooookay," Jill semi-agreed.
     "Besides, she wasn't caught up on the last month," I said.
     "Ohhh," Jill nodded.
     "There was a lot," I said, needlessly I guess.  Jill had been
conscious for more of it than I had been.
     "Ohhh yeah," she agreed and nodded more emphatically.
     I sighed.  "But then I, she wanted to see me as Valerie next week.
Which means I am going to have to get up even earlier..."  *Bitch.*  I
mean, I could sort of see her point, but it wasn't her that had this
interesting life.  I wasn't sure she had a life.
     "What did you talk about?" Jill asked.  "I mean," she added, "if
you don't mind me asking."
     "Oh, she's all worried I'm going to be traumatized about being
beaten and stuff, at school."
     "What, you aren't?"
     I shrugged.  "Yeah, I guess, but, like, what's the difference
between now and the other sixteen years?  Well, okay, it didn't start
until I was seven or so, so like nine years."  I'd had this conversation
with Sheila already.  "I mean, I handled those... and I sort of know how
to handle this one too.  At least I've got Valium... except I think she
said something about putting me on something else, something shorter
acting."  I wouldn't mind that; being too drugged at school could lead
to 'a repetition of the traumatizing event'.
     "Like what?"
     "Dunno...  She mentioned some names, but I didn't recognize 'em.
Same class of drug, shorter active time."
     "Hey, are you hungry?"
     "No, not really."  It took me a beat.  "You wanna get something?
We've got less than an hour..."

***
11:56 1 Nov

     "You're gonna be there tonight, right?" I asked as I pulled into a
parking space.
     "Oh yeah..."
     "Want to come by and get your skirt back so you can wear it?" I
snickered.
     "Fuck you, Val," she said as she got out.  "See ya tonight!"

***
12:36 1 Nov

     "Went okay, I'd rather not go, I have to go do music for several
hours.  That DJ thing tonight.  I told you about that right?"
     "You did log it already," Dad admitted.
     "Oh good."
     "When do you plan to be home?"
     "Uh... start at eight thirty, I guess by two.  No, make it three.
Three-thirty," I decided, and nodded.  "Three-thirty."
     His eyebrows went up.
     "Dad, this isn't a school dance... A lot of people, like college
age, got invited.  They won't want to go home at midnight just so the
freshthings don't-"
     "Freshthings?"
     "Freshmen!  Don't interrupt!"
     Pause.
     "So the freshmen don't," Dad prompted.
     "Oh, so they don't get in trouble for staying out too late."
     "You have freshmen girls," which was so incredibly stupid I wanted
to say 'freshthings', "at a dance where you have college guys?"
     "Dad, anyone that f- messes with anyone is going to end up in the
hospital, worse than- as bad as I was."  I'd been pretty bad.
     I'd been really bad.
     "Eugene?"
     "I don't think I like being beaten up," I said, which was the one-
liner that was on top of everything.  Or underneath.
     "No...  No one does, and I don't like it when it happens to my
family," Dad said in that very flat way that was so scary when it was
pointed at me and so reassuring when it was pointed at someone I didn't
like.

***
12:40 1 Nov

     I sighed, and pushed out of the hug.  "Thanks... it helps.  More
than Sheila does."
     "You need it all," he informed me.  "Comprehensive treatment."
     "What, was that a prescription treatment?" I teased.  "Wait, can we
bill for this?  The insurance company?"  His eyebrows went up.  "Ten
bucks a minute isn't unreasonable for medical treatment," I went on,
"and I'll split it fifty-fifty."
     He really wanted to, I could tell.
     Then he frowned, and ordered, "Get something to drink and come to
my office.  I have to talk to you about something."

***
12:42 1 Nov

     "You said," he said without preamble or headers, "you were gay.
Then... Jill stayed over, and you two, hmm, made some noise."
     "J-"
     "Distinctive noises," he clarified.
     I felt fevered and wished I could blame that on a relapse.
     "Not that we object, you understand..."  He was getting reddish
too.  Though probably not nearly as much as I was.  "We meant it, when
we said we wanted you doing that here rather than anywhere else.  But
this is, hmmm... confusing."
     "Hahaha," I let out accidentally.  "Trust me," I explained, "it's
not nearly as confusing for you..."
     His eyebrows stayed up.  Finally, he commanded, "Explain."
     I sighed.  "Dad...  I...  I didn't PLAN it to happen, okay?  She, I
mean, I just thought she wanted to sleep over, hang out... like Mike
does, or the guys.  NO!" I said firmly to what was fermenting in his
filthy mind.  "Not them!  Not EVER!"
     "I was assuming nothing," Dad lied brazenly.
     I let that pass, since I'd already objected to it.  "Um..."
     "So she stayed over Friday night, and you found you were more
interested in her as a partner than you thought?"
     "Well... it was sort of her idea."  His eyebrows were going to come
off his forehead if they went any higher.  "Not that I said no..."  This
was not what I wanted to deal with this early in the day.  Or this early
in the year, come to think of it.  "Dad, I don't know, okay?  She...  I
liked it, and it was fun, but we haven't pledged anything or anything...
Hell, I don't even know if she wants to admit it happened."  That was
entirely possible, now that I thought about it.  "Maybe she was just
lonely or something..."
     "What about your... b-boyfriend," he finally managed to say.
     "We broke up," I sighed.  "I went over, after work one night, and
there was this girl at his place... and..."  I wiped my eyes and said,
"Dad, I don't want to talk about this any more."
     He sighed, as I tried to get myself under control.
     "Just one thing," Dad finally said.
     "Call it 'undefined'," I said back.  His eyebrows spiked up, then
bizarrely went down as he nodded.  "What?"
     "That makes sense... is that what you really think, or are you just
trying to get out of here?"
     I sighed.  "It's the truth... I don't know, any more...  I mean, do
I have to define it?"
     "It makes things easier in your life, I heard," Dad claimed.  Like
he knew.  "But no, I suppose you don't...  If you do end up defining it,
or finding out, let US know, please?"
     "Okay!" I nodded.  If I ever figured anything out, I'd be happy to
tell him about it.  Especially in email.

***
12:45 1 Nov

     I needed to lie down for a while, and I almost did before I noticed
the coke in my hand, which I'd opened and hadn't even tasted.  "Must be
distracted or something, haha," I said to myself, and put it on the
table by the bed.  I needed to lie down for a while.

***
12:53 1 Nov

     "Hey wait!" I realized suddenly.  "I can tell the MacinClock to
shut the fuck up about drugs!  I don't have to take 'em every four hours
any more!"  I needed to get up, right this instant, to take care of
this.  And did.

***
15:13 1 Nov

     It just suddenly popped into my head, while I was waiting for a
song to get copied onto a drive.
     *But wh-  Mike has a cellphone!* I remembered gleefully.

***
15:14 1 Nov

     "Is George around?  I need his costume from yesterday.  And some
face paint," I told Mike.
     "Uh, yeah, he's here... whatcha doin'?"

***
18:23 1 Nov

     "Your mom said," Mike told me as he pulled me off my chair, "that
you have time to eat supper before you go, that you're too thin, and I
agreed."
     "I need to shower and stuff, you fuck!  Lemme-  Wait, weren't you
setting up the sound stuff?" I remembered with horror as I glanced at
the clock and realized how late it was.  "Whatareyoudoinghereyouass-"
     "Fuck you you little roundeyed shit, it's done already.  George and
Dan and a couple of the fish are guarding the place, while I come to
find you being stupid..."  He resumed hauling me away.  "Not eating, not
taking care of yourself... you didn't eat lunch either, did you?  Or
breakfast.  Go down the stairs."  I went down the stairs, cursing him in
anime, because it was better than him trying to drag me physically.  He
began cursing me back.

***
19:01 1 Nov

     "Get out of the damned shower you little wanker!" I accidentally
screamed as I discovered Brian had beaten me to the bathroom.

***
19:43 1 Nov

     "Oh man," Mike said as we both looked at me in the mirror.  "That
is BAD ASSED."
     "Yeah.  Good."  Body armor and a few social work tools, plus most
of George's rented tuxedo, which was rather loose on me, Mike's black
tanker boots and enough socks so I could wear them, a spray of white
lace I'd lifted from Susan's room - I'd actually called her to ask, and
she'd actually been at her phone, and she'd actually said yes if I
showed her pictures; I was glad to see my real sister wasn't going to
college either, because I liked this one a lot more - instead of a bow
tie, kind of like a cravat; my headset under the top hat, sword hung
externally on a (thankfully) black baldrick and belt that we'd made a
couple years ago - the baldrick and belt, not the sword - and my face
painted in black with a white skull over it.  Plus a scrap of white rag
over the collar of the shirt, to keep me from literally blackening it.
Luckily Mike had thought of that before I actually put the shirt on.
     "The Baron Samedi himself," Mike commented.
     "Treh bon, man.  I gotta get a mask over it, though."
     "What?  WHY?" Mike complained.
     "So I can unmask myself at the right time!  Duh!"

***
20:08 1 Nov

     There were already some cars waiting in the parking lot.
Unfortunately, one of them was Debbie's.
     *But hey,* I told myself, *_I_'ve got the sword tonight...*
     There was also a big paper banner that said, "Freaks' Show," hung
just over the doors.  That might be why Dan had a ladder on top of the
minivan.  Then again, it might just've been a good excuse.  At least it
wasn't raining.

***
20:09 1 Nov

     "'A fundraiser for the McAllen High School Band, which was severely
vandalized two weeks ago, by person or persons unknown'?  What the fuck
is this?"
     "A fundraiser for the McAllen High School Band," Mike intoned,
"whi-  Ow!  Stop!"

***
20:11 1 Nov

     "George!" I shrieked after he almost dropped the computer he was
carrying.  I'd demanded he wash his hands before he touched anything of
mine, since they'd been eating pizza, but I hadn't demanded he use soap.
     "Fuck off runt!" he snarled.

***
20:14 1 Nov

     "So what's under the mask?" Sabrina asked.
     "You'll see," I grinned.  I couldn't wait to take the mask off,
except I was saving it for later.

***
20:29 1 Nov

     "Final sound check, final sound check," I intoned, before releasing
the THX.

***
20:32 1 Nov

     "Why the mask?" Jill asked.
     "Got my reasons," I said.
     "You sound funny."
     "Who, me?"  I laughed.  "Go get ready dance."
     "Dance with me," she suggested.
     "Can't," I said, with real regret, and pointed at my ribs.  Then I
made shooing motions at her.

***
20:35 1 Nov

     "Good evenin'," I said into the microphone, the GOOD one, that I'd
brought.  It blasted across the gym, but generated no feedback.  "I be
yuh host for dis evenin'..." and I undid the clip on the left side of my
face that held the mask on.  "An' you can call me 'Baron'."  If they
didn't get it, they sucked, and therefore weren't deserving of the
knowledge.  "All you cats an' kitties, we here to rock da house tonight.
You ready?"
     Mumbles.
     "I guess not...  Whazzat?  NOW you ready?"
     Moderate noise, though I guess about what I could expect
considering the amount of people actually here.
     "Well let us begin, shall we say, de warm up," I suggested, and
started up Chemical Brothers.  I'd spent hours working on mixes, and
while none of them were great, I did have a track plan for the evening.
     And, finally, I could switch off the illuminating light I'd had
aimed at my face.
     And the microphone, so I could say, "FUCK!" because my eyes hurt
and I was blind.

***
21:17 1 Nov

     I caught a glimpse of someone that had to be Kathy, in - I wondered
if I was hallucinating - a Playboy Bunny outfit.  Except it had a
beauty-contest baldrick with a LOT of writing I couldn't make out.
     I transmitted over our radios, "Anyone from, uh, Tuck.  What does
that thing on Kathy's front say, over?"
     A few seconds later, Mike informed me, "It says, 'With sharp pointy
TEEF!'  Over."
     A few seconds later, I made the connection, which was hard to make
with Kathy, and began laughing myself sick.

***
21:21 1 Nov

     "She said," Dan transmitted, "that she finally saw 'Monty Python
And The Holy Grail' this weekend, and she wanted to thank you for the
suggestion.  Over."
     Since I couldn't remember making it, there wasn't much I could
reply.  *Last year maybe?*  "Uh, you're wel- she's welcome, over."

***
21:40 1 Nov

     I thought I caught a glimpse of Dave, Rachel's roommate.  *What the
hell is-  Oh right.  Freaks' Show.*  Debbie must've invited EVERYONE, I
realized.
     *Oh, and Dave's queer, and NOT shy about it... oh man, this could
be interesting...*
     'Pop Muzic' ended and segued into Weird Al's 'Dare To Be Stupid'
and I couldn't really hear the sonic seam.  *Yesssss!*

***
21:41 1 Nov

     Apparently some people were just starting to hear the lyrics, or
pay attention to them, because people were stopping dancing and starting
to laugh instead.  About half the people were wearing costumes, assuming
that the goth/club types weren't actually in Halloween 'costumes'.

***
23:06 1 Nov

     I'd needed a bathroom break and put the mask back on, to protect my
makeup, and way later than that I finally got Mike to come watch the
stuff; he assigned George to go with me, which almost made me argue
until I remembered what bathrooms I'd be using.
     The bathrooms were a vague madhouse, and it took George squawking
in distress to get me to realize that it had gone co-ed for the evening.
"George!" I complained as I kept going.  "Stay CLOSE!"
     "But there's GIRLS in here!"
     I huffed in irritation and turned around to face him.  "And if you
don't scare them they won't scare you, George, just like bears in the
woods.  I HAVE to PEE!"
     Finally he followed me, and I made him stand and protect my rear as
I unlimbered and drained the tank.

***
23:10 1 Nov

     I realized that I should've been extremely scared to go into that
bathroom... and then figured out why I wasn't, as some girl who looked a
lot like Sabrina's costume almost ran into me, sneered, and went around
me and George.  Her friend, which I wasn't sure what it was, nodded at
me politely as it followed her around us, and continued talking to her.
Or at her.

***
23:12 1 Nov

     "Wow, Kathy," I said as I slid an arm around her waist, "that is
really a good-  You're not Kathy," I realized.
     "I could be," the guy told me as he put his arm around my shoulder
and leered at me.  He looked about three-quarters as good from the
front, a rather frightening ratio, but the Adam's apple and the voice
were dead giveaways.  "What's under the mask, sweetie?"
     His hand reached over and down, and I disengaged and took two steps
back as I drew a baton.  #SHINK#
     Then I popped the mask's snap and let it fall off to one side,
exposing the skull-face makeup.
     Everything stopped, long enough for me to check over both my
shoulders; I was clear for a couple feet and no one was moving my way.
     "DON'T touch the DJ," I stated as I turned back.
     He pouted theatrically at me and vamped, "You don't know what
you're missing, honey!"
     *You don't know what you almost got in the neck...*  I pointed the
baton at him and said, loudly over the music and the crowd which was
starting to react-up, "I'm missing a song for you," and turned and
walked off, before I started to shake.
     George had evaporated, which pissed me off.  "George!  Where the
fuck are you?"
     "AWAY," he said over the radio; I couldn't see him.  I could see
Mike before he bent over, laughing I guessed.

***
23:15 1 Nov

     I did in fact have Abba, for reasons I could only ascribe to divine
guidance.  Or infernal.  "Go tell George," I told Mike, "he's got a
dance he has to do."
     "BAhahahaha!"

***
23:17 1 Nov

     "You are the dancing queeeen
      Young and sweet only seventeeeeeen..."
     I was evil.  On my better days.

***
02:15 2 Nov

     "Last chance," I intoned in a more normal voice, which echoed
through the gym.  "Last chance to save your immortal soulsssss..."  I
couldn't resist the hiss.  Back to a normal voice, I announced, "Anyone
caught inside the building in ten minutes, TEN MINUTES, is going to be
cleaning up."  THAT got some people moving.

***
02:39 2 Nov

     "So, was it good?" Kathy asked as she loaded my arms with a crate
then picked two up herself.  I was severely jealous, and even more so
since I could remember when _I_ could bend down and pick heavy stuff off
the floor.  "Did you have fun?"
     "Um...  Was okay," I discovered.  "I was so busy DJ'ing that I
didn't really have, y'know, time for anything else."
     "That sucks," she told me, like I hadn't noticed this yet.  "There
was this guy, who copied my costume, and-"
     I snorted.  "I did catch him..."

***
03:02 2 Nov

     It was either bitterly cold outside, or I was severely tired.  "Oh,
man," I sighed, because I wasn't getting paid for this part, but I HAD
to get the computer equipment inside.
     Mike's car pulled up in front of the house.

***
03:11 2 Nov

     "I really appreciate this," I told Jill and Mike as I kicked the
door shut behind us, hopefully for the last time tonight.  I was pretty
sure at this point I was severely tired, though it might actually be
THAT cold outside too.

***
03:14 2 Nov

     "What?  No, sweetie..."  I could hardly believe I was doing this.
"I need to sleep, and as late as possible tomorrow... I am not up for
ANYTHING, for..."  I shook my head.
     "Not even breakfast tomorrow?" Jill asked, looking sad.
     I shook my head.  The idea of having to get up in six hours was
just horrible.

***
06:53 2 Nov

     Kathy pulled off her face and it was some guy I recognized, some
guy who wanted to hurt me a lot for a long time, right before the other
girls - except Debbie - started clawing at THEIR faces, and then I was
in the dark on the floor and scrambling away trying to find a weapon.  I
ran into the door first.  With my head.
     Then I realized where I was.
     Then I realized what had happened.

***
08:53 2 Nov

     "Nightmares, what else," I sighed.  "So, want breakfast?"

***
10:09 2 Nov

     "Hey, thought you were gonna skip or something," Jill said as she
threw herself into the car and shivered.
     "No, I had to go to Rachel's to pick some clothes up."
     "Oh, right," she said.  I looked at her again, because she sounded
a little odd, but I wasn't sure if there was something unusual or not.
*Guess not,* I decided, and put the car into gear.

***
10:24 2 Nov

     "Hey, don't push," Jill said as she pushed me away.
     "Man, don't push ME!" I complained back, feeling a little hurt.
     "T-  Val?" Mike asked.  "You okay?"
     "Oh...  Yeah, I guess.  Tired.  Nightmares last night."  That
wasn't entirely it.
     I didn't know what was with Jill; I mean, if I had sex with
someone, I wanted to be with them and cuddle and kiss and stuff
afterwards.  It seemed like Jill didn't.  Or something.  But I didn't
want to talk about it in front of Mike and Kelly, in case Jill really
didn't want anyone to know about it.
     *Oh, wait, I'm supposed to tell Mike...*  I looked at Mike, who was
already stuffing his face - he hadn't waited for us to get there before
he ordered, apparently - and decided that it could wait for a while.

***
10:38 2 Nov

     "Are we gaming today?" Kelly asked Mike.
     Mike shook his head, and we all waited for him to get through
whatever he'd stuffed into his mouth this time.
     Which was apparently a lot.
     "Mike," I said after some more time had passed, "you know, if you
took smaller bites you wouldn't have to spend so long chewing."
     He glared at me as I was saying this, and then swallowed, and then
said, "I'm PAYING for this food, I want to make the most of it.  Unlike
SOME people I don't have a job now, remember?  Anyway, no, no gaming.
I'm still kind of tired from last night, and Dad said I have to church
up today."
     I nodded as the girls requested clarification of 'church up'.

***
11:39 2 Nov

     "Hey Mike?  Could you give me a ride home, and Tuck take Kelly?
I've already imposed too much," Jill said apologetically to me.
     "No, it's-"
     "Besides, you said you needed to talk to Kelly?"  At my blank look,
Jill added, "About the glee club thing?"
     "Wh-"
     "Oh, yeah," Kelly nodded, like she knew what Jill was talking
about.  Then I remembered what the GLEE club was, but not why I had to
talk to Kelly about it.

***
12:02 2 Nov

     "Just, you know, about the sponsors and things," Kelly explained as
I started my car.  I really did not want to talk about this at the
moment; I had other things on my mind.  Unfortunately, I couldn't tell
Kelly about them.

***
12:07 2 Nov

     "I don't know, Kelly," I sighed.  "I mean, it seems logical, but...
I don't have enough time for myself lately.  I've got to cook today, and
then I've got to start making up cosmetology practice on Saturdays, I'm
working...  I still don't feel that great," which was utterly true,
though almost certainly not what she thought it was.  "I can help with
the technical end of it, setting things up, like with the calls and
stuff?  But I don't know if I can do anything like organizing."
     "But you are interested, right?" she pushed.
     I sighed.  "I don't know...  I mean, I got the shit beaten out of
me recently; I'm not really in the mood to be an activist for something
unpopular, you know?  My ribs haven't knitted from the last time."
     "From the last time you were an activist?" she asked skeptically.
     "From the last time I got caught alone someplace, and being as un-
popular as I am already.  I don't really need to add 'faggot' on top of
that, CONFIRMED faggot, and have MORE people beating me up-"
     "Do you really think that's going to happen?" she challenged.
     I looked over at her, not sure if she was bullshitting me or not.
In the second or so I could look, I couldn't tell.  "It happened once,
and I lived through it, by grace of Mike, and ONLY because of that.  I
REALLY don't feel like pushing the envelope at the moment.  Look, let me
heal up and get back into shape first, okay?" I said to shut her up.
"I'll help where I can, but don't go throwing my name at people before
I'm able to defend myself, okay?
     "We kept your secret," I reminded her as I remembered.  "WE didn't
tell anyone about you, not even the rest of our friends.  You owe me,
not to go forcing me- outing me, until I decide that's what _I_ want,
like you did."
     She sighed, and looked out the window, obviously not pleased.

***
12:11 2 Nov

     "No, I just... I need to go home," she repeated.
     "Uh, well, okay..."  I had to check my mental map, but I thought I
could take her home and still get to the store on time.  "Oh shit..."
Well, I could wait and check my wallet when I stopped to let her out; in
the middle of driving someplace was not a good time to be head-down.
"No, it's okay," I said out loud when I had all this figured out.

***
14:02 2 Nov

     I was trying to get out of getting naked for Doc Treble when I saw
Mike, and remembered.  "Oh, hey, Mike?  Don't leave, I need to talk to
you about something."
     "Like-"
     "Like one of those things you said I needed to talk to you about?"
I said, hopefully not saying anything to anyone else.
     His eyebrows went together, then down as he figured it out.
     "It'll wait a few," I sighed, because I really couldn't get out of
getting naked for Doc Treble, "but don't leave, okay?  I'm trying to get
it done early."
     "'Bout damned time," he sighed, and went off.

***
14:06 2 Nov

     "It's looking a lot better," Doc Treble said, and pressed on my
ribs, which made me hiss in expected pain.  "Did that hurt?"
     "Well, not really... but don't do it anyway," I said as I pulled
away from her cold hands before she could do it again.  "It MIGHT hurt."
She hadn't actually pressed that hard, not that I really cared.
     "And are you off the liquids?" she asked.
     "Yeah... I took 'em an extra night, because I forgot to stop, but I
stopped last night."
     "Any problems?"
     I took a deep breath, and felt a little cough there.  "Not
really..."  I let the rest of the breath out carefully so I wouldn't
have a coughing fit, because the damned things showed up at the worst
times.
     "Keep doing that, breathing deep.  Pneumonia," she said as a
reminder, that breathing deep and coughing to clear my lungs would help
prevent or lessen pneumonia, which she as my doctor wanted me to avoid.
     Me being the one who would have bubbly stuff in my lungs, and be
hanged by my ankles to drain it, and miss yet more school, and miss yet
more cosmetology practice, and many many other things, all of them bad,
I wanted to avoid it even more than she did.

***
14:20 2 Nov

     "So what did you need to tell me?" Mike asked.
     "Uh..."  I sighed.  I didn't want to do this, but I thought I'd
better before he found out about it some other way and beat me for not
telling him soon enough.

***
14:22 2 Nov

     "DAMNIT!"
     "What?!"
     Mike just turned away.  "It pissed me the fuck off," he said, as he
made a fist and slowly pounded on a 4x4 upright on my bed, "that you..."
He breathed and didn't say anything, then said, "and _I_ don't get any
at ALL!"
     "Uh..."  What the hell could I say to that?  "Sorry?" I tried.  "I
didn't tell you to- so I could brag about it or anything, just-"
     "No, I know...  You did the right thing, and..."  He turned to look
at me and gave me what I think was supposed to be a pained smile, sort
of bittersweet or something; it looked like he had bad motion sickness
and was going to make a mess.  "I sort of think I should say, 'thanks
for telling me', but I am REALLY not thankful, you know?"
     I knew.  I nodded.
     "So, are you still gay?" he asked.  "Or what?"
     "I have no idea," I sighed.  "My parents already asked that
question."
     "Huh-boy," he sighed.  "Dad?"
     "Yeah... he's so much easier to deal with than Mom sometimes, you
know?"  Mike nodded.  Mom was nice sometimes, and loving and all that
Mom stuff, but she didn't like things like this, that were confusing, or
that she might not approve of.  If at all possible, Dad was the one to
tell things like this to, or 'we sort of accidentally set fire to some
things in the garage while we were welding like you told us not to', or
things like that.  He wouldn't go off like Mom would.
     Mike's parents were the other way, though his dad tended towards
the 'lecture to death' mode even on non-family; which was NOT the case
with Mom.
     "So..." he said.
     "So I have no idea.  She-  You saw her at breakfast..."
     He frowned.  "She didn't look like she spent the night screwing
you; I'd have thought she'd be all sitting in your lap and stuff."
     "Yeah, that's what I wanted to do-"
     "I thought you looked kinda strange in the head."
     "What, was my makeup mussed?" I taunted.
     "Fuck off, roundeye," Mike sighed.

***
15:31 2 Nov

     "Well, I guess because you're not up in your room," Mom said like I
should've known better.  Which I guess I should've, but still.
     "Okay," I sighed, and took the phone away from her.  "Hello?"
     "Va- Tuck, it's Kim..."
     "Oh, hey, whatsup?"
     "Um, well, Jill was over here, and she said you weren't gaming
today..."
     "No, Mike had to church out, I mean church up, and we would've been
really delayed.  So Monday."  *But Jill, she said Jill was there, why-*
     "Well, what I was wondering was, were you cooking today?"
     "Uh, yeah...  I'm in the middle of that now.  You wanna come over?
That's cool," I guessed.
     "I mean, is it okay, with like Mike there and everything?"
     "Wh-"  They'd broken up recently.  "Um... lemme check."
     She squawked a protest, which I ignored as I put the phone on hold
and went to go find Mike.
     He was in the living room, BS'ing with Valerie Facis-whatsit and
James and Amanda and Anne-Marie and Paul and Matt.  "Hey Mike, Kim
called, she wants to know if it's okay for her to come over for Sunday
dinner.  I told her we weren't gaming, but... she called, so I think she
wants to come anyway."
     "Ummmmmmm..." he intoned as he held a hand up.  "-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
yeah okay.  As long as she doesn't feel like having a big fight; I don't
feel up for one of those."
     "I thought it wasn't that kind of breakup?"
     He shrugged.  "Yeah, but... just in case."

***
15:33 2 Nov

     "Why would I do that?" Kim demanded.
     "He said, just in case.  You know, how you might get angry or
something that he's not doing what you think he ought to be doing, after
you broke up with him?"
     "What the hell-"
     "So if you're not going to do anything like that, and you can be
mature about it-"
     "IF I CAN BE MATURE?!" she shrieked, making me pull the receiver
end away from my ear.
     "I know Mike can, I've seen it," I said into the microphone end.
"So if you can, sure, come on over.  But lemme know, we're getting kind
of cramped for space."
     "Let me call you back," she said firmly, and hung up.
     "Glad to know we're all being mature and sane about this," I said
to the phone as I went to hang it up again.  I had a bad feeling about
this...

***
15:40 2 Nov

     "Is she coming?" Mike asked.
     "I dunno...  I asked her if she was like going to be mature about
it, an-"
     "You ASKED her that?!" Mike gasped in horror.  "Out LOUD?"
     "Uh, just how bad an idea-"
     Mike was shaking his head vehemently.  "Oh man, oh man, you stupid
dork..."  He stopped shaking his head and started rubbing it with both
hands.  "You asswipe.  You-  Oh god, TELL me you didn't say _I_ said
that!" he demanded as he grabbed me by the arms and shook me.
     "No!" I really hoped.
     "Oh, oh shit..." he moaned as he let go and wandered off.
     "What did you do THIS time, Tuck?" George demanded.
     "Fuck YOU, round-eye!"

***


In hatred as in love, we grow like the very thing we brood upon. What we
loathe, we graft into our very soul. - Mary Renult


Distribution:
No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another
person or group.
Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as
the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to
the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the
original author, me.  And no fee may be charged.
Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.

All rights reserved.


+ @>--,--'-----   Ellen Hayes   o===[--------      __      vicki .sig  +
                  -=[1990]=-                       \/      virus 13.4
+      http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes     PGP key: EFC9 5D55 (1996) +



-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: 2.6.2

iQCVAwUBRfPAbnYDebnvyV1VAQFvcQQAgP8bDDVsxrLqbffbqOFRDRRhidx1Il23
IK4Z0q2G4uH2W/4f1NIXeYcFFzaomjxg97TDNpQnEOOHy9YljPKcqiHA1J7TCmRJ
Hy4AVy8aPNKW6yVIaw9gy4fi4W/CtfElzRH8TMycuJpFjeGZI7d5lU2yFV45MdCi
QZ06c/824UE=
=6eb8
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----