-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- Tuck Your Places -*- Copyright 2006 by Ellen Hayes. Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes. This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country. All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights. Tuck Your Places *** 17:08 29 Oct "So this is what we came up with," I said, sort of lamely since Miz Parker could see it. I could run up the last piece tonight. "Isn't it cooler?" Ricky pressed. "Yeah, it is," she agreed with a smile, but I smelled something false in her. I started to ask something to find out if I was right, and what it was, but then remembered that Ricky was right there so it'd be a bad time to ask; and then I remembered that she was having problems with me anyway, so it might've been that too. I decided to drop it. *** 17:14 29 Oct "One friend of mine is doing... I dunno what you'd call the costume, or name it, but he's going in full white-tie, gloves, top hat, the whole shebang. I don't know where he's gonna get the shoes, 'cause he's more of a sneakers kind of guy, but that's not my problem." I was very glad it was not my problem; George was nearly the antiparticle of a clothes horse, and spending any money on clothes made him spazz. The more it cost, the more he spazzed, too. "Oh. What did you mean 'name it'?" Miz Parker asked. "Uh... it's best if a costume concept can be named in two or three words, like, um, 'sexy witch', or 'corporate executive Bride of Frankenstein'- we paid Mom money never to do that one again, it looked too much like the teachers at school," I remembered. "She, Mom, looked like what the teachers at school sort of felt like," I elaborated quickly. "That's not two or three words." "Yeah but-" THEN I caught the slight smile. "Bahhhhh. Yeah, but you ha- I mean, you didn't see it but you have a pretty good picture of what it looked like, right?" She nodded. "And if people can't figure out what the costume IS, it sort of sucks." "Oh, yeah, okay," she nodded. Then she asked, "Are you doing anything for Halloween?" "No," I sighed. "I didn't think about it before like this week, and I don't think I have anything that I haven't used before. Mike has some makeup and stuff, like latex, and if I had a really good idea I might could do something with what he's got and what I could borrow, MAYBE, but I don't. And I don't feel THAT good anyway." I shrugged. "No time to work on a costume before Friday either. So..." "Wh- Oh," she said. "How are, I mean, how is everything healing?" "Oh... okay, I guess. It's just taking a long time. And I am SO sick of everything..." Only half the drugs were going away soon, no matter how well I got. I shook my head. "This is depressing. What are YOU doing for Halloween?" *** 19:04 29 Oct "Yeah, just this week, I think," I explained to Mister Parker. "Someone... a friend of mine works, and she doesn't have a vehicle or anything, and the person she usually gets a ride from is taking the- I mean, she's having a snit or something this week, so it's just this week, I think." If not, I was going to see if someone like Mike would want to do it for some money. That is to say, someone else besides me. "But this is quick, except for the rice." And they did have brown rice, which was an unexpected bonus. And I'd been cooking it for almost an hour, so it ought to be done soonish. Mister Parker was kind of looking at the stove like he expected there to be skinned monkeys or tentacles or something dangling out of the pots. "And good," I added. "Ricky's been bugging me for tastes since it started. So's Miz Parker," I fudged. She'd only wanted one. "Oh come on, David," Miz Parker said from one of the doorways, and I stopped listening. *** 19:18 29 Oct I caught myself humming as I left, which wasn't that unusual... except for the last month. And especially the last week. "What..." I didn't feel safe in finishing that, so I just went to my car. *Maybe they decided to keep me? It's Wednesday...* I checked my watch and it was. *And that thing with the psychological effectiveness of the dog substitution, like Mike said... this is getting really late to try it. Maybe... I mean, she didn't say anything tonight, so tomorrow for sure, and I guess Friday...* But I didn't know after that. *Maybe I should ask Friday. She seems calmer too, not so freaked out. Maybe.* She'd seemed to forget about being freaked when we talked about normal stuff like Halloween. Then, it might come back and she'd get kind of weird, but she wouldn't say or do anything I could really point to... *** 20:08 29 Oct "So, I mean, you think?" I asked Jill. "Or am I completely hallucinating?" "Uh, well... I mean, I DON'T know, she- Miz Parker's not talking to ME about it," she disclaimed rapidly like I needed a disclaimer, "but it's kinda leaning that way, I think." "S'what I thought." Which was... "Ya know, what bugs me... is that they made such a big stink out of it last week, and then this week it's like gone. Are they just, y'know, doing something and hiding it? Like gathering information for a lawsuit or something?" "You think they could sue you?" she asked. "Anyone can sue anyone for anything," I told her. "I dunno what... maybe like false claims with the babysitting thing. Miz Parker DID ask for a girl..." "And got YOU," Jill intoned, and then laughed to show she wasn't serious. "You think she could sue over that?" "I KNOW she COULD... what I DON'T know is if it'd work. And if they would. Or if they have something else in mind..." I guess it had been working on my brain since I left today. Which was annoying; last week, it had been unpleasant working there while I was there but not so bad after I left, and now it was the reverse. "Hey, uh, do you have to take me home right away?" she asked. "Uh, wh- Oh. No, I guess not," I agreed. "My place?" She shrugged. "It's cheap." She faced me with a grin. "Aw hell. I gotta get some gas," I remembered. "I can-" "No, wait," I said. "Watch the light..." I dug in my purse until I remembered I'd put the envelope in my med bag, which was clipped around my waist. "Aha. Pay," I said when I found it. This should only take ten minutes or so. *** 20:36 29 Oct "What, again? Jill, don't you ever go home?" Sabrina commented. "Not if I can help it," Jill shot back, making me look at her. She sounded serious. "I hate my home life," she informed us. Dad looked at me, like _I_ was somehow responsible or knew what was going on or something. I shrugged back at him. "I can take you back... are you talking to Kim yet?" Sabrina asked Jill, who shook her head. "She hasn't called me either; I left a message on her machine this afternoon. If her sister didn't erase it." "Bitch," Jill agreed. "No, I haven't... When she's freaked out like she got, I mean, it seems like everything I do is exactly the wrong thing and she blows up all over me. I'm trying to think how I can skip cosmetology in the mornings... We're not talking in there either, except the absolute barest minimum." "Just wait it out until she calls you or someone, or something," Sabrina said, and Jill nodded like Sabrina was repeating something well known. Which reminded me... But the wok in my hand reminded me I had to make a detour to the dishwasher first. *** 20:38 29 Oct "'Lo Tuck," Mike said. "Hey. Calling for a sanity check." He sighed into the phone. I waited. Jill sat on the bed and pulled out a paperback; it looked like a lit assignment sort of book. Mike finally said, "Well... I dunno. I mean, she DUMPED my ass... but I'm sort of starting to think it was her problem, not mine, ya know?" I sighed in relief. "Yeah..." "Hey, what's the ethics of dating a freshthing girl?" he asked. "What?" "What are the eth-" "Where did you FIND one?" "Self defense classes. Tuck, man, you REALLY need to start reading reports and stuff." "Fuck you with a front loader," I commented. "I'll look tonight." I needed to think about getting off the Valium and so on, because I'd die if I was too stupid at school, and I was planning to go back tomorrow. So I'd have time to read stuff, when I woke up with nightmares. Not to change the subject or anything, haha, I asked, "So how did you find a girl that'd want to go out with you THIS quick?" "Dunno... she's in my after-school self defense class, and we got to talking... she wanted to go to the Halloween dance at school with me, I think; she was suggesting paired costumes, you know?" That was suspicious- "Seems suspicious," Mike confirmed. "So I asked if she wanted to go out with me and she said yes. Did the giggly bit first for a while, though." "Well, it's a date not a marriage," I recited. That was helpful to remember, since so many of our dates didn't repeat. One felt like shit after six single dates in a row where they wouldn't go out with me, I mean not one, a second time. "Yeah, I know." "Anyone I know?" "Um..." I got suspicious. "Yeah. Remember little Valerie?" "Oh." I felt bad karma there. "She's not mad at you, Tuck," Mike told me. "That's... not it, really. The problem is, can we be in the same room any more without embarrassing each other into convulsions." "Well..." I thought the answer was no, but I didn't want to discuss it. "Anyway, uh, ethics. I don't see a problem. It's within two grades... and, uh," I caught Jill's attention, "Kim's not screaming about you to anyone else, right?" Jill shook her head. "So..." "Who's there? Jill?" "Yeah. Sabrina's still downstairs." "Well, tell her if she- Sabrina, if she calls me tonight we can set her up with a costume," he chuckled. I found myself smiling; he sounded a lot better. Then I remembered something. "Mike, reminder, rebound relationships. She-" "Yeah, I know. I told her," he said. "She's cool with that. Said she's not really ready to start dating seriously, but..." I saw him shrug in my mind. "Anyway... Oh, I said not to the school dance. Did someone ask you about DJ'ing a dance the next night, Saturday?" "Yeah..." I didn't remember who at first. "Sabrina. Debbie's setting it up, said I'd get paid." "Ten an hour post-tax, at least four hours, maybe longer, Saturday night, we don't have to clean up. She asked me to ask you." "If I'm gonna do this I need some time to prep for it," I said. "S'what I figured, and I remember what you did last time, so... and Debbie said she can handle the sound stuff again, getting it I mean. I can set up for you if you want... me an' da guys, yah?" "Ja," I agreed. "Theme is- what Debbie's calling it is 'Freaks Show', the possessive," he clarified. "She's invited Rachel's roommate, the gay one? To bring all the friends he can." "Oh boy. This could get seriously strange," I thought. "Yeah," Mike agreed, distantly. I was already starting to think of the music I wanted to put in. "I think I could dump all the 'Halloweeny' stuff, yeah?" "Yeah. It'll be All Saints Day anyway." "Right." That'd make a good excuse if any dork complained about the lack of "Monster Mash" or whatever. *** 20:44 29 Oct "Oh, sorry," I said to Jill after I took the headset off. "Hadda talk to Mike... did anyone tell you about a dance this weekend, Saturday night?" "'Freaks' Show'?" she answered as she put her book down. "Guess someone did," I grinned, and she grinned back. "Going?" "I might..." She shrugged. "Going to the Friday one?" "I think we're all boycotting that one," she said. "Why?" She shook her head. "It's school related... I mean, things are a little different now, with the nights and everything, but-" I suddenly realized she'd said 'Knights'. "-still, I mean it's a cheerleader and spirit squad event, there's all these rules and shit..." She shook her head. "Can't bring anyone from out of school, for one," she said. "Oh yeah? And who would you bring?" I teased her. "Man, I'm not dating anyone right now," she snapped, sounding aggravated because I didn't know this already or something. The lack of Travis suddenly ached inside me. "Oh. Sorry," I said as my eyes closed in pain. "Oh hey, sorry," she said gently, and she touched my arm. "I didn't mean..." She sighed. "I know," I told her, and forced a smile, and got up and rubbed her arm, trying to be comforting. "Men suck." She leaned over and gave me a long hug, sort of hesitant at first to stay away from my ribs. "I don't think women are any better," she sighed. "What?" "What?" she said back as she sat back, then shook her head. "Just hypothetically. I mean... you know, with Kelly coming out like that, you HAVE to think about it. Even more than with you, you know." "Huh? Why?" "You..." She looked away. "You, like, it's like, you broke other rules... and so many that the homosexuality thing hardly even counted." I felt ashamed, and angry, that she was claiming I was homosexual, for a moment until I realized that I was, and that there wasn't any point in trying to deny it. Besides, she wasn't trying to hurt me with it. "She didn't, you know? I mean, she doesn't look THAT much like a guy-" "Enough for everybody-" "Yeah but shut up and fuck off," she grinned as she very lightly punched my arm. "And she doesn't want to BE one, or look like one. You sort of want to look like a girl on occasion, you know?" "Well..." "Well?" "It's sort of harder than that. I mean, not that simple." "You do dress as a girl on occasion," she reminded me. "Yeah, I know... and there's plenty of alternatives for everything I do, okay? I know that." "Hey, I'm not trying to piss you off," she disclaimed. "I know..." I tried to believe it. "I think Mom was. Or it seemed like it." Pause. "Do you really feel more, uh, socially accepted as a girl?" she asked. "Yeah? I mean, remember the sleepover? The last one? Hell, all of 'em," I realized. "Mike was at the last two," she pointed out. "And you would've invited him without me there, right? 'Cause he's so cool?" I smirked at her as her mouth twisted a bit in defeat. "So..." "But you were NOT dressed as a girl last Sunday." "Food," I said. "I had food here," I clarified. "Plus that was all either geeks, or YOUR friends and their Little Sisters, right? And you girls wouldn't have been there without the sleepover the night before, which leads to..." "But you still weren't dressed as a girl." "Have you been taking asshole lessons from Mike?" I accused. "Yes, what you're saying is true; I just wouldn't have gotten the acceptance I did without being a girl or whatever before then. Not from the females... and believe me, you all add something. Civilized or something?" "Me?" "Even you," I said and gave her a Julia smile. "Dahhhling." We laughed. Cackled, actually. *** 21:06 29 Oct "Yeah, come on in," I said to Sabrina. "We're talking about Tuck and some things," Jill added as Sabrina came in and shut the door behind her. "Like girl stuff." "What do YOU know about girl stuff?" Sabrina snarked back, then grinned to show she didn't mean it. "We're gonna have to put you and Kelly into classes tog-" "Hah!" I shot out before Jill could get too upset, I hoped. "Why do you think she's in cosmetology class with me?" "Yeah," Jill said half-heartedly. "Which always brings up the question of why YOU're taking cosmetology," Sabrina pointed at me. "'Cause Jill's taking it an' she needed me for support," I said, which got some chuckles. "Isn't that circular reasoning?" Sabrina noticed. "Well, not so you'd notice," I tried, which didn't work. "Anyway, Tuck? Did you get all your homework done?" Sabrina asked. "Well, most of it-" "Cosmetology test Friday," Jill moaned. "What schedule day is tomorrow anyway?" "Tomorrow's B," Sabrina answered. "Which means Friday's A and that fucking test..." Jill trailed off in disgust. She flopped back on my bed from the enormity of it all. "Crap..." "What, you two weren't up here studying cosmetology?" "What the hell is your problem?" Jill demanded. Sabrina shot back, "Chill Jill! Just teasing, okay? Don't take it so harsh. You- Have you seen the load of homework I've been giving Tuck and taking back? I DON'T know why you're coming back like this," she told me. "Like it's gonna get any better if I wait? I mean, sure, I could wait until Christmas and then do it then, but then I'd have to repeat EVERYTHING." That was a sickening possibility, and they didn't seem like they liked it either. "So..." I shrugged. "I got most of it, and Dobson said he'd sort of intervene, give me a little extra time if I needed it," according to Mom. I was pretty sure she'd actually talked to him, and I was even more sure that if she had she'd gotten what she claimed. It was hard standing in front of Mom and telling her no. "So what about girl stuff?" Sabrina asked. While I sat slightly jarred and tried to think of something to say, Jill said, "Just, Tuck... why Kelly's almost more disruptive than Tuck's been." *Oh, right, when Sabrina came in,* I remembered, where the 'girl stuff' topic had come from. "I was thinking maybe Kelly is what set Kim off." "Whaaat?" Sabrina disputed with a frown as my head spun again. "Like, Kim..." Jill shook her head. "You know she's got spazz problems with guys, right? So..." She shrugged. Sabrina said, "So you think Kelly coming out..." "I dunno." Jill looked at me and I shrugged; I had no idea. I wasn't even sure what Sabrina was suggesting, much less whether it was true or not. "Bleah," Sabrina said as she shivered suddenly. "They're allll around you, you know," Jill intoned in as deep and spooky a voice as she could manage, raising her arms and putting her fingers into claws. "Fuck off, Halloween's Friday," Sabrina shot back with an appropriate emphatic gesture. "I know, but we gotta set the atmosphere so you'll be REALLY scared then," Jill grinned as she relaxed back on my bed. "Crap," Sabrina moaned, "like I need that." "What?" "I've- last night I had a nightmare, about my dad finding out about Kelly, and then accusing ME, and I had to try and prove that I WASN'T..." I chuckled accidentally, which earned me a NASTY look. "Uh, jeez I wish that was all I had to worry about in my nightmares," I tried to explain. "How are they?" Jill asked. "Huh? Oh, right now I'm still drugged. Valium prevents REM sleep, so you don't dream. If I seem unusually stupid lately, that's why." "Not more stupid than usual," Sabrina assured me with a smile. Jill coughed. THEN I caught it. *** 21:31 29 Oct "Hey, look, if you're going to school tomorrow?" Sabrina asked, and I nodded. "We really need to get out of here so you can sleep." "Oh. Right. Damnit. Oh, damnit," I said as I remembered I was going to do something for Ricky tonight. "What?" *** 21:48 29 Oct "It's just weird seeing you geek out like that," Sabrina explained. "You don't do that a lot around us, you know." "Uh... I guess not," I finally said, lamely. Did she think soldering things was something that geeks did at parties or whatever? I was scared to ask, though; she might say yes. "So," Jill grinned. "THIS is what you used to do for fun?" "What? Oh, no, this is like kiddy work," I grinned back, and continued what I was doing. "The fun stuff is REALLY boring to watch, unless..." I was about to add, 'unless you have a brain', but that might lead to me getting hit, and I had a hot soldering iron in one hand. Just possibly a very bad combination. "Unless you know electronics and stuff. And probably unless you're doing it; George used to get really bored when me and MIke'd do stuff like this." They were both looking sort of bored too. *** 22:03 29 Oct "Yah, see you tomorrow," I smiled at both of them. Jill came up and offered me a hug, which I took, then gave me a kiss on the cheek. "See ya tomorrow," Sabrina smiled as she waved, and then they both walked off to Sabrina's car. I sighed, and shut the door, and sagged against it. *Do I take Valium and sleep? Or not, and stay awake?* I tried to remember how much sleep I'd had in the last couple of days. *Lots, I think. Stay up,* I decided. *Take half of one if I need it. Speaking of take...* I checked my watch, and it was indeed time for more grossness. *** 22:16 29 Oct "Lasagna?" "Why wouldn't I make lasagna?" Mom asked. She'd 'caught' me in the kitchen as I looked hopefully in the refrigerator for a plate. There were two. "Because it's a pain in the a- butt," I replied loudly as I faced into the refrigerator and carefully crouched down to retrieve the plates. "Remember? I've made it." Once, and it wasn't as good as when Mom did it, but I had done it. "It's a pain," she agreed. "But, you know..." "NOT that I am not grateful," I told her, honestly. *Your la-* "Your lasagna," I decided to say out loud, "is better than Aunt Trish's." "That's because it takes half again as long to make and three times as much money for the ingredients," Mom demurred. "But it's SO worth it," I cajoled. Anything that might increase the frequency of a repeat performance was worth doing. "I'd grovel except it'd hurt my ribs." "Don't do that," she agreed. "Are you still going to school tomorrow?" she asked. I made a face and agreed, "Yeah. I think I'm cutting down on the Valium tonight, though, which means I, uh, I might not sleep that much." "Don't want to sleep that much?" Mom detected. I hated it when she did that. "It's not..." I decided to save the lying for another time, when it might actually work. "It's not entirely that," I said instead, which wasn't entirely a lie, "and besides, I had lots of sleep the last week, so-" "Which makes you heal better," Mom interrupted. "I know, but this is only gonna be two days, and then it's the weekend. I'll sleep in as much as I can," I told her. "What about Halloween night?" I shrugged. "I didn't even think of it soon enough to come up with something good, so I was sort of planning to stay home or something." "What? YOU?!" "What?" She shook her head at me. "Hold on. Do you want those heated up?" she asked, pointing at the plates I was holding. *** 22:20 29 Oct We'd divvied up the last of the Sunday cookies, and she wasn't apparently receptive to my pitiful looks indicating that she should reciprocate with her baking tomorrow or Friday or some time very soon. Damnit. "You're staying home on Halloween night?" she asked again as I dug into the lasagna. "Yeah..." I put a bite in my mouth hoping this would gain me some time and some lasagna. "Mmmmm hmm hmmm mmmmmm," I commented with a delirious smile. "Glad you like it," she commented drily, but smiling back. After a pause, she primed, "So you're staying home Halloween night for the first time in... forever?" Eventually I had to chew and swallow so I could have some more. "Yeah... I mean, I'm NOT feeling THAT good yet... and I didn't think of a costume... and, uh, Mike... Kim, the girl he was dating, she broke up with him this week." "Ohno!" she exclaimed sadly. "Yeah." I shrugged at her. "We think it might have something to do with Kelly coming out, but... she didn't say that, and she's been bitchy to everyone for the last week, I mean since before the weekend, so nobody's really sure. Jill normally gets rides home with her, from work, but not this week, she said, 'cause Kim's been so bitchy; she didn't want to risk setting Kim off. Mike thinks it might be the guilts. She told- Kim left a message, and told me that it wasn't really Mike..." I shrugged again. "That's... awful," she finally said. "Yeah... Anyway, he's not going out, I'm not- Oh. Debbie set something up Saturday, a dance, and asked me to DJ it." "Debbie did? How's she doing?" I shook my head. "_I_ don't know..." I almost said 'Why don't YOU ask her since you're conspiring together' but the lasagna hadn't made me THAT delirious. I decided to have some more, though. When my mouth was clear and my eyes opened again, Mom was smiling at me. "So the lasagna's not bad?" "Marry me," I sighed, and she laughed with her head back. I had some more while she was busy. "Ahhh, I love you," she said when she finished. I smiled at her and nodded in reply and kept chewing and blissing. "So Debbie's- A dance? Where?" Mom asked. *** 22:23 29 Oct "So, we're not going to it- the one Friday, but I'm doing it Saturday night," I finished. And had another smallish bite. Taking big bites made Mom impatient. "Huh. And you're sure you're not getting in some kind of trouble having it at school? I heard they got panicked about all the intrusions with the posters," she commented. I tried to see if her face had anything to show about that, but there was nothing there. "Uh, well," I remembered, "I don't think so... I mean, I think she talked to Dobson about it, and..." I shrugged. "If it's going bad, it ought to get that way before I get there. Mike said he could- him and the guys, c-" "'HE and the guys'," Mom corrected. "Macht nichts. Mike und die Boyzen, sie werden aufstellen es." Her eyebrows went up, like Dad's would've. I think mine did too. I'd meant to speak German, but I hadn't realized I remembered so much of it. Except the es should've been before the aufstellen. Oh well. Mom didn't speak German, which was the point; she couldn't correct my grammar in it. "Anyway, they're going to set it up," I repeated in English. "And they can dodge if it goes bad. But Debbie's supposedly invited a lot of people, so I don't think she'd do that unless it was a sure thing." Mom nodded, so I had some more lasagna. "Hmmm hmmmm," I sighed happily. *** 00:18 30 Oct "Shhhh..." I was tired enough to think about going to bed, even with- "Oh, right." Half a Valium might make it work. A quarter-tab would work better. *** 01:39 30 Oct It hadn't worked well enough. Just enough to keep me from waking up easily, which meant I'd been trapped in the dream longer than normal. It took me a few minutes to decide on risking another sleep cycle, though; four hours plus or minus would be better than two. I knew better than to hope I could get six, unless I went for the rest of the pill. *Speaking of six...* I might as well take the drugs now and save myself the panic in twenty minutes. *** 03:40 30 Oct "Shit shit shit..." *At least Brian's stupid cat wasn't in here too,* I thought, trying to think of something normal. Just because I knew this was going to happen, didn't mean I liked it when it did. "Shit..." And Sheila wanted me to write down the nightmares. "F'ck't." But it would give me something to do... and, come to think of it, she might leave some other topics the hell alone. That would be nice... *** 06:14 30 Oct *Stretches, some ideas on music, CD's burning, homework almost done, including that stupid lit paper...* I had more than one to do, but I was almost up to today there. *Finished that thing for Ricky... laptop kit, med stuff set up, drugs checked and bottled...* It worked better if I put the liquids all together in bottles, one bottle per dose. It was a pain to do, but not nearly as bad as trying to measure liquids at school, in between classes. *Cellphone charged and checked, armor and extras... not bad.* I scrubbed gently at my head, wishing I could bend down to rinse my hair instead of standing facing the shower head. *** 06:22 30 Oct I didn't know what Mike had been wearing to school, besides the body armor - and he didn't have the steel plate I did, though he didn't have the broken ribs I did either - but I was for damn sure going to be wearing kneepads and a codpiece, and I was debating elbow pads and my fingerless leather gloves as I put the rest of my clothing on. I wished I could get away with wearing a helmet, but at that point I might as well take the Galil and full kit, because with a helmet visible everyone would fuck with me and I couldn't handle more than a few at a time without firearms. And if I got caught taking firearms to school - which I would be if I was carrying a bloody assault rifle - I might as well also take everything else I'd need to run away forever, because that's how long it'd take the police heat to die down. I totally failed to see the justice in allowing six-foot-eight trolls who outmassed me three times to come in with their bodies and then make me come in only with my own body, but it was law, not justice, and there was still a lingering prejudice that us skinny weak people were designated victims, not quite humans. There had been talk about the Knights, and I'd read a lot on them last night, but I wasn't sure how well it would work when it was my heart they'd be pull- *STOP it,* I told myself, and let the twitching die down as I fixed my attention on the elbow pads. *Definitely.* *** 06:51 30 Oct *Figures,* I thought as I checked my watch. The one day I REALLY don't want to get here early... *Wait, is that Jill?* It sure looked like her, walking this way. I got out of the car and scanned the area - no threat apparent - and when I looked back at her she was waving one arm over her head. I waved back. She was wearing her jean jacket and a baseball cap. "Aren't you freezing?" I asked her when she got close. "Not yet," she grinned, but it was a frigid sort of grin. "What about you?" "Very cold, very cold," I agreed. If I'd known it was going to be this cold I'd have figured out some kind of head covering, because I could hide a lot under the hood of my parka. "Let's... what are you doing?" "Got lots of shit I have to carry with me," I sighed as I opened the trunk. *Hope the bubbler didn't freeze... nah, it's not that cold and not that long a trip.* I'd have to leave it at Rachel's, or bring it inside the Parkers later, though. After I'd unloaded everything, Jill prayed, "Jeeeeeeezus." "Nope, he's too heavy to carry," I smarted off. *Tank on back, connect hose to bubbler and coupling, laptop on the front over that...* "Wouldn't it be easier if you had the-" "Damnit! Sorry." I'd just noticed that Dad had included a pouch on the laptop rig that would just fit my cellphone. Not, I thought, by coincidence. I had to hurry; it was cold out here. "What?" "Wouldn't it be easier if you had all the stuff on the cart?" "If I have to run for my life, or something like that," because running was still a problem I couldn't solve, "this is the stuff I NEED." "You NEED a laptop?" "I'm not letting some fuckhead brigands get it!" "Brigands?" I shook my head. "Old term. Bandits, thieves, muggers..." She was nodding so I didn't have to think of any other synonyms. "Anyway, this is the stuff I take with me. Also the oxy tank protects my back and neck." As long as the tank wasn't shot; then I'd explode. "Doesn't it weigh you down?" "I'm too crippled to run, yet, with the ribs," I sighed. "Hopefully I'm armored enough, if I need it." "Man," she smiled, "you have NOT been here..." "What, the Knights?" She nodded, grinning, like she had a story to tell, but I wasn't that optimistic. *** 06:57 30 Oct "Hey Kim," I said, and waved a hand as she came in. "Oh, uh," she said as she hesitated. "Careful," Jill half-whispered beside me, as I waved Kim this way. She started towards me and Jill about the time that Shannon showed in the doorway. I watched and waited. Shannon noticed me and stopped, and then deliberately ignored me and went to her usual seat, which was away from me. I pulled a wide- angle mirror out of my kit and stuck it to the tabletop, so I could watch her and my back. "Vv- Tuck, um, about Mike-" "LATER," I told her. "Not here and not now." "What the fuck is your-" I looked over at Kim and she shut up. "Some people, two separate groups, beat the shit out of me and tried to kill me, remember? I want to make sure it doesn't happen again, to me or any of my friends." "Tuck," Jill complained, "remember what I was telling you about-" "Yeah, and none of them are as good as me. I fucked up and let down my guard once, but I'm not doing it again." They didn't say anything to that. "Tucker?" Miz Singley called to me. "I have some things here for you, from the office." I sighed and started getting up, but Jill beat me to it and then Miz Singley was coming over to me instead. I stopped and waited. She handed me a sheaf of papers and started explaining them as I leafed through them. Paperwork and assignments, and several detailing the absentee policy, like I needed them. Then she remarked, "You were absent for quite a long time, an-" "I have medical excused absences." "But you need to start making up the time somehow." "What?" "The licensing requires a minimum number of hours, remember?" "Ohhhh..." I did vaguely remember this from the beginning of school. But I couldn't think when I could do it. "Um, can I think about it and talk to you tomorrow, or Monday or something? My life is too full already." "Make sure you do, or you won't get licensed at the end of the year," she warned. "Actually you need to make it up before Christmas." I sighed. "Okay... let me sit down with a calendar and see when I can do it, okay? I'll have something either tomor- No way I can do it tomorrow," I realized. Well, maybe I could, but it'd hurt. "Monday?" I had at least ten free minutes over the weekend I could allocate to the problem. *** 07:51 30 Oct I had sort of remembered what day it was, or what schedule today was, but I had sort of forgotten, because I was packing up to get to homeroom when Kim asked, "We stay here this morning for lab, remember?" "Awhell," I sighed, which was enough of an answer, I guess; she smiled at me and patted the seat. Then I said, "Aw HELL," because I had to take drugs about now, and they hadn't gotten any nicer. *** 09:45 30 Oct *Man, I forgot what this was like...* For whatever reason, the nearly three hours of fingernail lab seemed longer than even the babysitting had; I felt ready to go home and sleep for another couple of days. I finished getting my stuff together and slowly got up, making sure that I kept an eye on Shannon. She didn't do anything like look at me, and she didn't do anything to Kim or Jill either; she just left. "Eugene?" Miz Singley called. "Wh- Oh. Yeah?" I asked politely. "Don't forget to tell me Monday when you can make up those hours." "I won't," I told her, and she nodded, and since I needed to get to class and most everyone had left already, I took myself out of there. Jill and Kim were waiting for me outside; Shannon wasn't. Jill asked, "What was that-" "Have to make up the practice time sometime," I sighed. "Tell me again why I came back here?" "You REALLY have a desperate desire to work in a nail salon," Jill assured me, then slapped me on the arm and ordered, "Come on." "Why do I want to?" "Because it's so low-tech," she said. "WHAT?!" *** 09:50 30 Oct "Look," Kim said, "I can run that stuff over for you." I had a lot of paperwork I had to turn in, like the medical absence form Doc Treble had filled out and I'd dated last night, and the medicine authorization form, and the carry-medication-on-my-person authorization form, and Ghu only knew what else. Mom had made me a packet. Actually, two packets; one to feed the Bureaucracy and one to keep on my person. "You're never gonna make it on time if-" "I'm going as fast as I can-" "I was just offering!" she snapped. I sighed, which hurt. "Okay, uh... no, I'd better do it. These people get weird about paperwork." Bureaucrats. "I can come with you," she offered. "Yeah, okay," I agreed. "Okay, see ya," Jill said, and waved at us as she peeled off and accelerated. I felt bad, being this slow, but it hurt to move faster. The bells rang, and everyone started pouring out of classrooms, and I ramped up. "Kim, stay behind me, watch my back," I told her over my shoulder as I moved into the center, where there was less traffic and more chance of being noticed and targeted, but also more room to see an attack coming. I felt around myself to make sure I had everything, which I did, and then there was nothing I could do except keep trudging onward, towing the cart with my backpack on it. *** 09:57 30 Oct I needed to sit down and rest for a few minutes, but I couldn't. "Eugene Tucker," I told the drone. "I've been out due to medical absence, and I have lots of paperwork to give you and get signed. My mom needs copies. AFTER they've been signed," I added. Mom made me get things like this, but I was beginning to see the wisdom in it. Since the only thing a bureaucrat respected was the proper Holy Writ, it was best to have multiple copies of your own Writ in case one set (or more) got 'lost' by enemies or idiots. "Kim," I said as I turned, "you can go to class- She needs a late excuse, though," I told the drone. "For what?" "Call Principal Dobson and tell him Eu- Never mind, I'll do it," I said, and leaned over the desk, which HURT. *Extension 331,* I remembered from somewhere, and dialed. "You can't do that, that's for-" "Paul Dobson," the phone said. I spoke loudly to override the dithering. "Mister Dobson, Eugene Tucker, at the front desk, with Kim Chassell; I need to turn in some paperwork, and get late-to-class passes for both of us." I was panting with the pain, but at least I didn't have to stay bent over the desk. "Uh. Welcome back, first of all," he said. "Uh, thanks..." "Why does Kim need one?" "She's escorting me at the moment, and needs to get to her own class. I'm late too." "Give the phone to Missus Hepler," he said, and I handed the phone to the incensed drone. *** 10:01 30 Oct "Why don't you just skip your next class," Mister Dobson 'suggested', "and come back here. I need to ask you several questions." I sighed. "Uh, Tuck?" Kim asked. I nodded at her, and she waved and said, "Later," and took off, pass in hand. "Uh- Oh, right, I need to take some meds," I remembered with a groan. *** 10:06 30 Oct "I dunno, it's, I me-" I got a zot of inspiration. "Owch!" *Must've twisted wrong or something.* "Uh, anyway, random draw. Anyone who isn't like completely full up with clubs already, put ALL their names into a bowl or something, and draw one. That way, nobody picked themselves to do it, they can blame having to do it on random chance. Or pick two, maybe; one as a co-whatever and spare. And they can chaperone each other," I grinned. He grinned back, which was unpleasant. I mean, he was being cool and everything, but I still had a lot of old reflexes about authority, and around here he was Authority. "And make sure that they have free time whenever the meetings would be, you know? So like if it's after school don't put the coaches in." "That sounds good," he agreed. *** 10:17 30 Oct "I dunno; she didn't tell me anything," I said, which was true; I wasn't directly privy to anything Debbie had done over the last month. Not that I really minded. Sort of. "She said it was for a voicemail system?" Dobson said like he was trying to remind me of something I'd forgotten. I remembered the computer Debbie HAD wanted, and it could do voicemail... I hadn't gotten it back either; time to bug Mike about it. "Uh," I said when I noticed him looking at me, and replayed the audio buffer. "Voicemail? For what?" He raised his eyebrows at me and said, "The glee club?" "What?" Debbie didn't sing as far as I knew. *** 10:20 30 Oct "Hahaha, heh," I finished, then winced, because laughing hurt. "Ow." Dobson had waited patiently for me to finish. "So how do you set up a voicemail system?" "Where? 'Cause you need a computer for it, and I can do that, but the- it makes a difference to the cost whether you have it where there's another computer monitor to slave it to, or whether it needs its own. I'd put it in here, for security," I suggested, looking around. "You could stick it over there," I pointed, "and the cable runs wouldn't be too bad. Can you get another phone in here? Wait, what's the PBX like..." That could affect things a lot; PBX's didn't work like real phones, and they often had damaging voltages. I couldn't remember what it was here. *** 10:26 30 Oct "About three hundred dollars, if you can place it near another computer, to share the monitor and keyboard," Dad said. "Including the KVM switch." "It's on a PBX, Dad," I spoke loudly to activate the speakerphone mike. "Oh. Funky voltage?" "Dunno," I said. "Don't have test equipment." We'd never bothered tapping the lines here or anything, so I didn't know. *No, wait, we-* "That could add a bit," Dad mused. "What's it for?" "Debbie wants to set up a voicemail box to filter the calls for a student thing, club, here at school," I repeated. "Gay and lesbian and whatever," Dobson added loudly. "Hmmm. Let me think about it," Dad said. "Might be worth doing for the tax write-off." "That would be very helpful, Mister Tucker," Dobson said, while I tried to collect my wits. The last thing- *Oh, right,* I realized. Then I flushed, remembering that there wasn't any use in trying to deny I was gay, because Dobson had seen me with Travis - pang - and I'd been forced to admit under interrogation that I was gay to Mom and Dad. *But Dobson seems un-really cool-* Then I remembered Betty. Then I wanted to go home and lie down. School was hard. *** 10:43 30 Oct Dobson had walked me over to government class personally, and before the bell rang, so I was comfortably - as much as possible - ensconced already in my desk. I had to shift the tank sideways and then twist myself the other way, so it'd fit in the corner. I was musing on the usual stupidity of squared desks versus curved humans and how this time it was working to my advantage when Amanda got there. "Tuck! You're back!" she shrilled, which is how I knew. "No I'm not," I said, but not loud enough because she didn't pay any attention as she came over and gently hugged me. *** 10:44 30 Oct "Everything but an English paper, that's due tomorrow," I assured Mike. "I got the one that was due last week." "Man," he sighed, shaking his head. "I had to take it all back and forth," Sabrina mentioned. "And, man, thanks a zillion," I told her truthfully. "Really," Mike nodded. "She's such an angel," Amanda cooed and smiled at Sabrina. "Amandaaaaa," Sabrina frowned. "Oh, right, I date guys!" Amanda 'remembered' as she slapped her forehead, then they all smirked. *I hate missing shit,* I thought grimly to myself; this had the ring of an inside joke, that I was on the outside of. *** 11:30 30 Oct The bell rang, and I groaned, because I had to get up and go to lunch. I put the laptop in its bag and zipped it shut, which made it hard to breathe while I was jammed in the desk. "C'mon, Tuck, I'll help," Mike told me as he extended a hand. "Arrrrrrrrrgh," I complained as we got me out of the desk and upright. It seemed that everyone wanted me to move about twice as fast as I felt comfortable with, and moving fast hurt. Not quite the piercing pain of a piece of rib breaking loose and stabbing me in vital places, say, but unpleasant anyway. "Hey, Mike," I said when I had my breath back, "how're the Knights of McAllen working out?" "Ah, man," he said, but he had a grin on his face. *** 11:36 30 Oct Everyone had been telling me about the Knights, and if it was true and if it stayed working, it'd be a severe change. I'd have to see... and I'd noticed that Mike was still wearing his body armor, so he wasn't relying solely on the goodness of others either. "Tuck!" Jill's greeting made everyone - at least the freaks and geeks at our usual table - look up, and then they were swarming all over me. *** 11:44 30 Oct "Man, are we EVER gonna play again?" George complained. "Monday, I think," Mike said. "Damn-" "You wanna try playing tomorrow with the short schedule and everyone in costume?" "Why'n'hell not!?" "Because it's a pain in the ass and I'm not doing it, because nobody will be able to pay attention to the game," Mike told him. "-you wearing tomorrow?" Matt asked Paul. "See?" Mike pointed at them, which made them look at Mike guiltily. *** 12:02 30 Oct "Hey, Tuck?" Kelly asked me quietly. "What?" "Can I ask you something?" I got suspicious. Well, more suspicious. I was sitting at the corner of the table so I had more room to maneuver if someone tried to attack me, and every time someone went behind me, which was a lot, I stopped talking and listening so I could watch. "What?" She came over and I turned as fast as I could - which was not very fast - to face her, and put my back to the table. Mike I trusted. "What?" I asked again when she was close enough. "What I wanted to know was, are you gonna, um... do anything with the glee club?" "The- Oh, haha," I remembered. "Uh, I dunno," I sighed. Hanging around with a bunch of sexual deviants was not my idea of a good time anyway, and it wasn't like I had plenty of spare time either. "When?" She shrugged. "Not sure yet." "Oh," I remembered. "Uh, we came up with a way to get a faculty sponsor. Wha-" "We?" "Me 'n Dobson? I had to see him third period today to get some crap paperwork cleared up." Actually I had to see him because he seemed to be the only entity in the entire admin section with a working brain rather than some sort of bureaucratic ganglia. I was beginning to think that half or more of the rest were pods. "Hey, look, call me later tonight, okay?" I suggested. "I don't want to think right now. No, wait, can I call you?" She made a face. "We had to change our phone number... we were getting so many calls on it." "Oh. Why?" She sighed and looked at me like I was stupid. "Because everyone's been calling me, since I'm the only out h-huh-homosexual in the entire school at this point?" "Oh, right." Tapes for Rachel. Which, come to think of it, I hadn't had any since last week. "Uh... Can I get your new number?" *** 12:17 30 Oct "Time," Mike said, and people started gathering things. I didn't have anything out except the laptop, which went away quickly enough. "Hey, did you get this?" Mike asked as he waved a piece of paper at me. "It's a between-class schedule for you." "What? What the hell is this?" I demanded as he handed it to me. "Your dad set something up while you were in the hospital, mano, so we wouldn't have to be alone between classes. And I SENT you email about it... but you missed the rendezvous in the morning." "I had cosmetology lab," there had to be a shorter way to say that, "and then hadda talk to Dobson for an entire period," I argued. "Well, now you got someone to partner with in between classes." "Oh great," I sighed. More responsibility. "Kathy?" I read. "Heh," Mike agreed. "D'ya think if I asked nice she'd carry me?" "You'd better not be talking about," Kathy warned from above and behind me, "what I think you're talking about." "I don't think so," Mike said, "no." He looked amazingly inscrutable. "Good," Kathy agreed, in such a manner that Mike and I found our heads nodding in earnest agreement. She shifted conversational gears to reasonable as she asked me, "Do you have to leave early, though? Sabrina said you were moving kind of slow." "Yeah, it'd be a good idea," I sighed, and she put out both hands to help me up. I took them, not being so macho as to refuse help, and she pulled me up the good way. I grabbed the cart and waved at everyone, then went off with Kathy. "So are you making some cookies for the bake sale? Maybe a pie or something?" "Do what?" I complained. "I bet your pies would be mmmm-mmmm," she commented. "What bloody bake sale?!" "Fundraiser for the band? Didn't anyone ask you yet?" I dimly recalled something about this from a long time ago. "Uh... shit, I've got more than I can handle right now as it is," I said. "Oh come on, Tuck, please?" she pleaded. I'd have been more susceptible to this, coming from a woman as attractive as Kathy, but I'd been suckered this way before. "I'll think- This isn't the way I need to go for my math class," I noticed belatedly. "Just take a minute," she said, and grabbed my arm and pulled me into the cluster of Pack we'd been heading towards, that I hadn't noticed because she was in front of me. I got very alert. I could not pull loose. "Tuck, you and Debbie need to make up, okay?" Kathy told me, and some of the Pack nodded. "This has gone on long en- no, it's been TOO long." Debbie didn't look very happy with things either, but at least she had the choice of running away. "Just pledge neutrality and peace to each other, okay?" "Okay," I agreed, mostly to get out of here. Kathy didn't let go. "Neutrality and peace, armistice, reopening of diplomatic relations," I babbled as I nodded, trying to get Kathy to let go. Debbie hesitantly put her hand out, like to shake hands. I reached out to take it, Kathy let go, and Debbie and I pumped a couple of times. The girls started chattering happily, and Debbie nodded at me like, 'You can go now,' so I did. *** 12:23 30 Oct I'd managed to convince Kathy that the sheet she'd gotten was wrong and my class was in another direction, so she'd left me in the halls as I faked going into a classroom. When I thought she was gone, I went out and started trudging towards my actual class. When I noticed how bad my breathing was, I sped up as fast as I could manage, which hurt, and just managed to make it into my desk, so I had a place I could be stationary and somewhat protected long enough to pull inhalers and dose myself, and then I switched from the nasal cannula to a mask and kicked the flow up. "Tucker, are you all right?" Mister Ortega asked. "I'll be fine," I lied. "Just need... some boost... for a few minutes." *A turbocharger would be REALLY nice...* Coming back had been stupid. There was no way I could've gotten out of that group without a pistol or something, which I wasn't carrying, because I didn't think of groups larger than six. *You STUPID STUPID FUCK!* I raged at myself. *First day back and you fuck it up because you were STUPID!* Mister Ortega opened by asking for homework, and at least I had it all done so I could pass mine up, though my hand was shaking so bad it made the paper rattle. *** 13:10 30 Oct After the bell rang, Mister Ortega walked over to me and said, "Tucker? Did you have a problem getting here today, to class?" "Wh- Oh, no... not really." I'd been able to ramp down about the middle of class. "With all the..." He waved his hands in the air to indicate everything I'd done. "Just something a 'friend' did," I said. He frowned. "A friend shouldn't scare you like that." "Yeah, I know. I gotta think about it..." He nodded at me. "Mister Dobson has been very concerned about you over the past month, and especially since what happened. If there's anything I can do, please, let me know." "Thanks," I said. "But this... I mean, it's a personal problem. I don't..." I shook my head. "I dunno. She didn't hit me or anything..." That was already too much information, so I ignored his face and packed the laptop. "Uh, Tucker?" someone said, and we both looked towards the door. It was Paul Grant, the black freshthing that was someone's Little. "Yeah, coming," I said, and struggled out of the desk. *** 14:06 30 Oct Something buzzed at me and I flinched badly until I figured out it was the cellphone in its carrier and not my heart fibrillating. *Whafuck? This can't be good...* "Hello?" "Tuck, Debbie," Debbie said rapidly. "I wanted to apologize, for what Kathy and them did today. I didn't know they were gonna do it either... and I'm gonna rip her a new one tonight. I just wanted to say it wasn't my idea, okay?" Come to think of it, she hadn't looked pleased either. "Yeah, okay," I said. "Tell her if she does it again I'm treating it like an attack." I hated when my voice shook. "I will," she said solemnly. "Gottago bye," she said and hung up. My hands were shaking as I folded the phone back up and restowed it. *Great. Who's my friends again?* *** "I don't trust anybody. When somebody tells me we've got a message from Ivanova, I don't believe until I get it from her point blank." "So, in other words you are perfect for the job. Because you are paranoid and compulsive." "Or compulsively paranoid." "Who told you to say that?" -- Garibaldi, Sheridan, Franklin in "The Geometry of Shadows" Distribution: No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another person or group. Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the original author, me. And no fee may be charged. Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access. All rights reserved. + @>--,--'----- Ellen Hayes o===[-------- __ vicki .sig + -=[1990]=- \/ virus 12.2 + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes PGP key: EFC9 5D55 (1996) + -----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.2 iQCVAwUBRYPTcnYDebnvyV1VAQHmagP/Uao+1G0k8POZbGopnqqmP7K2gU6YlbDv gKEXrp5zTDiEnU9qbEHCmzyryAX9UITOupowC2nPaQxmuDr4n7wP2XsPcZXK+Dj6 lzqmFHXQ4id9/hdzcq2jP3UNpw7VpDM5L/1AUxlOrvKpxvN62Iv7cU40YiF39TVy sibwFz8ldKM= =VYG9 -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----