-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

Tucked In

Copyright 1997 by Ellen Hayes.

No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another
person or group.  Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic
means, as long as the entirety of the work is distributed, and credit is
given to the original author, me.  Any resemblance between the writings
in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are
purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.

All rights reserved.

Furthermore,
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish,
state, and country.


Tucked In

***
16:44 26 Oct

     "What?"  I couldn't believe what I'd just heard.
     "Oh, come on.  You're the one who said you wanted to 'give them a
mind fuck'..." she said cajolingly.
     "Oh, but, this is, this... This'll get me killed!"
     "No it won't.  Now come on."
     "No, no way.  I take it all back."
     "The hell you do!  I already spent fifty bucks on this!"
     "What?!  You just, without, you-"
     "Come on, it'll be great!  Trust me.  Have I ever let you down
before?"
     "Oh my God, I can't believe..."

***
04:59 31 Oct

     Sure enough, she tapped on my window right at 5am.  "Oh, shit," I
said as I staggered to the window and waved at her.  She left, and I
grabbed my clothes and shoveled myself into them.  *Showing her the
signal pole was a bad idea,* I thought dimly.
     I made it out to the car in about five minutes.  "Come on, let's
go, we gotta lot of work to do!" she said in a low but urgent voice.  I
got in, shut the door as quietly as possible, and we were off to
Debbie's house.
     She was wearing a old-time zoot suit, and had her hair tucked under
a fedora.  She looked really good, and I told her so.  She laughed, and
said it was nothing much.

***
05:17 31 Oct

     "You know that English lady's voice you do?  Can you do it without
an accent too?" she asked as she took the suit coat off and dropped it
on the bed.
     "Like this?" I tried.  I don't know how I did it, but it sounded
really sultry sexy to me.  Like it usually did.  I could bug the hell
out of guys with that voice.  Mike and George and Dan and I had done
some truly _evil_ pranks that way.
     "Not too bad..." she said.  "Try, try sounding more like a Valley
girl and less like the Queen."
     "Uh... you mean, like this?"  Not sultry any more.
     "Yeah, that'll do.  Sounds kind of nasal, but it works."  She
rolled up her sleeves.
     "Nasal, huh?  Great, why don't I just tell everyone I'm from New
York?"
     "Can you do a New York accent?" she asked excitedly.  I sighed, and
gave it my best shot.  I had a cousin who lived in Long Island, who I'd
spent one summer imitating.  "Perfect!" she snapped with satisfaction.

***
05:24 31 Oct

     "Why did I let you talk me into this?" I complained as she wrapped
duct tape in arcane patterns on my chest.
     "Don't talk.  Just wait."  I waited.
     When she finally finished, she snickered, and reached into a drawer
and pulled out... pink blobs?
     "What the hell are those?"
     "My mom has a Seal-a-Meal.  Know what that is?"  I nodded.  "Well,
I spent a couple of hours last night with it and a few bags and a _lot_
of hair gel, and came up with these.  Watch."
     She made me stand up and hold them on my chest as she wrapped an
honest-to-God corset around me.  She laced it loosely, then adjusted the
bags of goo inside the cups on the corset, then heaved my flesh into the
cups, and had me hold everything there while she yanked at the laces on
the back.
     When I got done, I was gasping for breath, which had pissed her off
no end, as it made it harder to lace things.  She did a little poking
and prodding, then grinned.
     "So?" I finally said, when my breathing had slowed down some.
     "So, look in the mirror."
     I looked.  Then looked again.  I did _not_ have breasts when I
started this!  But I sure as hell did now.... solid B cups, it looked
like, and a lot of cleavage showing.
     I carefully didn't ask where she'd learned _this_ trick.

***
05:41 31 Oct

     I don't know why, she didn't need it, but she had this whole tackle
box full of makeup.  Not a little nice one either - this was the kind
that took two hands to carry.  Maybe I should call it a tool box.
     "Now I'm glad you don't have a lot of beard.  Did you shave this
morning?"
     "Last night."  It was more wishful thinking than necessity, still.
     "Hmmm."  She felt my face.  "Huh.  Guess that'll do; I can't feel
anything."  She started wiping stuff on my face.
     "What's that?" I asked.
     "Primer coat.  Quiet."  She was humming, but I had to sit there
quietly, making faces like she told me to.
     The smell of the makeup, which I had long associated with intimate
contact with women, naturally made me feel a bit peculiar, and more than
a bit horny.
     "Quit squirming around!"
     "Jeez, I can't help it..."
     She asked, "What, are you _excited_?"  The tone she said "excited"
in told me she knew exactly what was going on.
     "Um."  What _do_ you say to that?  "Usually."
     Debbie had me go into the bathroom to "fix it," as she put it, and
I was so horny I agreed, but of course when I closed the door it went
down.  I wrestled myself into the G string so it would stay there, put
my own underwear back on over it, and went back outside.  "That was
quick," she said as I sat back down. "You part rabbit?"
     I grimaced.  "Ha ha, very funny.  It missed you and got lonely with
only me in there."  She hit me on the shoulder, instead of her usual
slap.  I guess to avoid messing up her work.  The she pulled out the
next tray in the makeup box.  "Holy... how much of this is there?"  She
looked up at me, and grinned.

***
06:12 31 Oct

     "Now, the hair."  She pulled the wig off the styrofoam head where
I'd been staring at it.  "Look straight ahead."
     "Oh, God," I said.  "Does it have to be blonde?"
     "Relax... easy as pie."
     I had a thought.  "What if the wig comes off?"
     "It won't come off.  I'm using a little adhesive on it."

***
06:25 31 Oct

     "So what am I wearing?" I asked.
     "This," she replied with a satisfied tone.  She pulled her idea out
of the closet and laid it out on the bed.
     "Oh, nooooo..." I moaned without knowing it.  *I can't wear
_that_!*
     "Ohhoh yes!" she cackled.  "This is just _perfect_!"
     What was on the bed, was a motorcycle-style black leather jacket, a
bustier thing with embroidery on it, in black, a black leather miniskirt
which looked way too short, and fishnet stockings.  In black.
     She came out of the closet holding a pair of knee high (at first
guess), high heeled boots.  Black, of course.
     "You're gonna blow the competition away today!"
     "I'm gonna be arrested for probable cause if I wear that.  Besides,
that stuff is way too small for me."
     She tossed a pair of handcuffs on the bed.  And a dog collar.
"Bets?"

***
07:04 31 Oct

     "Gloves too?"  Need I mention that they were black?
     "They're fingerless.  You won't have any problems with your nails.
Don't take 'em off."
     "I wasn't even thinking about the nails, Debbie.  _Lace_ gloves?"
     "It worked for Madonna, didn't it?"
     I couldn't argue with that.  Though I tried really really hard.

***
07:19 31 Oct

     "Jeeezus," I said, staring into the mirror.
     "That worked better than I thought," she said, half stunned
herself.
     The finished product was good enough that I, who looked at myself
in the mirror a lot, could _not_ see any flaws.  I could almost see
myself, from before, under the wig and makeup and clothes, but only
barely.
     Nobody who wasn't expecting it would see a damned thing, that's for
sure.
     Let me rephrase that.  Nobody, who wasn't expecting anything, would
see anything unusual.  Well...  Me, Tuck, was not going to be seen at
school today.  There was a lot to see, though.
     "Let's hope it's not too cold this morning," she said, then looked
at the clock.  "Oh, shit, we gotta go!  Grab your purse and let's get
the hell outta here!"  She handed me a purse and yanked me out of the
chair and all the way out to her car.  I sat down, still amazed that I
had a purse clutched in one hand.
     "No, no, get out for a minute," she scolded, so I did.  I didn't
expect her to slam the door and lock it.  She rolled down the window
about two inches, and screamed, "Follow me!  You need to practice
walking!"  Then she backed the car out of the driveway and drove off,
very slowly.
     I couldn't believe it.
     "What the fuck are you doing!" I shrieked at her.  She stopped the
car, and waved me towards her.  I walked down the driveway, but when I
got within ten feet of the car, she started moving again.
     "Damnit, this isn't funny!" I screamed as I tried to catch up.
     When I couldn't run on the balls of my feet any more, and slowed to
a walk, so did she.  I thought that maybe I could catch her then, but
she sped up as soon as I did.  The short steps I had to take due to the
skirt weren't helping, either.
     *Debbie, I am going to kill you when I catch you,* I vowed,
trotting along in the damned boots.
     After about two blocks, she stopped the car suddenly and got out. I
was going to scream at her, but she put a finger to her lips as she ran
up to me.  Then she gave me a big, wet kiss.  *Whoa!* I thought, visions
of revenge evaporating.  "That's great!  You look perfect!  Come on,
let's go!"  That was the best kiss I'd had from her yet.
     She ran around and unlocked my door, then got in the other side,
and we took off.

***
07:48 31 Oct

     "Smooth your skirt when you sit down, too," she told me as we
waited at a light.
     "Debbie, why all the crapola like that?"
     She glared at me for the half second it took the light to turn
green.  "Because, dumbass," she explained sarcastically, "if you don't,
everyone will be able to see your underwear.  And people _will_ be
looking today."
     I thought about it for a minute.  "Like this?" I asked,
demonstrating.
     She glanced over, and nodded.  "Yeah.  Now, when you hold your
books..."

***
07:58 31 Oct

     I got a lot of looks going in, like I expected, but it was too
close to the first bell for anyone to hassle me.
     I slipped into homeroom and made it to my usual seat before the
bell rang, and that's when the fun started.
     "Holy shit, is that- holy shit," prayed my best friend Mike.
     I said, "Debbie had an Idea."
     He stared at me.
     I shrugged.
     He asked, "Are those your real boobs?"
     I wanted to cry.  "No, you idiot chink!  She did... something, and
now it's like half me and half tape and half hair gel."  He stared at
Debbie's handiwork as I counted halves and realized I'd made a mistake.
     "Tucker, is that you in there?" asked Mr. Dobson.
     I sighed.  "Yesss," I answered unenthusiastically.
     "Hrm."  He handed out ballots for the best-of-homeroom costume.  I
looked around, and realized that I was a shoe-in.  I charitably voted
for someone else.  I still won, though it wasn't unanimous.
     Dan-the-man and George Spaulding asked me what I was doing Saturday
night, and I told them that Debbie was going to turn me into the Dallas
Cowboys that weekend.  Mike said, kind of late, "Don't call me a chink,
fish-eyes."  Which was kind of lame for him, but I guess he was
distracted.

***
08:10 31 Oct

     Before I could take off for my first class, Dobson motioned me up.
"Tucker, it's obvious you're making a major bid for that prize.  May I
suggest something?"  I nodded, and he continued, "It would be most
effective if as few people as possible discovered who you are until the
final judging this afternoon."  He was scribbling something on hall
passes.  "Explain to your other teachers that you're going incognito
today, and to call you, erm, pick a girl's name."
     "Debbie liked Valerie," I said.
     "Deborah Carstairs?" he asked, and I nodded again.  "I should have
known," he remarked to himself.  "So, tell them to call you Valerie, and
act in class as though you are a new student.  This should prove
interesting," he said, grinning.  I had never seen him grin like this
before, and I'd rather not see it again, either.
     He let me go then, and I checked the notes he'd written.  They
said, "Do what the lad says!  Dobson," or at least his personal ideogram
at the bottom. I guess being one of the deans had its advantages.
Besides not having to write legibly.

***
08:13 31 Oct

     Being whistled at as I walked around was a new experience.  So,
despite my impromptu practice, was walking in heels.  At least I wasn't
falling over.  Or getting patted on the rump, thank God.
     My first class was English, so I walked in and handed the teacher
the note, while explaining quietly.  She covered her mouth with her
hand and nodded, and motioned for me to take a seat.  I took one near
the back that was unoccupied.  She introduced me when class started, and
I said hi in the voice Debbie and I had worked on.
     She had to remind the guys in the class to look up front a couple
of times, as they kept trying to stare at me.  Not a few of the girls,
either.  I was getting nervous as hell - this was the most attention
that had been directed my way in a long time.
     When class was finally over, I got up to leave, and several guys
swam over to my seat to chat me up.  *Oh, fuck,* I thought, but managed
to keep my cool enough to answer their questions with some simple,
clever lies.  Two of them walked me to class while asking me what kind
of music I liked, how I liked it here so far, what New York was like,
why did I move...  I lied, and lied, and lied, and finally pleaded that
I had to go in and talk to the teacher before class.
     They left then, and so I went up to the teacher, and talked to him
and showed him the note.  He looked poleaxed, but nodded.
     It went on like this for four periods.  I got very tired of trying
to fend off dates.

***
11:12 31 Oct

     Debbie caught up with me at lunch, as I came out of class, and she
rushed me through the flock of guys.  "I thought I'd come rescue you,"
she said.
     "Oh, my God, they've been all over me.  Dobson decided that I
should be a new student, so I've been playing dumb, and they all think I
just got here."  My head itched bad.
     She laughed a lot, but didn't slow down, and kept up a stream of
chatter that seemed to work like guy repellent as we changed books out
and got our lunches.  Or maybe they thought she was a guy.  I dunno.
She was certainly more masculine than some of the freshthings wandering
around.
     She dragged me out to show the Pack, her associates, who thought
that I was _like, totally awesome_, and we wandered around looking at
other costumes and eating lunch.  I wished like hell they would stop
pointing out "hunks" for my first date.  On the other hand, nobody was
brave enough to run into _this_ group to cut me out of the herd.  Or we
were moving too fast.  My feet hurt.

***
11:55 31 Oct

     Lunch finally ended, as all good lunches must, and I realized that
I had to _go_.  _Bad_.
     "Debbie!  Help me!"
     "What?"
     I whispered my problem to her.

***
11:57 31 Oct

     Having the whole bunch take over a girl's bathroom had _not_ been
my idea. I'd been thinking, maybe talk to the teachers about using their
bathroom, or something like that...
     At least they didn't look.  Although they made some nasty comments
about my hyper ventilation.  I had a bad experience in a girl's restroom
once.
     After I got done, Debbie and this other girl fixed my makeup as I
sat on the sink.  Nobody else who came in gave me much of a look, except
one girl who I'd dated.  Someone took her aside and explained it to her,
and she laughed herself sick but said she wouldn't say anything.  I
didn't think she'd say anything because she couldn't stop laughing.
     Bitchy-tichy Tina had said I wasn't enough of a stud for her when
we broke up.
     I sighed.  On the other hand, I did have another girlfriend.  Even
if she was dressing me up like a cheap whore.
     I sighed.
     "Stop breathing, you'll mess me up!" complained Kathy as she
wielded a pencil around my mouth.

***
12:02 31 Oct

     I got out of PE by the simple expedient of showing the coach my
note, and me.  He told me to take off, so I did.  I think I embarrassed
him.
     I finally ended up hiding back in the stacks in the library.
Nobody bothered me for a long time back there.  It was good to take a
breather.  And take those damned boots off my feet for a while.

***
13:12 31 Oct

     I left the library before I had to, because I was getting thirsty,
and the lunch Debbie had packed for me wasn't nearly enough.  I had
enough change for a coke, at least, so I went to go get one.
     As I fed the machine, someone squeezed my butt.  I made a noise in
surprise, and whipped around.  It was Bobby McPhearson, scourge of the
distaff side here at McAllen.  *Oh, fuck.*
     "Hi there," he beamed, standing much too close.  "I heard you were
new here, huh?"  He was drunk again after one of his three-beer lunches.
     "Uh, yeah," I said nervously.  Drunk or not, he was still bigger
than me, by a lot.  And he didn't like me too much, either.  "Uh, I
gotta go, if you'll excuse me-"
     He didn't excuse me.  What he did was put his arms on either side
of me, pinning me to the coke machine.  *I don't believe this?!!*  "Aw,
come on, honey, what's your name?"
     I'd had more than enough, and the leather I was wearing was making
me bold.  Or stupid.  Besides, I was scared out of my wits.  I get real
weird when I'm that scared.
     "Valerie," I said as sexily as I could.  "Maybe you could show me
around some?"  I hit the coke button and collected my drink.  I wasn't
going to be coming back through here anytime soon.
     "Sure!" he beamed.  He actually chuckled when I took his hand and
led him off.  My other hand was fumbling at the chain around my waist.
     "So where are you from, anyway?" he asked.
     "Long Island," I said, managing to undo the lock with one hand.  If
I dropped the key, it would screw everything up...
     We went outside and past one of the pillars.  I turned to him and
asked, "Hey, what's your name anyway?"  Click.  *Yes!*
     "Bob," he said, as I maneuvered him into position.
     "Ever play Ring Around the Rosie, Bob?"  They were safely in my
pocket for now.
     "No... is it fun?" he leered.  I wanted to boil my hands.
     "Yeah!  Come over here..."  I put the pole between him and me, and
said, "Now give me your other hand."
     He did.  Idiot.  I smiled, real big, and pulled his hands together.
"Oh, wait," I bubbled, "I almost forgot," and pulled the handcuffs out
of my pocket.  In two quick snaps, he was cuffed to the pillar.  All
those years of cops and robbers paid off finally.
     "Have fun going around in circles, asshole."
     "What the- Hey!  You can't leave me here like this!  Hey!  You
bitch, let me go!"
     I waved to him and went back inside.  My creative writing teacher
was passing through in the other direction.  I stopped her and handed
her the keys.
     "What are..." she said, puzzled.
     "Bob McPhearson is locked to a pole outside.  I didn't like him
rubbing my ass.  That's the keys."
     As I walked away, I heard her snort.  Then start to laugh.  I
guessed that I wasn't going to get in trouble for this.  Meanwhile, I
had to go wash my hands.
     I looked at the bathrooms, and decided that I'd better not try the
men's room.  I only had the one set of cuffs.
     I pulled the gloves off, then spent a couple minutes washing my
hands, trying to keep from shaking.  Like you do when you just get out
of a fight by the skin of your teeth.  Plus it was a girl's bathroom.
Again.
     Julia, from drama, came in wearing a tuxedo.  I smiled when I saw
her in the mirror, then dropped my eyes, embarrassed.  *Don't attract
any attention, dumbass!*  She used the facilities, and came up to the
sinks while I was scrubbing.  She looked at me curiously as she dried
her hands off.
     "Practicing for Macbeth?" she asked.
     "I had to touch Bobby McPhearson, and I feel dirty."  She nodded,
like she'd been there too.
     About then, a couple of other girls came in, laughing.  I almost
died.  If I got caught here, I'd be skinned.
     "God, I wish I'd thought of handcuffing Bobby a long time ago!" one
of the girls said as they went back to the stalls.
     "Maybe they should just leave him there!" the other one said.
     Julia raised an eyebrow, like asking "you?" and I nodded.  "What
happened?" she asked.  So I told her.  She started to laugh.
     The other girls came up to wash their hands, still chattering.
Julia was still laughing, and I was still scrubbing.  They stared at us
as they left.
     She finally stopped, and wiped her eyes, about the time my hands
felt clean.
     "Do you have the keys?" she asked breathlessly.
     "Uh, I gave 'em to Miz Taylor, the English teacher."
     "Oh, and she doesn't like him eith-"  She stared at me like a
spider had just run out of my nose.  "Tucker?  _Eugene_ Tucker?"
     "Oh fuck," I said.  Thunk, bambambambam went my heart.  *I'm
doomed!*
     I was wrong, actually.  She cracked up again, and I had calmed down
and finished half my coke when she recovered.  She asked who'd done the
work, and when I said Debbie had, she nodded like she should have known.
She told me it was fantastic, and she'd vote for me when the time came.
     Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and wished me luck.  I stared
at her in amazement as she left.  I was still staring after her when she
came back in.  "He's gone," she said, "if you want to do something
besides wash your hands for the rest of the day.  Besides, don'tcha have
something else to do besides watch girls go tinkle?"  I got embarrassed.
     She escorted me out after I put the gloves in my pocket, and we
talked about today, and costumes, and things in general.  She had a
little puffin nose to slip over her own, but it bugged her, so she was
leaving it off most of the day.  I thought it was pretty clever, or at
least simple.  Large portions of my body hurt and/or itched. Especially
under the tape.  She helped try and scratch things with a pen cap.  It
helped, but not enough.

***
14:15 31 Oct

     Everybody had to go back to homeroom for rolecall before the pep
rally.  Just to make sure nobody snuck off.  Then we all marched down to
the gym.  Mike was still staring, and when I thought nobody was looking,
I let him feel one of the boobs.  "Jeezus," was his comment.
     "She really went all out on this," I said, wrapping my arms around
myself.  I was kinda cold; I think because I was used to having my legs
covered.
     "Goddamn," he remarked.  "You look almost too good.  Ah!" he said,
rooting around in his pocket.  "I knew you were... missing...
something... hah!"  He pulled one of those big pieces of bubble gum out
of his pocket.  "Chew on this."  I took it and warmed it up, and blew
some bubbles.  "Perfect.  Jeezus."
     "What?"
     "You definitely look too good.  All you need is a biker on a real
Harley, and you're set.  How'd she _do_ that?"
     "I dunno, I don't want to know, all I want is to get out of all
this fucking tape.  And these boots."  I couldn't wait to sit down.
     Pause.
     Mike asked, "Tape?"

***
14:26 31 Oct

     I got to sit down for about five minutes.  I made sure I got a seat
at the end.  There was no way I was crawling over people to get out. Not
today...
     Then they announced the winners for each homeroom.  Said winners
had to go stand up in front of everyone, holding a sign with a number on
it for the final vote.  It figured.  I couldn't help moaning, "Oh, my
feeeeeet."
     When they called, "Mr. Dobson's homeroom, Eugene Tucker," I wearily
stood up and made my way down the aisles.  As people figured out what
was going on, the noise increased, until as I walked out on the floor,
it sounded like a regular basketball game.  I blew a couple of bubbles
as I got my sign.  It seemed the thing to do.  The crowd loved it.
     They had us stand and wait in front of the whole school as they
went through the homerooms.  I mumbled curses under my breath about the
shoes, and everything else, because I was itching like I'd gone as a
flea circus, and my feet felt like they were about to snap.  *Oh please,
let them get their heads out of their asses and get on with this...*  Of
course, I was one of the first homerooms called, so I had to wait for
_all_ the rest.
     The final vote was surprising.  I'd tied for first place with
someone.  As first place was two hundred dollars, while second was only
fifty bucks, it was pretty important.  But at least I was going to get
_something_.  Half of something, anyway.  Debbie was gonna get the other
half.
     The other guy was made up as a STNG Klingon, with the bumpy
forehead and armor and everything.  It was pretty cool, and I told him
so when they sent all the other competitors back.
     "I will beat you," he stated in as deep a voice as he could come up
with.  "I will crush you like all enemies of the Empire are crushed."
     "Oh, yeah, like, sure," I replied lazily, and blew a bubble.  I
thought he was pretty good, though, staying in character like that.
     When the runoff vote was counted, he won first place by a real
narrow margin, like 10%.  We shook hands, and he said, in a normal
voice, that I should have won it, but I disagreed.  He'd done something
even harder than what Debbie had done to me.
     They gave the third place winner her money, me my money, and him
his, and then the top three got a round of mandatory applause before
they let everyone out.  I figured a curtsey would do good, so I did one.
     Debbie collected me before anyone could find torches, or melt some
tar, and escorted me quickly out to her car, and off.  Thank God, I made
it out alive.  I breathed a lot while I still could.
     As we got in the car, she asked, "Where's my handcuffs?"

***
15:06 31 Oct

     "What party?"
     "Tuck, you did so good, I gotta take you to this party.  Come on,
it'll be fun.  I have this other costume if you don't want to wear that
one.  Those heels are a bitch."
     "Oh geez, no shit.  But I don't _want_ to go to a party, Debbie!" I
complained.  "Not like _this_!"
     "No, something different."  She told me what she had in mind.
     "Oh, no, Deb, no, not- oh, no, this was one thing, but no-"
     "Oh, but please," she breathed, and then leaned in close and gave
me the longest kiss I'd ever had in my entire life.  I almost castrated
myself with the boner I tried to get.
     "Ah, ah, ah," I said when she came up for air.
     "Besides, I'll take you to dinner first.  My treat."
     "With half the prize money _I_ won."  I wasn't _that_ horny.
     "Which you would have _none_ of without my help.  Besides, you'll
get more of it back with dinner."

***
15:44 31 Oct

     "Jesus, where do you _get_ all this stuff?!" I asked in amazement.
     "Oh, I love costumes," she said, holding it up against me.  "Good
thing you're not too large.  Here, put your arms over your face and
stand still," and she began pulling it over me.
     "I'm not gonna have to wear heels again, am I?"
     "Only to dinner," she said.  I hoped she was kidding.

***
17:45 31 Oct

     "I hate these things," I complained as we walked out to the car.
"My feet hurt like you wouldn't believe."
     She said, "Oh, I'd believe it."  She opened the door, and stopped.
     "You're gonna have to take the sword off to get in the car," I said
helpfully.  She said something rude and stashed it in the back seat.
"Besides, it's illegal," I added.
     "What's Robin Hood without a sword?" she asked me as we pulled out.
     "He carried a bow."
     She glared at me, and stated, "Poetic license."

***
18:20 31 Oct

     "Table for two, ladies?" asked the host.  I kept my mouth shut as
Debbie answered in the affirmative.  He guided us to a booth, took our
drink orders, and left.
     "I don't believe this," I remarked, staring around at all the
people who weren't staring back at me.  It was pretty much all of them.
The ones that did, smiled at me or gave me a thumbs up like they liked
what I was wearing.  "This is incredible."  Two guys, with drinks in
their hands, winked at me.
     "Ain't it, though?  And don't forget your voice," she reminded me
quietly.
     _That_, if nothing else, was going to drive me crazy.
     When the waiter arrived, quickly, he couldn't make up his mind
which one of us to stare at.  Him and Debbie both teased me about being
shy.  Debbie even asked him if I made a good Maid Marian, and he said
yes, but that she did a much better Robin Hood.  I couldn't kick him
under the table, so I kicked Debbie twice while keeping a nice smile on
my face.
     On the other hand, I took her advice, and got a smaller order than
I would have.  Good thing, too, these clothes did not take well to
stains, and I would have ordered chili by reflex, if I hadn't been
thinking about not having it already.  Eating at Spaghetti Warehouse was
dangerous enough.  I tucked my napkin into my cleavage, and asked for
another one.
     "That looks really dumb."
     "Not near as dumb as manicotti dribbling down the front would
look," I countered.
     "You do that, and I'll kill you," she threatened.
     "See?  That would look even dumber."

***
19:36 31 Oct

     "The- oh, no," I moaned softly as Debbie pulled me into the girls'
room.  "Not again!"
     She had to shove me into a stall, but after that I got some
composure back as the women already in there continued to not scream for
the cops.  Or beat the hell out of me.
     It took me a while, what with four different skirts to pull up and
keep out of the toilet - not to mention the fumbling with the underwear
- - but I did my business finally, wiping instead of shaking like she'd
suggested back at the house.
     When I came out, I thought we'd just leave, but instead she walked
over to the mirror and started dorking around with her lipstick.  I was
about to lean up against the wall to wait, when she caught my eye and
jerked a finger.
     *Oh,* I thought as I walked next to her and did the same thing.  It
took me longer, but she stalled to make me look normal.  I finally got
my lips redrawn, well enough I guess.  We washed our hands and finally
left.  I'd almost sweated completely through the underwear.
     "So who's going to be at the party?" I asked, eyeing a group of
guys that were eyeing me.
     "Lots of people.  Don't stare, it's unmaidenly."
     I made an unladylike noise.  She hit me on the shoulder.
     "Hey!  Don't do that.  I bruise easy."
     She snorted.  "You and your delicate skin."

***
20:11 31 Oct

     She rang the doorbell, and I grabbed the skirts nervously, wishing
for pockets, or a different girlfriend, or a sword of my own, or
something.  I wasn't quite sure what I wanted, actually, except not to
be here like this.  Despite the pounds of clothing I was wearing, I
felt strangely naked.
     *Too late,* I thought as the door opened.  A sexy witch opened the
door.  She looked like a medieval version of my previous costume.
     "Hey Debbie, wow, hey, who's this?" she asked as she motioned us
in.  The house was mostly dark, and there were strange lights all over
the place, spider webs on the ceiling, a couple of jack-o-lanterns on
the table. The usual Halloween stuff.
     "Hi Lisa!  This is Valerie, she's a friend of mine from New York,
visiting.  Val, meet Lisa."  I said hi, remembering to keep my voice
like Debbie'd told me.
     "That is a _fantastic_ costume!" Lisa gushed as she led us into the
house.
     "Uh, thanks, it was Debbie's idea-"
     The doorbell rang, and she stopped talking to us and went to answer
it.  I looked at Debbie, and she shrugged.  "Let's mingle, eh?" she
said, and wandered off.  I followed, less from lack of a better idea
than from fear at being left alone like this.

***
20:39 31 Oct

     "Uh, it's from Robin Hood, the movie?  With Kevin Costner?"
     "Oh, yeah," he nodded vacantly.  I wished he would vacate, but he
wouldn't.  "So, what school do you go to?"
     *West Point,* I thought, looking for Debbie.  She promised she'd
stick around, damnit!  "Uh, Roosevelt.  In New York.  I'm here visiting.
You know."
     "Oh."  He smiled at me, and tried to put his arm around my shoulder
for the third time.  I dodged again.  *Oh, please, Debbie, come back!*
"So, you seem kinda shy," he remarked, maneuvering for a fourth attempt.
     "Ah.  It's just I got over a bad case of mono recently, and I don't
want to give it to anyone."  *Good lie, good lie...*
     "Oh.  I had mono this summer too.  Bummer, huh?"
     *Oh, fuck.*  "Yeah, bummer."  *Bad lie!  Bad lie!*
     "So maybe it's like the measles," he said, like I knew he would.
You only get measles once.
     "Hey, Val!" called Debbie from across the room.
     *Thank you God, thank you!*  "Uh, I gotta go, sorrybye!"
     I practically ran over to Debbie, who was by the stairs.  She had
some guy with her, and he had his arm around her waist.  I was too
scared to be really pissed.
     "So, enjoying the party?" he asked.  I stared at him.  *Die.  Die
die die die...*  _Now_ I was really pissed.
     "Val?"
     "What?" I said, switching to looking at Debbie.
     "Did you forget your Prozac tonight?"
     "Yeah.... do you have any knives here?" I asked the guy.  "Real
sharp ones?"
     "Uh," he said before Debbie led me off.
     "Just a little blood, please?" I whined as a parting comment.  The
couples who had missed the rest of the conversation looked at me a
little strangely.  "He won't miss it."
     "No, you promised you wouldn't cut anyone tonight," Debbie said.
"Remember?"
     "But the voices, Debbie, the voices..."

***
21:02 31 Oct

     "So how's this place compared to New York?" Mandy asked.  I'd just
met Mandy, and she thought my costume was "like, so _rad_!"
     I sighed, and lied.

***
21:19 31 Oct

     He leaned back against the wall and asked, "So, do you have a
boyfriend?"
     "No, not now.  They said it'd take a while for the antibiotics to
take effect, and maybe dating wasn't such a good idea for a while."
     Pause.
     What was Debbie _doing_?  She kept running off-
     "Oh."  Pause.  "So what year are you again?"

***
21:31 31 Oct

     "So what are you doing here if you live in New York?"
     "Looking for fresh victims," I told him.
     Debbie hit me on the shoulder.  "Wrong costume, Val."
     "Oh, yeah.  Um, visiting my dad."
     "Oh, that's cool.  What year are you?"

***
21:44 31 Oct

     They started some music, and Debbie got grabbed up by some guy.
*Oh great,* I thought.  Then someone tapped my shoulder.
     "Wanna dance?" he asked.  He was a hunk, too.  *Oh, fuck,* I
thought.  I was not into hunks.  They usually ended up dating the women
I wanted to date.  Or beating me up.  Or both.  He was wearing a pirate
outfit, too.  Not a good sign.  Especially with the cutlass hanging off
his belt.
     "Uh-"
     "Oh, come on, you've been hanging in the shadows all evening.
It'll be fun."  He took my arm and started to pull.
     "I can't dance," I said desperately.
     "I'll show you!" he said, and tugged.  I caught Debbie's eye, and
she gave me a thumb's up.  *You bitch,* I thought.
     "Come on," and he gently dragged me out into the middle of the
garage.

***
22:13 31 Oct

     "See?  I told you it'd be easy," he said confidently.  His name was
Travis, he played basketball over at Red Hills, and his girlfriend was
out of town for the weekend.  I'd lied a lot.  At least I was managing
to keep everything straight in my head, so I could tell the same lies
over and over.
     "Yeah, I guess," I said.  I was getting kind of tired.
     "Tired?" he asked, reading my mind.  I nodded, and he led me off
the floor and back into the house.
     He also led me into a seat on the couch right next to him.  *Oh,
no,* I thought.  Debbie was in a big group, facing away from me.
Somehow he managed to sit down with the cutlass.  I wondered if he wore
one all the time.
     "So what year are you?" he asked.
     I sighed.  At least I was sitting down.

***
22:39 31 Oct

     "Hey, Val, I brought you a coke," said Debbie, interrupting the
conversation.  I'd found if I kept his mind on him, he'd keep his mind
_off_ of me.  There was only so much I could lie in one day, and I was
getting close to running out of imagination.
     "Oh, thanks," I said, and took a big swig.  At least he wasn't
trying to feel me up.
     "One more dance, and then I gotta go home," he said.  "I'm sort of
half grounded."  He got up and pulled me with him.
     "Half grounded?"
     "I gotta be home by eleven.  Come on,"
     "Uh, wait," I protested.
     "I'll hold your place for you," called Debbie after me.  I saw her
take a swig of my coke.

***
22:41 31 Oct

     It was a slow dance, of course.  He held me close, of course.  What
he did _not_ do was anything rude, like check my breasts for implants,
or rub my butt for luck, or anything.  I guess he was expecting his
girlfriend to come back, or she had her friends spying on him, or
something.
     When it was over, he bent down and kissed me on the cheek.
"Thanks, Val, it's been really fun with you here," he said, and I almost
believed him.
     He led me back to the couch, and dropped me off with a kiss on the
hand.
     I could still feel his lips on my cheek.  *Oh, God...*
     "So, did you give him your phone number?" Debbie asked, giggling.

***
22:49 31 Oct

     "Debbie, I wanna go home!" I wailed quietly as she took me into the
dark room.
     "Shhh, there there, let Mommie Debbie fix you right up," she said
as she shut the door.
     I was going to say something else, but as soon as I figured out
that the extra click I'd heard was her locking the door, she was groping
me and rubbing up against me while sticking her tongue in my ear.
     Then she bit my neck, lightly.
     Then she looked up at me and said, "Ah, what a lovely fair maiden
you are!" right before kissing me.  This was better than this afternoon.
Except for the maiden part.
     I didn't realize I was going backwards until my knee bumped into
the bed.  I sat down rather suddenly.
     She took the opportunity to end up on top of me.  Grinning.  Then
kissing me, and licking, and nibbling, and fondling...

***
22:53 31 Oct

     "Oh, oh God, oh God Debbie, please don't stop, please, oh God..."
     She stopped long enough to ask, "Aren't you glad you came to the
party?"
     "Oh God _yes_ don't _stop_ ahhhh...."

***
22:56 31 Oct

     "Now it's my turn," she chirped eagerly.
     I moaned.  "Debbie, I can't sit up.  Oh, God, I feel like Jello.
Warm Jello."
     "You sure do," she said after sticking a hand in my crotch.  "Hmm.
Maybe you can just use those clever fingers of yours."
     "What?"
     In answer, she pulled down her tights and stuck my hand where she
wanted it.
     "Oh," I said, dumbfounded.

***
23:03 31 Oct

     I realized that I had been dating a closet case lesbian when she
persisted in calling me "Valerie" even when she had me in hand, so to
speak.  I wondered if I should worry about it later.  Or just not worry
about it.
     "Oh, God, yesssss..."  She grabbed my hand and pushed it hard
against her crotch.
     *Later,* I thought firmly.

***
23:11 31 Oct

     "Just leave your fingers in there a minute," she gasped as she
collapsed back on the bed.  I shrugged mentally, but did like she
wanted.
     She wanted me to hold her like that, so we rearranged ourselves on
the bed so we were pressed together.  My fingers were still inside her.
She wouldn't let me take them out.  I really wanted to find out what it
tasted like.  Call me sick, I guess.  On the other hand, almost
everything else I'd heard about sex and girls so far had been proven
wrong tonight.  It figured.
     We heard the click at the same time, but we were both so tired that
we didn't react fast enough.  I managed to pull my hand out right when
the light came on.
     "Oooh, sorry!" said Lisa.  The guy behind her was staring at both
of us, and starting to grin.  Debbie pulled her tights back up quickly.
I was covered already, thank God.
     My hand was sticky, and I couldn't figure out what to do with it.
I figured wiping it on me or Debbie was gonna get me in trouble with
Debbie, and the bedsheets were out because of our hostess standing right
there.  So I licked 'em clean without thinking too much about it.
     Lisa's eyes shot wide open.
     It didn't taste at all like fish, either.  It figured.

***
23:14 31 Oct

     "Isn't that going to damage your reputation?" I asked as I washed
my hands.
     "Naw," she said.  "She knows about you.  I told her tonight in case
there was any problems.  Lisa's a pervert anyway."
     "That's not gonna matter to that guy she was with.  And if someone
tells him, _I_ am gonna get screwed.  There's too many people here..."
     "Oh, so you did give Travis your number?" she said.  I hit her.
"Anyway," she said after she got done laughing, "Gary won't say
anything.  Nobody else has figured it out, I've been checking.  So it
just looked to him like Debbie and some girl, and he won't say anything
about _that_.  She'll just threaten to stop dating him, and he'll fall
into line."
     I wanted to laugh at Gary being pussy whipped, but I was in no
position.  Not in this dress.
     "Besides, I don't think it would damage anything.  If someone heard
about it, they'd just go, 'Oh, it's Debbie, it figures.'"
     I thought about it, and she was right.  That's what I would have
thought.
     She led me out of the bathroom, down the stairs, and back into the
living room.  We joined a discussion on the couch.  Something about
relationships, in the continuing soap opera that was high school.

***
23:36 31 Oct

     "Hey, you think she's Sleeping Beauty?" someone said.
     *Huh?* I thought dimly.
     I figured it out just in time, because when I opened my eyes, there
was a guy's face not six inches away.  "Ahhh!" I shrieked.
     "Ahhh!" he yelled back, and jerked backwards, and fell down.
     Debbie was right, I was glad I had my legs together.

***
23:50 31 Oct

     "Oh, come on, the night's still young!" she said.
     "Debbie, I can barely walk any-uh," I said as I ran into the
doorframe.  I stared at it for a while, trying to figure out how it had
happened.
     "Maybe you're right," she said, looking at me.  "Besides, your
makeup is beginning to fade, and I don't have the stuff here to fix it."
     "Maybe you should have brought the toolbox," I said sarcastically.
"It's only eighty pounds."
     "Maybe I should call Travis up and give him your number for you."
     I didn't even think she was kidding.  "Oh, God, please, no..."

***
00:02 1 Nov

     "It was nice meeting you, Valerie" said Lisa as we left.  "Hope to
see you again.  Later, Debbie, I'll call," and she shut the door.
     "Do you think she was serious?" I asked, out of curiosity.
     "Oh, sure."  She grinned at me as she led me down the sidewalk.
"You added a bit of spice to the party, that's for sure."
     "Uhm," I said, wishing I'd brought a coat.
     "Here, get close," she said, and pulled me against her.  It was
slightly warmer that way.  Her hand on my butt I didn't mind.

***
00:16 1 Nov

     "You want to get something to eat?" she asked as she drove.
     "How do you keep going?" I complained.
     "Amphetamines."
     Pause.
     "You're kidding, right?" I asked.
     She snorted.  "Yeah, I'm kidding.  Just a party animal, I guess."
     I rolled over and closed my heavy heavy eyes.

***
00:46 1 Nov

     "How long is this going to take?"
     "Ssshhhh!  If you get this polish remover in your eye, you'll
really regret it.  Don't move."
     She dabbled at my forehead with a Q tip, trying to get the acetone
to where the wig was superglued to my head.
     "Hmmmm."
     "What?"  Not like I was feeling paranoid or anything.  Haha.
     "Shhh."  I gave up, and closed my eyes.  God, was I tired.

***

"I'm a Software De-engineer."  "You write software?" "No, I crash it."

TS Tip #1: If you tell people you're a woman, they will nod politely
and not believe you.


"Tallyho!"      \   /     @>--,--'--  ehayes@nym.alias.net  + vicki .sig
Ellen Hayes --=(*)=(*)=-- Renaissance Woman    ==[--------  + virus 9.1a


-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: 2.6.2

iQCVAwUBM8Vk8HYDebnvyV1VAQFF6AP9GERQfzvXblTyHmYKZcKuElID7wz1eys1
kl9ACS5NKkvI73mnUf8t2DceDZdlWWFX5AltWIf/45HIntGP7hdHdLjDNdtyWD8U
8whfuVloA/TZpV6d+1hh7wUMLxUhqhZME3OIBWkTTrd2l0T5kLY8IKUu01Umonk0
EFcc7ZaeS6I=
=br7+
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----