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Tuckling Pig -*- Copyright 2013 by Ellen Hayes.

Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual
persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when
used for satirical purposes.

This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and
possibly sex.  If you are legally not allowed to read materials
containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading
this.  I am not responsible.
Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it
in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally
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state, and country.

All rights reserved.  See the bottom for distribution rights.


Tuckling Pig


***
10:44 25 Feb

     "Tuck," Mike sighed, and pointed at the pig.  Which was now
strapped up on my laptop carrier like a sleeping bag on a backpack.
     "Nicole gave it to me," I smirked at him.
     "Oh hey Tu-  Oh my god that's so CUTE!" Sabrina squealed.
     I added, to Mike, "Plus it attracts chicks."
     "What at- oh my GOD!" Amanda squealed.  "That's ADORABLE!"
     Mike smacked his forehead in disgust.

***
11:32 25 Feb

     There was just enough foreleg on the pig to wave it at Nicole.
     Nicole grinned at me and waved a finger back.
     I pointed at the card, and she tilted her head and gave me a sappy
smile.  A smile, in fact, that looked like a post-sex hormone rush.
Like the one on my face at the moment.
     "That is so cute," Sabrina said approvingly, as two of the girls
Nicole was with looked at it, kind of skeptically.  Or jealously.

***
15:02 25 Feb

     "Somebody at school got it for me," I had to explain to Ricky.
     He said disgustedly, "Another boyfriend?"
     "I am so not discussing this with you," I told him.  "But if you're
mean to my pig, I am going to pull your fingers off with pliers.  And
salt the stumps."
     "I didn't do anything!" he protested wildly.

***
16:22 25 Feb

     "Oh, no, not Thursday," I said.  "I'm going out with Nicole."
     There was much protest, of the 'So are you DATING or NOT?!' sort.
     "Gina really wants to go," Kim sighed.
     I complained, "Well, you take her!  I'm not the only one who has a
car, y'know."
     "Mike has a car," Julia mused.
     "What?  You don't need a man to go out and see a movie!"
     "It's play dates, Tuck," Julia said, sounding disgusted.  I felt
bad, until I realized that I wasn't the one being weird here.

***
16:38 25 Feb

     "No!  I won't have any time to be with Nicole if we have a
sleepover!"  I wondered why I bothered having friends if this was the
kind of shit they'd do to me; not for the first time, either.

***
17:02 25 Feb

     I wanted to cry, because they'd convinced me that I should spend at
least one night with my female friends instead of with my new sort-of-
girlfriend and sex toy.  Sabrina had suggested I bring Nicole to the
sleepover; but while I liked talking to Nicole, there were things I'd
rather be doing with her, and I didn't even have to ask to know they
weren't things the other girls wanted me to be doing around them.  Not
like in the same room, anyway.  Plus I'd probably be too embarrassed.
Not to mention Nicole; she didn't seem like the type to enjoy sex while
in a room full of people, especially people who would feel free to
comment and criticize.

***
18:11 25 Feb

     "Ginger's really good for nausea," I explained to Miz Parker,
wondering how she could NOT know this already.  "You boil it, and get
either syrup, with club soda for fizzy, or you can ferment it a little
and turn it into ginger beer, or, ha ha, ginger ALE.  Which tastes
NOTHING like that... stuff," I edited, "in cans.  And you can candy the
boiled-out slices."
     "Oh," she said, clearly interested.  "That sounds...  Good.  Why
are you nauseous lately?" she asked.
     I shrugged.  "Dunno.  It comes and goes.  It might have something
to do with the exercise I'm doing; I'm doing a lot more."  I didn't want
to mention Nicole's smoking as a possible cause; she'd ask why I was
around Nicole so much, and I didn't want to mention 'dating'.
     "Oh," she said.  I wondered what 'oh' meant in this instance.

***
19:02 25 Feb

     I'd managed to brown the ground turkey in the skillet, but it had
taken the peppermint-mask trick again to do it.  And so I hadn't done a
second load.  So there wasn't very much meat tonight.  And so Mr. Parker
was kind of giving me the Eye, or a variant.
     "It's fettucine alfredo with homemade sauce," I said to his face.
"Try it without the meat first."
     "Valerie-"
     "Try!  It!  Or I'm telling your mother," I threatened.  Miz Parker
laughed for a second before stifling it, and then she stifled Ricky.
     Mr. Parker glared at me for a while, but I simply looked back at
him, because I was pretty sure his mother would back me up; and I had
her phone number.
     He grudgingly applied his fork, and lifted it to his mouth, and
ingested it.
     After he swallowed - without gagging, choking, vomiting, turning
colors, swelling, or dying - I nodded.  "Now you can have some meat,"
and went to get the bowl, which had been chilling in the refrigerator so
I wouldn't have to smell the shit.
     When I came back, I added, "Besides, it's cheaper AND better for
you to eat this way.  And it'll make you thinner."  I obtrusively
glanced at Miz Parker for a second, and added, "Which'll make your wife
crazy for you."
     That broke the tension, and made Miz Parker laugh again, though
this time Ricky didn't think it was funny.  Or he was busy eating.

***
19:56 25 Feb

     "Well, Jill's at work, so I need to find some way to have fun with
chicks," Mike lied.
     Pam grinned and flourished her entire body towards the front door.
     Sabrina said flatly, "In the cold.  You people are INSANE.  Why
don't you exercise in a nice warm gym or something?"
     Mike slapped his chest with both hands and lowered his voice to
proclaim, "Makes me mannnn-ly!"
     "Ow; don't do that," I complained; my new reflexes had kicked my
arms up too.

***
20:14 25 Feb

     "Because it HURTS, damnit!" I cursed at Mike, as I held the
afflicted parts and did not dance.
     Pam and Mike looked at each other.
     "What?!"
     They looked back at me.
     Pam said, "Um."
     "Tuck, I hate to mention this," Mike said, and sighed, and
continued "but maybe it's time you started wearing an exercise bra."
And Pam reluctantly nodded at me.
     "Awww...  FUCK!"

***
20:22 25 Feb

     I'd called Jill at work to get her permission to borrow a sport bra
of hers, and then had to find it in Susan's room, but the worst part was
that it worked; I no longer hurt when I was moving hard.
     "Awwwww, fuck," I snarled at Mike, whose fault this was.  Somehow.
     He grabbed my hands and connected as he said, "Dude, I'm sorry."

***
20:23 25 Feb

     I let go and sighed, "Well, let's dance."  I was not going to admit
I felt better, or less bad at least.
     "Yo," Mike said as he posed like a rapper and nodded.  "Word."
     As Pam started laughing, I sighed, "Don't do that.  It's just
wrong."
     "What?  Chinese were the first rappers anyway."
     "No they were NOT!"

***
21:05 25 Feb

     "Chicks," Mike said in between thrusts, "like," up, "arm", up,
"muscles."
     "Fuckyou," Sabrina got out in half a cycle.  Which, now that I
thought about it, was kind of like half a wavelength.
     "Eleven," Pam said, as I thought Sabrina was slowing down.  Then
again, so was Mike.  "Twelve...  C'mon Sabrina!  Thirteen!"
     "Go Mike!"
     "Why..."  He let down and pushed up, and I could psychically feel
the strain in his arms this time.  "Aren't..."
     I got what he was trying to say and translated, "Why am I not down
there doing pushups like you?  I'm not as dumb as you."
     "Besides, I could beat her," Pam smirked.
     "No you couldn't."

***
21:09 25 Feb

     Pam managed to grind out exactly one more push-up than I did before
HER arms failed and she went plop.  Just like I had already.  It did
take her almost half a minute to do the last one, though.
     "I fucking hate ALL of you," I sighed.  I'd had time to catch most
of my breath, anyway.  The only advantage of failing early.
     Mike felt it necessary to say, "Hey, the more you do it..."
     "The better you get," Sabrina finished, cruelly; Mike had beaten
her, by about the same margin Pam had beaten me.  Though both of them
had managed more than Pam had.
     The only consolation was, I hadn't bet anything material.  I was
merely shamed before my friends, and exposed as unmanly-ly deficient in
arm muscles.  Which should come as no surprise to them, since two of
them had suggested I wear a sports bra tonight; and I doubted Sabrina
would be very surprised at the bra either.
     "Okay, so why do I give a shit?" I realized.
     Mike's mouth opened and stopped.
     "'Cause, arm muscles are sexy!" Pam said like I should know this.
     "See, watch," Mike said, "I'll flex mine and Pam'll swoon."
     He flexed an arm at her, and she swooned back against my car,
making squeaky noises like the girl on the pillar in the opening to
Mystery, and fluttering a hand in front of her face like a fan.  Which
was ridiculous because it was maybe forty degrees outside.
     I guess I was looking for an excuse to get rid of him because I
remembered, "Oh, hell, Jill's work-"  Which got rid of him, as he cursed
and sprinted off towards his car.
     "Why aren't you picking her up?" Sabrina asked.
     I shrugged, "'Cause Mike said he needed the money more than I did."

***
22:36 25 Feb

     I hugged my new pig, which did not smell like Nicole; I wasn't sure
if that was good or bad.
     Even so, it reminded me of her.  Which was good and bad, since she
wasn't here and I was, and I had to sleep, and she probably did too, and
her mom might just shoot me if I tried to sneak her out of her house.
You never knew.

***
03:15 26 Feb

     My arms hurt, my ears hurt, my legs sort of hurt - and they would
hurt more after I stretched - and I was nauseous.  "I hate school..."

***
05:47 26 Feb

     The idea of lunch meat almost made me invert my stomach, when I
thought about it.
     "Okay, so NO."  There was approximately everything else I could
have instead.  Unfortunately, most of it would require cooking.
     "Could this possibly be a plot?"  It would fit; everyone wanted me
to cook more, and if I couldn't make a sandwich lunch, and if I had to
eat lunch so's to avoid another lecture series from Mom and Doc Treble,
and if Mom kept buying raw foods instead of precooked garbage, then I'd
have to cook.  Eating the school lunch was unthinkable, of course; I
needed food, not recycled toxic waste.

***
06:04 26 Feb

     "You don't have to fucking eat it," I snapped at Jill.  "In fact, I
didn't make any for you.  I just can't make a sandw-"  I gagged.
     "Whoa, okay!" she said like I was being unreasonable about all
this.  Which my stomach was, but I felt unfairly blamed for what was
obviously a case of sedition and revolt.
     *Hah, revolting,* I thought, which almost made me gag again.
*Yeah, that was funny not.*
     "Soooo, I guess you don't want to run today," she said.
     "Oh, sure, why not?  Just don't talk about food."

***
06:32 26 Feb

     She'd set a slower pace, and I'd almost run away from her before I
realized she was probably doing it for my benefit.  And so I stayed with
her, and this time I only gagged a few times, and didn't quite stop when
I did.
     When I had to slow to a walk, she ran on ahead, but just to the end
of the block and back to me, when she called, "I'm not doing this to
make fun of you!" before I could engage and beat her for making fun of
me.  "I just need the extra exercise!"  Then she ran past me.
     "Yeah, well, whatever," I sighed.  At least she hadn't been there
for the pushup debacle the night before.

***
06:57 26 Feb

     "It's the year of the Tiger, in Chinese Zodiac lore," Jill
explained, "and so we have to get fit."
     That made far far less than no sense.  And-  "Last year was the
year of the Ox!" I complained when the data surfaced.  If any Chinese
Zodiac animal ought to be associated with strong, it should be the Ox.
     "And so we ate beef!" Jill said, like it was obvious.  I detected
Mike's evil cunning beneath her words, though.
     "You guys are crazy," Nicole said, almost admiringly.
     Kim grumbled, "It's the fucking exercise doing it."
     "That makes-  Oh hey Jennie," I waved.  She shook her head at me
but waved back.  "Okay, what the hell does that mean?"
     Nicole advised, "Don't worry about it.  Oh hey," she said, and came
close and hugged me.
     I liked this.
     When she finally let go - far too soon - Kim did the same thing
except one-handed, the other holding her coffee.
     I liked this, too.  I WAS a slut.
     "Don't you want to hug him too?" Nicole asked Jill.
     "Nah, I get all of that I want at home," she grinned, and flashed
me an extra-special smile.
     I suggested, "Maybe you two could trade places, I mean living
quarters."
     "Why?  She could stay in your room," Jill said.  "I've got Susan's
room."
     I said, "Needs more clothing space," as Kim let go and motioned us
towards the door.
     Kim snarked at Jill, "Which is not something YOU need, is-  Hey!
Bitch!  Watch the coffee!"

****
11:32 26 Feb

     "Oh, bad news," I remembered to tell Nicole this time.  "I have to
work late Friday night, and my 'friends' want me all Saturday night."
     "We just like talking to him sometimes," Amanda said to Nicole.
     I countered, "She's lying; they want to interrogate me."
     Sabrina punched my arm, which should've proved I was right.
     "Could I come?" Nicole asked.
     "Um," we all basically said at one time.  I winced in anticipation
but it was Mike who said, "Oh, but you're not ready to be in the orgy
yet," and then the fucker dodged so Sabrina hit me instead.
     "Don't hit him!" Nicole demanded.
     "Yeah," I added lamely.

***
15:34 26 Feb

     All of my ginger syrup, that I'd made yesterday, was gone.  "Okay,
what the..."  I looked at Stella, since she was too young to make up
lies.  "Do you know what happened to the ginger syrup?"
     "No," she said, and stuck a finger in her mouth.  "App."
     Well, that didn't sound nauseating.  Or guilty.  So I went to go
fix us some app(le).  I got mine raw; hers was 'sauced'.

***
15:49 26 Feb

     "Ricky, if I told you how unbelievably happy the idea of going to
the store made me, your head would explode."
     He looked like his head might explode from the effort of figuring
out what'd I'd said.
     I mercifully explained, "That was sarcasm."

***
16:08 26 Feb

     "I don't CARE if you don't like it, it's for ME."  That shut his
little whiny ass up.  "And if you're going to be like that about it, I'm
not even going to let you taste it."  Not like I was going to cut up an
avocado just to let him taste one.
     On the other hand, I might just eat one when I got back to the
Parkers, and then I supposed I could give him a taste then.  Then again,
maybe I wouldn't.

***
18:17 26 Feb

     "Oh," Miz Parker winced, in what I thought was a guilty manner.  "I
needed some last night - it really worked! - and I meant to cook some
more this morning, but I just ran out of time."
     I sighed.  "Well..."  Then again, I couldn't really complain, since
I wasn't buying it.  Well, I hadn't been.  Well, if I got reimbursed-
     "But I bought some more on the way home," she offered.
     "Oh, okay."  Well, that had been a wasted trip, this afternoon.
Though I wasn't sure which one was wasted, mine or hers.
     "What did you fix?  It smells great!"
     I agreed with her; anything that didn't induce gagging was looking,
or smelling, pretty good lately.  "Unfortunately, it's stuff Mister
Parker won't eat.  Grilled onions," which should've made me sick but
didn't, "and bell peppers and some bok choi- Chinese cabbage," I
explained, "and a little garlic," which also hadn't made me nauseous,
"and mushrooms and snow peas and baby broccoli.  And ginger," which was
quickly becoming the basis of my diet.  "You need to get a wok.  Maybe
two."  A skillet just wasn't the same, and didn't hold enough, and they
didn't have enough of them.
     "A what?"
     I sighed.  I didn't know how people like her had been allowed to
live on their own.

***
19:02 26 Feb

     I'd also gotten a twelve-pack of chopsticks, which meant that I
could stick most of them in my pack (in case I needed eating utensils
while carrying it) and use a pair now to throw food into my mouth, which
somehow seemed the only proper way to eat what was basically stir-fry
even if it had been in a skillet.
     *Needs rice,* I realized, and then sighed, because they didn't have
a rice cooker either.  *Damn...*
     Then I noticed they were all looking at me, even Stella.  "What?"
     "How do you do that?" Mr. Parker asked.
     "Oh... my brother Mike's Chinese, so I sort of inherited it.
Genetic."
     Ricky was the first one to get out something like, "Nuh uh!" but he
wasn't the last.  I think Stella was the only one that believed me.

***
19:47 26 Feb

     It was really irritating, that I wanted to dress up for my date
with Nicole, and I couldn't: once because I didn't have any nice MALE
clothes at Rachel's; and twice because I didn't WANT to wear 'nice male
clothes' if nice went past a collared shirt.  Male 'sports jackets', in
addition to having one of the most wrong names ever, were stupid and
never fit right and, nowadays, would probably fit me even worse than
they used to.  Ties were unspeakable, of course.  And it just got worse
from there.  I'd rather wear a strapless formal gown at this point than
a tuxedo.
     Of course, I had to admit that some of that was because I could
probably borrow a strapless formal gown - from Pam, Sabrina, Debbie, or
someone one of them knew - that would FIT, a lot easier than I could
find a tux to borrow; and the other options were renting (ick) or buying
one, both of which cost money and were therefore just painful to do.
Painful in the wallet.  And the cheaper rental would not fit and
couldn't really be altered.
     Admittedly, the shoes to wear with the gown would be worse, but I
could borrow those too.

***
20:14 26 Feb

     I knocked, and wiped my hands on my pants legs.  Ms. Petersen made
me nervous.  I wished I'd had time to call, but the only time I'd had, I
would've had to use the cellphone, which was already costing me way too
much money.  I had to find a way to clone someone else's, or something.
     Of course, Ms. Petersen, not Nicole, opened the door.  "Hello,
Tucker.  What IS your first name anyway?"
     She needed to find another way to reassure her daughter's dates.
Unless she WANTED to unnerve them and/or piss them off, which was a
possibility.
     I sighed and admitted, "It's Eugene.  Please DON'T ever call me
that.  May I come in?"
     "Of course," she said as she got out of the way, which had
prevented me from coming in.  "She's almost ready."
     I couldn't keep myself from checking my watch, because I'd picked
two kids up, babysat, cooked, and driven quite a ways, as well as
changed clothes and hair and makeup twice, and _I_ was ready.  I didn't
think the hour earlier I got out of school made that much difference.
     "It just takes women longer to get ready," she felt it necessary to
say.
     I almost exploded over her because I KNEW that, I'd DONE it today,
TWICE - well, one up and one down - but then I remembered JUST in time.
"I- I know that," I got out, though it sounded a little strangled.
     She shook her head.  "Sorry...  You have a sister, don't you?  Or,
is she your sister?"
     "Oh, Jill?  That's a long CLASSIFIED story.  No, she's not
genetically related to me at all, and she's living in my sister's room.
The actual- biological," I corrected, "one, that's away at college," I
added.  "But, she's-  I mean, Jill, she's pretty cool.  Well, that's why
I agreed to her living there."
     "So wh-  'Classified', you said," she said skeptically.
     I smiled at her.  And said nothing.  Then I said, "You're welcome
to call the house and ask her directly; but she works later than I do,
so it'll be a while before she can call you back."  *Speaking of later-*
"Oh, what time do I need to bring her back?"
     "Oh-  You two are going to see Titanic, right?"
     "Right."  Then, "As far as I know," fell out of my mouth.
     She turned on the Eye, which I did NOT need.
     "Don't give me that.  What if she wants to see something else?"  I
lowered my voice and asked, "What if I can talk her into seeing
something else?"  I went back to normal as she kind of got the clue and
smiled, "'Cause, y'know, we've both seen it, lots of times...  Speaking
of which, does she have money?"
     "Ahhh," Ms. Petersen said as she looked over her shoulder towards
the bedrooms, then turned back as she said, "I'm not sure."
     "Well, she's a liberated woman, so she can pay for her own."  She
made a face at that.  "What?  If she gets to tell me what to do, she can
at least pay for herself when she does it.  'He who has the gold makes
the rules'," I quoted Dad accidentally, and was ashamed I'd done it.
     She opened her mouth and made a face like Nicole had done several
times - I could now guess where she'd gotten it - and then nodded and
agreed, "Sounds fair to me."
     Then she asked, "So...  I don't really know you, Tucker, and I'm
worried about Nicole.  Because I'm her MOTHER," she answered before I
could ask.  Or complain.  "Tell me about yourself."
     "Uhhh."  'Autobiography' was not my best feature.  "Um..."
     "Why are you taking cosmetology?"
     That I COULD answer.  "Um, I have two friends who decided to take
it- well, we sort of talked each other into it.  Jill, who's living with
me, is one of them-"
     "Living with YOU?" she emphasized.  "Oh, no, you said in your
sister's old room," she remembered.  "Okay, so why did YOU take it?"
     "I needed an elective set, and I can't get into computers, so-"
     "'Can't'?" she repeated.  "Why not?"
     "I already passed out of everything they offer," I said, which was
true; I didn't need to mention that I'd been better than the head of the
department, had gotten into a sort of a fight with him, won, and then
gotten banned.  Plus he was a dickless incompetent; which was one of
those phrases that turned adults into adversaries instantly, so I didn't
mention that either.
     She asked, sounding skeptical, "So are you one of those teenaged
hackers the media's full of?"
     "'Full of' is right.  The original word meant something like
'clever inventor', not 'criminal'.  So, yeah, I'd like to think I'm an
old-style hacker, break- breaking things apart to see how they work," I
corrected.  "Not much of a criminal," I lied with a hopefully straight
face.
     "Hmm," she said, and I wished I knew what that meant.  She changed
the subject to, "Nicole said you just got your ears pierced?"
     "What?"  That was sideways.
     She fingered her earlobes at me.
     "Oh, well, yeah.  Um."  I saw her recognize the evasion and start
homing on it.  "Um, you haven't met Debbie."
     Her eyebrows went up.  "Who's Debbie, and what does she have to do
with anything?"
     "Debbie could sell ice to Inuit," I said, not for the first time in
my life.  "She sells Mary Kay makeup-"
     She scorned, "Oh please-"
     "She used to use ME as a sales gimmick," I countered.  This was
public enough that I could afford to drop it.  At least to an adult who
wasn't a teacher or something.
     "She WHAT?"
     "Used to use me as a sales gimmick," I repeated.  "She'd get a sale
party together, and then use me as a demonstration model."
     "Women's makeup?"
     "There's some other kind of makeup?"
     Her face said, 'that was a stupid question'.  Her voice said,
"Well, it could be for stage makeup... or something to cover acne,"
which was nicer of her than saying what we both knew she was thinking.
     "No, women's makeup.  She'd start with me 'naked'- meaning nothing
on my face," I rushed, in case she thought I'd been no-clothes-on in
front of a bunch of women, "and then do my face up, talking about it,
and then show me off at the end of it."  Also I'd gotten kissed, which
I'd rather not mention.  "Then we'd both take orders, and she'd set up
appointments for one-on-one makeovers for the people at the demo.  She
makes, or made I dunno I haven't done it in almost a year, enough to buy
another car," I said.  She'd probably made more than that, but I had no
idea how, despite doing her taxes; she'd taken my talk of data security
a little seriously.  Eventually.  At least she'd gotten a nice dinner
from the money I'd stolen from her, which was far more than most thieves
would've given her.
     "Point being," I said, "she talked me into it.  She's also talked
my friends into things... she got a couple of fundraisers together for
the school band after they got vandalized, back in October.  She's also
my babysitting boss, officially; and she set up the training I had to
have before I could do it long-term."
     "Training?"
     "Red Cross courses.  Um, first aid, child care, and I had to take a
water safety course because the people I sit for have a pool."
     "Oh."
     I smarted off, "I'm not just a pretty face," which did make her
smile.  "Okay, so, tell ME about YOU," I turned the tables while I had
initiative.
     "Alice Petersen," she said, "age thirty-nine, I'm-"
     I interrupted with, "Really thirty-nine, or..."
     She nodded at me, "Really thirty-nine.  Married once, divorced
once, glad he's gone, he still sees Nicole when we can afford plane
fare...  He lives in Nevada now.  Got tired of the snow, he said, which
I can understand," she said as we both nodded, tired of snow as we were.
     "What do you do for a living?"
     She smiled grimly.  "I work at Procter & Gamble."
     "Oh, the satanists!" I grinned.
     She frowned and opened her mouth; I could recognize Lecture Mode
when I saw it.
     "No, wait!" I begged, "It was a joke!  The logo had been that way
for umpteen million years until some dumbass of a pseudo-Christian made
a stink about it, probably looking for ratings, and P&G eventually had
to give it- the logo up because the stupidity of humans knows no bounds
and the rumor just would not die."
     She looked kind of amazed as she nodded agreement.
     "See, NOT just a pretty face," I repeated.
     Nicole must've heard that as she was coming out, because she was
laughing when she came out.  "Oh but you ARE!" she argued.
     "You look nice," I said, smiling at her.  She was wearing a
lavender sweater that had a kind of short or close V-neck, and a medium-
to-dark-blue skirt that was a little above the knee, and dark leggings,
plus flats with some kind of gold-metal frippery.  And a scarf in her
light brown hair I recognized.  And the hair, or the out of the scarf
hair anyway, was curled.
     "Thank you!"
     I didn't mention how long it had taken.  Though that probably had
something to do with changing clothes six times.  If she did that like I
did when I was wearing women's clothes on a date.
     "I'll talk to you later," Ms. Petersen said with a grin.  "Because
you're not going to be able to answer questions with her right there,
are you?"
     "I'm not COMPLETELY paralyzed," I countered, but I was still
looking at Nicole.  "But yeah, kind of distracted," I admitted.
     "Oh, Nicole, do you have money, or do you need a loan?" Ms.
Petersen asked.
     "Ooooh could I get a loan?"
     "Oh no!" I burst out, making them both look at me.  "How much
interest does she charge?"
     "Interest?" Ms. Petersen asked.
     Nicole gasped, "Your parents charge you INTEREST?"
     Ms. Petersen asked, "How much do your parents charge?"
     "Somewhere between six and twenty-four percent annual, if it's just
a loan," I answered.  "Late payment of fines is a lot worse."
     "Fines?"
     "Sometimes it's better to pay a cash or whatever fine than take
another punishment.  Sometimes we get the option."
     Nicole looked horrified, and unfortunately, Ms. Petersen looked
thoughtful.

***
20:19 26 Feb

     "I just wish you wouldn't," I sighed, as she did.
     "Well, it's too late now to stop me," she exhaled.  "You know the
good thing about smoking?"
     There wasn't one.  "What?"
     "I can take a break and get away from my mom..."
     "Unless she comes with you," we both said at the same time.
     "Oh, hey, it's my birthday in a week or so," she mentioned.  "The
fifth."
     "Oh.  Having a party?"
     "Ahhh," she said.  "Probably not, I mean, it's kind of dumb, right?
Mom wouldn't leave the house and let me get drunk and stuff, and so like
what's the point?"
     "What's-  Oh, boy," I sighed.
     "What?"
     "You aren't doing parties right."

***
20:31 26 Feb

     At a rough guess, there were half a dozen kids I knew, hanging out
in the lobby of the movie theater waiting for Titanic to start.  Maybe
more.
     "Oh, well, I should've guessed," I sighed.  Or I should've seen
Mike's car out in the parking lot.  Or Kim's.
     Or - why me? - Debbie's.
     "God," Nicole sighed.
     I pointed out, "Since we're on something closer to a date than they
are, we don't have to sit near them."
     Cory noticed us, or me, first and started waving, and then more and
more of the Little Sisters caught on and turned to look; most of them
waved too.
     "So when did you get popular?" Nicole complained.
     "When I started dating you," I smarted off.
     "It's 'cause I'm sssso hhhooottt," she dragged out in what was
supposed to be a sexy manner.  It made us both laugh.
     Debbie caught my eye and gave me a nod, then turned back to Gina
and her conversation.  Not that I minded.  Then she turned back and came
over, which I did mind.  "How's the ears doing?"
     "Oh... okay.  One got infected a couple days ago," she winced, "but
it's getting better.  Did you disinfect the skin before you pierced-"
     "Duh!" she said sharply.  "Yes!"
     "Good.  Thanks."  At least for the disinfecting; I still wasn't
sure what I thought about the piercings.  Though I had to admit, I
hadn't taken them out yet.
     Pause.
     "Did you really use Tucker to demonstrate makeup?" Nicole asked.
     We both looked at her, then Debbie looked at me.
     "I had to talk to Nicole's mom.  Long story.  Which I didn't tell
in its entirety," I said in case she was thinking I'd spilled some
things we'd rather keep secret.
     "Yeah, I did," Debbie admitted to Nicole.  "But don't go spreading
that around, okay?  It doesn't do his life expectancy any good."
     *Thank you, Debbie!*
     "Wh-  Oh, oh shit, I didn't think about that," Nicole said, and I
sighed.

***
20:41 26 Feb

     "Why don't they get new trailers?" I complained.  "I've seen these
so many-"
     "Shhh!"  Nicole elbowed me for added emphasis.

***
00:02 27 Feb

     "Oh, man," I sighed as we made our way out of the theater.  Mike
and Kim and crew had waited, as we had, for most everyone else to leave,
which made it much easier for us to get out when we finally left.  Being
stuck in a jammed-together crowd had always struck both of us as just
begging for an assassination attempt.
     "Yeah, but I like it.  You were crying, weren't you," Nicole stated
smugly.
     "No."  Well, just a couple of tears.  I was developing resistance
from the repeated doses.  Plus, tonight I had no eyeliner or mascara to
leave tracks.
     "Still, it was great!"  She yawned in appreciation.

***
00:05 27 Feb

     "Because we told them the girls were going with you," Mike smirked.
     "And it worked," Kim smirked.
     I was glad Debbie wasn't there; she would've smirked too.
     I mentioned, "You guys are gonna get me in trouble."
     "But you're here, aren't you?"
     "Not for long," I said, because Nicole needed a nap.  Well, I
wouldn't mind one either.

***
00:27 27 Feb

     "'Night," Nicole said sleepily into my ear.
     Pause.
     "I hate to mention this," I mentioned eventually, "but you have to
get off me and go inside for it to count as 'coming home'.
     "Don'wanna."
     I sighed, because I didn't either.

***
03:39 27 Feb

     "Enjoy the show," Debbie smirked.  The movie seat went all soft,
not like plush padding but like FLESH, and started to swallow as
something like a tongue-
     There was a discontinuity, and then my head hurt.  Because I'd run
into my door, apparently knocking myself backwards.
     "Oh, fuck..."
     Then I gagged.  I just managed to reach a trash can before ejecting
what remained of dinner.

***
06:01 27 Feb

     "He took some of the littles out to see Titanic last night, like I
did a few times," I explained as Jill and I stretched a little.  "And
so-"
     "You went with Nicole, right?"
     "Right."  Which was stupid; we'd barely been able to talk at all,
just during the trip to the theater.  On the way home she was too tired
to do much more than yawn and complain about it.
     "How'd that go?"
     "Don't go to a movie if you want to talk to your date."
     Jill growled, "Well SHIT, Tuck, EVERYONE knows that!"

***
06:19 27 Feb

     I slowed to a stop, wishing I'd carried some ginger with me.
*Well, maybe I won't throw up if I stop bouncing,* I hoped.
     Nope.
     Well, that was why I was carrying a plastic bag.
     Jill slowed to a stop, but I waved her on.

***
06:57 27 Feb

     Nicole looked like she'd missed the sleep she hadn't gotten.  I, of
course, was getting used to sleeping maybe four hours a night, and
getting woken up by nightmares that'd make Giger turn his head away.
"How'd you sleep?" I asked her.  "What little you slept," I added.
     "Not enough," she sighed.
     "Haha, ask Tuck about that," Jill said.
     "Fuck OFF, Jill," I warned, but Nicole was reaching out for a hug.
     Jennie and Gabby came by and smirked.  "Have a long night, Nicole?"
Jennie asked, which made Gabby giggle.
     "We went and saw Titanic again," I said over Nicole's shoulder.
"Late show.  She got home about twelve-thirty."
     "Aw, man, you should've called me!" Jennie complained.
     I said, "We're sort of thinking about dating.  Was that a date,
last night?"
     Gabby gaped, "You have to ask?" and she and Jennie burst into
laughter.
     "Nicole?"
     She mumbled quietly into my ear, "Take me home, 'n fuck me, so we
can sleeeeeeep."
     "Oh, god, sweetie, don't tempt me."
     Jennie said to Kim, who'd apparently said something about last
night, "Well, could you maybe call me next time?  It's a really good
movie."
     "Me too!" Gabby piped up.

***
16:17 27 Feb

     "Well," I said to Mike, "I had this idea."
     "Oh no.  No, Tuck, you are NOT allowed to have IDEAS.  Not that
involve me!"
     "Fuck you, Mike!  Would you just listen?!"

***
16:28 27 Feb

     "Oh, uh... yeah, okay," Pam agreed.  "Should I bring anything?"

***
16:33 27 Feb

     "Forty dollars."
     "FORTY?!  NO WAY!  Twenty."
     "Forty."
     "It's just for a few hours, not all night!"
     "You're having those girls over, though, aren't you?"
     "No, that's Jill," I smirked; she'd put the entry into the log.
"So that's her deal."
     There was a very glaring silence on the phone, but I made my saving
throw and held out.
     "Thirty-five."
     "Twenty!  C'mon, Dad, you're married to her; you HAVE to take her
out SOMEtimes!"
     He laughed at me.

***
16:42 27 Feb

     "Oh, man!" Nicole squeaked.  "I was hoping you'd call!  I had this
great idea!"
     I really hoped it would be cheaper than mine.  "Oh?"
     "What if I came over Sunday, Sunday night, and stayed over, and you
took me to school Monday morning?"
     I blinked in shock.  "Are you serious?  You think your mom would
let you?"
     "I could ask!  Besides, I think she likes you, kinda."
     "What?  Really?"
     She laughed.

***
17:02 27 Feb

     "Hello?"
     "Hi, Jennie?  It's Tuck."
     "Dude I am so not going out with you."
     "What?  NO!  Listen, I had this idea."
     "I'm not doing a threesome with you either!  Oh no.  NO, Mom, it
was a stupid joke, okay?  Nobody's serious.  What did you WANT?" she
raged.
     It took me a while to figure out she was addressing the last
sentence to me.  *Really need better addressing protocol.*  "Oh.  Like I
said, I had this idea.  What're you doing Saturday after practice?  Oh,
are you coming?"

***
18:47 27 Feb

     "I know, it's too late now," Miz Parker said as she rushed in, "but
I got two woks, like you said yesterday."
     "I w-  Two?  You got two?  YES!"
     Mr. Parker said, "Two what?"

***
18:50 27 Feb

     Admittedly, they were the Teflon-coated electric kind, which in
some ways was inferior to the big carbon steel bowl kind.  Which I
hadn't specified.  But there were advantages, like the Teflon.  I'd just
have to get her one (or two) of the steel ones.
     Except, I wanted to do that when I could actually build a fire
outside to season it, because doing that indoors tended to set off
alarms and mess up the kitchen paint.  And it was way too cold to mess
with now.

***
20:04 27 Feb

     Mr. and Miz Parker were frantically showering and changing - or so
they'd claimed; I hadn't checked - to get ready to go to that party,
Ricky was watching prime time television, and Stella was grooving on the
kitchen floor with me and a couple of toys; so I could make some more
calls.  I took a deep breath and dialed Jennie again, via my house and
outdial.
     Eventually she picked up with, "Hello?  Tucker?"
     *I hate other people with Caller ID.*  "Yep, it's me again."
     "Okay, so I called like EVERYBODY," which made me cringe, "and I
think I got like fifteen people?"  I winced.  "Is that too many?"
     I was forced to admit, "Well, no."
     "And you said dates, right?  Fifteen including dates, I mean."
     "IF you know them already," I insisted.  "I do not want people
getting drunk and barfing, or stealing stuff, or-"
     "They wouldn't do that!"
     "Some fu-  Bad people," I edited, "would.  So only bring people you
think are responsible enough to, y'know, not be, uh, bad people."
     She repeated, "'Bad people'?" sounding amused.
     "I'm babysitting, and I don't want lil' Stella," who perked up at
the mention of her name, "to learn some new words that would upset her
mother."
     "Oh, right," Jennie sniggered in agreement.  "That'd be bad."  She
cranked her voice up high and babyish and piped, "Fuckoo!  Fuckoo!"
     I laughed, which made Stella laugh and hit me with a plushy toy.
Which made HER laugh harder.

***
20:09 27 Feb

     "Yeah," Mike said, "I lied about who I was and got her on the
phone, and asked her about Saturday, and she said okay."
     "You didn't blow it, did you?"
     "Tuck," he growled.  "I do not screw up."
     Which made me laugh.
     "Anyway," he said in a normal voice, "she said okay, but Nicole
needs to be back at eleven, at HER house.  She also said that you
shouldn't go see the late show of Titanic again."
     "Well, I KNEW that."  Nicole had been amusingly sleepy, but that
probably wasn't a good thing unless we were going home, and preferably
to my house.  I'd kept looking at her and thinking of sexual ways to
wake her up.
     "Oh, and I talked to Amanda..."

***
22:02 27 Feb

     When I'd gotten all my homework done - which kind of made me
nervous, because it was unnatural to do it all Friday night and not have
to 'worry' about it over the weekend; I kept feeling like I'd get an
emergency call assigning me another three or four papers - and put
Stella to bed, I was willing to let Ricky stay up late and play video
games with him for a while.
     He kicked my ass in most of them, which was irritating; but I could
program a lot better than he could, and make derivatives of ever-more-
complicated equations, and calculate the optimum burst height for an
arbitrary nuclear weapon yield versus an arbitrary target type, and use
the sun and a stick to find true north, and many other things which
almost made me feel like I wasn't a complete loser.
     And, of course, I had supervisor level privileges here, which meant
that _I_ could send HIM to bed when I felt like it.  Which had been
about ten minutes ago.  Because I was merciful.
     Now I was feeling sick.  Which probably came from being merciful.

***
22:48 27 Feb

     The gingery stir-fry was pretty good; I waved it around, hoping it
would cool off faster so I could eat it sooner.
     Which was roughly when the Parkers opened the door and came in,
when I was dancing around with a bowl of stir fry.

***
02:32 28 Feb

     There was always programming I could be doing.  And stretching; I
was getting to the point I could almost manage a 180 with my legs again.
     And I had my pig.

***
06:02 28 Feb

     "Are you crazy?"
     "Dude, I'm getting fat!" Jill complained.  "Okay, not fat, but I'm
losing tone... and you know," she said quietly, "if Kim'd do this, or if
she'd ever DONE this, she wouldn't be quite so..."
     "Yeah, don't say that too loud," I whispered.

***
06:04 28 Feb

     "But I'm going back to bed afterwards," Mike claimed.  Then he and
Jill laughed nastily.
     "Were you here last night?"
     "No," he said, and Jill shrugged.  "My parents are still not keen
on the fornicating issue."  Which made us all laugh.

***
06:24 28 Feb

     "It's," Mike gasped, "the aerobics."
     I didn't have the breath to speak.  Plus, I still might vomit
again, and I wanted to be able to stop breathing when I did.
Momentarily.  If I DID vomit.  Again.
     "You two are just pathetic," Jill told us.
     Mike expelled, "She's draining," gasp, "levels," gasp, "during
sex!"
     That almost made sense, except I didn't think Mike had that many
levels.  He hadn't even established a stronghold yet.

[ancient D&D reference - Ellen]

***
07:22 28 Feb

     "What's the worst that could happen?  I throw up," I told Jill and
Mike, and tried the concoction of ginger syrup and Mountain Dew.
     It was... odd.
     "Well?" Jill asked, as Mike overtly made sure he was not in between
me and the sink.
     I had some more.
     "Dude, that's just weird," Mike said.  "Let me try some."  So I
handed him the can.  Jill watched as he cautiously took a sip.  "Yep,"
he grimaced, "weird."
     "I think it sort of works, together," I said.
     "Well, good luck with it," Jill said.  "I could make you some more
syrup today.  Probably later though."  She leered at Mike in a
disgusting way.  "Oh, are you making lunches?"
     "For YOU?  NO!"
     "No, stupid, for you at practice today," Jill shot back.
     "Oh.  No... the girls'll want to go out to lunch, and while I don't
mind feeding Nicole, I'm NOT bringing enough for everyone."

***
07:56 28 Feb

     "Good morning, beautiful," I smiled at Nicole.
     "Hello gorgeous," she smiled back.  Jennie stuck a finger down her
throat in appreciation as Gabby giggled.
     I threatened Jennie, "If you're gonna be that way about it, I'm not
gonna tell you how nice you look today."  She'd dressed up a lot more
than usual.  So had Gabby.
     "Yeah," Nicole said with a sort of ghost smile.
     Jennie stated, "Though we don't look as nice as SHE does."
     "Well, no; of course not," I agreed, and we all laughed.

***
11:51 28 Feb

     "What is it with you?"  All of them wanted me to do... unspeakable
things.  Or at least really-unmanly things.
     "I think they look great!"
     "Not on a guy," I pointed out.
     Which made them all snigger.
     "C'mon, Tuck, be cool," Jennie tried enticing me.
     I told her, "That doesn't work any more.  I'm already as cool as
I'm ever going to get."  Which generated more sniggers, until Maricela
started laughing out loud, which set most of them off.  Even Mrs.
Singley was sort of smiling.
     Nicole pleaded, "Please?"
     "Make it worth my while," I told her.
     "What?"
     I posed my hand away from my body and up, and rubbed my thumb and
fingers together in the ancient sign for money.  Which was a little odd-
looking, with the inch-and-a-half-long dark pink claws I was now
sporting.

***
11:55 28 Feb

     "Oh, and if I get sick, like last week, I get to keep all the
money," I added.
     They started to protest until Jennie screeched, "It's morning
sickness!  Nicole got him pregnant!"
     I think I was probably the only one that didn't find that funny.
Hell, Mike was probably laughing, wherever he was.

***
11:59 28 Feb

     I was now twenty dollars richer - well, Nicole was holding the
money until I won - if I kept the fingernails on for all of lunch, but I
wasn't going to get any cash from Jennie or Gabby for a ride today.
And, if I got sick because of the smell of lunch, I still got to keep
the money.  But Nicole was making me drink the rest of this can of
ginger-Dew.  At least she'd opened it for me.  I lost money if I broke
or lost nails.
     "Oh, and you know what else?" Nicole chirped.  I think she was
trying to raise my morale, after I'd sort of sold it for cash.
     "What?" I was forced to reply.
     She ran her long artificial nails through my hair, then stroked my
arm with just the tips of a few, leaving invisible tingles and visible
goosebumps on me.
     "Oh yeah?"
     She grinned, "Yeah."
     I could raise her and get her to fold, I bet, but I should do that
elsewhere.

***
12:02 28 Feb

     Driving was going to be interesting, considering I'd almost blown
one nail tip already, just trying to actuate the door handle on my car.
     "Boy it got warm," Jennie said as she shed her coat.  "Can I put
this in the trunk or something?"
     *She's just doing this to make me break them,* I realized.
     "How about-  Can you handle Wendy's?" Nicole asked me.
     "I don't know," I said as I went around to the back of my car.
"Let's try there first, though."
     It was kind of warm, though, so we all doffed and threw jackets or
coats into the trunk before I - CAREFULLY - reached up and slammed the
lid.

***
12:08 28 Feb

     "Because, the cashier's gonna see the nails and call me 'ma'am', or
'miss', and then you're going to burst out laughing, and that's
dangerous," I explained.  I wished I didn't have to explain this, but
the girls weren't the brightest bulbs in the array.  "So you go first-"
     "No, you go first and we'll wait a minute and then do it after
you," Jennie countered.
     "Whatever," I sighed.

***
12:18 28 Feb

     "Keeping your weight down?" Jennie smirked as she slid her tray on
the table.
     "No, the vomiting's doing that," I said.  "Besides, it's not like I
have to work to stay thin."
     Gabby chortled, "Oooooooh," in appreciation of the gauntlet I'd
thrown down.
     Jennie didn't pick it up, though; she just made a face at me and
had a couple of her fries.  "Their salads are kind of lame."
     "Yeah," I had to agree.  "Chili's not so great either, but I had it
last weekend and it was okay."  Though anything that didn't make me hurl
was a thumbs-up at this point.  I hoped that the single burger at the
table - Gabby's - wouldn't ruin things.
     "Seriously, Jennie, you should see- TASTE," Nicole corrected with
emphasis, "what he cooks."
     "Maybe I should," she said like a normal human being, instead of
the sarcastic witch she'd been all day.  "Do you think you could cook ME
something?"
     "Up to a point," I agreed cautiously.  "What did you have in mind?"
     "Oh, I dunno," she said.  "What's good?"
     Nicole chimed in, "Everything!"

***
12:41 28 Feb

     "Lez go," Gabby said as she got up.  We followed, dumping trash,
and went to the back where the restrooms were.

***
12:42 28 Feb

     "It's the fuckin' fingernails," I claimed as I starfished them at
Nicole, who was still choking back laughter.  The ones IN the bathroom
weren't bothering to restrain themselves; I could hear them from here.
     "C'mon, let's go outside," she managed.
     "You don't want to check your makeup?"
     She gave me a what-the-HELL look, then a bit of a glare to tell me
I'd missed something obvious.

***
12:46 28 Feb

     *Maybe cigarettes got popular because of painted nails,* I thought.
The combination of the necessary hand motions and the bright non-human
color was attract-ive, in the sense of gathering attention.
     My cellphone rang, and I cursed, and then cursed again because I
almost tried reaching for it.  "Stupid nails..."
     It took me five rings to try to get the phone out, fail, and have
Nicole do it one-handed - thankfully, she kept the stinky hand as far
away from me as she could.  I smiled at her, looked at the phone, and
carefully pressed the button.  "Tucker."
     "Mike.  Jeez, what took you so long?"
     *Long nails.*  "Long story.  'Sup?"
     "Take Nicole out afterwards, for an hour.  Oh, maybe gift shopping.
Yeah, good idea," he said to someone else.  "Don't bring her here until
six."
     "Say again?"
     "Don't bring her home until six."
     "She's right here," I said as I looked at her and smiled.  She
smiled back.
     "So if you got 'six', say 'green'."
     I said, "Green?  Yeah, that'd work."
     "Six confirmed.  Mike clear."
     "Tucker clear," I said before he hung up.  "Damnit."  They still
billed in whole minutes.
     "What?"
     "Oh..." I thought frantically.  "Jill wanted to know if I wanted
green or red, for this thing she's doing.  Artwork.  For a T-shirt."
     "Oh, like what?"
     "Oh," *shit,* "you'd have to see it.  I'll show it to you later."

***
12:56 28 Feb

     "Okay, my turn," I announced as Nicole's fingernails reminded me a
little too much of what we could be doing tonight if I didn't have
interfering friends hanging around and running, and ruining, my life.
     I grabbed her - carefully - and proceeded to kiss her, and then I
started running MY fingernails up under her blouse, and stroking her
skin with the tips, making my way downward... and then I used my hips to
push hers against my car.  I then put a leg in between hers and pried
her legs open and got in between them.  When I let go of the kiss, I
started running the fingernails over her blouse, though avoiding her
breasts.
     She was starting to pant a little, which was a good sign.
     I went under her arms and sort of pulled her up, back into a kiss
as her hips went up a little and over the edge of the trunk's lid and
back a bit.  Her legs wrapped around me, and as a bonus for doing what I
wanted I bounced her a few times.
     Which was probably not a great idea; now I REALLY wanted to go home
and screw us both mindless.  Well, more mindless.
     I managed to pull back, and we both had the same look on our faces,
excited and distracted, before I noticed the other girls were protesting
strenuously from all around us.
     I panted, "So either we stop with the fingernails or go home and
fuck like crazed minks."
     She panted back for a while before asking, "Minks?"

***
13:02 28 Feb

     "Is th-  Are you wearing flavored lip gloss?"
     Nicole started giggling.
     "What flavor is it?" Jennie smirked.
     I had to lick some more, to tell, which I directed at Nicole and
made as lascivious (SAT word) as I could manage.  "Cherry?"
     "Strawberry!" Nicole blurted before she started laughing.
     "Doesn't taste a damned thing like strawberries," I sighed.  "Or
like you."  Or cherries either.
     That made all of them squeal, at Stella-like wavelengths.

***
17:02 28 Feb

     "No, because I was thinking about taking her shopping," I told
Jennie.
     "For her birthday present?" she said, wiggling eyebrows and with a
weird tone in her-
     *Oh, duh,* I realized.
     "Yeah-"
     "Awww!" Nicole exclaimed happily.  "You don't need to!" she said
like she was required to.
     "Well, I need to get her one too," Jennie said, ignoring Nicole's
legally-mandated protest like I was doing, "so we can go together.  If
you could drop me at home or something?"  She added, "When we're done?"
     "Darn, I was hoping to drop you at home now, before we went," I
said, making SURE to grin so she'd know I was kidding.
     She glared up at me, but then relaxed a little.
     "Do _I_ get any say in this?" Nicole complained.
     So I turned around and kissed her.  For a while.  "No."  And I
kissed across one cheek, to her ear, and down her neck.
     "Jeez, all RIGHT already," Jennie complained.

***
17:26 28 Feb

     "Oh, you two could get matching earrings, like this," Jennie
smirked as she held up a pair.
     "I kind of like those?" Nicole said as she looked at me.  Or maybe
she was asking.
     "For you, or me, or both?"
     Her mouth opened, as Jennie cackled, and then Nicole said, "I
don't...  They aren't really you, I don't think.  Hey Jennie-"
     "Nah, it's way too gay," Jennie replied as she shook her head.  "I
mean for Tuck.  You should..." she said as she turned away and started
looking through the rack again.  "Oh, these?" she said as she detached a
pair of extremely large hoops.
     "Ah, no."  If there was one category of earrings that said 'slut',
it was large hoops.
     "But you're such a slut an' all," Jennie smirked.
     Nicole protested as I said, "Jennie, if you keep this up I am going
to do something unpleasant."
     "Oh, fuck you.  Can't you take a joke?"
     "One, or ten, yeah; not a thousand in one day."  That sort of went
over her head.
     Nicole demanded, "Just fuckin' quit it, okay?"
     "Okay, but, seriously..." Jennie said as she turned back and, I was
glad to see, hung the hoops back up where they'd come from.  "Really,
something like... no...  Oh yeah, these," she said as she pulled another
card out.
     These were kind of elaborate, with a red gem-like piece of glass in
the middle of silver and black metal, resembling tarnished silver that
had been repolished.  The whole thing looked kind of gothic.
     "See, I mean, it's kind of like, not subtle," Jennie said, which
was an understatement, "but they're not fragile, like some, like this
one," she tapped the card on another pair, of silver wire helixes,
"which'd totally get crushed if you like forget you had 'em on and laid
down or got too close to someone's head like kissing 'em?" she pointed
out.  "These," she shook the card, "wouldn't just crush like that."
     I had to admit, "Well, true."
     "I think it's too much," Nicole said.  "I mean, it's not gay, but
it's kind of, like...  I mean, he just got 'em pierced, ya know?  They
are nice, though."
     "You could get little hoops," Jennie said at me, squinting.
"Those'd be easy.  Oh, wait, you got two?  I mean two sets of holes,"
she said before I could.

***
17:50 28 Feb

     I now had a set of matching little gold unicorns - Jennie could NOT
resist advising me to get something so gay, but I thought they'd look
cute and feminine enough for the Valerie side of my life - plus pairs of
yin-yang studs, small silver hoops, a prepackaged assortment of colored
balls like the pins you might stick in a wall map, and some kind of
black stone studs that would look almost like they were glued on.
Nicole and I had gotten matching little gold bows, which also made
Jennie scoff; and I'd gotten Nicole a pair that was several rings on
different length sticks, in sterling silver, and a pair that was like a
set of gold (or brass) lacework bird's wings.  Jennie had gotten Nicole
the red-and-metal ones; Nicole had smirked and said I could borrow them
later, when I healed up better.
     Nicole was wearing the wings home; I didn't want to take my piercing
studs out yet.  Not without a bathroom, handy analgesics, superglue, and
maybe a medic.
     It had cost too much money, and I was hoping that the claims of
hypo-allergenic were effectively non-allergenic; but we had definitely
stayed out past six.  Or, it would be past six by the time I could drive
home.
     "Dude, she called you 'miss'," Jennie smirked at me as we left.
     I lied, "Yeah, I noticed that."  I had totally missed it, but it
wasn't like it was uncommon nowadays.
     "Probably 'cause you were getting earrings like that," Nicole said
consolingly, and rubbed my arm in a way that I think I was supposed to
interpret as 'you're so manly'.
     "Probably.  Or, since I'm with two lovely ladies, that I was like
the lame-ass nerd girl you were dragging around trying to get to look
nice."
     "What?" Jennie complained, as Nicole sniggered.  "Oh," she said,
and started sniggering too.
     "You two sound really sick when you do that at the same time," I
warned them.

***
17:54 28 Feb

     I hung up from my checkin and shook my head at Jennie, who just
looked tired, as Nicole inhaled and held it.  "You two can just shut up
about it," Nicole informed us as she leaked vapor.
     "Did not say a word," I said as I raised my palms up towards her.
     "So, you gonna wear any of those earrings?" Jennie challenged me.
     "Not right now.  It hasn't been quite two weeks yet."
     She shrugged.  "It's not that big a deal, really."
     "Yeah, but..."  I shrugged back.  "I've already had 'em infected
once, and I don't-"
     "Ehhhh, gross," Nicole commented.
     "Yeah, so, I can wait."
     Jennie shrugged again.  "So," she said casually after a few
seconds, "so, like, if you're such a good cook, like Nicole says, are
you gonna cook tonight?"
     "You just want to get invited so you can get some free food," I
accused her, though I was kind of smiling.
     "Yeah?" she challenged me, also smiling a little.  "So?"
     "That is so lame," Nicole disputed.  "Get your own!"
     "Oh, come on..." I said to Nicole.  "Maybe she'll stop calling me
gay and stuff, if I feed her.  Worked on you," I said, though that
wasn't entirely true.
     She huffed an angry cloud, and said, "Okay, fine.  But if you screw
her, you're not screwing me!"
     Jennie started laughing madly, while all I could do was feel
persecuted.

***
18:28 28 Feb

     "So-  Oh, I guess no one's home," I said as I stood by the front
door and let Nicole and Jennie in.  There had been a lot of cars parked
up and down the block, but nothing in front of our house.  And it was
pretty dark in the house.  As if someone was hiding in it, haha.
     "Oh, we've been here for a while," Mike said from the dark.
     Then two tones played over the house speakers, a 440 and an 880.
     "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" everyone screamed as the lights came on.  Even
though I knew it was coming, I almost had a heart attack.
     "AAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Nicole screamed as she flinched so hard she almost
fell over.  "AHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
     I pulled her back up and hugged her, enjoying the stunned look on
her face.
     And I said, into her ear, "Surprise!"

***


"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and
besides, the pig likes it." -- George Bernard Shaw


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+ @>--,--'-----   Ellen Hayes   o===[--------      __      vicki .sig  +
                  -=[1990]=-                       \/      virus 14.1
+      http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes     PGP key: EFC9 5D55 (1996) +



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