This may be archived/posted anywhere, in-part or in-full. Just give credit where credit is due, thanks! And Now a Word From Our Sponsors... By Pretzelgirl 1) FADE IN: INT. FAMILY HOME - LIVING ROOM A statuesque Drag Queen is spread regally across a very domestic looking flower-print sofa. Beefy and brawny, she is clearly too large to be a genetic woman. She is dressed in a red vinyl mini-skirt, matching red patent "fuck-me" pumps, sheer black thigh-high stockings, and a red and black flowered translucent blouse. She wears a straight black "Cleopatra" wig and sports long, bright-red fake fingernails. Her make-up is both gaudy and garish. Gradually the camera pans back from the Drag Queen and we hear a woman's voice from off-screen. WOMAN (OS) So I asked him to bring home a kitchen fluorescent light. But my husband hears ... MAN (OS) ... "Bitchin' transvestite?" Camera switches to nondescript man wearing a black trenchcoat. He is standing across from the drag queen and speaking with a middle-aged housewife wearing a yellow blouse, knee-length green skirt, and sensible shoes. MAN IN BLACK It's the cellular static ma'am. Here, try this. The MAN IN BLACK hands the woman a slender black-and-chrome colored cell phone. MAN IN BLACK Squint(r) built the largest digital CPS network from the ground-up, so all your calls are crystal clear. The WOMAN smiles back appreciatively and winks. WOMAN (sultry voice) How can I thank you? The MAN IN BLACK pauses a moment, smiling while eyeing the woman's legs, hips, and waist. MAN IN BLACK Mmm ... maybe I could borrow that skirt sometime? FADE TO BLACK 2) FADE IN: INT. FAMILY HOME - BATHROOM In a cramped, crowded domestic bathroom a young boy and his older sister are battling for space at the sink. The bickering children both wear similar terrycloth, cream-colored bathrobes -- the boy's a smaller version of the girl's. From off-screen we hear a mother shouting at the kids. MOTHER (OS) Hurry up kids. Don't be late! INT. FAMILY HOME - BOY'S BEDROOM The boy's room is typical -- a sports pennant hangs on one wall, a sci-fi poster is next to it, and a lamp in the shape of a baseball bat sits on the boy's nightstand. MOTHER (OS) Come on Billy -- the bus is almost here! The boy has just finished pulling on a white, ribbed turtleneck sweater. As the camera pans back, we see that Billy is wearing a plaid skirt -- smartly pleated -- and he is bending down to straighten the white, cable-knit knee socks he wears above a pair of black, well-worn Mary Janes. INT. FAMILY HOME - LIVING ROOM As Billy enters the room, his mother in a white flower-print dress and his older sister in a pink t-shirt and blue-gray denim jean skirt are impatiently waiting for him. The sister sighs and rolls her eyes as she and Billy head for the door. MOTHER Good-bye. Have a great day at school! EXT. FRONT PORCH - MORNING The camera continues to follow Billy and his sister out the door as we hear an off-screen voice-over from the announcer. ANNOUNCER (VO) Tired of wearing your older siblings hand-me-downs? The back to school sale at your local Shop-n-Save is your chance to save big on everything you need for fall -- pens, pencils ... or just a pair of pants. As the bus pulls up, Billy pauses for a very unfeminine "adjustment" of his crotch beneath the plaid, schoolgirl skirt. ANNOUNCER (VO) Shop-n-Save ... for all your back to school needs. FADE TO BLACK 3) FADE IN: EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - LATE AFTERNOON A hulking behemoth of a man -- brawny, bulging, and butch -- saunters up the walk. The man wears make-up, not clownish, but applied conservatively as a real woman might. Beneath the make-up though, he clearly has a five o'clock shadow. Small gold hoops are in his pierced ears. His hair is cut very close to the skull in a military buzz. A silky white blouse is wrapped tight about his barrel-chest, and he carries a large black purse on one arm and has a blue-gray women's blazer slung over a shoulder. From beneath the matching blue-gray skirt he wears, we see his thick, hairy legs stomp the pavement. In a pair of black business pumps he stalks up the apartment steps with an angry, frustrated purpose. INT. APARTMENT - KITCHEN Off-screen we hear a door loudly slam shut. A quiet-looking man dressed in casual men's attire is in the kitchen chopping vegetables. He looks up with anticipation. HUSBAND Hi, Cindy. How was work, hon? The muscle-bound monster in a skirt enters the kitchen and glares menacingly at the HUSBAND. The man -- "CINDY" -- grunts and then drops the purse and blazer to a heap on the floor. HUSBAND Let me get you some tea, sweetie. I'll whip up "Celestial Aromas" -- your favorite. INT. APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM "CINDY" is sprawled out on the sofa, her legs spread wide apart, stretching her skirt taut. The camera angle is careful NOT to show between or up her skirt though -- just the suggestion that she's not acting very feminine right now. HUSBAND (OS) The tea's almost ready, pumpkin. On the sofa, CINDY grunts appreciatively and idly scratches at her armpit. The husband enters the living room with two steaming cups, brimful of Celestial Aromas Tea. CINDY grabs one of the delicate, flowered china cups with a meaty fist. As she takes a sip of the tea, her body undergoes a CG metamorphosis -- first her face changes, melting and softening into a beautiful, gentle female face with shoulder length golden brown hair. The camera then focuses on her hairy, masculine hands holding the teacup. They rapidly shrink into smooth, dainty fingers with pastel pink nails. Finally, the camera pans back as the rest of CINDY'S body shapes down and fills out into a petite, smart-looking woman, now relaxed from the stresses of her day. CINDY Mmm ... that's delicious, tea. Thanks so much, honey. It makes the day's worries just melt away. Camera switches to a close-up on the HUSBAND. HUSBAND My pleasure, darling. As the camera pulls back from the HUSBAND, we see he has the second teacup in his hand -- and has begun to sprout small mounds of breasts from beneath his shirt. ANNOUNCER (VO) New Celestial Aromas Tea. Let yourself soften and relax. FADE TO BLACK 4) FADE IN: INT. BATHROOM In a large, two-person bathroom, a MAN is just entering the shower, closing a sliding, frosted door between him and his WIFE. The WIFE is busily primping and preening in the bathroom mirror above the sink. WIFE Oh, honey. I bought some new Jenkins Moisturizing Facial Wash. INT. BATHROOM - SHOWER STALL Frowning through the steam and hot water, the MAN picks up the bottle of Jenkins Moisturizing Facial Wash and stares quizzically at it's label. WIFE (OS) It's guaranteed to make my skin soft and silky smooth. Plus it has new, revolutionary age-defying revitalizers for a younger, healthier look. INT. BATHROOM - MIRROR The WIFE is now applying eye-makeup while continuing to talk to her husband in the shower. WIFE But it's pH-balanced for a woman, so leave it alone, all right? MAN (OS) Um ... well, sure. Of course. INT. BEDROOM The WIFE has finished her make-up and now examines herself in a full-length mirror. She wears a classic "little black dress" and is clearly ready for a night out. WIFE Are you ready yet? The MAN enters from the bathroom, wearing only a towel. On top of the MAN'S otherwise muscular, virile, male body is now the head of a raven-haired, doe-eyed supermodel with full, pouty lips. MAN (still in male voice) Umm ... about that new Jenkins Moisturizing Facial Wash you bought ... With hands on her hips, the WIFE frowns and shakes her head at the MAN, who hangs his new delicate, feminine head in girlish shame. ANNOUNCER (VO) New Jenkins Moisturizing Facial Wash. If it can make HIM look this good, just imagine what it'll do for YOU. FADE TO BLACK 5) FADE IN: INT. GRADE SCHOOL - CLASSROOM As peppy, up-beat music plays over the top of the scene, the camera finds a stern-faced old teacher with wire-thin gray hair and thick spectacles. She is glowering dourly at a small boy. Gesturing to the corner of the classroom, she directs the boy to sit facing the wall. The rest of the children playfully get up and head out the door, presumably to recess. Two small schoolgirls pause to point and snicker at the boy as they leave the room. The old teacher shakes her head at them, sighs, and takes off her spectacles to rub her eyes. The boy pulls out a roll of Manthos(r) candies and thoughtfully chews on one as he ponders his predicament in the now-empty classroom. The teacher, still without her spectacles, walks out of the room, and the boy knows this is his chance. Getting up from his punishment seat, he quickly fumbles with a bright pink girl's backpack hanging on the wall (think "Hello-Kitty"). The camera catches him pulling off his t-shirt and unbuttoning his jeans, but tastefully pans away before fading back to him, now pulling on a frilly, yellow party dress adorned with little pink flowers. The classroom doorknob begins to turn, and the boy hurriedly rushes back to his seat in the corner. The camera catches the matronly teacher entering the room and squinting into the corner. There, the boy has dressed a large stuffed teddy bear with his t-shirt and jeans. The boy himself -- in the dress and a pair of pink, plastic sandals -- is merrily skipping out the door. The teacher nods approvingly. The two girls who laughed at him earlier are watching through the classroom windows in awe. As the teacher returns to her desk, oblivious to the switch, the camera lingers on the boy one last time. He flashes a smile, and while holding up the roll of Manthos(r) candies for the camera to see, winks girlishly. ANNOUNCER (VO) Manthos(r) ... Däs Freshmaker! FADE TO BLACK 6) FADE IN: INT. GYMNASIUM The gymnasium is a dirty-looking, run-down place that seems as though it smells heavily of damp showers and musty towels. A crowd of sweaty, muscular men in gym shorts and muscle-shirts are pumping iron. The room has a boys club, locker room feel to it. The only equipment in sight are rows of weight-lifting machines and dumb-bells. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (VO) Getting tired of gym memberships that seem tailored for someone else's body? The camera catches the heads of two attractive, young women walking by -- a blonde and a brunette. The blonde has her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. The brunette wears her hair in a short, playful bob. As the camera pans back, we see the women have masculine bodies, identical the beefy jocks in the background. Both are dressed in shorts and muscle-shirts. Though their bodies are strong and manly, they walk with a feminine wiggle and seem uncomfortable and uncertain like this. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (VO) Not all gyms are created equal. Why settle for a plan that's not right for you? INT. SECOND GYMNASIUM This time the gym is better-lit, less crowded, painted more colorfully, and appears to have newer equipment. There are no men in the room this time -- only women, all of whom are trim, athletic, and happy-looking. The women are all dressed in tight-fitting, pastel spandex and are excitedly doing stretches and aerobics. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (VO) At Bailey's, we understand that it's YOUR body we're helping to shape. And our aim is to put it in the shape YOU want. The original two women enter the second gym, but this time their heads are on normal, female bodies. They seem considerably more at-ease in their new surroundings. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (VO) With memberships starting as low as twenty dollars a month, Bailey's offers the flexibility you need in order to get the body you really want ... and deserve. A bald, bearded man enters the room, and we see his head is on the body of a curvaceous, young woman in a tight-fitting neon green sportsbra and running shorts. FEMALE ANNOUNCER (VO) No matter what shape it is you want. (after a beat) FEMALE ANNOUNCER (VO) Bailey's -- after all, it's YOUR body. FADE TO BLACK THE END