from "The Firesign Tales of Uncle Ellen"

by Delicate Miss Pooh

The Wonderful Tuck-Baby Story

"Didn't the Cat never catch Aunt Jane, Uncle Ellen?" asked the little boy
the next evening.
"He come mighty nigh it, honey, sho's you born--Brer Cat did.  One day
atter Brer Aunt Jane fool 'im wid dat Kohosh Root, Brer Cat went ter wuk en
got 'im some Tucker, en mix it wid some Valerie, en fix up a contrapshun
w'at he call a Tuck-Baby, en he tuck dish yer Tuck-Baby en he sot 'er in de
big road, en den he lay off in de bushes fer to see what de news wuz gwine
ter be.  En he didn't hatter wait long, nudder, kaze bimeby here come Brer
Aunt Jane pacin' down de road--lippity-clippity, clippity -lippity--dez ez
sassy ez a jay-bird.  Brer Cat, he lay low.  Brer Aunt Jane come prancin'
'long twel she spy de Tuck-Baby, en den she fotch up on her behime legs like
she wuz 'stonished.  De Tuck Baby, she sot dar, she did, en Brer Cat, he lay
low.
"`Mawnin'!' sez Brer Aunt Jane, sezshee - `nice wedder dis mawnin','
sezshee.
"Tuck-Baby ain't sayin' nuthin', en Brer Cat he lay low.
"`How duz yo' sym'tums seem ter segashuate?' sez Brer Aunt Jane, sezshee.
"Brer Cat, he wink his eye slow, en lay low, en de Tuck-Baby, she ain't
sayin' nuthin'.
"'How you come on, den? Is you deaf?' sez Brer Aunt Jane, sezshee.  'Kaze
if you is, I kin holler louder,' sezshee.
"Tuck-Baby stay still, en Brer Cat, he lay low.
"'You er stuck up, dat's w'at you is,' says Brer Aunt Jane, sezshee, 'en I'
m gwine ter kyore you, dat's w'at I'm a gwine ter do,' sezee.
"Brer Cat, he sorter chuckle in his stummick, he did, but Tuck-Baby ain't
sayin' nothin'.
"'I'm gwine ter larn you how ter talk ter 'spectubble folks ef hit's de
las' ack,' sez Brer Aunt Jane, sezshee.  'Ef you don't take off dat hat en
tell me howdy, I'm gwine ter bus' you wide open,' sezshee.
"Tuck-Baby stay still, en Brer Cat, he lay low.
"Brer Aunt Jane keep on axin' 'im, en de Tuck-Baby, she keep on sayin'
nothin', twel present'y Brer Aunt Jane draw back wid her fis', she did, en
blip she tuck 'er side er de head.  Right dar's whar she broke her merlasses
jug.  Her fis' stuck, en she can't pull loose.  De Tucker hilt 'er.  But
Tuck-Baby, she stay still, en Brer Cat, he lay low.
"`Ef you don't lemme loose, I'll knock you agin,' sez Brer Aunt Jane,
sezshee, en wid dat she fotch 'er a wipe wid de udder han', en dat stuck.
Tuck-Baby, she ain'y sayin' nuthin', en Brer Cat, he lay low.
"`Tu'n me loose, fo' I kick de natal stuffin' outen you,' sez Brer Aunt
Jane, sezshee, but de Tuck-Baby, she ain't sayin' nuthin'.  She des hilt on,
en de Brer Aunt Jane lose de use er her feet in de same way.  Brer Cat, he
lay low.  Den Brer Aunt Jane squall out dat ef de Tuck-Baby don't tu'n 'er
loose she butt 'er cranksided.  En den she butted, en her head got stuck.
Den Brer Cat, he sa'ntered fort', lookin' dez ez innercent ez wunner yo'
mammy's mockin'-birds.
"`Howdy, Brer Aunt Jane,' sez Brer Cat, sezee.  `You look sorter stuck up
dis mawnin',' sezee, en den he rolled on de groun', en laft en laft twel he
couldn't laff no mo'.  `I speck you'll take dinner wid me dis time, Brer
Aunt Jane.  I done laid in some Kohosh Root, en I ain't gwineter take no
skuse,' sez Brer Cat, sezee."
Here Uncle Ellen paused, and drew a two-pound yam out of the ashes.
"Did the cat eat Aunt Jane?" asked the little boy to whom the story had
been told.
"Dat's all de fur de tale goes," replied the old storyteller.  "He mout, an
den agin he moutent.  Some say Miz Debbie come 'long en loosed 'er - some
say she didn't.  I hear My Significant Other callin'.  You better run
'long."