Numeric ID: 4 Date Received: 11 APR 2000 Idea From: Diana Corwin Written By: Diana Corwin Email To: dianacorwin@netscape.net But when I opened the door, it wasn't anyone I expected. "Dad! What the heck are you doing here?" He was looking me up and down. Then I remembered something. Oops. "Uh, I can explain, Dad. It's not what you think." "That's all right son. Or should I say, "daughter"." He was grinning like an idiot now. Which is NOT normal for him. Now _I_ was staring at him. He continued, still grinning, "Maybe I had better come in before I say anything else." "Sure." I got out of his way, and then closed the door behind him and leaned on it. Like that might stop any other unwelcome guests from popping up. It also made it easier to stay upright while he spoke. "Now I don't want you to be the least bit embarrassed. I understand COMPLETELY." "You what?" He might understand, but I sure didn't. "There is something you don't know about your old dad. Actually there is a _lot_ you don't know about your old dad, or should I say mom..." He was making NO sense at all. And suddenly I wasn't feeling very well. "Can we continue this in the bedroom? I've got mono and I really need to lie down for a bit." "Of course, Brad, or whatever you call yourself now." He was grinning again, as I headed for my nice safe warm bed. Actually, it was Jim's nice safe warm bed. But I wasn't really concerned about ownership at that moment, only usage rights. As I got into bed I noticed dad checking out the girl clothes Jim had gotten for me. And he kept grinning a lot. As soon as I got comfortable, I started explaining. "Okay, now, let me start at the beginning..." "No need to do that. I know the whole story by heart. I lived it before you did." "Huh?" "Of course you don't understand that." He had that part right. "And you have NO idea why I'm so happy, do you?" I nodded. That too, I could agree with. "Well, let ME start at the beginning. You see, I'm like you. I like feminine things too." "No... Wait a minute..." But he wasn't listening. He just drowned my weak voice right out. "I've loved pretty things ever since I was a youngster. I thought I would get over it when I married your mother. But I didn't. By the time she found out, you had already been born, and we made a deal. I could go on doing my 'thing', but you were never to know. It was hard, but I swore I would keep my word, and I did. And then when she passed away, I was real tempted. But not only had I had given my word, but I was also really afraid it would embarrass you and make your life a lot harder. And I didn't want that. So I just held on as best I could. But it kept getting harder. I discovered I needed more than just sneaking around the house. I needed to go out. So I met some real nice people who helped me and I went. And much to my surprise, I passed just fine! It was so wonderful! Have you gone out in public as a girl yet?" I had been to dinner, so I nodded without really thinking. His grin got even bigger. My mind was completely overloaded with this revelation of my dad's. I would NEVER have guessed he was one of those weird guys who dress up like girls. Then I remembered what I was doing. Uh. But they did it because they liked it! Not me! I was normal. Sort of. But he was still talking, so I listened. "That's great! You do look really good, even without makeup. Maybe we can go out together sometime, while I'm here." "Speaking of that, why are you here?" I was trying to get this conversation turned around to some subject I could handle thinking about. "I was on a business trip to our local plant. So I said to myself, why not leave a couple of days early and surprise Brad? And I did, didn't I?" He laughed. I didn't. He had surprised me in more ways than one. And I wasn't sure just yet if I was going to survive all his surprises. My head hurt, and I wasn't even hungry anymore. I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay there until he disappeared and the world turned right side up again. But I had a hunch that wouldn't actually work. So I continued listening. "So, like I was saying, when I found out that I could go out as a lady and no one would really notice, it was like getting out of jail! It was pure heaven!" Right, I thought. Heaven? I was shaking my head a bit, but it didn't help my thoughts any, and it made my headache worse. And he continued talking, and it got worse. "So that's when I knew I had to go 'all the way'. But I couldn't, without you finding out. And I couldn't let that happen. Until now! Now I'm free! And I can finally DO IT! That's right! You old dad is going to be your new mom!" And he sounded serious, even though he was still grinning. I guess he really meant it. I knew guys did that sort of thing. And that's fine, for them. But not in my family. I thought. I guess I was wrong. He had shut up for a moment, and I took advantage of it to try to grasp what was happening. So my dad wanted to be my mom. Okay. The position IS vacant. And I am real fond of him. I mean he's a great guy. Or whatever... I really do want him to be happy. So why not? "Uh. That's great dad. I'm happy for you." He laughed. I didn't get it. "So that's why I'm so happy to see you as a girl! This revelation of yours has set me free!" "Uh. Just a minute." I hesitated. If I told him it was all a mistake, he was going to be REAL embarrassed. And he's gonna realize he's broken his word to Mom. And he's going to feel like shit. He always was real sensitive, as I recalled. I kept trying to think about just what I should do, but he was looking at my girl stuff again, and asking me questions about it. Most of which I did not know the answers to. Like did I wear this with that, and stuff like that. I just made noncommittal noises as I continued to try to think. I almost had it figured out when Jim popped in. "Hey! Who are you and what are you doing in Stephanie's bedroom?" "Stephanie! What a cute name? And a cute boy friend too! Wow! You are REALLY into being a girl! Maybe we can get our surgeries together!" I just pulled the covers over my head at this point and kept repeating to myself over and over, "It's all a bad dream, it's all a bad dream..." When I finally peeped out, It was quiet. Dad was gone and Jim was standing there snickering. "What the hell is so DAMN funny?" I not too politely asked him. "I think this is just precious. Your dad wants to be a girl, and he thinks you do too." "I know. And I'm afraid he is going to be REAL upset when he finds out the truth." "So, don't tell him." "DON'T TELL HIM? NO! I am not going to continue this farce anymore. He wants to take me somewhere and get my... you know what, cutoff! And I won't have it! I mean, I mean, I don't want to do this stuff anymore! It could be dangerous!" "Nonsense. You are really over reacting. He's not going to take you anywhere right now. Those kind of things take months, years even to prepare. I knew a guy, who is a girl now, and it took him almost two years to get his surgery. So don't panic just yet, okay? So, how long is your dad going to be here?" "I have no idea. He did say it was a business trip. And they usually only last a couple of days, as I recall." "So there. Now is it going to kill you to be nice to your dad and let him have his 'daughter' for a couple of more days?" It didn't sound all that bad when he said it like that. Maybe I could... Then Dad was back and Jim was talking like I really was "Stephanie". And I just didn't have the energy to argue with him. I wanted to cover my head again and just wait until they both went away somewhere. So I could get back to the refrigerator. I was hungry again. So when Jim asked me if I wanted to get up for dinner, I agreed. And he seemed to take that as agreement to a lot more than just dinner. So. I soon found myself dressed, and I mean in a dress, and sitting down to dinner with my VERY happy dad. I had NEVER seen him so cheerful. It was really neat. He had suffered from chronic depression as far back as I could remember. But he sure wasn't depressed now! It was like I was giving him a really big present to make up for all the miserable years he had had to hide. This made me feel a LOT better. I even enjoyed my dinner and stayed up a bit to listen to all the stuff dad was trying to tell me. And I had a lot to catch up on. Most of his life had been completely unknown to me. It was sad, but it was funny too. Particularly some of the things that happened while he was out as Barbara. He had Jim and I both rolling on the couch with laughter. But then Jim would go back to sitting with his arm around me again. He was doing that a lot lately. And I was kind of getting used to it. Which was scary. I wished Steve was there, but I realized that probably wouldn't help at all. Steve never got jealous. He was REALLY in love with Jim. And trusted him completely. It was like a perfect relationship. I kind of envied them in a way. My girlfriends had all been jealous as hell. I was beginning to fall asleep again when I heard Jim ask my dad if he would like to stay with us while he was in town. This woke me right up. I tried to threaten him with my mono, but he assured me he had already had it. Shit. And I couldn't come up with any other good reasons why I didn't want to see more of my dad. So it was a deal. He said he had a meeting on Monday morning and had just flown out a couple of days early to see me. So all I had to do was survive the remainder of Saturday, and all of Sunday, and he would be gone on Monday. Then I would finally be free to be just plain old Brad again. I smiled at the thought as Jim helped me back to my bed. It would almost be strange to be called 'Brad' again. I was actually getting used to Stephanie... That was my last thought before leaving the world of the awake. "When I woke up, I had to go, and there was a LOT of laughter coming out of the next room. I was glad I didn't have to go out there to use the bathroom, and a bit sorry that I was missing whatever was so funny. I drank some, and took some pills, but couldn't sleep. I guessed I was getting better. So I went out to the 'comedy room'. It was a shock at first, seeing my dad as a woman. But he wasn't bad looking at all actually. If I hadn't known better, I would have been fooled. And in a kind of a perverse way, it made me more comfortable. At least I wasn't the only guy in drag now. They wanted to go out to dinner, but I begged off. Not well enough for two nights out in a row. That seemed good enough, so we just spent a quiet evening at home. And I went to bed early. By Sunday, however, I was feeling much better and getting a bit stir crazy. So I let them talk me into going out. My 'dad' helped me get dressed and did my makeup. It was so weird. I kept hoping I was going to suddenly wake up back in bed shivering with mono again, and this would just be a really bad dream. And I didn't call him 'dad'. He didn't like that. And I wasn't about to call him 'mom'. So I started calling him Barbara, which was okay with him. We went sightseeing, which I had never had time for before, and had lunch in a very nice little restaurant. It was beginning to seem natural to have guys hold the door for me. Actually, I kind of liked it. It beat the hell out of getting pushed out of the way, or even hit with the door, which used to happen to Brad. I mean me. I was real glad to get home in the early afternoon and crash back in my nice warm bed, or Jim's nice warm bed, as the case may be. Things were going well. I was rapidly getting better, and Dad, or Barbara, actually, would be gone in less than twenty four hours. I thought. But it was not to be. Three more days he tells us Monday night. It must be a curse. I wanted to tell him how it really was. Real bad. But as usual Jim talked me out of it. I REALLY hated to spoil his fun, I guess. Or maybe it's just that I have about as much spine as wilted lettuce. At least by the third day, I was nearly over the mono. And real used to being Stephanie. And I had learned a lot of nifty skills. Like how to put on makeup in several different styles. And do it pretty well too. I also knew now how to walk, sit, stand and get into and out of a car as a girl. Once my throat stopped hurting, I could even do a passable "Stephanie" voice. And Dad, or Barbara, actually, kept happily bragging to Jim about how quickly and naturally her 'daughter' was picking up everything she was teaching. Then there was clothes. Barbara really had a thing about clothes, and what she calls 'accessories'. And 'she' seemed to really LOVE teaching her 'daughter' everything she knew. Actually, it wasn't really all that bad. Barbara was a lot more fun than 'dad' had been. She sure laughed a lot more. But I did get real tired of her lessons, as well as pretending to be interested in them. Then Jim gets this real bright idea. And I REALLY want to kill him, but I know I will be caught and hanged by the neck until dead. Still, it would almost be worth it. And the two of them get me to agree to it. After all it is dear old dad's last day with his son. Or actually it's Barbara's last day with her daughter. So I wind up shopping for a nice new dress. Going to the beauty shop to have my hair, makeup and nails done. And Barbara is just eating all this stuff up. She is 'doing her thing' with her daughter, and loving it. This is it. I keep reassuring myself. This is the last day. No matter what! If she isn't gone tomorrow, I will tell her! Then I realize I am now thinking of my dad as 'her'. It gives me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. But we both are using the ladies room. For some reason this makes me feel better. So now we are at this gay lesbian club. Watching a drag show. Barbara thinks it's great. Jim seems to be enjoying it quite a bit too. Actually it isn't that bad. But I still wish I was back home as Brad. Watching TV and drinking beer out of the can. Ah, the good life. After the show they start playing dance music and Jim wants to dance. With me. I resist, but he drags me out on the floor. It's a fast dance. Easy. So I dance. But it sure is strange, dancing as a girl. They have a big mirror on one side of the floor and I can watch the girl who is me, dancing. It's spooky. I actually look good. It's kind of neat in a way. Before this thought scares me too much, I spot Steve. He is dancing with a short but sturdy looking black guy. They get together with us after the music stops and talk. Steve introduces the black guy as Link. Link is showing a lot of skin which kind of looks like it's oiled. He smiles at me and I have to look twice to assure myself that his teeth aren't filed to points. He is looking at me like he's hungry. I move a little more behind Jim. Then Jim turns to me, "Do you mind if I dance one with Steve?" "Not a bit," I assure him with a smile. I'll just hide at the table until we go, I think to myself. "Would you like to dance?" Link politely asks me. I quiver a bit at the thought, but don't lose my fake smile. "No thank you." I answer, noting that my voice seems a bit squeaky. "I've had enough dancing for a while." I seem to have something stuck in my throat too. I am very relieved when he takes my refusal without a protest and allows me to walk away. When I get back to our table, Barbara is talking with a very tall, blond guy. He is a bit young for her, I note as he turns to look at me. Young enough to be her son, actually. But that's none of my business, I remind myself. "Stephanie. This is Charlie. He's Frank William's son." So? I think to myself. But Barbara continues. "Frank is the president of The Gorden stamping plant. That's my company's local plant. Where I've been having my meetings." She continues well past my level of interest. "And Charlie is a Technical Vice President there as well as Frank's son." Of course, I think as I fake a smile at him. Nepotism is alive and well. Suddenly a bad thought comes to me. Now they know about dad's secret! But... If Charlie is a patron at this place, he probably isn't exactly a reactionary fundamentalist Christian type. So, perhaps... And Dad is smiling. It must be okay. But Charlie isn't. Actually, he has a kind of a dumb expression on his face. I can't help smiling just a bit at my thoughts. *he sure don't look smart enough to be no technical vice president* Suddenly Charlie jumps up and grabs the chair right next to his. He pulls it back and looks at me expectantly. It takes me a second to get it. Right. He's 'seating' me. A gentleman. Dumb looking, but polite. As Barbara continues speaking, I slip in front of the offered chair. I almost make it, but I get cut down by Charlie as he smacks me in the back of my legs with the chair, causing me to drop abruptly down on my tailbone. Through the red haze of my pain, I note that Barbara is still talking. "I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of telling Charlie about you." "That's okay." I automatically say as I dab the tears in my eyes with a martini soaked napkin. This is a mistake. Now my eyes hurt as much as my tailbone. And what is worse, Charlie is apologizing over and over. I want to cut his throat, just to shut him up. "Okay! I accept your apology! Now, do you have a CLEAN napkin or something similar, that I can use?" He didn't. So Barbara and I headed for the ladies room. As I cleaned my eyes and repaired my makeup she shared some of her worries with me. "I'm not worried about Charlie, it's his father that worries me. I don't know him very well, and I really need to impress him." I foolishly didn't ask why, since I didn't care. "So... Just try to be nice to Charlie... Okay?" "Sure." No problem. I won't bite him, or break HIS tailbone, or anything. Okay?" "This is serious, Stephanie." She really did look worried. So I took a deep breath and assured her that I was fine and I would be as nice as I could to her friend Charlie. But as soon as I got back to our table Charlie rose and addressed me with a shaky voice. "Stephanie? Would you like to dance?" Before I could explain that my `boyfriend' Jim didn't like me dancing with strange men, he continued. "I asked your friend Jim, and he said it was fine with him." This brought an expectant smile out of the worried looking Barbara. I hesitated. She would no doubt think that declining his offer was 'not being nice' to him. Damn, Damn, Damn! I was still cussing to myself as the music started. But it wasn't a fast one, like the earlier ones were. This was a very old slownumber. About Dad's vintage. Charlie had a shy smile on his face as he held out his arms to me. Actually, I loved to dance, and I thought I was quite good at it. But of course, when I danced, it was with a girl, damn it! I had no idea how to dance AS a girl. Not to this stuff. But he had a hold of me and had started to move. I just followed him. To my surprise, was a very good dancer. After the way he had been acting, I expected him to have two left feet. And both of them on my toes. But it wasn't like that at all. Actually, I was almost having fun when I heard him say, "hold on, I'm going to dip you." "Whaaa!?" I started to ask, but as he demonstrated, I decided to cut it short. I had never in my life been 'dipped'. And I did NOT trust Charlie. After all, my tailbone was still throbbing. But after a moment of pure panic, I was upright again and quietly telling him to NEVER, EVER, do that to me again. When he started apologizing, over and over, again, I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming. "Charlie. Charlie! Now listen carefully. NEVER apologize more than once for anything. Okay?" "Uh. Sure, Stephanie. Whatever you say. And you sure are a wonderful dancer. I'm sorry I" "STOP! DO NOT use that word in my presence again. Okay?" He gave me a smile before he continued. Like I had just done something nice for him. "I was only saying, I just assumed that you did dips and things like that, because you are such a wonderful dancer. That's all." And he stopped without using the 's' word. As I let out a sigh of relief, the music which had stopped, started again. Another slow one. We were dancing before I realized it. It wasn't that bad actually. If I only had some decent shoes on, and maybe some pants, and if Charlie was a girl, then it would be fine... But I made it through this one without any more panic and as soon as the music stopped this time I headed for our table. I quickly sat down before Charlie could 'seat' me again and smiled at him as he looked disappointed. "You sure looked like you were having fun out there." Barbara said happily. I forced a smile and didn't comment on that. But I did have to use the ladies room. I hadn't done it when I was in earlier, cleaning the alcohol out of my eyes. "Excuse me please. I have to freshen up." I said, mimicking one of Barbara's lessons. Barbara, of course also stood up and followed me. When she noticed that we were alone in there, she came up close to me and started speaking. "I hate to be the one to tell you this. But you really need to know. I really think that Jim is involved with a young man named Steve." I almost burst out laughing, but I managed to restrain it with difficulty. "You did suspect, didn't you?" She continued sadly. "Sure, I know about Jim and Steve. So what? Jim and I are only friends anyway." "That's the spirit! Remember there are a lot of other nice looking guys out there, so there is no reason to get upset over the one who gets away." For some reason this made me want to punch my dad's lights out. But I didn't. Still, I couldn't exactly speak for a moment. But she could. "You poor dear." She continued, as she put her arms around me and patted my head. Now I wanted to kill her, but instead, I just spoke as quietly and calmly as I could. "Thank you for your support Barbara. But I really don't care in the least that Jim is crazy about Steve." She was still holding me, and when she continued it sounded like she was crying. "Of course you don't dear. It's not important at all. Now why don't you just fix your makeup and go right out there and dance with that nice Charlie. Okay?" *THIS WAS INSANE!* But I kept a firm grip on my self and tried to get out of this mess without anyone getting hurt. "Barbara? I really came in here to pee. Understand? Now if you don't let me go real quickly, I am going to do it down your leg." Okay?" She did let me go, but she still looked real sympathetic as I closed the stall door. When we got back out to our table, Jim and Steve were still gone, but Charlie was there waiting for us. And he was ready too. He had my chair out before I could even touch it. Shit. I stared defiantly at him for a while, but I soon realized that he wasn't about to give up that easily. So I gave in and moved in front of the threatening chair. I gritted my teeth as he moved the chair, but this time he did it correctly, and I wasn't injured at all. I was so relieved I smiled at him. It was a mistake. It just encouraged him. Now he was begging me for a dance again. And Barbara was practically dragging me out of the chair that I had just managed to get into safely. They were completely impossible. And the music sounded a lot better than that old stuff. So I gave in. It was actually fun for a while. And Charlie wasn't nearly as stupid as I had first thought. He was just very shy. Like I had been when I was in high school. I could understand that. But he had to be in his twenty's now for God's sake! You would think he would have gotten over it by now. Late bloomer, I decided. He was a perfect gentleman anyway. I saw Linc dancing with a big tall bald guy who seemed to be wearing a leopard skin. I decided I was lucky to have Charlie. We got back to the table after only three good dances. I was exhausted. No endurance at all. Obviously, NOT completely recovered from the mono. I was surprised to not see Barbara there. But I figured Barbara was old enough to take care of herself, so I didn't worry. And it was kind of nice not seeing her sympathetic eyes 'hurting for my loss' all the time. I thought about trying to get rid of Charlie but realized that I needed him. Jim and Steve were no where to be seen, and I DID not want to be a lone girl in there. I was wondering when Jim would show back up. After all he was our ride home. But, there wasn't much I could do about finding either Jim, or Barbara, so I just sat and talked to Charlie. We actually had a few laughs. Not a bad guy, once you get to know him. And not a bit stupid. Finally I saw Barbara. She was dancing with a nasty looking guy wearing leather and chains. I had an irrational urge to 'rescue' her, but managed to stifle it. I reminded myself that I was in no position to rescue anyone. So all I did was shiver a bit as I and told myself again that she was old enough to know better. I finished my martini and Charlie insisted on buying me another one. I wondered if he was trying to get me drunk. No, not likely. I didn't think he would know what to do with a drunk girl if he had one. I spotted Jim and Steve dancing and felt better. At least my ride hadn't left or anything. Of course, I was quite sure that Charlie would be MORE than happy to drive me home. And even drive Barbara home as well. But I was really hoping to not give him the chance. And it worked out just fine. Jim came back before it got too late, and shortly after that Barbara's friend brought her back and turned her over to us after giving her a rather warm kiss. I felt embarrassed, but Barbara sure didn't. She was glowing. Charlie was real reluctant to let me go, but of course he had no choice. He didn't even try to kiss me or anything. We just waved. No sweat. It was over! I kept repeating it to myself as we rode home. Of course, Barbara was still 'hurting' for me, but not that badly anymore. I think she was thinking more about her leather friend, than about her poor jilted daughter. Which made me very happy indeed. Well, I thought, as I snuggled in my own bed for a change, all's well that ends well... But of course reality is not that kind. Not to ME anyway. Dad came home real early Thursday morning. The final meeting had been rescheduled for Friday. SHIT! Another day. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I can do this, I kept repeating to myself. It's just one more day. I don't have to wear heels, or a dress or makeup or any of that shit. Just rest, and be nice to my dad for one more day. Not that bad. Right. No. Still too good for me. The phone rings while I'm in the bathroom. When I come out, Barbara looks very happy. I figure it was her leather friend, whom she would very soon be saying good-bye too, I thought happily. But no. That wasn't it at all. It was Charlie. He wanted to take me out to dinner. And Barbara REALLY wanted me to go. She got very unhappy when I said 'no way'. I held off until Jim got home in the early afternoon. As soon as Barbara talked to him about it, he came to see me, privately. Before he could say anything, I just looked him in the eye and spoke firmly. "NO. NO. A thousand times no." But he just ignored me and started into his speech. "Your dad is REALLY worried about his meeting tomorrow. And Charlie is going to be there along with his father. And Charlie has told his father everything about last night. And now his father has got to be aware of the fact that Charlie has one hell of a big crush on you. Now, Barbara is really scared that if you just dump the bosses son, right before the meeting, it is NOT going to look good at all to the boss." "No. And I can't very well 'dump' someone who I never was 'going with' IN THE FIRST PLACE! It is all in Charlie's fevered imagination. I NEVER gave him any hint that I liked him in any way!" "I beg to differ with you there. I saw quite a bit myself you know. You incessantly smiled at him, danced nearly every dance with him, had him buy you drinks..." "ONE drink! And it wasn't MY idea!" But he just continued. "Talked and laughed with him, and then you gave him your phone number." "THAT'S a rotten lie! I NEVER gave him my phone number! Ever!" "Well, he had it, and I didn't give it to him." "BARBARA!" I called out as I slammed out of Jim's bedroom. She was watching a soap on the TV. She gave me a hopeful smile as I entered the living room. I spoke quietly but very firmly. "Did you happen to take the liberty of giving my phone number to Charlie?" The guilty look on her face answered my question. "Who gave you the right to go messing with my life? Who do you think you are, MY MOTHER?" I bit my tongue, but it was too late. Barbara and Jim both burst out laughing and destroyed my angry attack completely. Even I was laughing before we stopped. "But Charlie is such a nice boy. And Jim agrees that it would be best if you start dating someone else." That was IT! All this shit had just gone TOO FAR! "Listen, Dad, or Barbara rather. There is something VERY important you should know..." But I didn't get a chance to continue as Jim was bodily dragging me back to his room. "Now cool down and think before you talk. Okay?" So I stood there quietly while Jim held my arms to keep me from storming out. "Okay. I'm calm. I'm quiet. I feel perfectly fine. Now I'm going to quietly and calmly tell my dad EVERYTHING." I was talking through my teeth, and Jim noticed. "You are not calm. Now just listen for a bit. Barbara told me a bit more than you know. She has had a very bad time back at her old plant. A guy found out about her and has been blackmailing her, as well as making her life miserable. So for this reason as well as for her own sanity, she has to come out. And she seems to think for some reason that if this meeting doesn't go well tomorrow, she isn't going to be able to do that. And her life is going to go to SHIT! You knew she suffered from depression didn't you?" I nodded. I was a lot calmer now. Jim noticed and released me. "Well," He continued. "She is right of the verge of dropping right back into that hell. Now, can't you just humor her for one MORE LOUSY DAY!" Since he put it that way, I thought maybe I could. "So the next thing I had to do was assure Barbara that I wasn't really mad at her." This was easy. But she did kind of cry all over me. She even kissed me on my cheek. I kissed her back quite automatically, and didn't even think about it until I saw Jim's grin. I sneaked him a dirty look before 'making nice' with Barbara some more. Then I had to call Charlie back. Barbara had his number of course. In fact she had his home phone, his cell phone, and his pager number. But I didn't need them. He was home and seemed to answer it before it actually rang. "Stephanie." His voice seemed to caress my name. I mean my fake name. "I was just wondering if... Maybe... You might... You know..." I noticed my teeth were clenched already. If I don't kill that boy, it will be a miracle, I thought to myself as I cut him off. "Barbara tells me that you were interested in going somewhere tonight. Is that right?" "Uh. Yes. I thought maybe we could have dinner or something... If you like..." "Yea. Okay." I wanted to make a remark about my usual date being in jail, but I decided not to. "When do you want to pick me up?" There was a moment of silence on the other end. I wanted to scream at him, but instead I just politely made a suggestion. "How about six? I have to be back here early." I congratulated myself on that bit. Yes. Limit the pain as much as possible. "Okay. That will be fine." He finally managed to say. "Uh. I was thinking of taking you to the White House. Would that be all right?" For a moment I had a vision of us double dating with Bill and Monica, but it passed when I remembered there was a very expensive restaurant called, "The White House", somewhere in town. "Now all I had was about four hours to get ready. This cheered me up. Barbara would not have time to drag me all over town, to dress shops, shoe stores and beauty salons. I could just goof off until around five and then take a quick shower, grab something out of my closet, and slip into it. I knew I could do it. I had done it while still seriously ill with mono. So it should be a snap now. But, of course, Barbara had other ideas. Jim, the bastard, tells Barbara just what kind of fancy restaurant it is. This means another new dress and a new hair style at least. "But, Mom..." I do it again. But this time no one seems to notice, so I just let it be. "Uh. We don't have time!" "So we hurry! Get something on quickly and I'll call the beauty shop and get you an emergency appointment. One of those dresses you tried on in that little shop on Adams street will be perfect for a nice restaurant. I'll pick it up while you are in the beauty shop getting your hair done." And so it went. Bath, shave my legs, double shave my face, once with soap and once with baby oil. (?) Then it was time for my hair appointment. When I got back, I was put into the slinky green dress and then held my head just so, for about an hour while Barbara did my makeup. My neck really hurt when she was finally done, but I thought I looked even better than I had the night before. Or maybe I was just getting used to it. I hoped not. I wasn't shocked at all when Jim told me he had seen Charlie sitting in his car at about a quarter after five. I rolled my eyes, but didn't say a word. I hadn't done anything that adolescent since I was fifteen... He must really have it bad. DAMN! Why ME God, why me? He came up to the door about ten minutes early. And I did NOT make him wait. I was ready, and had no interest in making him wait, in spite of Barbara's coaching. She was disappointed, but would live, I figured. Charlie stared at me in what would have been a very satisfying way, if I had actually been a girl. But, of course, I wasn't a bit pleased. At least I hoped I wasn't. I was glad I had checked on the address of the restaurant. Charlie couldn't seem to find it on his own. Even though he insisted he ate there often. At least he had made a reservation and our table was ready even. Surprise. It was a strange sort of a place. It had been a big old mansion before being turned into a restaurant. So there were lots of small rooms on three floors. There were only three tables in our room and we were the only customers in there. Service was good. The waiter actually waited while we made up our minds what we wanted. But then Charlie had to go to the bathroom. And he never came back. After fifteen minutes, I went looking for him. He had somehow gotten on the next floor up and was nervously peeking in all the rooms looking for me. I was real tempted to tell him that I would take him the next time he had to 'go', but I didn't quite have the nerve to say that. Actually after he calmed down a bit, he wasn't bad company at all. It was just like the night before, real nervous at first, and then he relaxes a bit and starts acting almost human. If I kept going out with him every night for a week or so I might be able to train him to 'pass' as his real age. Not that I wanted to, of course. It was just a thought. By the time we finished dinner he was talking technical stuff beyond my comprehension. Actually he was full of surprises. Then he suggests desert. I complain that I'm not hungry, but for once, he doesn't wilt at my disapproval and insists. So I agree. He orders two brandy Alexander's made with ice cream. When they come they are huge. They look kind of like an old fashioned drug store Sunday. But they are loaded with booze. Mine tastes SO good, I completely forget I'm not hungry. As I nibble on the wonderful creation Charlie gets serious and starts telling me his life story. I do my best to ignore the sad tail of being ignored by his dad and taken advantage of by girls. I REALLY like that desert! Afterwards I have to visit the ladies room. And this time it is me that gets lost. But Charlie finds me and takes me out to the car. I am certainly feeling no pain. We talk some more on the way back, but I don't remember what it was about. Then we are back at Jim's, at the door. And he is giving me a funny look. Suddenly it dawns on me, he wants to kiss me! And he is too scared to! Instead of getting out of there as quickly as possible, which is what I should have done, I think about my first date with Tracy. I was SO crazy about that girl. I took her out a couple of times, but I never had the nerve to kiss her. I would get right to the point of doing it and then I would lose my nerve and just wildly hope that she would kiss me. It was the brandy! I know it was. I would never have done that sober. But I did it. And it wasn't actually all that bad. Particularly when he got his arms around me and continued what I had started. But then I suddenly came to my senses and pulled back. He dropped me like a hot potato. I stumbled from the sudden release but never hesitated. I just turned and went in, closing and locking the door behind me. I spotted the safety chain and put that on too. I was breathing kind of hard. Probably from lack of oxygen while kissing, I figured. I was real glad to not run into either Barbara or Jim as I moved as quickly as I could in my heels and tight skirt. As I went past the living room I saw Barbara and Jim coming out. They were smiling about something, but I wasn't the least bit interested. I just ignored both of them and headed for my room. I was real glad that they just let me go without wanting to ask me any questions. It wasn't until I was pulling my dress off that I remembered that the living room had an excellent view of the front porch. SHIT! But so what! So I kissed him. Jim had kissed me lot's of times. It was just part of 'the act'. I was suppose to 'be nice' to him. And I was. Mission accomplished. And now this WAS the end. Of course Charlie would call again, but without Barbara there I could just let him down gently. That's all. After that, I wasn't feeling too bad at all as I got out of my fancy underwear and into the shower. There went all that fancy makeup and the fancy hair style. Yeah. I sure feel better now... Much to my amazement, neither Barbara nor Jim so much as mentioned my kissing Charlie that night. *Great!* I thought. They must have missed it! Pity. Oh well. We watch TV, talked, and laughed a lot. I was still high from the brandy and laughed at everything. That night I went to sleep thinking, this is it. The end. No more Stephanie. What a wonderful thought. Of course it had been fun at times. The laughs with Barbara. Even some of the dancing... But it was over, and I for one, was very very glad. I slept just fine and even woke early enough to see my dad, dressed as my dad off to his very important meeting. "I hope everything goes just fine for you Dad." I said as he was leaving. He just smiled, hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek. I guessed he was still Barbara under his suit. Oh well, that's okay. I love him anyway. Then, just before noon Dad comes back. And all he says is, "Guess what?" I give him one of my 'DIE! Right now!' looks. Which I reserve for ANYONE who says something THAT stupid. Even my dad. "I got the job!" He continues. I just stare at him. Something about those words make me very uncomfortable. But Jim can't resist. "What job?" "Vice-president of production. That's all." I couldn't stand it any more. "So just exactly what does THAT mean?" "Vice-president of production of the Gordon Stamping Plant! AS MYSELF! I don't have to be a guy ANYMORE! And it means I get to live here with my daughter while I do my year of full time and then get my surgery! He was REALLY happy. And I was having a nervous breakdown. That was it. This was THE END. "Listen Dad. I've got something to tell you." I started. Jim was quiet for a change. So was Dad. They let me talk for a bit, and then Dad broke in. "Save your breath Stephanie. Jim told me all that stuff right after I came." I just stared at him for a moment. I couldn't even talk. I looked at Jim and he just grinned and nodded. If only I still had my gun. I used to have a real nice nine millimeter automatic. I could have blown him away without even hesitating. "YOU WHAT! YOU TOLD HIM EVERYTHING! AND THEN YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT!" At that point I tried to kill him with my bare hands. It didn't work though. He is a lot bigger and stronger than I am. And Dad was on HIS side. As they held me I started crying for some reason. Just too much emotion to handle I guess. I quit fighting them. It really didn't make much sense to kill them anyway. I'd probably just get in trouble. Dad was holding me and talking quietly in my ear. "That's okay. Just go ahead and cry. It's okay for girls to cry." "I'm not a girl." I sobbed. But she wasn't listening. I noted that I was now referring to my dad as 'she' even dressed as a guy. Weird. 'She' continued talking. "We understand you much better than you understand yourself. We talked about you a lot when you were sleeping. We both care about you a great deal and we only want what's best for you. "Like HELL you do." I complained through my tears. "No, really, we do. It was obvious to both of us that you weren't a normal guy. Or you couldn't possibly have gone along with all the things we had you do. Jim made a point of kissing you a lot just to test you. You never flinched once. And we were watching when you kissed Charlie. It was SO obvious. Why can't you admit it? Deep inside you really are a girl." The world was upside down again. And I wanted to hide my head under the covers. *Isn't this where I came in?* I thought. But this time I'm not sick and helpless. This time I won't let them have their way with me. "I AM NOT! This is all crazy bullshit." Just then, a wonderful thought suddenly came to me *They don't have ANY way to get me to be Stephanie any more. I'm FREE!* So I smiled. And then giggled a bit. Then I was laughing out loud. But this made Dad hold me tighter. "She's losing it, Jim. Stand by in case she tries to hurt herself."