Numeric ID: 19
Date Received: 21 JUL 2004
Idea From: T. using 'vi'
Written By: T.
Email To: /dev/null


    "Man, I knew it," I smirked as I wandered towards the front door. 
Jim's dad was like a recurring nightmare! Why couldn't he just go back
to his ranch and stay there? 

    I flipped back the lock and pulled open the door. "I didn't expect
to see..." I started to say, but then did a truly classic double-take.

    "Animal!"

    The drummer from a local band was standing in the hallway with his
back to me. "Animal?" I squeaked, my voice choosing to stay in an upper
register. "What are you doing here?" He appeared to be staring at
something I couldn't see on the opposite wall, or else he was off in the
other world that rock band drummers inhabit.

    Animal's real name is Walter, but everyone calls him by his
nickname. He could have been the prototype for the Muppet - wild hair,
wild eyes, mouth hanging open. He could keep a steady beat, and was
probably destined for greater things, and he's a real nice guy, but a
little... uh, disconnected.

    "You gotta come and fix Billy's setup," he said as he turned around
to face me. "We're set up over at the Red Line but the keyboards aren't
working." Billy was a year ahead of me at UT, but we had gone to the same
high school. I was the nerdy kid who set up the sound system. He's a
keyboard player, and his band played at our local dances and parties. He's
technically clueless, so whenever he managed to trade up for a new synth,
he would ask me to set it up. Then, when his dad gave him an old laptop,
I naturally spent most of my free time over at his place, figuring out and
programming all his MIDI stuff. Plus I wrote a cool little sequencer for
live gigs.

    If Animal noticed that I wasn't dressed in my usual clothes, he didn't
say anything about it. Or seem particularly surprised that I was
standing there in a pink robe, with a girl's hairstyle and more than a
suggestion of boobs. I suddenly felt that I had to sit down, so I moved
back into the room, heading for the sofa.

    "Can't Billy just bring the laptop over here?" I asked. "I don't
really feel like going out." For several reasons.

    "You been sick?" he asked. "You don't look so good. Like you lost
weight or something."  Animal was never the most observant person.
"Anyway, if we pull out the computer, Billy will never get it all
plugged back together and working in time. He's hopeless about that
stuff." Okay, so maybe a little observant. "And you're the only one who
knows his setup anyway. If you can't come and fix it, we'll lose the
gig."

    Sure, play the guilt card. Oh, man. I wasn't ready to face Billy,
and whoever else was there, looking like this. But I'd feel really bad
if I let them down. The Red Line was a definite step up for the band and
probably meant they were getting paid in real money. Plus if I said no,
they'd never get me into clubs for free again, either. 

    "OK, I'll get changed," I said, heading for my own room. I sincerely
hoped Jim's little makeover team hadn't burned all my clothes. Animal
flopped down to wait.

    Everything was where I'd left it, but it somehow seemed weird, as
though the room belonged to someone else. *Jeez, this is MY room!* I
mentally shook myself when I realized I was tiptoeing over to the
dresser. I pulled out some baggy shorts and a tshirt. Dropping the robe,
I fumbled around to unclip the bra, and dropped it too. It took me a
second to realize that the boobs were still attached. "Wha..." I wailed,
poking at the pink blobs. "They're glued on! Damn!"

    I gave one a tentative tug, but it stayed stuck. "Shit. Shit. Shit."
*I don't need this!*  A wave of panic came over me, and I sat down on
the bed to think. It was very tempting to just crawl in and pull the
covers up, but I did say I'd go to the club.

    "C'mon, let's go! I told the guys I'd bring back some food!"

    Huh? Oh God. Deep breath. I retrieved the bra, and got it back in
place. Wouldn't want those things to drop off at the wrong moment.
Shorts on. T-shirt. Socks. Shoes. I ran across to Jim and Stephanie's
room where I checked myself in the mirror. Even though the t-shirt was
loose, I looked like a probably-female college student that is totally
wasted from cramming for her finals. Brush back the hair. Better. The
shaped eyebrows screamed "girl", but there was nothing to be done about
that. I went back to my room and pulled on a big sweatshirt which I
hoped would hide my two new add-ons. I remembered to grab some useful
computer CDs and my keys, then I motioned to Animal and we headed out
the door. I wasn't feeling at all good about how this could turn out.

    "You're gonna die out there, dressed like that," said Animal.

    "What?!" I stopped and looked at him. My knees felt suddenly weak. I
didn't think I looked that obvious, but if *Animal* thought that I was
asking for trouble walking around like this, then the deal was off!
There'd been a few ugly incidents near the campus this year, and I
didn't intend to have any part in another one.

    "Yeah, it must be over 90 outside today," he continued, "you
sure don't need a sweatshirt."

    *Phew!* 

    "Uh, yeah, well I've been pretty sick, so I think I'll keep
it on. Where's the car?"  My knees were still jelly. We hadn't been
outside more than a few seconds and sweat was already starting to break
out on my forehead. 

    "Over there," Animal pointed across the street where
Billy was leaning against the fender.

    "You didn't say Billy was driving," I accused Animal. And wait, what
did he say back in the condo about "the guys"? In my medicated haze, I'd
assumed it would be just two of them and me in an empty club. I hoped it
would be dark in there, at least.

    "Hey, Brad," Billy called, as we waited for a couple of cars to go
by. "How's the mono? You feeling better?"  

    "You knew I had mono, and you dragged me out to fix your stupid
synth anyway?"

    "Yeah, well I called a couple of times, and Jim said you were
sleeping."

    "I could still be contagious, for all you know!" 

    "Why do you think I sent Animal up to get you?" We were face to face
now. We'd spent enough time together in the last couple of years that
our conversations quickly degenerated into insults.

    "You dumbass," I wanted to shout, but my voice just wasn't in it. 
"That's really..."

    Animal's eyes had been following this exchange. He lost interest, held
up his hand and said, "I've already had it," and got into the back seat.

    Billy squinted and tilted his head. "You look different. Like you've
been sick, but there's something else. Your eyes..."  I just walked
around the car and got in the passenger side, slouching forward to hide
the more obvious 'differences' now glued to my chest. As we pulled out
onto the street, he looked over at me again. "It's your eyebrows. What
have you done to your eyebrows?" 

    "Shut up, Billy" 

    "And your hair."

    "Billy!!" I tried to raise my voice, "Just shut up and drive!"

    We rode in silence for a couple of blocks. I was fervently wishing I
was back in bed. I was feeling shaky and sweat was now running down into
my eyes. But there was no way I was taking off the sweatshirt. "Doesn't
the air conditioning work in this thing?" I asked. Billy didn't bother
answering; nothing ever worked in his car for very long. We'd be lucky
to get to the club without parts falling off.

    Billy kept glancing over at my lap, then he'd look up at my face.
*What?* I used my sleeve to wipe the sweat off my forehead, and as I
brought my hand across a flash of color told me what was bothering him. 

    "Nail polish? Where the fuck did THAT come from?"

    Apparently Jim hadn't removed the pink nail polish last night, and I
never noticed. Or else I was getting used to it. I sincerely hoped not.

    "Brad," Billy started, with that 'we gotta talk' tone, "what the
hell have..."

    "Billy, not now, OK? I'll explain everything later. But I can't
right now."  Someone was using a jackhammer inside my head. I should
have gone back to bed and never answered the door.

    "Awright, man, but this is freakin' me out." He suddenly slowed down
and took a right turn. "We've gotta stop to pick up something to eat."

    We were pulling into the parking lot of the local McDonald's. It
dawned on me that my weakened state was at least partly due to hunger. I
had been about to eat something when Animal turned up, and now I was
starving. I also realized that I needed to go to the bathroom, and,
like, right now. Billy was eyeing the lineup for the drive-thru.

    "Let me out, I've gotta pee and I mean right now."

    Billy pulled around into a parking space. Animal appeared to have
fallen asleep in back. I got out and followed Billy inside, heading
over to the counter. The smell of food made my stomach growl so loudly
that this big biker dude who was passing by turned around to stare.
"Hungry, baby?" he said, grinning. 

    "Billy, get me a double cheeseburger, fries and a Coke," I said as I
came up beside him. "I gotta go to the can."   "Sure. Give me the
money," he held out his hand. "What? No way! You dragged me out here,
you pay for it!" 

    I headed off to the washrooms, but as I came around the corner there
was the biker and an equally intimidating friend just going in to the
men's. *Oh God, I can't go in there now!* But if I didn't find a toilet
within seconds, I was going to burst! I pushed open the door and headed
for a stall.

    "Hey, now, lookee here! I think you took a wrong turn, honey." 

    "She musta just followed after you. I do believe she likes you."

    "Hey, where you goin' sweetheart?"

    I was already moving fast back out the door. Out of the corner of my
eye I could see the big one zipping up and starting to move. Shit! Two
women came out of the other door, and I ducked inside before it closed. 

    Two girls were at the sinks, checking me out in the mirror, eyes
wide. "Please don't let them scream," I prayed. I quickly took off the
sweatshirt, fluffed out my hair and gave them a weak smile. Thank God,
there was an empty stall. I slammed the door, undid my shorts and barely
remembered to drop them and sit down before letting go. Oh man, that was
close. I just sat there for a minute afterward, squeezing my eyes shut
and taking deep breaths. On the bright side, I wasn't feeling nearly as
sick as I did this morning. If I got some food in me soon, I'd probably
survive. On the other hand, here I was in a girls' bathroom in a
restaurant for the second time in two days. I really hoped this wasn't
going to become a habit.

    I sighed as I got dressed again, and went out to wash my hands. In
the mirror was a now-definitely-female student who has been up all night
cramming for her finals. The t-shirt was sticking to my sweaty body, and
left no doubt about having boobs. I figured I'd better leave the
sweatshirt off. I mean, I couldn't come out of the women's restroom
looking like a guy, especially if those girls had said anything to anyone.
I pushed my hair around so it looked a little less messed up.

    Taking a deep breath, I headed for the door, hoping that the
motorcycle gang had gone. I scanned the restaurant and saw a few vaguely
familiar kids from the dorm last year but nobody that I really knew,
apart from Billy, who was just getting his change. I headed over and
started searching through the bags for a cheeseburger. 

    "Hey, can't you wait at least until we get out to the..." then he
just stared with his mouth still open, while his brain used all available
bandwidth to process my now obvious attributes.

    He grabbed my arm. "B-Brad? What the hell is going on?"  The girl
behind the counter was staring, and a couple of other people were
watching to see what would develop. I freed my arm, spun around and
headed for the door. "Not here, I'll tell you in the car." 

    Billy got in and slammed the door; Animal didn't stir. "OK, now
explain!" 

    I held up my hand and closed my eyes. I needed a moment to
think, something I hadn't been able to do much of lately. I was pretty
sure Billy already knew about Jim and Steve; hell, they weren't keeping
it a big secret. And anyway, it would serve them right for getting me into
this in the first place. I took a deep breath, and turned to look at
Billy. "It started when Jim's dad called to say he was coming to visit.
See, Jim had already told him that he was living with a girl named
Stephanie..."  And the whole story, at least the parts I remembered
clearly, came out. Except I didn't mention the kissing bits.

    "And you just... *let* them do all... *that* to you?" Billy was
incredulous.

    "I was sick! I could barely stay awake! I didn't even know they were
doing half of that stuff until it was too late!"

    "So now what?  How long are you planning to be 'Stephanie'?"

    "As soon as I find out how to get these boobs off, I'm finished with
Stephanie!" I was almost shouting. Or what could have been shouting, if
my voice ever went back to normal.

    "Whoa. Down girl. Calm down!  Looks like you're *stuck* for a while,
heh," Billy was smiling his crooked smile now. "Besides, you look pretty
good. For a guy, I mean. I meant, for a guy that's... I mean..."

    He started the car, and backed out of the parking space. He looked
back at me for a second, shook his head in disbelief, and eased into the
traffic, heading for the Red Line. I dove for the bag with the
cheeseburgers. 

    I was stashing the wrapper and polishing off the fries when we
pulled in next to the dumpster behind the club. Animal's eyes popped
open as soon as we stopped. Maybe the smell woke him up, like a Labrador
Retriever. I have no idea how much he heard of my explanation to Billy,
but he didn't even give me a second glance as I leaned back into the car
to grab the discs and the Coke. Inside the building it was blissfully
dark and empty. I could hear the bass and guitar jamming an old April
Wine tune. We made our way through the storage room and into the bar
where the cleaner was taking chairs down off the tables around the dance
floor.

    Billy dropped the bags of food on one of the tables, Frank and Myles
put down their guitars, jumped down and came over. "It's about time you
showed up! Man, I'm starving. Hey Brad, how's it g... Brad?" Myles just
stopped talking, and his eyes tracked and forth from me to Billy. "You
explain," I said to Billy, and headed for the stage.

    I tuned out their voices while I started browsing the processes
running on Billy's laptop, but every so often loud laughter and
exclamations penetrated through, and I'd look up to find them staring at
me. After a while they drifted onto other subjects, and three of them
went out for a smoke when Animal came up and started tuning his drum
set.

    Apparently Billy had been busy doing some downloading recently,
because some of the DLL's I had replaced had been overwritten. Plus
there was something else not right here. I sighed, and started checking
the startup files. This could take a while.  The guys had come back in,
and I called Billy over. 

    "Man, what have you been up to? There's all kinds of crap on here!"

    "Oh right, I downloaded some stuff off the internet. But I deleted
it because it made everything really slow."

    "Deleted it, or uninstalled it?"

    "Uninstall?"

    I gave him an evil look, and waved him away. "Make yourself useful and
get me a Coke or something."

    "Man, Stephanie sure is a lot bitchier than Brad ever was." Billy
wandered off in the direction of the Coke machines out back. I sighed, and
fed the first CD into the drive. 

    I re-installed a bunch of stuff, making sure to save all the
sequencer files and synth setups. I made a backup to another part of the
drive, just in case. Billy had come back and was sitting watching me, so
I asked him to check the synths, to see if the MIDI was working again.
He reached across me to power on the keyboard rack, his arm brushed
against my front. 

    "Uh, sorry," he said, starting to blush. 

    "They're not real," I reminded him, which seemed to fluster him even
more. 

    "I uh, I'll just get around the other side." He squeezed behind me to
get to the rack of synthesizers on the other side. It was pretty crowded
on the club's tiny stage. 

    "Let's run through the set for tonight," he said. "It's getting
late, and we still have two new tunes to work on." He checked out
different patches and made some adjustments. With the sequencer restored
to life, and his familiar sounds happening, he was beginning to get that
smile. And he sure could coax some amazing stuff from the stack of gear
that surrounded him. In his own element, Billy was really good.

    The group ran through a couple of numbers to be sure, then Billy
said he'd drive me home, so he could get back in time to rehearse. I
gathered up my CD's and the sweatshirt, and told him I'd go to the can,
then meet him out back. Pausing in the hallway outside the toilets, I
looked around, shrugged, and went into the ladies.

    Sitting there, I thought about the looks Billy had been flashing me
all afternoon. There was definitely something on his mind, and it could
only have to do with 'Stephanie'. I sincerely hoped he wasn't planning
to try blackmailing Jim somehow. Jim wouldn't sit still one minute for
anything like that.  

    I looked at myself in the mirror. Stephanie looked back. Jim better
be home, and have some way to get these boobs off. And some nail polish
remover. I wanted to go back to being Brad full time. Mostly, I wanted
to go back to bed and sleep. *sigh* I picked up my stuff and went out
to meet Billy.

    We drove in an awkward silence for a couple of blocks. It was really
hot inside the car, even with all the windows open. I mentioned that I'd
seen some memory for his Roland synth on eBay. Billy said OK, even though
I know he wasn't listening. We went the rest of the way thinking our
separate thoughts. Billy pulled up in front of the condo building, and
shut off the engine. He looked over at me, and chewed his lower lip.
Definitely something was bothering him.

    "Well," I said, "I hope it goes OK tonight." I reached for the door
handle. I was sweating again, and I just wanted to have a shower, get
back into bed, and have a long, long nap. 

    "Uh, yeah, thanks," he said. "Sorry about you being sick and all.
But I was really in a bind, and this gig's important to us." Billy was
looking earnestly at me, then glanced away. I pulled on the handle, but
the door was stuck shut. I leaned a little harder, but it didn't budge.
Billy slid over, reached across and, putting one hand over mine, pulled
the handle while giving the top of the door a hard shove with the other.
It popped open.

    "Uh, Stephanie," he started. I quickly looked over at him. He was
still holding onto my hand. He leaned in a bit. "Do you think you'd...
do you think we could go... I, uh, owe you dinner, anyway. Sometime."
Billy had that serious 'first-date-hopeful' look on his face. I
recognized it, since I'd used it myself on occasion. But before I could
react, he kissed me lightly on the mouth. 

    "Billy, I..." but a wave of something came over me. Probably the
heat.

    He kissed me again, a real one this time, one hand behind my head,
and the other one had somehow moved onto my leg. I could feel my insides
kind of flipping over, and my brain had completely short circuited.
After a minute or so, I had no idea really, I realized that Billy was
back behind the wheel, looking like he was in the same state of shock I
was in. I got out onto the sidewalk, and closed the door.

    Billy leaned over to the passenger side, "Stephanie... Brad... I
just don't know what..."

    I just waved weakly, and made my way inside the building. What was
*that* all about? What the hell was Billy thinking? What the hell am *I*
thinking? I'd been good friends with Billy for years, but I never, ever
thought about him like that.

    But Billy seemed to think...

    And he *was* a much better kisser than Jim!

    Wait.

    What?